ivankiss

It's all in how you breathe.

And there we go... Woke up to a blessing.

No we can't skip to the good part. Bite down.

Not sure if I'm projecting myself so far into the future because I think it's going to get me there faster, or because I don't want to be here.

Look papa no training wheels!

Wow. Everything is completely up to me and it's terrifying.

The shifting earth beneath us The clouds at our feet The sun was made of a jewel When at night it did sleep Nothing to observe

I had to go where you couldn't follow In my weariness I still hear you singing in my mind I'm in every season The one you have always known Life did not reward you So find your way to the river and let go

Spiralling nights in the void Weathered coat and a dagger If I dream back my youth I can still hear you sing A voice that will die on a mountain And I fear That I've stayed here Just a little too long

I'm not crying you are.

One thing is for sure... I'm still way too broke to be entertaining this many girls at once haha!

I shit you not, just as I finished typing that, I got a text from the Italian girl, saying that she's free on Wednesday. Lord have mercy.

Now back to reality.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... yes, the door is still somewhat open, I'm kind of curious and I'm sort of keeping her as an option.

In any case, even if she wanted to come and join me now, she can't. Her passport won't let her. She cannot enter this country. And I'm glad it's that way. I still need some time alone. To finish what I started here. However... I know she'd be more than willing to fly some place else to meet me. Asia, for example.

I never went back to an ex. Maybe I hooked up with one or two of them, but never actually started dating again. I don't stay in touch with my exes. Like, ever. Maybe I could make an exception this one time. Just to see if there's anything there. It feels like there is. I would not call it unfinished business perse. More like unrealized potential.

Jk I don't believe in that new age hippy nonsense.

Haha gotta love when my hearth chakra waves are interfering with my bluetooth speakers.

Why would I get back with my ex when I now have all these hot 20yr old girls throwing themselves at me? Well because I'm clearly looking for the real deal. Not just to get my dick wet. It does feel like it could work now much better than before. Simply because I have made this huge statement by moving away. And further, remaining silent. I know she loves me. I know she wants me. And I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel attracted to her anymore. Because I do. In my mind, she still turns me on more than any of these little girls.

I guess time will tell. My plan stays the same. Regardless of who may or may not join me somewhere down the line.

Yeah, both of us are still holding on. But she's holding on stronger, for sure. There must be something here, huh? It's been six months... I moved away and started a new life... And still I feel connected to her.

I won't lie, I was this close to texting her today. But I held back. And now this. Wow...

So... My ex just sent me a picture. Apparently, she's at my mom's workplace. Awesome.

Water! Good! Water! More!

And yes, I am allowed to clown around a bit, because I am extremely clear on who or what I am, what I stand for and what I am all about. I am more than comfortable in my own company. I can look into the mirror with a light heart and a clear conscience. I am walking the talk. It only makes sense that being this real and this committed has to be balanced with being playful and silly from time to time. Because madness.