ivory

@RendHeaven I used to think I was evolved and had transcended egoic qualities such as superficiality. Then I started dating a girl who wasn't quite as cute as I would have liked. The whole time I dated her I fantasized about being single. We had a boring, almost non-existent, sex life. I ended up letting her go because I just couldn't get into it. I learned my lesson. I need a thin, intelligent, and attractive women; and I will not compromise. I am not shallow, I am not superficial, I am simply human and I'm cool with that.

@xxxx I'm hoping that the government will require social media platforms to come with a warning like they do with cigarettes. Something like, "WARNING: Social media is addictive and is known to cause loneliness, anxiety, and depression." That said, I don't think social media is going anywhere any time soon. For now, the best we can do is delete social media apps from our phones or find other ways to limit our consumption. It's a huge distraction and, depending on the level of use, can have a massive impact on the quality of our lives, our personal growth, and our mental health. I have taken the liberty of deleting my facebook account. I use twitter for news and instagram to follow my favorite artists, but neither app is installed on my phone. Both apps are used as a tool, I don't use them for socializing. However, I still spend more time on youtube than I would like to. Working on that.

@Elham @Tim R I'm reminded of a quote by Leonard Jacobson.

@RendHeaven Thanks for you kind words. This topic is dear to my heart because I was one of those who isolated to avoid the challenges that result from relationship while believing I was becoming more conscious. I got to a point in my isolation that I was so depressed and lonely that I wanted to die. I had forgotten what it was like to have friends. I couldn't even imagine it. I started doing therapy and went on meds to ease the pain I felt while I started working on building a healthy lifestyle. But it was a lot of work. I was so shy that I used to tremble in the presence of people that I didn't know. Now I have a solid group of inspiring friends where there's joy and appreciation in each other's company. I am truly blessed. I have finally gone off meds and will never forget what is truly valuable in life. As a side note, I have become very proficient at finding and befriending the types of people I prefer to be around. Having been put through the ringer, I have decided to write a book on how to make friends authentically and maintain a fulfilling social life. I may share some insights on this forum before compiling and publishing if I sense there's some interest. @LfcCharlie4 People want to transcend their human nature because it offers a compelling spiritual identity. You can appear more special than others while avoiding the challenges of life. Honestly, I blame the teachers that make unrealistic claims of transcendence. Teachers still peddle bullshit lies like "nothing is needed any longer" or "content regardless of circumstance" or "eradication of emotion". On one hand, we do become content with less and emotions don't have as much power; but we still have needs and desires, and emotions remind us to stay humble.

No he doesn't. He believes in nothing and is concerned only with personal gain. He panders to the right by using words like "freedom" so he can secure their vote to remain in power. What kind of freedom are you referring to? The constitution grants a few specific freedoms. And, the constitution isn't going anywhere regardless of which party is in office. It's pretty darn protected. I agree, but America doesn't value freedom. Freedom is only possible when the majority is presented with opportunity enabling them to pursue what's subjectively meaningful. Instead, Americans are forced to work long hours for shitty jobs completely devoid of value. People care about health, family, recreation, education, and meaningful work. The majority of people don't have such freedoms.

You're lonely and unhappy because you're isolated. Have you been without friends for so long that you can't imagine what that'd be like?

@Keyhole It's just classic spiritual bypassing.

@Pilgrim I'm not sure I'd help him with empathy or in embracing other perspectives. Empathy and open-mindedness tend to blossom when you there's sufficient self-acceptance. It's hard to say how you can actually help, but I'd try to help alleviate some of his self-judgements and get him to recognize his own self-worth. Be vulnerable with him and shed some light on his positive qualities.

So are you saying that SD is all about transcending the need for friends? You asked me for an example, and my example is you (among others). Also, I'm really curious where you got this idea that SD is about cutting friends from your life.

@electroBeam Just out of curiosity, how much and how often do you meditate? What you are describing sounds similar to what I experienced in my first year of meditation. You might benefit from a regular exercise routine.

My question for you is how are you developing yourself specifically? Hobbies, health, relationships, career, learning, etc. Take an interest in all areas of your life and develop those. There's no excuse for being lonely unless you are neglecting the important parts of your life. If you have hobbies hang out with others with the same hobbies. If you work out, have a few workout buddies. If you are in school, hang out with your school buddies. You should have plenty to talk about with your friends. A common mistake is to push self-development concepts onto others. Most simply don't care. Every now and then you'll find one that takes interest, but they are few and far between. Get clear on the type of people you prefer hanging out with and target those, but be realistic in your expectations.

@Karmadhi First of all, you need to get to a point where your thoughts don't limit the pursuit of your desires. "guys themselves are quite good looking compared to me", "culturally it is unacceptable for a girl to consider dating a guy shorter than her". Ignore those thoughts and take action anyways. It's true that some women are attracted to taller guys but it's not true for all women; and 5.75 feet isn't terribly short. How often do you pursue girls that you are attracted to? I think you need to get out there more and start disproving these limiting beliefs. You may get rejected from time to time but we all do. Develop tough skin and become the most persistent and successful 5.75 foot guy in your city.

@Thestarguitarist14 Most women are attracted to confidence, humor, and social status. But when those relationships fail, and girls gain more experience, they begin to explore relationships with guys based on more authentic qualities. Some women never learn and continue to make the same mistakes until they die, but many do outgrow superficial impulses.

@ertopolice Meetup is free if you're a normal member. You only pay a fee if you organize your own group.

It's hard to tell what your problem is but perhaps a book on setting boundaries will help.

Me and my friends meet in parks, hike, and camp. We pretty much stick to the outdoors to minimize risk. That said, for those who don't have friends this is a really tough time to meet new people. However, meetup.com is still a decent option for meeting people. Some meetups gather outdoors or use zoom to congregate virtually. Some of my friends are still doing online dating to meet potential partners but I hear that many are cautious about meeting in person.

That's how you deconstruct concepts!

@Toadie2018 I'd start with high level concepts in summary form and read the news consistently until you start seeing patterns and familiarize yourself with terminology. Some suggested that you start by digging deep but I disagree with that approach. Start simple then follow your curiosity to deepen your understanding of the topics that interest you. If I could go back in time I'd use a road-map that looked something like this: Left vs Right-wing politics (liberal vs conservative) Socialism vs Capitalism Limitations and issues relating to health care, education, economics, equality, environment USA vs European politics Nordic politics

@commie Heya! I was just playfully making reference to the fact that the poll was anonymous. Thanks for stepping out of the shadows!

@Tim R I appreciate you being bold enough to start this thread. Leo can be condescending and arrogant which I find off-putting an unnecessary. Sometimes I take breaks from the forum because I get tired of his attitude. However, I keep returning because I've learned a lot here and have grown as a result. I've yet to find any other resources that offer anything close to what you can find here. That said, I take everything Leo says with a grain of salt. His antics prevent me from trusting him fully.

@tezk My meditation teacher told me to notice how posture tends to weaken as one gets lost in thought. I don't do it every time, but I check in with my posture when I catch the mind wandering.

@K Ghoul Assuming we live till 80, you're almost half way there. Make the rest of this journey count ?

@Elisabeth I used to have a struggle with indecision. It's hard to know which way to go when it's brand new territory. I personally make a pros and cons list based on whatever experience and research I've done. From there I make a decision and hope for the best. Truth is we learn from out mistakes and get clearer on our direction as we wander into new territory and try new things. That said, chronic indecisiveness has roots that trace deep into the psyche. Insight into the mechanics can help put it to rest. You can read more about that here.

If any of you are brave enough to step out of the shadows, I'm curious to see who else falls in the 35-45 age range. I just turned 40 myself.

@AtheisticNonduality I was initially drawn to shadow work but ended up becoming obsessed, confused, and exhausted. I used to date a therapist and she told me that many people fall into the same trap. She also mentioned that shadow work was really only suitable for creative types such as artists. I'm not sure why, but whatever. In any case, I have yet to find anyone that has a solid understanding of shadow work in order to apply it effectively. I personally believe that modern western psychology is more effective and straight forward. But, people don't want simple, they like to make things difficult. @cigologic Wow, it's awesome to meet someone else who was impacted by Peter's work. It's really helped me understand deep rooted unconscious beliefs, my tendency towards passivity, and how the critic operates. And yes, it's not exactly shadow work, but it is related in the sense that it focuses on the unconscious. But as I said previously, it's much more straight forward than the Jungian alternative. Depth psychology is by no means comprehensive. It doesn't help you clarify personal values or address existential concerns like CBT or ACT does. Nor does it incorporate a mindfulness or body awareness practice. I'm not sure if there is a comprehensive system out there, but if one were to experiment with different modalities in a skillful manner, one could tailor a set of skills and practices to meets the individual needs.