Arman

Hey Leo, wacha thinkin' bout?

Only seems scary because of the unknown. Check out the book My Big Toe by Thomas Campbell for more info about whether reality is simulated or not. Maybe it is not that you are stuck in 'one simulation' maybe you are navigating through the infinite permutations and constantly re-shifting and re-choosing?

Simply did the best I could, hehe. What else can be done brother? Energetic experiences like this are rough and can be devastating. There is temporary upset and then it's like being rewired - in my experience, it is for the best. Not to worry. Sometimes it seems that these things can't be avoided. My suggestion is to forget trying to find insight in the experience. There's no need to play witch-doctor, how much use can we hope to find trying to decipher fevered dreams and visions? The psyche can be a mess at the best of times. During energetic experiences, it can be insanity. Sure maybe it was related to some deep inner truths and potent understandings... but, if there is clarity and insight to be had, it will come naturally, and when it does it will be more clear, peaceful. This comes with time. Allow the experience to do what it was meant to do, and release the need to know why/how/what. Take reassurance in knowing others have gone through similar experiences and come out healthy and happy. Forget anything other than basic well-being. Make yourself a cup of tea. @Emerald Wilkins Gave good advice imo. Practical stuff is the best stuff in these circumstances. Take barefoot walks, eat clean, stay rested, do things you enjoy. Avoid over-digestion of spiritual material. As for your meditation - I suggest that it is optimal to scale back sitting practices. Avoid pranayamas and practices that focus on third eye or crown. Pacing: If you wish to meditate, try 15 minutes once or twice a day of breath based meditation or simple mindfulness. That is my recommendation. You then see the effects it had on you. The reason we start small is to check for sensitivity. After experiences like this it can be common to be oversensitive. Sometimes it's referred to as over-purification. If the meditation caused discomfort, imbalance, difficulty sleeping, etc - then scale it back. Eg. 5 minutes. If you found it didn't leave you unbalanced and uncomfortable, then maintain the amount for 2-3 days - see if it is still balanced, and then increase by 10 minute increments, and test to see how that makes you feel. If it's ok, then maintain that amount for another 2-3 days. Rinse and repeat until intuition says to stay. If even 5 minutes is causing difficulty, avoid sitting practices for a while. You get the general idea - pacing, patience, and don't dive right back in. Eventually you can resume all practices. So not to worry. Bit of a challenge, but good things ahead. How are you feeling now?

Great idea.

Please consider visiting an energy healer or someone who is equipped and knowledgeable in energetic phenomena and/or yoga. Sorry to hear about your difficult experience. Resistance usually tends to make things worse. This is an opportunity to accept something you consider unacceptable. Stay hydrated, allow enough hours for sleep, eat clean and ground yourself physically. I also recommend breathing from your lower abdomen/root area. Inhale should allow natural expansion of belly, and exhale is effortless no need to push it out, allow it to naturally expire.

I'd like to hear your thoughts about the concept that thoughts effect reality. Reality is a funny term. For the sake of this discussion and not making my head hurt too much, I'm just gonna simplify and think of it as ones experience. Whether illusory or not, I am referring to the reality frame that holds our physical and mind space. One thing I adore about this community/board is that it has such a diverse range of belief systems. From the strictly empirically minded, to those who focus strictly on a zen non dual paradigm and choose not to focus on any other phenomena, and there are those who more towards the new age "woo-woo", and there are also some who are more devotion oriented. I think that's all wonderful. I also think it's fascinating when people are suddenly exposed to ideas that are completely beyond their accustomed reality frame. It's interesting to see when someone suddenly kind of lets go and allows their previous paradigm to shatter, and it is equally interesting to watch people become resistant. "Do you serious believe this? Like, seriously. No, like really. Actually." It is one thing to hear a crazy idea from the local mentally-ill resident who dwells near the shopping centre yelling obscenities. When he says that all reality is an illusion and that you're not real, it's instinctive to block it out. Poor bastard, what a crazy idea... he must have really gone off the deep end. However, what happens when someone who you have been following and listening to, and perhaps even idolizing, what happens when THEY suddenly tell you that all reality is an illusion and that you're not real? How do you deal with it then? Have they, too, lost their minds? "He must mean it poetically." One idea that many think is crazy is that our thoughts are effecting reality. There is an entire spiritual subcategory devoted to the 'art of conscious creation' and using ones mind and inner realms to shape their reality. Now even within this belief system there's a spectrum of how literally one takes it. There are those who think that if you feel good, then naturally you will observe things that feel good, and that this is strictly a phenomena of the mind. Others believe that the very fabric of reality is shifting, or that one is literally shifting into alternate reality frames, dimensions or probable realities. So I ask you, what is your take on this? What is your stance? I am also curious, for those who do not subscribe to the idea that thoughts transform reality, what are your honest thoughts on the many, including those on this forum, who do believe this? @Leo Gura Two years ago you created a video on Law of Attraction which I believe you reduced to a mechanism of the mind that basically revolves around the reticular activation system (my interpretation), and said that conscious creation is more about focus and mindset and how that focus will allow you to take action. A brain oriented approach that negates the notion that mind is altering external reality in a way beyond how we empirically understand it. So denying any metaphysics. Has how you think/feel about this subject changed? Thanks for reading.

Awesome resource, thanks for sharing. I really like what I have seen of Seth Godin and read his blog for a while, so I really trust this list. The guy is brilliant.

Hey there, this video doesn't necessarily address the exact circumstances you're describing, but I believe may take value from it:

Someone on this board (can't remember who :p) introduced me to this Spiritual Temperament survey. I found it fun, insightful, and really accurate - but it takes a bit of time and you have to write down and calculate the scores manually. http://www.enlightened-spirituality.org/12_Spiritual_Temperaments_survey.html

I don't know why it is widely accepted, but I can tell you why I accept it: because the big bang (if it even occurred as we know it) symbolizes the starting point in time of this physical reality - but I suspect that the 'You' in 'You existed', that I am, is not limited to this body or to physical reality.

Not to worry my friend. Nothing has gone wrong. These things become exposed and come up to be integrated. I know it is intense. I have been through similar experiences of various intensities. It can be scary. The fear will arise, but it is up to you to decide whether or not you will be afraid of the fear, of that makes sense. Useful to accept it. Allow it to be there. Acceptance will not instantly resolve it, but it is useful to do so. Remind yourself that it is only a feeling. Can a feeling really do anything to you besides make you uncomfortable? Will being uncomfortable kill you? Come to a way to accept the experience and say it is OK if it stays for a day, a week, or forever. It won't stay forever, and accepting that it might will not increase any likelihood of it staying longer than necessary, so don't worry. If you can come to accept the experience, resistance will still arise but you don't need to feel as though "ugh, I'm not accepting it" - it is just unfolding. It is enough to accept it just once. Time to practice some courage, endurance, and self-love. Do a bit of exercise and physically groudn yourself. When these charges unravel they come with awesome gifts. This experience, emotion and feeling is not new! 5-meo didn't create it in you, it is there all along. Beneath all your experiences, that was simply there, waiting, suppressed, but yet still active. Can you imagine how much energy is constantly used suppressing this kind of energy? What will happen when it's freed? It's only scary because the situation is confusing and unknown. You're doing well. I also suggest that you take time to find out what the fear is about. Underlying it is some kind of belief! Some kind of core statement about reality. Still yourself into the experience, then ask "What is this feeling trying to tell me? "What are you trying to tell me?" "What do you want me to do? "What can I do for you?" Ask these questions, then release all intention of expecting an answer. Release all thoughts, feelings, judgement and expectations, and allow whatever arises to arise. It can help to just open your mouth and see if you want to talk. You may be surprised at what arises. And who is he going to ask? What do you think his parents, a doctor, or a therapist is really going to do for him? Who else is there? Family would likely just get confused. Drugs and psychoanalyses aren't going to help here. A therapist might exasperate a situation that may naturally resolve itself with a bit of patience and relaxation. Even though this message board is motley crew with haphazard advice, it's good to have different perspectives who have at least SOME relevant understanding of what might be happening.

BUT BOATS????????????????????????????????????????

I love asmr

Funnily enough when I read this thread before, I was going to recommend you a book, but for the life of my the name wouldn't come to mind. Then I see you have done a book review of it just 9 hours ago. The War of Art. Are you becoming hungry for more and more information? More books? Careful not to use that as another form of Resistance. Eventually it's time to put down the books and simply work/create.

Do you feel that your own vision (being an artist) is an equally valid contribution to the world? If the answer was 100% yes, then I suspect there would be no need for this thread.

Yeah take it from someone who had a rough 2-3 years because of some non physical brain trauma, you'll be ok. Have recovered now. Honestly the brains plasticity is amazing. I didn't even go through half the lengths you're going through to take care of yourself, and I came out not only ok, but stronger than ever. Time heals all things. Yes, look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're doing so well. You're doing everything perfectly." In terms of practical efforts, you're nailing it. Rid yourself of the feeling that you need to do more. Trust me, the magic spell you're looking for has already been cast and it's working. No no no no.... that is not the way it is. You are never doing anything wrong. It's not that you're not trying hard enough, or that you missed the message, or you're on the wrong path. That's just not the way it is. You're on the right path, you're doing really well, and everything you're going through is serving you perfectly.

My suggestion is to embrace your ego

Your brother reminds me of me. Not so much in his problems, but in the way family responds to him. Basically my family thought/thinks (though it is better now, I think) that I am like a drug addled loser who has serious problems. The irony is that I think I am one of the most grounded and healthy people I know. Since teenage years though I went through a lot of stuff and there were some dramatic times so I can understand why they thought that. The problem was, throughout it all, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Sure, I had some negative experiences with drugs and life stuff growing up, but I was just a kid trying to find myself. I had a sense of compass, was trying to grow and love myself. I felt like I was trying to be a good person. I needed time and space. It was so hurtful to see such a deep sadness and what felt like resentment in their eyes. I felt like a burden and could not be anyone other than who I was/am. This sense of 'if only you were fixed, then we could be happy'. It creates such a deep defensiveness and anger because if you don't become angry, you will instead have to face the feelings inside you - and you don't want to do that, because what if they are right, and that there is something actually wrong with you, and you are unlovable? Better to allow their words to become white noise than to face the awful 'truth'. Sometimes when someone so intimately points to the darkness they say is hiding in your underbelly, all you can do is lash out. It's like a feral dog who is violently, ferociously barking. You think it is deranged, but really it doesn't want anyone to get close, because if they realized that you are genuinely wounded, then it means certain death. I am good at communicating with people and I am candid with my emotions, but for the life of me I could not explain to them what was inside me. Couldn't explain why I was feeling what I was feeling or what I was going through. I felt they wouldn't understand, and even if they did, there was just this huge block whenever they tried to tell me what to do because it felt like such an attack. It is awful, you just want to run away. To them, I was also a hollow shell. A troubled child who you couldn't get through to. My parents also become apathetic. Yet the whole time I'm just... this kid. Just a regular kid trying to get through life. I honestly thought I was someone who my parents should be proud of, but to them it was not the case. Look at this thread, feel the energy and responses. They may not be wrong, and it may just be my own defensive's and projection, but what is the result? What is the energy? 'Our suspicions have been confirmed. There is something deeply wrong with you.' There are some people in life who really do need a helping hand, who do need support, sometimes professional. In my case all I needed was for someone to tell me that I am OK, and that I was not broken or a burden. It is a really painful thing to feel like a burden. Please, accept him unconditionally as he is, where he is. What if he actually could not 'get better?' what if that was who he is? Would you still want to feel the same way about him? Would he be your problem brother? ACCEPTANCE DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON'T ACT! It doesn't mean that you won't provide help. Acceptance is not resignation. If you really want to help him, you must shed your judgement and your fear. He feels it, he knows it. Something as simple as wanting to hang out with him is brutal because he feels that feeling that you are giving off, that there is something wrong with him. Even though you may just want to help him, maybe he feels persecuted. Unconditional love heals and elevates everything, always. By treating him as a problem, you perpetuate the problem, and the entire household can create an atmosphere that only deep grace or tremendous will to overcome. It is like a vibration emotional lock.

You are scared because there is fear in you, no? Scary things don't create fear. Fear creates scary things. Why is there fear in you in the first place? If you choose to explore, you will find out. Ask the question and either it will reveal itself after very basic inquiry, or if it doesn't come up, you can release the need to know, and the answer will certainly be waiting around the corner and come to you in a moment of idleness. However I think you will find that it doesn't really matter all that much what put it there in the first place though. The fact remains, you have fear in you. Fear creates frightful experiences. What are you going to do about being afraid of life so much? What is it that you enjoy so much about being a victim?

My understanding of Spiral Dynamics is mostly through similar paradigms, so I don't know the specifics. I will say though, that transcending levels of energy does not mean that those levels are no longer available or viable. The idea of transcending levels of consciousness isn't to push away lower levels or to negate them. We grow simply because it is natures tendency, and because accessing and embodying 'higher' states makes us effective both in our personal lives, and for those around us. Transcending consciousness is usually just about neutralizing the energy behind lower states of consciousness. If reaching higher states of consciousness meant we couldn't access lower states, then we'd actually be really ineffective at being part of the world. It is very useful to access lower states of consciousness at certain times in life! When you have stabilized a higher state of consciousness, it has just become your prevalent resonance, but that doesn't mean you can't access all your previous states at any time. It just means that you're less inclined to magnetically return to levels of consciousness that are no longer serving you, and that they are no longer 'sticky' because we've let go of the attachment to them. How could you lose anything good for you, what is there to worry about? If any faculty of yours is needed, you will access it when needed, then you will naturally return to the most effective level that you can embody.

Great questions. Yes, there are indeed step by step processes for letting go. - I think/suspect, though not entirely sure, that all practices of 'healing/integrating' are essentially all activating the same mechanism. So there are a few different ways to 'package' the practice, with various degrees of effectiveness and sustainability. I think that also comes down to the individual and their temperament, which will effect how well they will engage with certain practices. I think the sustainability of the practice will come down more to frame and context, as well as having a basic understanding of ones evolution (eg. simply knowing if you do the work when you can, despite challenges, things surely get better.) will determine how often you do it, and therefore how quickly one shifts. For example years ago I would do 'Shadow Work' as presented by Teal Swan. The mechanism was simple, essentially being to allow negative emotions to come up and accept them. It was clear that this was 'working' because I would even consciously look for, or allow negative charges to arise, then I would lie down and try to let it fully come up to let it dissolve. The experiences were intense, dramatic and interesting. The problem was, sessions would last a long time because I wouldn't know when to stop, as the feeling didn't always want to leave so readily. It would feel like there were oceans of inexhaustible darkness and it felt disheartening, because I expected that I would be able to sweep them up. I also thought that by diving into certain charges and staying with them for a few hours that it would cause my life circumstances to resolve, which didn't seem to happen. Another side effect of this kind of lack of contextual understanding is that the more you start to LOOK for darkness, the more darkness seems to arise, as is natural consequence of the nature of consciousness. If we look at something for long enough, we will seem to get more of it. This resulted in me feeling though as much work as I did, I would still need to drain these oceans before I felt happy.I was gung-ho about the practice for a few weeks, then after that I dropped it because I wasn't getting the results I expected and didn't feel good about it. So this is an example of how a very effective mechanism can be unsustainable because of lack of proper context. The mechanism is good, but my perspective wasn't effective. So from my understanding, the best way to keep a practice sustainable is by doing two things. One; choosing the best effective and simple practice, which I will outline at the end of this post, and two; by developing contextual understanding that naturally facilitates the practice. This is done by both learning about emotions, energy, and its effects on your experience, and by practicing it first hand to see its effects. This is important so we don't get confused. The latter part is important because you need to move from faith into knowing, and by personally 'letting go' of energies and subjects you will develop a natural understanding that strengthens the practice. Letting go is one of the most powerful, radical and accelerated ways to shift ones life in any and all aspects. Understand and implement this method, and growth becomes the constant. One leapfrogs over the spiritual rigmarole that makes us feel like a dog chasing their tail. When subjects and energies are let go, they are transformed from the crude into the sublime, and life gets nicer. The Doc goes very deep into the mechanism in the book I mentioned in my previous post, but I will do my best to present it here. It is deceptively simple and sometimes very subtle, but don't let that fool you. When you are wondering 'am I doing it right?' the answer is usually yes. Resistance is simply tricking you into thinking otherwise. The key at that point, is to apply the technique to the doubt itself... Letting go means being completely accepting something. It is by resistance that emotional charges remain stagnant in the body, and active in your experience. Simply allow it to arise, feel it, and allow it to be there. Accept it, then move on. The key is knowing that letting go is something you can do in an instant, effortlessly. It is not a strain or an exertion of force. Our natural compulsive tendency is to sedate or distract ourselves from what we are feeling. Instead, we will now choose to accept them, and let go. This is something that we can all do naturally and inherently. Often, instead of needing to let go of a subject or feeling, it can instead by equally or much more effective to let go of what the Doc refers to as the 'juice' we get from it. For example, let's say we hate the way the guy at Subway is making our subway sandwiches, which causes anger to arise. It creates all these mucky thoughts and brings you down for the day. One may release the anger, or instead, we can look at the 'secret' benefits we are actually getting from our negative emotions. We only maintain energies, emotions and beliefs that we think are good for us. So what is it that we secretly actually like about getting angry? In this case, upon exploration, we discover that we like the subtle sense of superiority that it gives us. We discover that it actually provides a sense of empowerment that feels lacking in life. In this case, instead of letting go of the anger, we instead ask feel into those feelings that we know the anger is providing and we ask "Can I let go of the subtle, but good feelings that being angry allows me?" and when we decide that the answer is yes, then you simply breathe into it, accept it, and move into your day. It is usually not necessary to spend great amounts of time on these things. These subtle shifts create large impact. When we accept and release emotions, the charge starts to dissipate. Deeper charges will take time, and life naturally allows us opportunities to release them in bits and pieces. For greater understanding, demystification, and a proper explanation of the mechanism, again, check out Letting go - Pathway to Surrender. I also recommend the books The Presence Process by Michael Brown and The Work by Katy Byron. These other two will help facilitate contextual understanding of emotional charges and their effects on your life. I suggest, however, that the simplified version of 'letting go' as presented in the book and that I'm outlining is the most sustainable and effective, both short and long term. Here is another way of engaging this same mechanism. This is by focus and defocus. Simply take the emotions/energy/subject that arises, and simply place your focus and concentration on it. Once it is held, then we defocus. We do this by releasing our focus on the subject, then releasing the focus on ourselves and indeed everything else. Move back into non-specific awareness, or 'the infinite'. This is engaging the same mechanism and releasing it. Focus on the subject, then release into the infinite. I hope this has been helpful. I am not yet very skilled at teaching and explaining the mechanism so I hope it makes some sense. It is a tricky one to explain because of its subtlety and simplicity. Sometimes you can read about it for hours and still think "ok, but what IS it, how do I DO it?" Part of the resistance to the process itself is that we are naturally inclined to think that the answer cannot be so simple, and our brain needs some kind of long term 5 point plan for the next few years, or something equally big and dramatic. For an explanation on how releasing emotions can change your experience, please check out my post in this Law of Attraction thread. Feel free to PM me in the future if you have any questions or want to talk about anything.

Doubt DMT is going to be the answer, but maybe. Katie Byrons The Work may help. Your predicament reminded me of a story Adyashanti told in one of his talks about his struggle to meditate because of noise. Please skip to 21:40 (if it doesn't go there automatically) and give it a listen. He will start the story in a minute or so.

Thanks for sharing. When insufflating, don't inhale through your nostril too hard. Just very gentle like if you are smelling a flower or something. Apparently using a nasal spray before and after can help. You can also try putting a little bit of water in your palm and snorting that for mild relief, and supposedly it helps with absorption too, but I'm not sure about that.

OneNote is good, that's what I like to use, too. The android app for it is ok. Functional and basic - but the PC version (which will sync to your devices) has a lot more features. None of them are critical but it's fun to mess around with. I use the android app to write things down and add stuff, then I will use the PC version to organize, sort, and review stuff.