Why I Was Feeling Nauseas (Probably)
Today, I think I understood why I have been nauseas. Long story short, I’ll probably have to stop using the shamanic snuff I mentioned yesterday. I admit that I am a little addicted to it. I am using it as a crutch.
And even though I say to myself that it helps with my anxiety, I might be fooling myself. In fact, I think I have been using it so much that it has stopped being effective. I also fear that, because it is psychoactive, I may have problems with it.
Crutches & Addictions
Three months ago, I stopped using weed. At first, it was sort of difficult. But nowadays, it’s something that don’t even come to mind. I mean, I’m curious to see how would I feel if I got high again, but it’s a manageable desire. And my main strategy was through rape (shamanic snuff). It would make me not want to smoke.
I fear I will exchange one addiction to another. For example, instead of using rape, I might start binge eating (which is much unhealthier). Or get neurotic about gym.
On the other hand, maybe I am ready to let this crutch go. My mind comes up with all these really vivid scenarios of crippling anxiety & depression that might happen in the future. Unfortunately, I have a hard time not taking them too seriously.
Opening Up With Psychiatrist
Last thing I want to mention is that I actually don’t feel that comfortable sharing the truth with my psychiatrist. He’s all about masculine compassion. I know I have a victim-mentality, and that people shouldn’t console me all the time. But truth is, I feel very overwhelmed by all of his recommendations. I told him that I will try to start weightlifting and acupuncture this week.
I got a wave of depression tonight. I only slept 4 hours today, so I’m not sure if it’s depression or tiredness. To be honest, I feel sad, confused, and overwhelmed. I have been thinking a lot these past hours... And curiously, I was very uplift during the day...
Thanks for reading!
