Zigzag Idiot

Years ago out of the blue I said to my mother. "You know, stupid people don't realize they're stupid." It was one of the times I her remember being awestruck, in a sense. She Even quotes me on that on occasion through the years as she did at a Sunday dinner a couple of weeks ago. At the time I was mostly saying it in reference to someone else but also felt the tinge of how it also applied to me. I'm not just talking about intellectual intelligence but also emotional. I personally am most afflicted with a lack of social intelligence but primarily when there's more than 3 people. Chances are if I'm suddenly in a group of people, my Aspergers switch gets turned on, as a way to express it. These Aspergers type symptoms It would seem to fall under the category of emotional intelligence but it doesn't seem that way with me. I love connecting to people one on one and feel pretty solid about intuiting things about them if their in my presence. Especially more so here in the past couple years. Crowds just make me uneasy. Realizing my stupidity I have come to realize has deeper layers. Like passive aggressiveness, and schadenfreude I have found deeper layers to. This has meant finding forgiveness for myself when I run into some of this stuff. The opening of Leo's Conscious Politics started off with a couple of quotes that reminded me of the valuable capacity to forgive or apologize to others when appropriate.

Your reasons for appreciating Culdasa's method is similar to my reasons with Centering Prayer meditation. What I thought was a wise saying I heard from someone who had long been in the Work said- "We have to make the work our own. We have to find our own way in a sense."

Self Actualization journal can be a good tool. They can serve to highlight our discontinuity of consciousness. The call to awaken is louder when the dream we are living turns into a nightmare. It's not an easy task to stay present. For all the silent lurkers out there reading who have considered starting a Journal,,,, Do it! Just start one,,,,,, Only add to it when you decide to. Use a journal to help you stay present.

I am you. I was raised in love but it was a disguised love that consisted of a fearful God and my parents were raised similarly. What got me over my anger at them was seeing the greater tragity of their longer lived in those vested interests (identifications) . With only 1 parent and 1 95 year old grandmother left alive. They dont see. They live in a mid realm hell. The guilt you have is superego phenomena. That's argued sometimes as the first thing to address in spiritual work. Thank you for sharing. Hope I've said something helpful. ?

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I'm with both of you. I loved the book but have never completely resolved all of my inner disparities with it. Yogananda's humor and enthusiasm in his writing is very infectious. I only read it about 3 years ago and want to read it again. For me, the big takeaway is his view of Christ. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Second_Coming_of_Christ_(book)

I wish I understood Astrology better. I intuit something going on here. We're still in a Mercury retrograde period for a couple of more weeks. Nearly all my planets are stacked up in the 8th house which is ruled by Mercury. I'm not even sure if I phrased that right. https://www.astrologyhoroscopereadings.com/mobile/mobile-2019-mercury-retrograde-calendar.html

I'm a little bit of bad and a little bit of good. Weird seems to always get 3rd place ,,,,,

Claudio Naranjo says the Patriarchy that we were conditioned to has warped us all. An excerpt from his Wikipedia page: Since the late 1980s, Naranjo had divided each year between his activities abroad and his writing at home in Berkeley. Among his many publications, he revised an early book on Gestalt therapy and published two new ones. He published three books on the Enneagram of Personality, as well as The End of Patriarchy, which is his interpretation of social problems as the expression of a devaluation of the nurturance and human instinct and their solution in the harmonious development of our "three brained" potential. He also published a book on meditation, The Way of Silence and the Talking Cure, and Songs of Enlightenment on the interpretation of the great books of the West as expressions of "the inner journey" and variations on the "tale of the hero". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudio_Naranjo Ive followed my neediness and it seems to lead here,,,?

7-25-2019 57 The Penetrating. Line 4: Remorse vanishes. ,,,,,,,,,, 1. Cosmic Consciousness There is a lot written about Hexagram 1 and Hexagram 2. The Judgement for Hexagram 1 - The Cosmic Consciousness is great through its interpenetration of all things, it discerns what feels harmonious and brings it into form through transformation. "Cosmic Consciousness" is the name the Sage gives the aggregate consciousness of the Cosmos. It is the invisible origin of all the things that exist in form as Nature. Nature is the primary way in which the Cosmic Consciousness manifests. All things that exist in Nature are compressed Cosmic Consciousness, and are unique aspects of it. ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Later in the commentary it says when a person receives Hexagram 1 without changing lines, it is a message to remind him that he is an equal part of the Cosmic Whole. This means that while he is unique, he is not special. Just as humankind is not "chosen" or distinguished among animals. No individual human or group is considered to be elite or heroic. It tells him that if he will take his proper place in the Cosmic Whole by saying the inner No to the delusion he is special, he will put himself back into the Cosmic stream of chi energy ( his source of creativity, nourishment, help, and healing) from which he has become separated. Being separated also means he is no longer in contact with the Sage, the Cosmic Teacher. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Putting attention of physicality of your feet to disperse attentionf rom my

Linguistic awareness is maybe synonymous with narrative consciousness “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - from Cynthia Bourgeault's book- Is Being is more than a combination of thinking and feeling? What is awareness in relation thinking and feeling? Being human means having a body to sense the physical world. To halt the flow of narrative consciousness and experience being is to encounter the oceanic experience, a simple love of existence itself. More tuned into context rather than content. Balance mind with more heart, perhaps. So I've had this song stuck in my head lately during periods of narrative consciousness. song lyrics- you can count on me ,,, you can count on my love,,, My Inquiry has shown me the complete opposite and although the inspiring tone is felt when enjoying the song. The super ego then attacks with - "yeah, you know how you really are, selfish",,,, talk high ideals and don't deliver,,, Its not an easy thing to sit with, the Truth. Another quote by Maurice Nicoll concerning the subject of narrative consciousness- Nicoll psychological commentaries page 683. Have you got sufficient inner observation? Have you cleared and well dug a big space in your mind through the practice of inner attention and put a hedge round it and a gate so that you can hear the click of the gate and watch this darling little thought coming up the drive all ready to say: “Oh, how tired I am,” etc.? I fancy that once we let it in very far every thought gets hold of us and wrings us, takes our blood, makes us react, talk, behave, in a certain way, and then, satisfied with having dined off us, it retires for a time. Two a day Centering Prayer helps me maintain that space within the hedge and the gate. Kenosis- Letting go or emptying the mind. Sweeping the auditorium stage of the mind. Mind as element of awareness for allowing an uncluttered space,,,?

I've been in non linguistic state of awareness the last couple of days. It's not objectless or non conceptual but there seems to be a higher than normal percentage of those conditions.This hasn't been a continual nonliguistic state either. When it happens, It's the place of no words. Hopefully in a day or two I can write some words about the place of no words,,,,

A lot of people who misunderstand me would say that I would argue with a stump. What they don't realize I Im just a friend to the stump enguaging in conversation and playing the role of devils' advocate.

@Emerald So true,,,, I call it unintegrated mans yo yo behavior because a plain spoken girlfriend hit me over the head a few times with that remark. It's amazing how different men and women are. Some of this bahaviour I theorize runs parallel with what's referred to as the increasing number of what's called kidults in the last few generations. Don't completely give up on men. IME, Emerald and others shed great light on the matter,,,,

Its a wonderful day!

It specifically sounds like what's referred to as Inner considering from the Fourth Way and its terminology . I've observed it a lot in myself. It's actually a neurotic tendency that one can work on over time.

I enjoy Russell's sense of humor.

7-17-2019 Just one unchanging Hexagram today. 28 The Preponderance of the Great The ridgepole sags to the breaking point. It furthers one to have somewhere to go. Success.

@Marc Schinkel Thanks! Yes, both funny and informative. "Christianity institutionalized guilt as a virtue"- Alan Watts @ 14:30 referring to Catholicism and Protestantism. "Churchianity" or "Jesusism" as Paramahansa Yogananda humorously put it in his Autobiography. Just 20 minutes into this. Although it's from 2014, it's very good if you're new to Bashar as I am.

As with schadenfreude, I've seen layers of passive aggressiveness in myself. I've seen this a lot in families that are around blue/orange especially. Parents and grandparents in families spreading fear to keep a handle on children. They were raised in fear and guilt and just pass it on. Even among educated people this happens. This never quits creating problems. It requires seeing all the way through to forgive a Parent who is this way. That's a tall order because there is usually several years of anger, guilt, confusion, etc., to work through. Its horrible what family members do to each other. It's just more sleep. Everyone suffers. Everyone is off balance. An Awakened family member can also eventually lead the others out of hell. But sometimes not.

Maybe a degree of Beginners mind is necessary for an ongoing discussion about conscious politics. Similar to the famous phrase - Those who know, do not speak and those who speak, do not know. Arnold Keyeserling once put it- " Not knowing if one is on the way is the best assurance that one is indeed on the way. When someone knows they are on the way, they are on no way whatsoever. @Shadowraix I hope you don't feel ganged up on from these few criticisms because I see thier point. I most always enjoy reading your thoughts. Im bad about straying off subjects myself quite often.

Hats off to everyone doing shadow work and integration. There's wisdom in having a closed Journal for such. This journal is partly a shadow work and integration Journal but it's open for comments and questions unless someone just wants to argue. I hold a lot of things in the 'as if it's true' category and just state things as fact instead of always prefacing all claims with disclaimers of some kind.

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