ivory

Agreed. Let's deconstruct this a bit. To be conscious means to be aware. When we are aware we gain insight into who we are and what we value. When we accept these truths about ourselves we can live authentically. I prefer the term "authentic" over "spiritual" because it doesn't leave much room for misinterpretation. The point I'm making here is that no-one can tell us what is spiritual or authentic because we know it in out bones. Sometimes what we learn about ourselves is less than ideal, and we just have to accept that. Maybe we learn that a certain level of attractiveness is required for a relationship to work. Your original question was: "is our desire for this "hot girl" in conflict with spirituality?" I'd rephrase that as: "is my desire for this "hot girl" in conflict my values?" The important thing is that we remain honest as we explore and that we make life decisions based on what we learn.

Ultimately, therapy is what resolved my personal issues. It's very difficult to resolve shame, regret, and self-loathing on your own because the stories we tell ourselves are so compelling and familiar. I suspect that some may be able to resolve self-esteem issues on their own, but I don't think it would be possible for most. I'd consider getting help if you remain stuck for or confused about how to heal. As an alternative, I have heard a lot of good things about the book Radical Acceptance.

Growth shows up in many forms. You can grow in relationship, career, hobbies, education, healthy, mindfulness, etc. The point is, regardless of circumstance, you can grow in at least one area. Part of authenticity is getting clear on what you value, and devoting time and energy to that. For some that may be relationships, or, it may be other things. Recall that each person has a different set of values at any given time, and there's nothing wrong with giving priority to one thing or another. Right now GREEN reflects my predominant set of values so relationships rank high in my priorities. But, I do respect differing values and opinions and acknowledge that everyone's path is unique. That said, I'm quite certain that many on this forum are in denial about their need for love and belonging. Quite frankly, I think this is unavoidable. I certainly went through it, and I see many others make the same mistake. Eventually the suffering catches up with you and you either shed your spiritual ego and embrace your human nature, or you remain trapped in misery. Yep, totally common. And yes, relationships are an accelerant for growth. There's a lot to unpack here, but well said. What I'd like to point out here is that we have limited control over the specifics of our life. External circumstances change and it's our responsibility to adapt. Sometimes growth means rising to the challenges that life presents us (a work catastrophe, loss of a loved one, health issue, etc). Other times we have more control and get to choose what we want to develop. What "the best thing" is is subject to interpretation, but the important thing is to recognize how to respond to the dynamic nature of life, and to spend our time wisely. Making friends was much easier back in the school days because we were surrounded by people our age all day long. Things change drastically when we graduate so we have to get creative and put ourselves out there more to increase our chances of success. Same here. I personally make a schedule and try to stick to it at all costs. I'm a morning person so I wake up early, do the things I can do in solitude, then use the evenings or the weekends to spend time with friends. That said, balance is a bit of a moving target so it's important to use our time wisely.

@Vision It would be interesting to see what would happen if Leo did a video on spiritual bypassing. Maybe some would snap out of it, or maybe not. People caught up in bypassing believe they are so evolved that they're impervious to the most common trap in the game. I think part of the problem is that many misunderstand what spirituality really is and others just lack honesty. I suspect that most people will fall victim to spiritual bypassing at some point or another. It almost seems a rite of passage in the western world. That said, getting unstuck is a bitch. All those things you've been avoiding add up and marching through that mountain of shit ain't no fun.

I agree that getting rid of shitty friends is a good idea. That's a stage orange mentality. Which is fine. At green, though, it might look like this: More friends more success. Less friends less success. Or maybe: More quality friends, more success. If you're really on the ball you're working on yourself while you're with friends. Interpersonal intelligence is one of the lines of development, after all. That's one of the points I'm trying to get across in this thread. Spiritual life, or personal development, is not separate your social life. You develop yourself no matter what you are doing. Spiritual practice is a 24/7 commitment.

Bro, spirituality doesn't give a shit. You're not thinking for yourself. There are no rules. There's nothing wrong with having preferences, but there are consequences. It's this way with all things. If you hold out for perfection, you may be waiting for a while. But if you take whatever comes, you may not like what you have. There's something to be said for having standards. But set them too high and your life may be empty.

@preventingdiabetes Do you know what your core beliefs are? I'd start with that. Spend some time HERE.

Exactly

I've also met people who support Trump because they are fellow narcissists. They admire him for his attainment of power.

@preventingdiabetes The important thing is to really know yourself. Get clear on all of your egoic tendencies. This is really important because it allows you to absorb theory more efficiently. Also important to understand, is that change happens slowly. Progress is often barely noticeable. This is important to notice because it will dictate the amount of theory that you read. If you read too much theory, you have a tendency to get confused and overwhelmed. That said, I don't think there's a black and white answer to your question. When you understand what I suggested above, you know what you need to work on, and you sort of lose attachment to outcome because you know that progress is not fully in your control. Theoretical books serve as references when you have questions, and other times, you simply read because you feel like it. However, I would say that if you're reading more than a chapter a day you are reading too much. Concepts need to be absorbed, applied, and internalized and that takes time.

@Lyubov Dude, I can totally relate. I put up with it for many, many years until I finally sat down with my mom and had a serious conversation with her. I simply told my mom how I felt, let her know that she was pushing me away, and made a very clear request. I told her that if she didn't comply it would put our relationship in jeopardy. In hind sight, I would not have threatened her like that, but it worked. She will still offer advice out of habit, but she catches herself and apologizes. You need to tell them exactly this. They need to know this. Also, you might want to look into the DEAR MAN technique. It's super effective in getting your point across and getting what you want without triggering the person you are targeting.

@Javfly33 You are right, if you are self-actualizing, you will rarely find others with the same interest. However, as an actualizer, you should be developing many interests: psychology, philosophy, yoga, art, traveling, exploring, meditation, social justice, health, politics, nature, social skills, learning. If you live in the right area it shouldn't be too hard to find people that share at least one or two interests with you. That said, if you don't enjoy your time with your friends it's time for some new ones. There is much more to self-actualizing than having an interest in in self-actualizing. The more you actualize, the more adaptable and accepting you are of your current environment. That's not to say you don't pursue your desires or improve the quality of your life. But you can make it in just about any situation and be fairly content

@RendHeaven I used to think I was evolved and had transcended egoic qualities such as superficiality. Then I started dating a girl who wasn't quite as cute as I would have liked. The whole time I dated her I fantasized about being single. We had a boring, almost non-existent, sex life. I ended up letting her go because I just couldn't get into it. I learned my lesson. I need a thin, intelligent, and attractive women; and I will not compromise. I am not shallow, I am not superficial, I am simply human and I'm cool with that.

@xxxx I'm hoping that the government will require social media platforms to come with a warning like they do with cigarettes. Something like, "WARNING: Social media is addictive and is known to cause loneliness, anxiety, and depression." That said, I don't think social media is going anywhere any time soon. For now, the best we can do is delete social media apps from our phones or find other ways to limit our consumption. It's a huge distraction and, depending on the level of use, can have a massive impact on the quality of our lives, our personal growth, and our mental health. I have taken the liberty of deleting my facebook account. I use twitter for news and instagram to follow my favorite artists, but neither app is installed on my phone. Both apps are used as a tool, I don't use them for socializing. However, I still spend more time on youtube than I would like to. Working on that.

@Elham @Tim R I'm reminded of a quote by Leonard Jacobson.

@RendHeaven Thanks for you kind words. This topic is dear to my heart because I was one of those who isolated to avoid the challenges that result from relationship while believing I was becoming more conscious. I got to a point in my isolation that I was so depressed and lonely that I wanted to die. I had forgotten what it was like to have friends. I couldn't even imagine it. I started doing therapy and went on meds to ease the pain I felt while I started working on building a healthy lifestyle. But it was a lot of work. I was so shy that I used to tremble in the presence of people that I didn't know. Now I have a solid group of inspiring friends where there's joy and appreciation in each other's company. I am truly blessed. I have finally gone off meds and will never forget what is truly valuable in life. As a side note, I have become very proficient at finding and befriending the types of people I prefer to be around. Having been put through the ringer, I have decided to write a book on how to make friends authentically and maintain a fulfilling social life. I may share some insights on this forum before compiling and publishing if I sense there's some interest. @LfcCharlie4 People want to transcend their human nature because it offers a compelling spiritual identity. You can appear more special than others while avoiding the challenges of life. Honestly, I blame the teachers that make unrealistic claims of transcendence. Teachers still peddle bullshit lies like "nothing is needed any longer" or "content regardless of circumstance" or "eradication of emotion". On one hand, we do become content with less and emotions don't have as much power; but we still have needs and desires, and emotions remind us to stay humble.

No he doesn't. He believes in nothing and is concerned only with personal gain. He panders to the right by using words like "freedom" so he can secure their vote to remain in power. What kind of freedom are you referring to? The constitution grants a few specific freedoms. And, the constitution isn't going anywhere regardless of which party is in office. It's pretty darn protected. I agree, but America doesn't value freedom. Freedom is only possible when the majority is presented with opportunity enabling them to pursue what's subjectively meaningful. Instead, Americans are forced to work long hours for shitty jobs completely devoid of value. People care about health, family, recreation, education, and meaningful work. The majority of people don't have such freedoms.

You're lonely and unhappy because you're isolated. Have you been without friends for so long that you can't imagine what that'd be like?

@Keyhole It's just classic spiritual bypassing.

@Pilgrim I'm not sure I'd help him with empathy or in embracing other perspectives. Empathy and open-mindedness tend to blossom when you there's sufficient self-acceptance. It's hard to say how you can actually help, but I'd try to help alleviate some of his self-judgements and get him to recognize his own self-worth. Be vulnerable with him and shed some light on his positive qualities.

So are you saying that SD is all about transcending the need for friends? You asked me for an example, and my example is you (among others). Also, I'm really curious where you got this idea that SD is about cutting friends from your life.

@electroBeam Just out of curiosity, how much and how often do you meditate? What you are describing sounds similar to what I experienced in my first year of meditation. You might benefit from a regular exercise routine.

My question for you is how are you developing yourself specifically? Hobbies, health, relationships, career, learning, etc. Take an interest in all areas of your life and develop those. There's no excuse for being lonely unless you are neglecting the important parts of your life. If you have hobbies hang out with others with the same hobbies. If you work out, have a few workout buddies. If you are in school, hang out with your school buddies. You should have plenty to talk about with your friends. A common mistake is to push self-development concepts onto others. Most simply don't care. Every now and then you'll find one that takes interest, but they are few and far between. Get clear on the type of people you prefer hanging out with and target those, but be realistic in your expectations.

@Karmadhi First of all, you need to get to a point where your thoughts don't limit the pursuit of your desires. "guys themselves are quite good looking compared to me", "culturally it is unacceptable for a girl to consider dating a guy shorter than her". Ignore those thoughts and take action anyways. It's true that some women are attracted to taller guys but it's not true for all women; and 5.75 feet isn't terribly short. How often do you pursue girls that you are attracted to? I think you need to get out there more and start disproving these limiting beliefs. You may get rejected from time to time but we all do. Develop tough skin and become the most persistent and successful 5.75 foot guy in your city.

@Thestarguitarist14 Most women are attracted to confidence, humor, and social status. But when those relationships fail, and girls gain more experience, they begin to explore relationships with guys based on more authentic qualities. Some women never learn and continue to make the same mistakes until they die, but many do outgrow superficial impulses.