kag101

Self-love does not mean you have to be 100% self-sufficient -- as if that was possible. Like it or not, we're social creatures. In Buddhism, one of the three jewels of the Buddha is the sangha (community). How long have you been talking with this guy? In your case, I'd say it would be to, for example, meet with a lot of guys just so that you don't have to handle with the grief of a break-up.

Yes, I feel like she's highly delusional, and some of her advice is not only unhelpful but also dangerous.

DEPRESSIVE EPISODE -- VISITING HELL ONCE AGAIN It was scary. I hadn't had a depressive day for over 6 months. I sorta have PTSD from my days with depression. I am aversed to that shit. Depression has taught me a lot, but I want it out of my life. I have learned enough. It's not worth it. That said, one insight that I got from having this episode (it lasted for 3 days) is the following: My "problems" are a joke I am an overthinker. My mind is always searching for something to be worried about. Ok. Going through something like clinical depression puts things into perspective. Depression is a real problem. My worldly problems are peanuts compared to mental illness. I am still processing what happened. I have a hypothesis for what triggered it, but I also think there are psychological aspects to it as well. But I won't go into detail about that right now. I will focus on what I think that was the main trigger. I talked with my psychiatrist earlier today, and he think that it makes sense. Here's the thing: Last week, I went to sleep stimulated. I talked for 3 hours 3 days straight, right before going to bed. And I was excited while I was talking. Result: I slept a few hours and it was not restorative. After a few days of doing that, I woke up with a bad mood. Took a nap in the afternoon, and realized how tired I actually was. After that, the depression came in. BURNOUT My doctor told me that one of the most common triggers for depression is lack of sleep. So... here's my strategy: I will focus on making sure that I do relaxing things during the last 2 hours before bed. To avoid: No stimulating conversations on the phone Limit how much I text, and screen time in general Dim the lights and brightness on my phone To do: Read Yoga Journaling (light topics) Drawing Masturbation Vlog Listen to spiritual teachers that I like (particularly Jack Kornfield and Thich Nhat Hanh) I can't think of other things right now. BONUS: I have decided to take my sleeping medication for the next few days to make sure that I actually fall asleep. I will take 25mg of quetiapine between 9 PM - 10:30 PM After take it, I will be EXTRA careful in not engaging in stimulating activities. The medication takes 40-90 minutes to kick in. So, by MIDNIGHT, I will have tried to fall asleep for at least 15 minutes. If it were in other conditions, I would have tried to not use it. But now it's not the time for that. My main focus right now should be on improving my sleep hygiene. >> Btw: That does NOT mean being neurotic and perfectionist. >> Hopefully, I will sleep 8-10 hours. And I hope to wake up feeling well-rested. I will keep you guys posted. Other stuff: > I will start to write on this journal in a freer way. Without worrying too much how it looks. > I have decided to change my life purpose. My old life purpose was too complicated and metaphorical: to tame my inner gremlin through rationality, compassion, and sense of humor My new life purpose is: to have a good mental health. Simple and powerful.

His principles are very theoretical. "Hear what your higher self is telling you" "Follow the flow" hahaha... I just watched that guy for the first time. I had a good laugh at his cringeness. Lol.

Simplify your practice! Meditation should not be a complicated airy-fairy thing. I'd suggest you practice focusing on your breath.

Thank you! Unfortunately, after more than 6 months, I have been feeling depressed over the last 2 days. I feel like a zombie. It's not extremely intense, but it is present. And I just want to get rid of it as soon as possible. I think I know what might have caused it (lack of sleep). I'll make sure I sleep well the next few days, and hopefully I will feel good again.

• I am interesting in small changes that create big results. That strategic and exact change that will have a domino effect in my life. One of those changes was being on medication. I had so many preconceived notions about psychiatry. I thought it was ineffective. But the thing is, whatever field that uses the scientific method is the one that gives the best concrete results. • I was able to ween off of my sleep pills. Thank god... that was the last "dependence" I had. It wasn't a strong med, but nevertheless it's much better to be able to sleep without it. I think I will only use it as an SOS, in very specific situations. • I started reading Harry Potter The Sorcerer's Stone. Finally, lol. I remember when I was 7, some kids in my class were reading that book. It is very impressive for someone that age to read a book like that. While they were reading that, I was reading Captain Underpants, lol. • I am somewhat confident that I will successfully get back to teaching language classes. This month (May), my goal is to focus on creating interesting activities. I want to remind myself that I should do it imperfectly. I oftentimes start focus on minute details, and that's a waste of time. • I have met a guy on Tinder who is very interesting. He is very similar to someone else I used to have a crush on. It's kinda creepy, tbh. Lol... a lot of similarities. I am trying my best to have realistic expectations this time. I don't want to get all excited, without sufficient evidence that it will be something that will last. I started talking with him 4 days ago. It is very recent, but I feel a very strong connection with him. The last two days, we talked on the phone for more than 3 hours. Lol... I was telling him about my life story. He is a great listener. He is a pretty chilled guy. It's very nice to talk with him. He is not the most "beautiful" guy, but he has a natural beauty, and he has a great personality. • I have come up with a great morning routine. Its main focus is on affirmations. > I have come up with a list of "reminders" that are tailored insights to counterbalance my weaknesses, such as perfectionism. I repeat each affirmation 3x. My life purpose is included. This takes about 10-15 minutes. Then, I do some basic breathing techniques, visualize for 1 min, and stay in silence for another minute. • It's important that I be extra patient with myself. Because I suffered depression for 15 years, there are a lot of areas in my life in which I am underdeveloped. I know that I will catch up with my potential. But it takes time... • I had the difficult talk about money with my dad. I mentioned that some posts ago. I still need to have a third conversation, though, and I hope to have it done by Friday.

That's interesting! Are there any books you recommend about this topic? I've been thinking quite a bit about marketing, especially personal marketing. I'm not very good at selling myself... Cool! I'll check this video out.

A video that preferably: • You think people have forgotten about it, but that has made a big impact on your life. • Doesn't have many views. • Is not that recent.

That's good. How are your relationships? (Not necessarily romantic ones). how long has it been since this family member passed away? do you feel like the emotional pain is proportional to what happened? Or is it too much? Why do you meditate?

That's great! Ok, externally your life is going "really well", but how is it internally?

I wouldn't say "unprepared mind". There are people who should not take it because of, for example, genetics. These substances can trigger the genes that cause schizophrenia or bipolar, for example. I don't care who he is. I simply think that the points that he makes on the video are very valid. I am not focusing on the person, but on his arguments. The only cases of healthy usage that I have seen is on an organization called UDV. Using them by oneself is very dangerous. Without the guidance of someone who is truly experienced with those substances, the odds of going on a wrong track is too high.

I have a very similar experience and opinion as he does. EDIT: My intention is to simply point out that those substances are often promoted in some spiritual circles as the ultimate solution to all life's problems, especially psychological ones. But on many individuals -- myself included -- it has an opposite effect long-term. It took me years to wake up out of my addiction for tripping. I was actually indirectly trying to cure my depression and social anxiety through those substances. And the most dangerous thing is that it is so easy to rationalize excessive usage by saying: "Oh... I am working on my spirituality. I am exploring other realms of consciousness. I am dissolving my ego. I am releasing trauma, etc." I was simply deluding myself.

Let's see how long this "coming out of depression" will last. I am skeptical about the long-term benefits of psychedelics with depression. In my case, it worked like this: I'd trip. Life had color once again. Eventually, I would come back to my "depressed self". Then, I would trip again. And that became a cycle. I can't believe I read this. You know... there are other tools for healing besides psychedelics. ??‍♂️ Whoooooah... I got teared down! Omg... I won't sleep tonight. Lol. And btw, it is not a clickbait. It's the title of the video, and I myself don't plan to use psychedelics again in my life. I should've written more about my own experience, so I edited the original post.

Can you give some examples of things you do in that regards?

I just rewatched this one after a long time, and man... this is gold. This is the most important episode for me personally. Truly inspirational.

Nah... you're probably just making a fool out of yourself...

@Rilles Keep us posted =)

I suggest you search the definition of "hallucination". The plural of anecdote is not evidence.

Hold your horses! I have tried in the past to be "radically honest". It is very common for someone who cares too much about the opinion of others to swing to the other side of the spectrum. That is, to become completely careless and, in essence, an asshole. That was my case. I destroyed a lot of relationships, and I also did a lot of excessively cringey stuff. If you do want to practice giving your honest opinion about controversial topics, remember to do that in small dosages. Expanding your comfort zone is like a rubber. If you stretch it too much, it will break. Imo, sometimes he overexposures himself.

@samedm9 Don't trust everything you "experience". The brain is highly susceptible to hallucinations.

@Rilles sure, man <3 i know how much it sucks to have social anxiety. so i really hope you can get better. And btw, don't underestimate the power of free-association therapy. it seems like "you're just talking", but it is actually much deeper than that. Counterintuitvely, this type of "freer" approach helps me more than "goal-oriented" therapy. I really hope you do ask her that. This can be a game-changer.

But does he smoke weed or take psychedelics?

Apart from work, how's your life in general? Are "meaninglessness" and "lack of interest" also present in other areas of your life?

Is feeling "absolutely drained and depressed" after your session a good thing? I know that purging is important sometimes and everything, but I don't think it's a good sign if it happens every single time. In my case, I always leave psychotherapy with a sense of relief and optimism. I personally don't find cathartic experiences to be effective. in my experience, the best psychotherapy is subtle. Have you asked her if she thinks that it is a good idea to see a psychiatrist? Maybe you're feeling things so intensely because you might have a chemical unbalance...