Zigzag Idiot

@flowboy Impartial or unbiased self observation without self criticism is a huge win. Even with a small bit of self criticism,,,still a win! Maybe you'll get an unexpected surprise and feel your own nothingness from the hot cooking. It seems weird writing those words. Regardless, you are still observing.??

@now is forever Gonna have to ponder that one. I have a lot of Solar essence in me which has a close correlation to dumb blondes.

I will express my truth and if it is of no use to you, by all means, please disregard it. I am not the body. Nor am I the thoughts and feelings which comprise the personality/ego. I am the silent witness who has no opinions. Quote from Maurice Nicoll - THE FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS “When the Work says that a man must come to realize his own nothingness before he can be re-born, it does not mean that he must humble himself and so on, but that he must by long self-observation actually begin to realize that he is nothing and that there is no such person as himself. The object of this is to get into a position, psycho- logically speaking, between the opposites...Why is it so important to get somewhere into the centre of the pendulum and not swing to and fro? Because here, between the opposites, lie all the possibilities of growth. Here influences from higher levels can reach us. Here, in this place where one can feel one’s own nothingness (and where one is therefore free from contradictions), influences and meanings coming from higher centres, which have no contradictions, can be felt. Not regarding yourself as good or bad, not priding yourself on being just or otherwise, not thinking you are well-treated or badly-treated, not being caught by either movement through identifying, you come into this mid-position. This is not easy! With personality active, it is impossible.

It can sit in the Goldielocks zone for a Cosmic biological painfactory. ?

I said it was a work in progress,,, ? I go along with the idea that Alchemy is an Allegory for Individuation and Psychological integration. Maybe you're not so convinced of that?

Don't be Identified - Be Identified - Don't be Identified Theres a contradiction that's rarely pointed out about embodiment. To be embodied is to be identified with whatever it is so thourghly that we can become an expression of it. Yet it is also the process and act of being identified that forms the whole basis of spiritual sleep. Like being identified with our persona or accumulated knowledge, lifestyle, personal history, Culture, Worldview, politics, etc.,. This learning has been a part of my actualization over the last couple of years. Getting lost in adolescence and adulthood by way of fear, contraction and the hyper-neurotic condition which is the norm in modernity separated me from being at home in myself. I had an experience of my belly center ( 3 lower chakras ) but not the full experience of being grounded there. It wasn't until after I had taken up a regular meditation practice and just as important, sensing practices that this long ago abandoned part of myself started to get rediscovered after abandonment around puberty. Whats fascinating also is that the Instinctive/moving or belly center is my actual center of gravity. Volition is the obvious key between being lost in identification and the act of embodiment. Thinking and feeling alone or together can't do it. It takes our 'sitting bull' Self grounded heavily in the body to be able to turn it on or turn it off. My realization is that it takes the complete participation of the belly center to be or not to be.

5-2-2019 25 Innocence Not Expecting/Not Projecting Line 5 21. Biting Through

If one's false personalities are a multiplicity as Charles Tart says and one's true nature is myriad minded as Jean Houston suggests then coming from a sole place of authenticity may be more complex than it sounds. Indeed it would need to be a soul place,,,, I'm watching you trying to make the decision,,,, and see some of what you are saying. Whatever you decide will be a good decision because youve demonstrated well that know how to think for yourself. I enjoy your energy. ?

We can't change the makeup of our endocrine system. Below the book image is an excerpt from near the end in which I think she describes why knowing about this part of ourselves can greatly assist integration and self acceptance so far as our essence traits goes. When we are able to recognize types and predict the characteristic reactions, we find that this information is liberating, both as it applies to ourselves and as it helps us to understand others. Once we know that virtually all limitations, weakness and shortcomings are not things for which we can be blamed, most of us feel the lifting of guilt that we have carried for most of our lives. If we are Lunars we cannot be outgoing and emotionally demonstrative, no matter how much others urge us to be and how much we may want to please them. If we are Saturns we cannot stop trying to control others--- always for their own good--- no matter how strenuously they object. If we are Venusians we cannot be aggressively ambitious no matter how much our mothers want us to be and how much we may love our mothers. If we are an emotionally centered mercurial and find it impossible to engage in repetitive tasks day after day, word processing in an isolated cubicle, or putting shingles on roofs, then we should begin to understand how hard it is for a moving centered Martial to experience his own emotions, much less express them effectively. ,,,,, By the way, that's me- the moving centered martial. So was Gurdjieff. Maybe that's why I relate to him so much. Taken together, it seems all the different typologies gives a fractal description/picture of our 'Stardust'. Both our physical and energetic stardust. There is a lot of variety in stardust if the universe is infinite. Physical - Endocrine/body type Energetic- Astrological type Could the Painbody be called the Timebody? Might the physical body be called the spacebody? I like to use the term Automaton as some in the Work do, in reference to the physical body. It seems to help cultivate non attachment or disidentification to the parts of my nature that is mechanical.

Got my copy in the mail from Amazon yesterday!

5-1-2019 21 Biting Through Line 2 38. Separating/Opposition I received this same changing line 2 days ago. It's about being under a spell and becoming free of it. The Cosmos is trying to help me to become free of it. If I resist this help and continue to blame wrong things, the Oracle councils that I will only create another fate for myself.

Have you ever thought about becoming a Professional Massage Therapist?

@Preetom I pretty much agree. Also what Leo said in the last video about how language itself is dualistic,,,,and the confusion caused. For instance, I used the word Self in my post above which I'm surprised no one jumped all over and lined me out, parroting the wisdom that there is no self. Which, by the way, I agree with. The ego is illusory. In the forum here, people (me included) are often talking past one another and don't even realize it at times. Because there is so much nuance in how a lot of words are used. Not to mention useful concepts which get interpreted differently. Through on top of that the different traditions which seem at odds on the surface. Its a recipe for confusion at times for sure.

I know without a doubt there exists the phenomena of Self Remembering and Self Forgetting. Checked out the book. Looks very good. Thanks ?

? That's a good feeling. Empty yet Full,,,,,

I've had a twice daily practice of Centering Prayer meditation for a couple of years. In this method objectless awareness or non-conceptual awareness is cultivated. I haven't experienced any compulsions or problems with my memory from this practice. While everything about hasn't been pleasant, I haven't experienced anything that wasn't beneficial. My introduction and learning was through Cynthia Bourgeaults teachings.

You can also go home wearing one sock,,,,

I agree with this also. Although I didn't say one couldn't enjoy,,,,,

I agree. To awaken means basically moving against what the variety of all modern Cultures hold up as ideal.

4-30-2019 3 Making a New Beginning Lines 2 and 6 61 Inner Truth ??? Pondering ?

When the movie The Sixth Sense came out, it really had an effect on me. I Invented a homemade practice I called 'playing dead' where I would escape to a mountain top in the national forest and sit for a couple of hours and just imagine myself dead like the characters in this movie. It produced some novel experiences as well as some inner quiet (oddly enough) which I was in bad need of at that time. Doesn't seem like 20 years has passed. Death IS sneaky,,,,,

When focusing on practicing mindfulness, DELIBERATE is my mantra, in a sense. Being deliberate seems to really capture the essence of mindfulness in a felt way. The Intellectual Center has the slowest speed of the three centers. The Kings are very deliberate. The Emotional Center is quicker. Which causes the angry word to be spoken before the Intellectual Center can have influence. The Instinctive/Moving Center is by far the quickest. A good Tennis player is an example. Even a better example is if the tennis player is being chased by a pack of pit bulls. The quickest part of the Intellectual Center is called the formatory center and only gives stimulus response answers which can often be witty but most often are fairly shallow. The talking trees in Lord of the Rings to me are embodiments of the 'Kings' - the Intellectual Center as a whole. Some say that Brilliance can only come from essence and Being and not conditioned personality.

If I wasn't an Idiot, I would take Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson instead of Power Of Now.

@tsuki I copied this paragraph from your quote in Sacred Space Journal. I'm thinking it could apply to what I put below. Any thoughts? In trying to develop the will, the most fatal pitfall is to confuse will with the chauvinism of the ego. Will is not willpower, virility, obstinancy, or hardness. Will is unity of desire. Will expresses itself best against no resistance when its action passes unnoticed. Only when the mind is in a state of multiple desire do we witness the idiot agonizations of will-power. Pitting oneself against various oaths, abstentions, and tests is merely to set up conflicts in the mind. The will always manifests as the victory of the strongest desire, yet the ego reacts with disgust if its chosen desire fails. The magician therefore seeks unity of desire before he attempts to act. Desires are re-arranged before an act, not during it. In all things he must live like this. As reorganization of belief is the key to liberation, so is reorganization of desire the key to will. From Carroll, Peter J.. Liber Null & Psychonaut: An Introduction to Chaos Magic (p. 55). Red Wheel Weiser. Kindle Edition. Integration - Christian symbology - Alchemy - Chaos Theory Four functions of Consciousness work in conjunction with Four Chaos Attractors In the Law of three, three forces manifests a new arising Active Force Thinking Circuit attractor Passive Force Feeling Point attractor Egoic Consciousness Neutralizing force Sensing Torus attractor New Arising - Willing Strange attractor Being -Three Centered Knowing - Intuition Thinking, Feeling, Sensing are all interchangeable acting as any of the three forces. Work in Progress. I'm playing,,,, Comments welcome

Good. Clip Martin Butler refers to in his podcast above. Very good to ponder.