Zigzag Idiot

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Zigzag Idiot

  1. A man in the middle being a solipsism test tube grapefruit scapegoat is more than a mouthful. If you send well meaning mixed messages and they are finally being somewhat understood, you are loved and appreciated. It is also a torture and a possible projection for both me and you. This would be an example of plausible deniability also for a third party. If the wo/man in the middle were more than one. It would be a possible cluster fuck hell that would need an end if there were mercy to be found in anyone who could ring the final bell for an end.
  2. As a counterphobic six I can often be a real prejudiced prick. The above post demonstrated maybe such a prejudice towards those in authority that wasn't even intended. I've never walked in the shoes of a police officer and neither did Don Knotts, an actor. Unlike him I am just me, maybe 25 or 6 to 4 or so ego structures give or take and Don Knotts I am not.
  3. Just because I'm nervous and tense Don't call me Don Knotts Even if my stomach is knotted up Don Knotts I am not Don Knotts had a donut shop It was a do nothing hangout for cops That says a lot. I don't know. Maybe I do know what kind of dough he used. Maybe I do, maybe not. Maybe You should just ask Don Knots, If it is dubious or if it is not. Let there be no doubt. Just ask Don Knots. For Don Knotts, I am not. I hear a dog barking in the distance. Maybe I should go and see if it is Bob Barker. Don't ask Don Knotts. He knows nothing of this. He is at his know nothing hangout adjacent to his do nothing donut shop. It is for sergeants, that is. Not for cops. At his know nothing hang out he speaks with sergeant Schultz. Who of course, it is always the same. "He knows nothing". It is the same for me. I know not and I know nothing at the same time. Please don't ask Don Knotts either. It is not because he is like Sergeant Schultz who knows nothing, as always. Neither Don Knotts nor Sergeant Shultz are still in possession of their carnal bodies. That's why they can't tell you whether or not it is Bob Barker who is barking in the distance. Maybe maybe not. It is not of Game show Bob Barker that is in question. That is certain. Dog's who bark at a neighbor's house or in the distance I call Bob Barker. You can too if you want. Maybe. maybe not. Go ask Floyd the barber. He now works at Floyd's of London Insurance and barber shop. You maybe say, no way. I say maybe. Maybe not. I need to stop eating so much crazy bread. You eat too much and it makes you crazy. It does for me anyway. For you, maybe, maybe not.
  4. Reaching Up "Keeping Your Grip" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen Having a quiet time and a quiet space are vitally important for not losing your grip in these difficult times. There is so much chaos and drama, not just in the world out there, but in the everyday world you live in right here. It’s too easy to get pulled into the noise and take part in it, and then feel the noise within yourself. To keep a grip on your life, you need to put some distance between yourself and the noisy chaos - a little bit of distance everyday. You need to be able to shut out the noise for a while - a short while each day. Turn off your phone. Turn off the TV. If you're at home, put yourself in a quiet room and shut the door. Take your quiet time in your own way. Listen to soft music, do some meditation, yoga or hypnosis. Or just do some deep breathing. Or take a quiet walk or a quiet sit in the park or back yard. A little bit each day, and then when you return to the noisy, chaotic world, your insides will be quieter and calmer. Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma.
  5. On the event horizon there will be an emergent unfolding which will be unpredictable in nature. This is a statement I remember Ken Wilber making which is actually my paraphrasing. In the Gurdjieff Teaching ( which is not his personal creation) is the law of Three. Within the enneagram exists a display of the law of three (law of creation). The product of 3 centered awareness (existence) gives rise to a fourth element ,,,, a new arising. The Law of Three Thursday, May 16, 2019 Cynthia Bourgeault, one of our core faculty members and an Episcopal priest, has helped Christianity rediscover the powerful model of the “Law of Three.” This was originally developed by the Armenian-born spiritual teacher G. I. Gurdjieff (1866–1949) who saw it comprising what he called the “Laws of World Creation and World Maintenance.” Based on Trinity as flow and movement, this “law” describes the ways in which different elements work to create change and ongoing evolution. Today I’ll share a brief introduction from Cynthia’s work, but I invite you to read her full book The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three: From a metaphysical standpoint, the Trinity is primarily about process. It encapsulates a paradigm of change and transformation based on an ancient metaphysical principle known as the Law of Three. [The basic foundational principles are:] 1-In every new arising there are three forces involved: affirming, denying, and reconciling. 2-The interweaving of the three produces a fourth in a new dimension. 3-Affirming, denying, and reconciling are not fixed points or permanent essence attributes, but can and do shift and must be discerned situationally. . . . 4-Solutions to impasses or sticking points generally come by learning how to spot and mediate third force, which is present in every situation but generally hidden. . . . Let’s consider a simple example. A seed, as Jesus said, “unless it falls into the ground and dies, remains a single seed.” [John 12:24] If this seed does fall into the ground, it enters a sacred transformative process. Seed, the first or “affirming” force, meets ground, the second or “denying” force (and at that, it has to be moist ground, water being its most critical first component). But even in this encounter, nothing will happen until sunlight, the third or “reconciling” force, enters the equation. Then among the three they generate a sprout, which is the actualization of the possibility latent in the seed—and a whole new “field” of possibility. Actually, the entire Paschal Mystery can be seen to play itself out as a fairly straightforward configuration of the Law of Three. If you assign affirming as Jesus, the human teacher of the path of love; denying as the crucifixion and the forces of hatred driving it; and reconciling as the principle of self-emptying, or kenotic love willingly engaged, then the fourth or new arising, which is inescapably revealed through this weaving, is the Kingdom of Heaven, visibly manifest in the very midst of all the human cruelty and brokenness. https://cac.org/the-law-of-three-2019-05-16/ To know means to know all. Not to know all means not to know. In order to know all, it is only necessary to know a little. But, in order to know this little, it is first necessary to know pretty much. (Gurdjieff) There is an angel within the monkey struggling to get free, and this is what the historical crisis is all about. Terence McKenna
  6. Hells bells, thunderstorms and stormy emotional icicles as well rolled through today. It started early and they began Immediately upon awakening from a dream filled night. The internal dialogue was screaming and I was reactively screaming right back internally. Three fierce storms filled the day with the devil whispering in my ear polluting my inner world turning me into poisonous human being. I slipped on a banana peal in the court of screaming apple peals midday. To dissociate from the emotional intensity I began using my sling blade for a physical workout with a methodical rhythm.. Narrating a parody of my actions, I moved forward going for the gold metal in the sling blade weed cutting event. The sweat was rolling as Howard Cossell was shouting excitedly and I worked my way across the hillside patch of weeds. The competition was fierce and the markets were trading heavy and going long with heavy volume. The crowds of onlookers were noisily cheering. Some were frozen with anticipation and baited breath, Observing my actions and position of the swinging blade I steadfastly moved toward the finish. Communication was heavy with incoming encouragement from those who were in the halls of Congress busily working out the details. It was a photo finish and I slumped exhaustedly at the triumphant winning of the Olympic gold metal sling blade weed cutting event. Whew,,, what a day,,
  7. Reaching Up "Better is Good" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen Very few things in life are perfect and very few stay the same. Our lives go through multiple changes. Change can be unsettling and uncomfortable. But with your efforts, you can guide these changes in the direction of improvement. In other words, you can strive to make your life better. You cannot make it perfect; perfection is not within your grasp. But the good news is this: better is good. By focusing on making your life “better,” you grow and develop and make the needed improvements. Sometimes these improvements are within yourself. Sometimes they require making changes in your relationships. Sometimes you need to change your physical surroundings. There aren’t very many changes that will instantly turn your whole life around. Most will only make your life a little bit better. But better is good. Actually, better is great. When you’re doing something that makes your life a little bit better, you are doing something that feels right on the inside. And the very same something will make you a little bit stronger, a little bit happier, a little bit more fulfilled. You can strive for better today, tomorrow, this very week. Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma.
  8. Reaching Up "Aim Toward More Self-Acceptance" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen "I don't like that about myself. I shouldn't accept myself. If I accept myself the way I am, I'll always have these problems." That's the common belief, but nothing could be further from the truth. Self-criticism actually stifles your growth and development. It makes you dislike yourself for being yourself. So you have to work hard to cover up that part of you, or pretend it isn't there, or pretend it isn't real. When you burn all this energy trying to deny, you make it awfully difficult to learn. You don't permit yourself to explore, experience and understand the deeper you. But when you aim toward more & more self-acceptance, your opportunities blossom. By giving yourself permission to think and feel the way you do right now, you automatically allow yourself to think and feel other things. By giving yourself the OK to be who you are right now, you get back on a path of experimenting and practicing with new ways of being you. This kind of self-acceptance gives birth to some very beautiful and worthwhile growing and learning. Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. Dr. Rosen works with his patients primarily over the phone. When needed, face-to-face therapy sessions can be scheduled in his home in Magnet Cove, Arkansas. Because he does not accept insurance, his fee is only $65 for a full 50-minute hour of treatment. He can be reached anytime by email at drjrosen@ipa.net or by phone or text at 501-623-2050.
  9. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Although Essence is One, the Same Substance, It has Many Varieties, Many Qualities But we must use concepts if we are going to communicate verbally. One important concept that we have been using without clarification is that of essential aspects—that essence has many aspects, not just one quality. As we have seen, essential substance has precise and definite physical characteristics. In fact, it can be described in terms of color, taste, texture, transparency, density, luminosity, viscosity, and so on. Variations in these give rise to different aspects of essence, which have different psychological significance. So although essence is one, the same substance, it has many varieties, many qualities. These are aspects of essence. This is true for both the baby and the adult. The aspect of truth is not the same as the aspect of love, and this is not the same as the aspect of will, and so on. They are all essence, and clearly so for the one who knows, but they are experienced differently and affect us differently. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 78 from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/essential-aspects
  10. There was some peculiar lingo I remember from the seventies. There was talk about "peoples" of other nations for instance. The one that really got on my nerves was the mentioning of "foodstuffs" in relation to agricultural products or perhaps,,,, grocery-stuffs.
  11. I need to re-watch Leo's lecture on Yellow. It;s been a while since I've watched it. @soos_mite_ah Respectfully, I think your not giving yellow enough credit. Here's another take. Yellow The transition from the First Tier of Consciousness to the Yellow level of the Second Tier is a “momentous leap” according to Clare Graves (1974, 2005), when the individual realizes that equally distributing resources among all people and expecting that all humans are equally good and loving creates more problems than it solves. This leap may occur when life conditions change to seriously threaten survival, and the individual/species has to relearn survival (Graves,2002). There are currently a small number of individuals who operate from the Second Tier of existence, but the species as a whole has not yet evolved to this level (Ooten, 2010). Adherence to the favored group in the Green level is transformed into acceptance of all people for who they are, where they are in the Second Tier. This acceptance allows individuals at the Yellow level of consciousness to speak to the listening of others, regardless of their level. Chaos is seen as part of the natural order and imperative for change (Graves, 2005). These individuals are highly flexible in their thinking and are able to see from a perspective that is larger than all the levels of the First Tier combined (Graves, 2005). The reality of existence is emphasized and interconnected with spirituality. The individual transcends self-centered, instinctual and emotional drives to a way of being that expresses self to the benefit of self and others (Ooten, Unpublished). Individuals at this level live from the knowing of the interconnectivity of all of humanity, and that what affects the individual, affects the whole. The focus becomes the continued existence of all of life (not just humanity), using whatever means are appropriate given place and time (Beck, 2006). Methods and thinking are fluid, adapting to conditions. If democracy is appropriate, democracy is used. If consensus is appropriate, consensus is used. Technology is highly utilized for self and all of humanity to rapidly network and interconnect with others at all levels of development, as well as to quickly produce solutions and resources for existential problems. People at this level can also express a level of arrogance about their broader perspectives and understandings (Graves, 2005; Beck, 2006). Individuals at the Yellow level of consciousness are motivated by the continuation of existence and use acceptance to ensure the continuation of life (Graves, 1974). from; http://www.consciousdynamicsllc.com/home/levels_of_consciousness.html
  12. Wisdom starter kit Commonsense cannot be taught. Quiet discursive thought (internal dialogue) Be the watcher - Discover witness consciousness and the subsequent inner quiet and its connection to understanding BS = Bullshit MS = More shit PHD = Piled higher and deeper - more often than not Ironically,,,, Let go of cynicism,,,, Wish people well Try not to judge,,, Reaching a conclusion most often makes one miserable "Falling in love" is an unconscious activity. Infatuation feels wonderful but it never lasts,,,,, Don't force things,,, Let situations unfold Cultivate the capacity for sitting with difficult situations and unavoidable suffering Complaining is unnecessary suffering Stupidity is its own punishment Learn the value of detachment- the value of letting go Don't let others make your decisions. Think for yourself. Let go of thinking too much. Thinking too much = neurotic suffering Cultivate your 'feeling center' - It will open the channel to your higher Self which is inner,,,,, not outer Purifying your 'feeling center' takes time. It doesn't happen overnight or with just a few psychedelic trips. Use Love as a perceptual filter to examine this world Be your light hearted Self and the curious power of non-violence
  13. Lateral versus vertical consciousness,,,, Riddle me this Batman,,, Is being on the vertical scale of consciousness and personality on the lateral plane of consciousness? Does that make any sense? When I lay on the bed my consciousness feels different than when I'm standing upright. There's a subtle but distinct difference in the quality of my consciousness.
  14. Reaching Up "Getting Unscrambled" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen She's off the anti-depressant medication now, and she's glad. Here's what she emailed me about her two years on the pills: "To still be in horrible pain, but sedated and numbed down to the point that you lose the ability to reach outside yourself for help. You give in to dragging yourself through the day and then sleeping the rest off. It doesn't stop the dreams or nightmares; it just scrambles your reasoning ability to make any sense of it. You can feel so detached that you lose the ability to latch onto any coping skills that you have, and then you are alone. I am not exaggerating the fact that I had every intention of killing myself. Before I took the medication, at least I had enough anxiety and nervous energy to keep me looking for an answer. But after I got started taking it, I didn't have the energy to think. I am thankful beyond belief that I met you and I know you know what you are doing." Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. Dr. Rosen works with his patients primarily over the phone. When needed, face-to-face therapy sessions can be scheduled in his home in Magnet Cove, Arkansas. Because he does not accept insurance, his fee is only $65 for a full 50-minute hour of treatment. He can be reached anytime by email at drjrosen@ipa.net or by phone or text at 501-623-2050. If you like Dr. Rosen's Reaching Up column, you are free to share it with other people. There is no fee for this column. It's free. If you're not on the list to receive it, just send an email that says "Please Send Column" in the subject line. You will receive a new column each Sunday. If you are on the list and you don't want to receive Dr. Rosen's column anymore, just send him an email that says "Stop Column" in the subject line.
  15. Ruprecht loves Oklahoma
  16. We radiate from the head brain. That just makes one a poor bastard. From the heart brain we emanate. We then become as little children. No grievances are held onto. But being a little moody as most of us are. We'll often turn red in the face and cry out like an angry politician if someone offends us in some way. There's the value of eating crow while it's fresh. This situates one back at Ordinary Idiot. From there beginners mind let's us start again. It's Heaven on Earth. It's at hand or better yet, just look down and there it is!
  17. Solar and Lunar coating You can't escape suffering by avoiding it. The truth often hurts. Dissociating from the everyday world is pretty much the status quo. Whether it's escapism through tv, internet, spectator sports, intellectual one-upsmanship, sport fucking. gossiping, shopping and acting snooty, drugs , alcohol. golfing, alligator hunting, playing chess, various forms of do-gooderism ie., self righteousness, being a know it all, always being a victim. Perhaps being a bully and acting grandiose to mask insecurity. The avoidance of suffering will often just make the suffering more intense down the road. Don't bully yourself either through discipline and denying yourself pleasures of the world. What you often find offensive in others is aspect of one's own personality that is a part of one's shadow. This is a message that most everyone needs to hear and take to heart. You're all a bunch of assholes and liars in varying degrees. Observe it in oneself to see how much self deception you've engaged in. Don't self criticize. That's a very difficult thing to not do. Be yourself though because you are all beautiful too. Some are just hotter than others. Life's not fair. As a friend of mine would say, " No shit man,,,, Accepting one's own multi-dimensionality and integrating various aspects doesn't happen overnight. Friend said, "No shit man". Don't fall into the trap of being some form of a lifelong zen devil. It's my opinion one can say "no shit man" and it not be coming from a negative emotion. Again, in my opinion, a person can curse and it's possible that there is no negative emotion present. It's a fine line though. I used to have a very large cynical streak that ran though my different personalities. Eventually I saw the suffering it brought to me through different forms and levels of guilt. Conscious or intentional suffering for a definite aim or a higher purpose falls into the category of solar coating. Carlos Castaneda wrote about the struggle of overcoming self importance. There are many forms and I've seen many kinds of self important attitudes in self-observation. Unnecessary suffering, sometimes called useless suffering falls into the category of Lunar coating. Complaining, being offended by others attitude or actions is unnecessary. What is this coating? Plain and simple- Suffering. What's being coated? One's energy body or Astral body. If your an observer of human beings and behavior, you may have noticed a coorelation between the amount of suffering one has endured and a persons depth or presence or their degree of being. This isn't a very well thought out post. It;s just a paraphrasing of the teaching I've observed.
  18. Spontaneous disco. It's a most difficult attainment. That's why it's a valid practice for embodiment and letting go. . Especially for introverts. Don't give up trying to do it. Another suggestion is try to do it right after you've thrown a mad fit.
  19. Take this. Sometimes instead of just mechanically saying I love you too. Just say- It's good to be loved and I love You too.
  20. if you have a married couple, man and woman. This much is true. One will most likely be a whore's whore and the other will probably be a fool's fool. The man is more likely to be a whore's whore. But you never know with folks like this. Another wild card is that one of them could be a Heyoka. The resident of a Heyoka Hermitage though, would most likely say. I'm just a nut and I'd rather jackoff than fuck. I don't know if I'm a whore's whore and surely I know I'm not Shirley and I don't need Clearance from Clarence to know I'm a Fool's fool. I know what to do with me but I don't know what to do with you but I like you anyway so have a nice day. See you later alligator,,,
  21. The value of letting go An empty auditorium stage is a metaphor for a healthy mind. When you have an inner quiet, the stage is empty. You can look at the stage with witness consciousness and have your being. A mind cluttered with constant internal dialogue is a neurotic mind. Having a neurotic mind makes you a poor bastard. A quiet mind is peaceful and you have no problem with people but they often have a problem with you. The difference between you and them is that you can let go of things. A metaphor for this is having a clean atmosphere in the environment of your astral (energy} body. These quotes go well with what I've written, Participation of the Heart Center as Inquiry Deepens So as our inquiry deepens and becomes more powerful, it will require our ability to sense our experience to become subtler, deeper, and more penetrating. Not only do our physical senses need to become more vivid and intense, we need to bring in subtler senses as well. We need to sense our bodies and our inner sensations more deeply and clearly. We also need to open the heart center so we can feel our emotions and our feeling states more intimately and vividly. And we need to have greater clarity, spaciousness, and quietness in our mind to be able to perceive thoughts and their processes. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 315 https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/heart-center Distinguishing Physical Sensation from Essential Substance The capacity to sense oneself must become so refined that the individual can discriminate between physical sensation and the sensation of essential substance. It is not enough that the mind be quiet. It is also necessary for the body to be sensitive. The mind can be quiet while the body is deadened. The body has to be awakened so that the center of sensing, the belly center, can be activated. The belly center, or what Gurdjieff called the physical center, is the center of sensing for all parts of the body. Its deepest function is the subtle sensing, the sensing of essential presence, that the Sufis call the organ for touch. Touch is, in a sense, the most intimate of the physical senses. The skin must be directly against an object to touch it. There is no intermediary medium, like sound for hearing or light for seeing. So this subtle capacity is a very intimate one. Accurately speaking, it is sensing essence by being essence. It is the most direct way of perception. This capacity of touch, connected with the belly center, is very intimately connected with the embodiment of essence. It is the body center; its mode of perception is embodiment. Here, perception as touch, and being, are the same act. So this capacity is the most important one. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 130 Functioning of the Essential Self in the Belly Center Yes, usually the belly center has to do with embodiment, with the capacity to sense oneself. However, the belly center is also the will center. In a sense, the ultimate function of the will is to surrender to what happens, surrender to the now. And surrender to the now means not to hold on to something. The true function of the will is complete surrender to what’s happening without holding on. That is will. The essential self, like all essential aspects, can function in any of the subtle centers. When one is being the essential self its location is usually the heart center. However, when the essential self is functioning in relation to identifying or disidentifying from any content of experience, it becomes associated with the belly center. The essential self is more like a potential for experience, and it also manifests as a capacity for identification. One of the results of that capacity for identification is embodiment. Embodying something means you are identified with what’s happening. An essential state is present. You are embodying it if you are it. The true self has the capacity to identify with something you are experiencing, but it doesn’t have to. It has a choice; it has the freedom. Diamond Heart Book Three, pg. 79 https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/belly-center
  22. "Judging What's Right for You" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen You are very often the best judge of what's right for you. That other person may tell you different and may sound very persuasive, but nevertheless, you probably are the best judge for yourself. If you take a close look at the ways the other person tries to reshape you, and you decide that your way is OK for you, then you are going to be a lot calmer on the inside. You're going to have a lot less anxiety. Anxiety is created when you embrace the idea that "there must be something wrong with me... who I am is not who I should be." But the point is this: the person who you are on the inside is OK, and you are who you should be. The things that you think and feel and believe and do -- these things may be right for you, even if they're not right according to that somebody else. Other people cannot experience your life for you. They can’t think your thoughts or feel your feelings or experience life in just the ways that you do. So they don't really have the data to judge what's right for you. You have the data - you have that information. Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma.
  23. Unconditional Love is unattainable as a station of consciousness. IMO ,,The way I see it is that the state of consciousness of unconditional Love is a state that can be tasted, so to speak. When I state "I", the lie is in place because of our inherent multiplicity, Hence, my ship of fools and yours too if your brutally honest. I am sometimes. I lie twice in two short sentences and I have to live with it and that makes three lies? No, just two if I'm in witness consciousness if my self observation is objective. I think,,, that may be another lie. We can try and try again, All of my ship of fools. Quotes about Shame Shame and Vulnerability As we have seen, the main reason we engage in meddling, resistance, and defense is that we’re afraid that if we’re vulnerable, if we’re open, if we allow ourselves to just simply be where we are, we will not be safe. Many people these days blame their insecurity on terrorism in the world. But the actual lack of safety is more a result of the terrorism that is inside your mind—the internal saboteurs. Our primary fear is that if we are open and let ourselves be where we are, we’re going to be belittled. We’re going to be rejected. We’re going to be humiliated. We’re going to be attacked. We’re going to be judged. We’re going to be criticized. We’re going to be shamed. We’re going to be made to feel guilty. We’re afraid that other people will do these things to us and sometimes that actually happens. But more often, we do these things to ourselves. Have you ever said to yourself, “If I really let myself be vulnerable, I feel so delicate, sweet, and innocent. If people notice that, they will judge me as good for nothing”? Or maybe you’ve thought, “If I feel that sweet innocence, I’m going to get embarrassed. I’m going to be humiliated. It means I’m not strong. Somebody is going to reject me or shame me.” These worries are usually a projection onto other people of our own inner terrorist that’s scaring us. The Unfolding Now, pg. 64 The Most Painful Affect of them All, Shame Narcissistic Shame: The narcissistic emptiness and its associated feelings are difficult to tolerate both because of its own phenomenological properties and because of the reactions to it. It is difficult for the student not to take it as an actual deficiency of the self and react accordingly—with judgment and rejection. We always find the student struggling with painful reactions to the emptiness as it is exposed. She feels deficient and inadequate, worthless and unimportant, weak and inferior, a failure, a loser, a nothing. She feels fake and unreal, lacking substance or value. She feels that she is a liar and a deceiver, an impostor. She feels her life has been a hoax, a waste. These feelings and reactions bring up the most painful affect of them all, shame. The student feels ashamed of herself, embarrassed about herself; she wants to hide. The shame is a specific painful feeling of deficiency, exposure and judgment, all related to a sense of inadequacy in being oneself. What makes this shame specifically a narcissistic manifestation is that one feels inadequate in being oneself, or judges oneself as such. She judges herself as unable to be real. She feels also the emotions associated with the “great betrayal”: she is a traitor to herself, she has sold out; she has been too weak and dependent to stand her ground. Narcissistic shame is an intense pain related to social failure, failure to be a true human being. It is a sense of being an inferior human being, exposed to social judgment in the midst of severe disintegration of the self. When experienced fully, the affect is very painful. The affect itself has a disintegrating effect on the self. The Point of Existence, pg. 334 Working with Shame Let's suppose a man feels ashamed every time he feels tenderness toward another person. The superego attacks him with shame and belittling, according to the judgment that tenderness in a man means he is weak and feminine. To begin work on his superego, first the man needs to be aware of the attack, its content, and the content of the judgment. Then he needs to understand the judgment psychodynamically. For instance, he might remember that his father had the attitude that men should be tough, that tenderness belongs to girls and women. Here he understands that he introjected his father's attitude and made it part of his superego. He usually responds to this attitude, which is an attack on himself, with shame and repression. Now, in applying this method, he envisions his father and tells him, in his mind: "Daddy, go to hell! Who cares what you think of me?" Here he is dealing with his superego in a way he could not have dealt with his father in his childhood. He was not able to defend against his father because he believed him, was scared of him, and needed him. This method might not work the first time, but if it is done repeatedly, it will bring out the man's aggression, and he will be able to assert himself and separate from his father's attitude. The defense needs to be intelligent to be effective. For instance, if the man responds with: "Father, it's not true I am feminine and weak. Tenderness is good and does not mean weakness or femininity," then he is being reasonable with a superego that is not really rational. Also, he probably has tried this response many times but without success because in this response the man is on the defensive; he is trying to justify his feeling and to account to somebody else for its being okay. Any justification already implies some guilt, and so it won't work. The response of "Daddy, go to hell" is effective because there is no attempt at explanation or justification and thus no implication of unconscious guilt. The man just throws back the attack and refuses to listen to its content. He completely disengages from the superego and does not give it any power over him. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 138