ivankiss

And now this song... Oh my fucking God. Right in the childhood. Right in the feels. I don't know who to trust, no surprise Everyone feels so far away from me Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies Trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet All I ever think about is this All the tiring time between And how trying to put my trust in you Just takes so much out of me Take everything from the inside And throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you Tension is building inside, steadily Everyone feels so far away from me Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me Trying not to break, but I'm so tired of this deceit Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet All I ever think about is this All the tiring time between And how trying to put my trust in you Just takes so much out of me Take everything from the inside And throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you I won't waste myself on you You You Waste myself on you You You I'll take everything from the inside And throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you Everything from the inside And just throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you You You

In our bar with little dude and another cool dude now. What a cool day. Chillin' hard. It's semi-crowded. Plenty of bonkers hot girls. But I ain't in hunt mode right now. Enjoying the break. Had a very special moment with little dude earlier. It kinda surprised me. A lot. I showed him some of my writings dedicated to my ex, and the dude literally broke down in tears. Right in front of me. In the middle of the bar. If that's not fucking awesome, I don't know what is. We hugged and I told him how awesome of him that was. I truly admire how in touch with his emotions he is. And how vulnerable he's cool with being. Very nice. This song came up earlier... Life is dreamy ya'all. Hope you're enjoying yourselves too.

Note to self: Maybe I should consider mature women more seriously. Plenty of gorgeous women in their 40s in this city. My life could be much easier with a sugar momma lol. + it should be a very fun experience.

@ALLIS Appreciate it very much ❤ The idea crossed my mind. Might happen

Withdrawing all funds from trading account. Taking a short break. Lots on my plate these days, it's smarter not to trade.

@Thought Art Beautiful! Lovely voice! Yeah, the app sucks ass, but I think it adds to the magic. Also; you can record through your phone's app and then upload it there. @Carl-Richard Fuckin' awesome stuff man! Especially loving the first riff. Sounds like big money Keep 'em coming peeps! Yes. Play your favorite song backwards, the Dark Lord will appear.

@Waves Big thanks! Would love to learn to speak Italian fluently. It will happen at some point, for sure

Great idea! Please do share, yes. Even if you feel like you're not quite there yet. Honesty, I sometimes feel like I suck ass at singing. Other times I feel like God while in it. Either way, the point is to just keep going. Keep improving. Keep getting better and better. And in the meantime, enjoy the crap out of it all. The highs and the lows. @lxlichael Dat rasp tho! Sounds so... manly haha! Kinda envious Big like.

As I turn to sand, you took me by the hand and declared, that Love prevails over all

Flashbacks of North Kalutara, Sri Lanka, when I first discovered this song. I can still hear the waves colliding. We're on our balcony, as usual. You're smiling at me, sitting there all divine and gorgeous, half naked. It seems so distant, D. Like it happened in another lifetime. I'm cornered in fire so break out the secrets I hope you know that you were worth it all along I'm tired, you're angry, and everyone looks blurry I love you, I'm leaving; so long Hey, little one I'm so scared of what this could have been I know that today I lost my only friend My little one The places I took you, they seem so fucking empty I have trouble going anywhere at all Especially my own bedroom And it stays awake to haunt me So I'll pass out, black out, drunk in another bathroom stall Hey, little one I'm so scared of what this could have been I know that today I lost my only friend How long must I justify my pain through these songs? How long, how long? Hey, little one I'm so scared of what this could have been I know that today I lost my only little one (my little one) I'm so scared of what this could have been I know that today I lost my only friend How long must I talk about my pain in these songs? How long? It's raining, it's sunny It doesn't make a difference I don't care about anything at all

A song for Serbian Beauty. We both sang to it last night. What a Goddess. Blessed be her name. https://youtu.be/usfDvrbrAeU

I walked by the place where you used to live today, D. It's the second time this week. I went out for a walk and got pulled in that direction, randomly. I guess old habits truly do die hard. I'm hooking up with all these hot girls D, and it's fucking dreamy. But I'd still trade it all for the life I wanted to live with you. I'd give it all up, just to be by your side. No doubt about it. But, not as we were. Because, as we were, was disastrous. It was too painful. I'm all alone in this big city, and sometimes it gets rough. All I would love to do is come home to you, hug you and talk for hours. Just like it used to be. But then I remember how fucking alone I felt in your presence, so fucking often. We had nobody. We were all alone, on the other side of the world. Stuck on a goddamn island. And you had to turn the one person that was by your side and loved you into your enemy. It's a tragedy. I know our love was real. Conditioning tear us apart. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I know you feel the same. At times I still miss you, D. A lot. But we could never work. I must live with that.

Song of the night... I can still hear the echoes... Život ide dalje, život brzo prolazi Al' osjećam da to više nisi ti, a ni ja Močda bi i mogli pokušati ponovo Al' bojim se da ovaj je put gotovo Al' samo ti mi ubrzavaš disanje Jer se ja još uvijek palim na tebe Ako su to samo bile laži Lažimo se bar još malo Ako su to samo bile varke Varajmo se, varajmo Život ide dalje, život brzo prolazi Al' osjećam da to više nisi ti, a ni ja Ljubavi i mržnje teško je preskočiti zid Al' bojim se da dobar smo par bili mi Jer samo ti mi ubrzavaš disanje Jer se ja još uvijek palim na tebe Ako su to samo bile laži Lažimo se bar još malo Ako su to samo bile varke Varajmo se, varajmo

@Etherial Cat If you're reading this by any chance, I'd love to read your thoughts on this... Do you think she is purposefully avoiding having sex sober, under 'normal' circumstances? Could have something to do with shame around sex. Or her not being over her ex. I think there's plenty of girls out there, who only have sex spontaneously on a wild night-out, when they get drunk as fuck. Am I onto something here? Should I not waste my time with trying to do this 'the right way' with her? Maybe she's just that type of a deal. Spontaneous, drunken sex, here and there. I would talk to her. But I feel like that would be the wrong move here. At least for now. It would push her away, I imagine.

Another very juicy info I forgot to mention... At some point she put her fingers in my mouth and I was sucking and biting on them. Kinda surprised me how into it she was. It lasted for quite some time. Man... what a dreamy girl.

Warning: Complete Transparency! I go deep into detail here! Fuck to the yes, brother! It happened again. I had sex with Serbian Beauty. But this time, the experience was very, very... um.. how do I put this... different. Haha. Unusual. Strange. Don't get me wrong, it was fucking epic. But... there's a little twist. A little extra. So here's what happened... Build-up I built a momentum too powerful. The night sucked me in, chewed on me, and spat me out, once again. I was completely caught off guard. I went out to secure a potential job opportunity, and then I paid my good friend a visit. We had a nice time, talked about everything and drank a bit. I had one beer and a shot of some smokey cognac. Then... My phone rings. It's little dude. They're at our usual spot, in that hot bar. He insists that I must join them for a drink. Oh well, fuck it. Why not. I'm near the bar already. And I also kinda wanna see Serbian Beauty. So I head there. I had coffee in mind... but little dude already ordered a beer for me. Shit. I really don't want to get drunk tonight. I have other things on my mind... But, I start sipping that beer anyway. We smoke, talk, laugh, sing... The usual good stuff. It's an awesome spontaneous night-out, I guess. Soon, it started getting a bit too cold and of course the idea was immediately to go to either my place or Serbian Beauty's. We agree on my place. It was around 9:30PM at that point. Not late, at all. On our way, little dude tells me we have to pick up one more girl. Apparently, he was texting her the whole time and she decided to join us. Ok. Cool. I'm rolling with it. I met the girl already. She's a party animal. Very cool and outgoing. Very loud, too. Which was a bit concerning to me. I did not want to have the police knocking on my door lol. But thankfully there was no drama. We arrive. There's 5 of us. Me, little dude, Serbian Beauty, that random chick, and that Serbian dude I mentioned in my previous entry. The vibe is fucking great. We're all kinda drunk, but not too much. Except that random chick. She's pretty damn shitfaced, already. More talking, laughing, singing, dancing. More drinking, more baking. A full bottle of whisky disappeared in less then an hour. Now I'm getting kinda shitfaced, too. This new girl was sitting in my lap, a lot. I'm pretty sure I could've taken things to the next level with her, easily. But somehow I was not feeling it. Was not horny, at all. Long story short, she and that Serbian dude leave at some point of the night. It's just me, little dude and Serbian beauty. The vibe gets instantly much more intimate. Significantly less noisy. I did not make a move on Serbian Beauty, the whole night. She was kinda in the background. But, at this point my mind kinda starts entertaining the idea. She's just a few steps away from my bed. Looking all gorgeous and shit. I must make it happen. Obviously, the only obstacle, or cock-block, is little dude. I knew he had no place to stay over night. He lives quite far out of town. Driving was not an option. So yeah... I'm kinda stuck here with him... It's around 2AM at this point... I'm playing slow, romantic songs on my acoustic guitar. I'm singing softly to them. They're enjoying it. The vibe is yummy. Candles on the table. Soon, we decide to lay down on my bed and put a movie on. And that's where things start heating up between me and Serbian Beauty. CLIMAX It's a king-size bed, so we all fit nicely. I was in the middle. Serbian Beauty on my right side. She's on her side, turning her back on me. She did not give too many fucks about the movie. Me and little dude watched maybe 30 minutes of it. Meanwhile; I was giving a nice little back and neck massage to Serbian Beauty. She was half-awake. Here and there making a noise or two. She was enjoying being touched, I could tell. In fact; she requested the massage herself. Shortly... Little dude falls asleep, hard. He's totally out. Snoring like a bear. Game on. At first; I was kinda hesitant. Like, am I really doing this? Am I about to fuck Serbian beauty with little dude sleeping behind my back? Fuck. I think I am. Haha. Why the fuck not. My touches turn more sexual. Passion-filled. My breathing changes. I am letting her know that I want her. She starts playing along, pressing her body against mine. Fuck yes. She's in. Green light. Wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. I must take a step back. Something very magical happened, before sex. We were playing with our hands and fingers for quite some time. Slow, gentle touches. It was pure art. A cosmic dance. Very romantic vibes. Dare I say it felt like.. love? Just beautiful. We locked in strong a few times. Her cute little palm in mine. I could tell she ment it. I felt the fire running through her veins. Next... My hand on her belly. We're making out slowly. Dear Lord. She is just the absolutely perfect size for me. I cannot put it into words how perfect it feels when I grab her around her waist. She's so delicate. I'm completely mesmerized by all of her quirks and features. The smell of her neck and hair is driving me completely nuts. What a girl... just stunning. Soon enough, my hand slips down, beneath her panties. My fucking God. She's already wet as fuck. I cannot see, but her pussy feels like the cutest little thing ever. So squishy. So puffy. So tiny. Fuck man... My heart wants to jump out my throat. Even now, as I'm writing. This girl is a total dream come true to me. Absolutely ridiculously spot on my type. She pulls her pants down. We're in spooning position. Little dude still sleeping like dead, just inches away. Fucking hell man! Not gonna lie... there is something fucking hot about the fact that we might get caught any moment. It's kinda frustrating but it's also a massive turn-on, at the same time. Haha. Her butt... is completely out of this world. I cannot... I simply can't... it's too good to be described. So tight and sporty, and round and squishy. Pure perfection. Her butt cheek fits right into the palm of my hand. As if it was designed just for me. Fucking heaven. I'm playing with her clit some more. My dick pressing against her ass, pulsing. I'm teasing her a bit. She's turned on as fuck. I think she also finds the situation exciting and hot, oddly. We are trying our best to make as little noise as possible. I finally enter her. She was so fucking ready for it. She pushes her ass all the back against me. I'm balls deep, immediately. Not gonna lie... I was surprised, even the first time, how effortlessly she took it all in. You'd kinda expect a girl this tiny to be tight as fuck down there.. honestly, I thought she might be even tigher than J. But, that's not really the case. The girl can take a big dick, easily. I ain't complaining. She feels like heaven. We're fucking slow and sensual, still in that spooning position. She loves being held tightly. My arm is wrapped around her, I'm pulling her in strong. Her body is rushing with adrenaline. She's twisting and turning in ecstasy. I'm losing my mind over the hotness of the scene. Red light under my bed, as usual. I can see just enough. Fucking perfection. I'm kinda desensitized, again. But it's not too bad. I drank significantly less than on the night of my birthday. At this point, I kinda forget about the fact that we're not alone in the bed. I start hitting harder. She's taking it like a pro. She takes my hand and puts it around her neck. Yup, she loves being choked. Getting her hair pulled. Ass grabbed hard and spanked. She's definitely into all that stuff, I can tell. But... we cannot really go all animalistic on each-other now, can we? Fuck me. Will I ever get the chance to fuck this girls fully and for real? Haha. I just wanna rip her apart, so bad. She's a perfect match, when it comes to sex. We fucked like this for quite some time... and then I had to take a piss. I could not hold in any longer. I come out of the bathroom, and Serbian Beauty is sitting at the table, rolling a blunt. Fuck yes. That's a good girl. We talk little to nothing, smoke and listen to nice music. Little dude is still totally out, on the left side of my bed. I put my hand on her knee and look her in the eyes. I tell her she must come over one day alone, when we are not drunk as fuck. She smiles and agrees. But... I'm not biting on it, yet. I know she's a hard one to catch. We'll see if that really happens. Soon, we're back in my bed. That's right. Round 2. I was thinking of dragging her to the bathroom, or fucking her against the wall, or over the table... but I really had no more energy. I just wanted to lay my head down. She's on her back. I'm on my side, facing her. Again, lots of sensual touching and kissing. So much passion. So hot. Down go her panties. I'm making love to her beautiful little juicy purr, with my fingers. I'm loving every second of it. As she is. She is struggling to hold in those moans. I'm giving it my all, pretty much. I'm playing out my wildest imagination. My fingers like brushes, painting the most magnificent masterpiece, on her divine sugar-walls. Nirvana. She cums so hard even I was surprised. Her body twisting and tuning, vibrating. Her thighs closed so tight they're nearly crushing my hand. She's totally lost in it. It's too hot. I kinda thought she would not cum. Felt really good. Feeling proud, cannot lie. I fuck her some more side-ways. At this point I'm regaining some of my strengths and the beast within steps forward. I'm grabbing that round, heart-shaped butt, hitting pretty damn hard. I notice she loves playing games. Pulling away and stuff. She loves it when you grab her and don't let her move. Maybe she has a rape fantasy or something. It's not uncommon. So, I'm getting really into it right, and it's the best ever. But then, she kinda starts slowing down. I can tell she kinda had enough. So I ask her, and she says she's too damn tired and just wants to pass out. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! I did not get to cum, once again. And I was so fucking close! Had I knew she was about to stop, I'd cum earlier. I was so turned on, I just wanted to keep her fucking some more. So close, yet so far away. Oh well. Next time, I guess. We fall asleep spooning and cuddling. It was lovely. Little dude slept like a baby the whole fucking time. Did not notice a thing. Haha! What a story. In the morning, we all get up like nothing happened. A bit hungover and confused. But we're all in a good mood. Wake and bake, of course. Some coffee and a nice, long talk about the night, filled with laughter. Very cool. The air is clear. He's clueless. They both give me the fist-bump and leave my place around noon. My God. What a fucking ride. After-thoughts: Well, clearly, I'm fucking happy and satisfied that I had sex with Serbian Beauty again. But goddamnit it's so frustrating that I did not get the chance to go full on, now for the second time around haha. I just wanna eat this girl alive. I'd absolutely fuck her brains out, under the right circumstances. But... I cannot be such an ungrateful fuck. It was still fucking awesome. Great sex and a very fun experience. A night to remember. And now, if you excuse me, I must go and masturbate furiously.

And here's another one, in Italian. Absolutely love this one. Parla Più Piano Keep 'em coming, people! Don't be shy

Feel free, my friend. The tempo is not set tho, it's a free-flow improvisation. So you might have some difficulties syncing it with a beat. Let me know if you got anything @Willie Awesome man! Got me feeling all nostalgic haha. Keep it up! @Vision Thanks man! Not yet, but soon!

Yess, keep 'em coming!!

@dharm4 Wonderful! Thanks! I never played with a slider. It sounds heavenly. Might just buy one soon! @lxlichael Fucking balls, man! Love your voice. I see you've got quite a few cards up your sleeve.

Look around you. All you can and cannot see, is Consciousness. Or; Light. Or; God. And guess what? That which is observing, or experiencing even, is Light, too. The differences you perceive are actually just oscillations. Waves. A chair is just Light, vibrating at a specific rate. The wall has a different vibratory signature. And so does your face. Your voice. Everything. It's all just different densities of Light. Different facets of Light, even. Everything in experience (and beyond) is just vibration. The fun part being, that what we all commonly refer to as 'awareness' is but 'a part' or 'a portion' of Light which vibrates at the highest rate. It moves the fastest - if you will. It's the lightest. The purest. In a sense; it's always one step ahead. And so there is Light. And so you are aware. The perceived empty space in-between, which can trick one into buying into the idea of separation, is actually just Light. It's just that your senses are not used to picking up on those frequencies. Hence it looks like empty space to you. Space that divides, separates. It's simply a matter of raising your frequency, as hippy-dippy as it sounds. In simple terms; becoming more conscious. I have previously achieved 'states', or 'levels' or 'hights' where everything stands still in eternal silence. Imagine a giant strobe light, constantly flashing at reality. That is how you are experiencing ordinary life. These flashes are waves, oscillations. Frequency. Light. Crank the knob of consciousness all the way up, and the frequency becomes so high it becomes absolutely still. There is no more flashing. Everything, and I mean everything, is 'seen' at once. And is still. I've had insights so far out there that I'm not even sure what to make out of them. I've seen 'now' - 'the present moment' as a timeless, motionless crystal of some sort. It's just unspeakable. But.. back to experience. Experience is a vibrational cocktail. Mostly, we have no idea what the hell is all mixed up in there. We just keep chugging. You only live once, right? At times, I'd be minding my own business, drinking my coffee, or eating my burek... and then it'd hit me, out of nowhere: 'Holy fuck! I'm actually just drinking and eating Light here!' And not just as a thought. It would be fully experiental. The taste would turn all weird and sterile... it tastes like... white. Not to mention sex. It happened a few times already. In the middle of the act; I'd become what I'd call 'a bit too conscious' and I could not escape the obviousness of the matter. Which is; there is no sex. It's all just Light dancing to itself. Twisting and turning itself, around itself. Now, that can be absolutely beautiful and magical, yes. But it can also be terrifying, trust me. One moment you have a penis, and the next it's all just floating, weightless, dream-stuff. Light. God. I deeply value experience. Not only because of the joy and thrill of it all, but also because of all the wisdom and growth it grants you with. Understanding how it all works is another big passion of mine. I feel a bit like a scientist of some sort lol. And what better way to learn but to live through what you are trying to understand. In my eyes; it is extremely important for one to align experience with The Truth, that has been realized, if it has been realized. It is easy to take every for granted and overlook the sheer magnificence and magic of the obvious. There is sweetness and deep satisfaction in living and breathing Truth. Not just knowing it exists.

Yes. Italy remains plan B. It's a great idea, and it still can happen, but I want to see through what I started here. I've got a good feeling about it. All in all; it's a win-win situation. Which does not mean there are not or will not be challenges along the way. Embracing those. Tomorrow I'm having a meeting regarding a new job opportunity. From what I heard; the money should be real good. I must earn more if I wanna live fast and wild like this. It's not a cheap lifestyle. Clubs, parties, hot girls, endless bottles of God-knows-what, spontaneous, little trips... all of that comes at a price. I just wanna be naked... and masturbate all day at home I can feel it too So what am I waiting for I'm afraid of you It's just I'm not that good of a person But I might be enough for you And I got enough love for two

Bad day in the office. It was a loser. Not too big, but still. I broke pretty much all of my rules. Having the talk with myself, again. Taking a step back.

The name of the game is... Can you stand still and stay true to where you are at this precise moment, and also honor and respect the Light in the one relating to you? Can you stay authentic to and in touch with how you feel and think right now, and still radiate as The Light of Truth? Can you come as you are, and speak to a complete stranger as if you were looking into the face of God? That is how you live in alignment with Truth.

@WaveInTheOcean Awesome. Thanks for adding that. I look at misalignment as 'distancing' or 'pulling away' from what is. It could be said that one is always and already in alignment... but that's pretty much the same as saying one is always and already enlightened. If that is not true in one's direct experience... then it's just fantasy. Part of the work, is bringing ourselves back into alignment and reminding ourselves of the obvious. When I say 'aligning experience with Truth', I mean; breathe, speak and act as The Truth that you are. Relate to everything as if you were relating to Truth. To God itself. Because, that is, indeed the case.