kag101

Why do do you want to take Iboga? It sounds masochist tbh.

So your therapist didn't really help you heal this trauma, right?

@FredFred Thanks a lot for the kind words ? It was hard to take that leap of faith, because I thought it wouldn't work. There are a lot of "silent" success cases in psychiatric treatment. That is, the person feels better but doesn't talk about it. So the testimonials we tend to hear are really biased, as the overwhelming majority of people who share their experience are the ones who had horrible ones. I feel this call to work with helping people who are going through similar things that I had to deal with, alone. And now I feel strong and confident enough to go back to college and pursue my psychology degree =D @The0Self Well, the purpose of the medication is to feel the normal spectrum of emotions. Not feeling sadness is not a sign that the medication is working properly. In my case, I definitely still feel sadness, but now it is proportional to what I am going through in life. I'd even say that now I am able to experience sadness. When I get depressed, I simply cannot feel anything. It's awful. Did you stop taking it by yourself?

Pathetic.

I think psychedelics is a high-risk gamble. I went to ayahuasca ceremonies for about a year. In the beginning, it helped. It was as if life had color once again. But as time goes by, my depression was getting worse after each trip. Not only that, during the trips the following became common: anxiety attacks (which is HELL while you're tripping), paranoia, strong agitation, deep sense of meaninglessness, and sometimes grandiose delusions. I also don't adapt well to SRRIs. Fortunately, my doctor has prescribed me an antidepressant that is from a different class. And it worked really well. Btw - You should've told your doctor that you wanted to stop taking it. You were very irresponsible.

Stop bullshitting yourself. It took me a while to find a good psychotherapist. Here are three tips for finding a good one: Do not be cheap, do some research/ask for recommendations, and avoid alternative/hollistic therapists. When you finally find one that's really good, it pays off. I feel like when I go to my therapist it's as if I'm calibrating myself through her. I also go to a psychiatrist. I take a special kind of antidepressant that basically don't theoretically work on anxiety. But in my case, I've found that my pathological anxiety was caused by my depression. As soon as the depression got stabilized, the anxiety levels also dropped. Now, I am working on taming my "normal" anxiety (which is pretty high). The doctor also prescribed me Xanax in case I really need it. Fortunately, it's been more than 6 months that he did it, and I never had to use that med. One thing that helps me besides therapy is Tai Chi. @tsuki Great points!! ??? And I'm glad that you're wife is doing better.

I read 21 lessons. It's pretty interesting. It doesn't go into great depth on each topic. It's more the basics of various topics. I'd probably give it 4 stars (out of five).

Here's a better practice: How can you get in touch with LIFE?

Omg, all of what you went through must have been so traumatic. Mental illness has a big genetic component. As with any other illness: the sooner you treat it, the better. Have you ever talked with a psychologist? The college that I studied at had a Student Psychological Services, which can be helpful.

I think it depends on the kind of pain. I tend to be somewhat hypochondriac, so oftentimes I feel some bodily discomforts that are simply BS. In reality, they're just some tiny little things that -- because I am aversed to pain -- I hyperfocus on it and therefore it grows. If you're talking about real physical pain, then I believe it's possible to increase your tolerance to it. But fully conquering is utopic, imo. Unless you're Peter Ralston, lol. In Kung Fu, they train to endure discomfort by, for example, breaking a brick with your own head.

Roger Ebert Quentin Tarantino Freddie Mercury Steve Jobs Picasso

It's like a open wound. If you keep on touching it, it will not heal. I agree with @tsuki in the sense that you have to stop contacting him. I recommend you remove anything that makes you remember of him. Don't contact him (obviously). But also, for example, don't see his stories on Instagram, etc. Letting go isn't easy or quick. And compassion/forgiveness aren't always fluffy — both can be raw. Watch Leo's video on feminine vs masculine compassion.

Do you have emotional childhood trauma?

Nice! I think you should totally give it a try, and see if you resonate with the doctor. Good luck!

It is normal to fluctuate, but if it is extreme like you're describing (one day you're at cloud nine; then, the next one you're feeling like crap for no apparent reason); then it is not a sign of growth. Stability is very important. I used to "spiritualize" my clinical depression by saying that it was an ego backlash. I was seeing my "ego" as some sort of a demon — as if there was a part in me that wanted to fuck up my life. Now that I am treating my illness, I see that what I was experiencing was not normal.

The biggest problem is inside your own head. You've got to find a way to accept your height as it is. Yes, I know... easier said than done... This video has a very powerful visualization that can really help you:

You should go to a psychiatrist. No meditation, no breathing techniques, no psychedelics.

Have you ever gone to a doctor to help you with that?

What were you trying to say?

Be careful! I don't think what you're going through is healthy.

what's your concern with having this surgery?

You take one hour to make your breakfast? Omg... Maybe you're doing too many practices. Less is more!

Weird feeling: caused by sleep quality? The last two days were pretty odd. I still don't know 100% what happened, but it sure was scary. I think it might have something to do with my sleep. I have been taking a sleep-inducing med, which is great and nonaddictive. I have a problem falling asleep at the same time everyday. I usually end up getting distracted and going to bed at late night. So this med helps with that. The only problem is that I usually end up having to sleep from 8-9 hours. And if I wake up earlier than that, I get groggy. And I also got a depression relapse triggered by lack of good sleep. So I'm always worried of messing up with my sleep. I plan to go back to college next year. And I prefer to study in the morning that in the evening, so I am not sure if I will have a hard time waking up. And I fear that this might disturb my mental health. I decided experiment with that. So I set an alarm for 7 hours after I fell asleep. I managed to wake up, and was apparently okay. Then, at about 7pm, I started to get sleepy followed by a weird feeling. It's hard to describe what it was. I was kind of foggy, confused, and anxious. Even though I didn't really feel like it, I had dinner then I walked my dog (as usual). Crying Then, some hours later, I began crying. There were reasons for that though. It wasn't just a cry out-of-nowhere sorta thing, which is something that would make more worried. The main trigger was that a person who I used to talk and go out with is apparently not interested in me anymore (not as even a friend). I got really upset, because it's always very fun when we get together. And for some reason, I had a pretty irrational thought that I would only have happy moments if I was having out with him. But truth is, my happiness comes from within. I'm not going to say that "I'm self-sufficient, and therefore don't need anybody to be happy". No. But I can certainly meet with other people who I can share good moments with. I think I cried for about 20 minutes. And in the moment, it felt good. I felt like I was releasing a lot of emotional garbage. I thought about a lot of things, such as my grandma (who passed away a few months ago), people who I used to be close with, things I went through in my life, etc. Then, I went to sleep. Scary wave of anxiety I had installed an alarm on my phone, and it started beeping very early. But it wasn't loud enough for me to actually wake up, so I guess that disturbed my sleep. After some hours that I had waken up, I started to feel really anxious. Months ago, my doctor prescribed me Xanax to use it in an emergency, that is, a really bad anxiety attack. Fortunately, I never had to use it. All the times that I have felt really anxious I was able to cope with it in natural ways. But it's certainly good to have an SOS sorta thing. My breathing was really shallow and it was starting to get painful. I was also feeling physically tired, which maybe had to do with all the crying I did the day before. Documentary about Avicii: made me feel sad and heavy A few days ago, I watched a documentary about the Swedish music producer Avicii. It's called True Stories. It's basically about all of his career, and his health problems due to stress. Towards the end, when he was about to announce that he would stop touring, I could see myself in him. For example, the fact that he was getting anxious just by his agent telling him about the concerts he had to do. The documentary ended in a positive way. He was just focusing on making his music, and was in a relaxing place with friends and his dog. But.... some months later, he killed himself. And I got really touched by that. I think the weird feeling I got these past two days also have to do with watching this documentary. It was really emotionally heavy. Support system: professionals + friends + family Back to my story, I contacted my psychologist and psychiatrist. It's so freaking helpful to have a solid support system. I can count on them. They care about me, and they're good professionals. Are they alone the solution to all my life's problems? Certainly not. But both of them can help me find the right direction in life. I don't automatically assume that everything that say is true—they are not my "masters". But I feel like when I talk especially with my psychotherapist it feels as if I get "calibrated". After that, I used my rationality to come up with a strategy to deal with this problem. Having a relaxing carefree moment I contacted a friend to see if she wanted to hang out with me. I suggested we went to a park. Lately I have been thinking a lot about finances and how to save money. So I was somewhat hesitant to take an uber, but because I was feeling down, I didn't think twice and simple went. First, we went to a place to have some Açaí. It was good. At first, I was low on energy, but I was there. I was kinda exhausted emotionally, but I wasn't depressed. I wasn't talking a lot, but I was present. I felt more like listening than talking. But gradually I started feeling better. Then, we went to the park. It felt good to be in nature. See the sky, hear the birds chirping. And most importantly, have a relaxing moment. This is so freaking important. In the past days, I was doing things that were the perfect recipe for feeling like crap: • Dwelling too much on the suffering aspect of life (e.g., watching that documentary) • Using the internet and electronic devices way too much • Focusing too much on death. The death of my grandma, the "death" of some relationships (romantically or not), the "death" of periods of my life, etc. • Worrying too much about my future, and putting too much unnecessary pressure on myself. For instance, I am insecure about going back to college because I don't know if I will succeed. But if I happen to fail on that project, it's not the end of the world. So the pressure is self-inflicted. So it was great to take a break from all of that. Here's a picture of me yesterday: It seems like I'm a happy person all the time. Lol. Before this picture, I had gone through 2 really hard days. So just because someone is genuinely smiling doesn't mean they're well in general. That's not my case, but for example, there are some pictures of Chester Bennington hours before his death, and he was smiling. I'm not going to post this image because it would be too sad. Thanks for reading!