kag101

here's my 2 cents: you can't think your way out of overthinking, lol @gggkkk nice reply. insightful!

Haha neither do I. Omg, how complicated... Do you have any hobbies?

Chess getting destroyed chess has been frustrating. i had gone up to 800, but i think i was actually lucky. i am playing with people at this elo and i'm getting my ass kicked most of the times. it pisses me off. so i think it's actually better if i lose some elo so that i can play with guys that are closer to my level. it's one thing to have resilience, it's another to get destroyed every time. this saps the joy out of the game. and it gets so frustrating that i end up wanting to quit. i mean, i make some pretty silly mistakes. if i could stop making those, then i would have a better chance. it's not that the guys that i'm playing are super good. no. but they're significantly better than the ones i had been playing. players that have a rating 500-700 are weak. that's good, because then i don't have to be so alert during the game. i can miss an opportunity or blunder something, because my opponent will likely make many mistakes. insight as to why i'm making so many blunders i do think i am playing against people who are beyond my level. i think that i'm making silly mistakes because i've been focusing on more advanced stuff, so because of that, i end up not paying attention to the basic stuff. so now i've been playing at a different category (it's called blitz; the games are shorter), in which i have a lower elo. It's 630 or something. It was a relief to play against weaker players, lol. And it's also good to practice playing some shorter games. the overwhelming majority of the players prefer this modality. i prefer some longer ones (10 minutes per player). the roots = most important it's really interesting to go through a real example of the mastery process. a spur of progress, then plateau, backsliding, then progress, etc. it's so freaking important to not skip steps. that is, i'm at "level 2" right now, but if i have to play simpler chess than there's no shame in that. it's like a pyramid. the foundation have to be solid. would i like to be a great player and improve quickly? yes. am i comparing my rating with other beginners i know? yes. i've been really hooked up on this game lol. i mean, it's not an addiction, because i am able to stop when i get too stressed. and i don't think about it all the time. but it's something that i am naturally attracted to these days. my guess is that by next year, i will be doing something else. but i will still play from time to time. breaking a pattern: totally interested, then aversed i used to have a bad pattern: i would totally immerse myself in a new hobby. but then i would get so fed up with it that i would get aversion. for example, movies. i would watch a movie per day. and i focused on the classics. but then after a year or so, i got tired of it. and nowadays i rarely see movies lol. but i don't think that's what's happening in the case of chess. because it's something that i have recently started so it's natural to have an extra interest. it's just like when you fall in love with a person. there's the honey-moon phase, and eventually things start to settle. the problem is when the honey-moon is exaggerated. but, again, it's not the case. also, i feel like i have a lot of room for growth. it's like i know that i will have a breakthrough in the foreseeable future. but i know that eventually, i will get stuck at a level. and if i wnat to really imrpove, i will have to dedicated too much time to it — which i will not do, lol. i always had a inferiority complex in regards to logic, math, etc. so it's cool to have this new hobby. it's a step-by-step process. i'm not a genius, but i'm not super retarded neither. random thoughts • i will go out with the guy i mention on the last post on this sunday. i think i will go with him at a place to get a piercing on my eyebrows lol. • another guy that i used to go out has told me that he had fallen in love with me, and that he thinks it's better if we distance ourselves for now. i'm really not sure if we will cut ties. i hope not, because he's nice and interesting to talk with. he's attractive, but i don't have this romantic interest in him. • i simply haven't been watching my college classes. next week will be the final exams. and i'm glad that is so. i hope next semester will be better. i want to change to a modality that has more online classes. i'm afraid of losing my scholarship. but i think that it would be worth it even if i lost it. • i had a big insight about how i should let my body do its thing. whenever i interfere, i screw things up. for example, some years ago, i wanted to sound better. but after a while, my voice got very whispery and it was sounding artificial and unpleasant. and i would get a sore throat because of that. so instead of trying too hard, i should trust that my body knows what to do. i mean, there are billions of years of evolution behind me. so i guess nature is more competent than my little ego. thanks for reading feel free to dm me if you want a self-actualizing friend, hehe

Negotiate with yourself to limit how much ice cream you have. If you take the approach of “never eating it again”, then sooner or later it’ll backfire.

So it's just anectodal evidence? Aren't you trusting those experiences you had too much? What if this "seeing" you've had is actually illusory? How is this not solipsism? And you are claiming that you have that power?

Solipsism? How can you be so sure? I hope not. That would be freaking boring, lol. Reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day. What do you mean by "magic"?

Hey! I just realized that I created a topic about this same subject on the same day as you posted this one. Lol, synchronicity. Oh... and I also didn't have any replies, lol. Yes! Yeap. Good reminder. I have a weakness that I've been working on in regards to decision-making. I wrote about it on the topic that I posted:

It sounds interesting. Thanks for sharing!

Acupucture is just a fancy form of placebo. It can work, but it's still a placebo... I don't find those carthatic methods (such as intense breath work) to be effective. It can have a temporary effect, but it doesn't really work in the long-term. Good psychotherapy is, in my experience, the most powerful and effective way to truly emotional release. It's a gradual and solid process.

Sometimes having egotistical fantasies can be quite enjoyable, lol. BS. I'm not sure if I really understood. You engage in a mental masturbation to figure out why you had a certain thought and that leads you nowhere?

Haha... I think you're judging your judgments way too much. This only adds to the problem. It's just like people who only want to think positive. Sooner or later, it backfires. I have this tendency of overly self-justifying. I can't just do something "because I feel like it". No... I have to have tons of arguments on why I'm doing that. So really, try not to fight with the thoughts you naturally have. Thoughts are neither good or bad, they're just thoughts. Don't take them too seriously. Sometimes there's got to be confrontation in a relationship. Being loving does not mean being a pushover. If you partner doesn't vaccuum once, then I think you have all the right to be angry at him. Obviously, we can't go to the other extreme and start yelling and being rude. It's a matter of being firm without being aggressive.

Do you work or study?

Of course not. Mind secretes thoughts just like the salivary glands secrete saliva.

college crisis i've been anxious about my college classes. i really want to change the modality to a hybrid, which means that I would have to go fewer days to college. that's become so clear. too bad i didn't realize that beforehand. problem is, i have a scholarship. and i might lose it if i do that. i'll only know the answer in july/august. goddamn! i know that time passes by quickly, but it's not easy. i won't be able to keep up with going to classes every single day, and watching some boring-ass classes. i mean, if it's 2-3 times per week, i can handle it. but 5 times a week. blah! i'm mostly self-taught. so this change would be very beneficial. i don't like the classes, but i really enjoy reading the books and doing my own research. the college i'm going to is pretty easy. that's a good thing. it's something important for me, so figured the need for coming up with a strategy for being able to continue. adapt. i'm becoming a better strategist. and the key point in this case is: learning how to put a specific worry on-hold if i'll only have an answer in a month or two, i've got to find ways to not get overwhelmed by the anxiety. there's a time to take action, and there's a time to do nothing. i'd say i have 65% chance of changing the modality and keeping my scholarship. hello, Future Self, did that work out? i hope so leaving comfort zone here i've been thinking about trying to share more personal things here. like not an oversharing kinda stuff. i guess that could be positive. for example: i'm bissexual. tinder is pretty good for meeting new guys, but it's crappy for meeting women. i've bought a 1-month platinum version. i hope that helps me have a match with at least 1 interesting woman. but i do understand that, regardless of the gender, it's hard to find cool people. cute guy - meet two weeks from now there's this guy i've been talking with for a year. we've met only once. it's hard to go on a date with someone when you need to use a mask most of the time. because in order to kiss, both parties have to take off the mask. so it's kinda unnatural. well, basically, i tried to induce some situations that we took off our mask, but then he quickly put it back. i thought that maybe he didn't want to kiss or something, but i'm pretty sure he didn't even notice what i wanted to do. but i think we're going out again (if there isn't yet another lockdown) two weekends from now. (4th or 5th of june) i've dropped some hints, and i think it's become clear that he does want to kiss me. so i'm just going to go for it. if he doesn't want, it's okay. he's first and foremost my friend. we have a very special connection. he's a great listener, light-hearted, simple, etc. when we first started talking, i was infatuated. it took me some months to get out of that. and i'm curious to see what would happen if we did kiss. i've never officially dated someone, so that could be interesting. on the other hand, i feel like it's important to weight carefully if that's what i really want. because i feel like that can be a lot of room for growth by going out with several different people. ps: as you can see, the key senteces here are bold. not sure if that is good or actually too much?

Lol Yes Yes Very thoughtful reply, @kinesin Why did you have this need for ranting about reality to her? I've done that in the past many times, and I was one of the most unpleasant persons to be around with -- worse than an overly religious person. I thought I was on a higher level spiritually, but in reality my life was a huge mess, and I was desperately trying to use spirituality as a shortcut for magically changing how I felt. Here's a quote I really like: "My family hates me when I'm a Buddhist, but they love me when I'm a Buddha."

why not?

As soon as I make a decision, big or small, I start to overthink: "Omggg, what if i get it wrong?" so here's what i've been practicing: 1) weight the pros and cons for a while 2) simply decide (imperfectly) 3) become aware of the thoughts of second-guessing the decision 4) withstand the anxiety of not knowing the result. 5) analyze the results & the strategy I used i find that starting with easier things is the way to go. for instance, deciding what to eat at a restaurant. i check the menu. pick 3 plates that grab my attention. think a little more. and decide. period. "what if it's a bad meal?" >> fuck it! that's not the important thing. in the long run, here's what truly matters: it is not the result per se, but how did I decided. • if i have a bad result, but i had a good strategy → good! Why? in future situations, i will have higher odds of succeeding. • if get good results, but poor strategy → bad! Why? my odds of fucking things up in the future will certainly increase. it's important to analyze before doing stuff though. being reckless and random is definitely a recipe for failure. but what i've found is that my weakness is not letting go of analyzing. that's very counterproductive. if you're interested in this topic, i recommend this episode: i'd really like to hear you guys experiences on this topic

I'm sorry you're close-minded about that. You'll keep on suffering then. Depression, like cancer, tends to grow if it's left untreated. For more severe cases like yours, medication is a must.

Very good! ???

Childhood trauma. Psychotherapy is the most effective method for dealing with that.

Just because you can't measure an illness, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. “Somehow, like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were.” ― Kay Redfield Jamison How long have you been stable?

Dude, OP is going through a very hard time, and you come here with this arrogant positivity. How many have you tried? Did you like the psychiatrist?

Wow, it sounds like you have pretty cool parents

That's vague. Can you be more specific about your experience?

Hey! I think that many of us here face this problem. Fortunately, it seems like your case is not super severe. Have you ever done psychotherapy? I think it's valid to consciously work on that by exposing yourself to social situations. Human bonding is not a luxury, it's a necessity. We all need it. I think that if you keep seeking, you will eventually find people who you naturally resonate with, then you'll be friends. How did you meet your girlfriend? How was the process of you meeting her, to getting intimate, and then having a relationship with her? Welcome on-board