kag101

That's good. How are your relationships? (Not necessarily romantic ones). how long has it been since this family member passed away? do you feel like the emotional pain is proportional to what happened? Or is it too much? Why do you meditate?

That's great! Ok, externally your life is going "really well", but how is it internally?

I wouldn't say "unprepared mind". There are people who should not take it because of, for example, genetics. These substances can trigger the genes that cause schizophrenia or bipolar, for example. I don't care who he is. I simply think that the points that he makes on the video are very valid. I am not focusing on the person, but on his arguments. The only cases of healthy usage that I have seen is on an organization called UDV. Using them by oneself is very dangerous. Without the guidance of someone who is truly experienced with those substances, the odds of going on a wrong track is too high.

I have a very similar experience and opinion as he does. EDIT: My intention is to simply point out that those substances are often promoted in some spiritual circles as the ultimate solution to all life's problems, especially psychological ones. But on many individuals -- myself included -- it has an opposite effect long-term. It took me years to wake up out of my addiction for tripping. I was actually indirectly trying to cure my depression and social anxiety through those substances. And the most dangerous thing is that it is so easy to rationalize excessive usage by saying: "Oh... I am working on my spirituality. I am exploring other realms of consciousness. I am dissolving my ego. I am releasing trauma, etc." I was simply deluding myself.

Let's see how long this "coming out of depression" will last. I am skeptical about the long-term benefits of psychedelics with depression. In my case, it worked like this: I'd trip. Life had color once again. Eventually, I would come back to my "depressed self". Then, I would trip again. And that became a cycle. I can't believe I read this. You know... there are other tools for healing besides psychedelics. ??‍♂️ Whoooooah... I got teared down! Omg... I won't sleep tonight. Lol. And btw, it is not a clickbait. It's the title of the video, and I myself don't plan to use psychedelics again in my life. I should've written more about my own experience, so I edited the original post.

Can you give some examples of things you do in that regards?

I just rewatched this one after a long time, and man... this is gold. This is the most important episode for me personally. Truly inspirational.

Nah... you're probably just making a fool out of yourself...

@Rilles Keep us posted =)

I suggest you search the definition of "hallucination". The plural of anecdote is not evidence.

Hold your horses! I have tried in the past to be "radically honest". It is very common for someone who cares too much about the opinion of others to swing to the other side of the spectrum. That is, to become completely careless and, in essence, an asshole. That was my case. I destroyed a lot of relationships, and I also did a lot of excessively cringey stuff. If you do want to practice giving your honest opinion about controversial topics, remember to do that in small dosages. Expanding your comfort zone is like a rubber. If you stretch it too much, it will break. Imo, sometimes he overexposures himself.

@samedm9 Don't trust everything you "experience". The brain is highly susceptible to hallucinations.

@Rilles sure, man <3 i know how much it sucks to have social anxiety. so i really hope you can get better. And btw, don't underestimate the power of free-association therapy. it seems like "you're just talking", but it is actually much deeper than that. Counterintuitvely, this type of "freer" approach helps me more than "goal-oriented" therapy. I really hope you do ask her that. This can be a game-changer.

But does he smoke weed or take psychedelics?

Apart from work, how's your life in general? Are "meaninglessness" and "lack of interest" also present in other areas of your life?

Is feeling "absolutely drained and depressed" after your session a good thing? I know that purging is important sometimes and everything, but I don't think it's a good sign if it happens every single time. In my case, I always leave psychotherapy with a sense of relief and optimism. I personally don't find cathartic experiences to be effective. in my experience, the best psychotherapy is subtle. Have you asked her if she thinks that it is a good idea to see a psychiatrist? Maybe you're feeling things so intensely because you might have a chemical unbalance...

From your description, I don't think your healthy nor balanced. Ponder if you're on the right path.

Were you two high on psychedelics?

Congrats on the “awakening”. Self-help and spiritual stuff promise a lot of results, but doesn’t deliver any substantial and long-term results. In my case, it took me 14-fucking-years of suffering to finally let go of all my hopes on the alternative methods; and simply gave the traditional methods a chance. I had read a lot about it, but didn’t really have a direct experience with it. Only if I sought scientifically-based methods sooner, I wouldn’t have suffered so much. But in a way, I feel like living in hell for more than a decade gave me a deeper understanding of human pain. Because of that, I feel like I have much more true compassion than most people. That being said, I never want to go back there again. And if that does happen, I know I have professional support. Don’t rely your mental health to self-help or gurus. “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross PSYCHIATRIST, AUTHOR

Well, if you consider that: Your subconscious = God Then, yes. Otherwise, no.

I love writing down insights or powerful words that are like pointers to what I want in life. So I decided to choose 10 words/phrases that are sorta like my principles/intentions. For this month: 10 WORDS TO LIVE BY MAY 2020 1- Equanimity That's a very important word to me, because I am often worried about the future. I get anxious by trying to solve everything at once and live a problem-free life, but that's unrealistic. I also tend to get carried away by other people's problems. So equanimity, to me, basically says: nothing is permanent. Everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Most problems that I worried the shit out of me 10 years ago mean nothing right now, so I don't need to worry about today's problems. And chances are, everything is going to be alright. I will eventually find a meaning behind bad stuff that happens to me, and I overexaggerate my mistakes. 2- Deliberate imperfection I am freaking perfectionist. And I am actively trying to overcome this by doing things imperfectly intentionally. I often use too much energy on small things, so I am making small mistakes on purpose. 3- Self-negotiation The ability to know when I can press the pedal, when I should take away my feet from it, and when I should press the break. This is very useful to motivate me to do stuff I don't want to. For example, I have to have a difficult conversation. Self-negotiation would be to, for example, set a predetermined amount of time that I will be having the conversation. And after that, I will allow myself to end the conversation. 4- Calculated risks I always want to play it safe. I don't want to be criticized, scolded, rejected, etc. I also don't want to make mistakes. If I do, I feel dumb and ashamed. So, again, I am deliberately taking strategic and calculated risks. This is very useful for letting go of fear, and to be courageous to try something that I am not used to, and accepting if I don't get good results. This has to be done in moderation, though. 5- Baby-steps If I manage to take a little bit of action everyday or every week, then I will eventually experience the snowball effect. 6- Realistic expectations Truth is: I often think I will have better results that I actually will. The fact that many self-help books tell that "You need big goals" kind of adds to that. So it's important to be very modest about my expectations. If I am jumping ahead of myself, I want to remind myself that, "Hey... let's slow down. You're doing fine. You will not conquer the world overnight." 7- Cooperation Finding the right people to help me is key. Because I was so shy since I was 10, I adopted the strategy of trying to figure things out by my own. And I also wouldn't trust people, because I simply thought that everybody was full of shit. And today, I clearly see how some problems simply cannot be overcome by oneself. The right help is pivotal. 8- Playfulness What's the point of developing myself so much if I don't have a stress-relief kinda thing? 9- Creativity Doing various activities, talking with various types of people, and trying new things even if I suck at it. These things help increase my creativity. 10- Detox It's so freaking important to have a time-out every once in a while. In my case, for example, it's mainly from socializing. I need some alone time to find myself again. Another thing would be doing a certain activity or focusing too much on a problem -- in which case, I should distract myself with something else. 11- Self-development "The secret is not to run after the butterflies -- but to take care of your garden so they come to you." - Mario Quintana Self-development is not about isolating myself and meditating in search of enlightenment and supreme liberation. No. It's simply living life knowing that I am doing things to develop myself, and that no human, no object, no activity will ultimately fulfill me. 12- Rational Optimism Over the past two years, I've hate positive thinking. It's so toxic the way it is promoted. That's why I like the phrase rational optimism. That is, I have a reason to believe that things will get better. 13- Life Purpose This ties to number 11. I have a life purpose already written down. And it really inspires me. So that's it. This list is in no particular order.

Fucking Tendonitis - break from piano My shoulder was aching yesterday, and I didn’t know why. I thought it was because of my mattress, but it turns out I am 99% sure it’s because of my piano playing. The thing is, the keys of my piano are very stiff. It requires too much strength to press them. Thus, I get easily tired. The technician already came here and he managed to smoothen a little bit, but it’s still too heavy. A solution to that problem would be to buy a keyboard. A decent one from yamaha costs about $400. I think it’s a worth-while investment. This will probably allow me to practice longer and without worrying any pain will come back. I went to the orthopedist last month, and the results of my exam were that I have a little bit of tendonitis on my wrist and shoulders. But anyway… I will have to take a break from playing the piano. Finances One of the things I have been talking in therapy is my financial life. I have a hard time with money. I freak out that there won’t be enough, and I also have a hard time being clear with my dad about it. Here’s the problem: I have to pay several things throughout the month, and I end up having to ask my dad to transfer to my account like 4, 5 times a month. The idea is to calculate how much I spend so that he will only need to transfer money to my account once a month. I fear that he tells me that I spend too much I do plan to get financially independent from my family, but now it’s not the time. So I have to babystep my way out of the “family nest”. Goal: I will try to call him tomorrow to talk specifically about that. And I can plan to talk for like 10-15 minutes maximum. So it’s like: “Ok, it will be 10-15 minutes of uncomfortable feelings. After that, I will make an excuse to end the conversation.” If it goes terrible, I can vent about it with my therapist, lol . Brainstorming to-do lists One thing that’s been helping me come up with fun and productive stuff to do during my day is to force myself to come up with 20 different activities for my day. It can be simple things, and also stuff that I will probably not do. It’s a no-filter kind of thing. I don't bother to complete all tasks, not even the majority. I try to complete the most important ones. And if I want to procrastinate, I negotiate with myself to either half-ass or set a predetermined amount of time to focus on that activity. The actual objective of this exercise is to put my mind in a creative and productive mode. I think one of the secrets to a happy and fulfilling life is to have various activities and hobbies. For example: play the piano, date, play video games, walk the dog, work, play soccer, etc. That is, not put all eggs in one basket. Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to write a comment. I hope that by the next time I write here (hopefully tomorrow), I will have had that difficult conversation with my dad.

how are you right now? do you feel lighter?

Is that a good thing? Keep in mind that it is important to have critical thinking! I know you didn't ask, but I think you are indeed tricking yourself.

That's what I was going to ask: do you have any evidence that they are thinking that you're using your "mental health as an excuse"? I do admit that when i was depressed and unproductive, I would have the same fear of yours. I think you should take it more easy on yourself. You've gone through a lot, man...