ivankiss

Took a little trip to a nearby town in SLO. I used to live here, 5 years ago or so. Feels like it was 5 lifetimes ago. Man, walking these streets is such a trip. I'm having flashbacks, memories... but it's almost like it all happened to someone else. I'm light-years away from where I used to be back then. Such a massive transformation. Makes me think... where will I be in another 5 or 10 years? How will I perceive my current self then? Whoa. I was thinking about reaching out to some old friends here... but nah. I'm not feeling like it, really. 'Where have you been? What have you been up to? Are you still alive?' - I don't feel like answering all those questions now. Heading back to Italy soon. But first: coffee.

Yes! Very nicely put, I'd say. Resonance is high. Will come back to your post and give it a deeper read. Thank you very much for sharing!

@Malekakisioannis Awesome, thanks!

Contemplating/meditating on my favorite bench, when out of nowhere, a hedgehog decided to join me. I petted and talked to him a bit. Warmed my heart.

From my current understanding, it's because what appears to be solid or tangible, and that which is aware of it, vibrate at a different rate. It's all just Light crossing its own path. There is beauty and even freedom in that, yes. But it's not the end all be all. Understanding is infinite.

CLOSED EYE VISUALS Unbound to the pale and lifeless day by the multicolored, multiform A spinning antidream unthought. -Exceeding the obsolete reality Overheated inner shape-generator. Blowing every cerebral fuse Insanity filtered and systematized. -Feeding the tools of mind abuse Mind-signal transmission peaked, distorted, bent, unrestrained Neuroreceivers shortcircuit. System parameters over-gained Nervethreads decoding the stream of the reality-inverting revolution The patterned untruth of non-dream: The closed eye visual delusion A frantic cellular race down the switchbacks of mind Throttling the existence-engine. A propulsion beyond all limit lines Convulsive thrusts of septic energy as infected cells collide Unleashing the video-bacterial disease. The sinew-conducted pseudo-vision Mind-signal transmission peaked, distorted, bent, unrestrained Neuroreceivers shortcircuit. System parameters over-gained Nervethreads decoding the stream of the reality-inverting revolution The patterned untruth of non-dream: The closed eye visual delusion Self unfolds like a disintegrating dream. All revealed but the sinister cause My lying eyes come apart at the seams. Still how could I ever regret the loss The self transformed into wave lengths -Reverberating this unyielding dream. Lost in this greedy illusion I'm forever devoured by the closed eye visual delusion A twirling visual overload - Explosions of terror and beauty Colors of fear and pain within clash into unanything A spectra-organic frenzy setting fire to the neuro-highways of mind Revolving me away from time. A soul now rendered unassigned

@WaveInTheOcean Thanks! Reception/catering in a very fancy hotel.

I basically reduced my expenses to nearly a half of what I had back in MB, and pretty much doubled my income. Fuck yes. That's how it's done. That was the vision behind this step, all along. And it's only the beginning.

Got the job. Starting day after tomorrow. It's a bit out of town, but the money is real nice, so it's not an issue. Big step forward!

@_Archangel_ Incredible. Thank you. The information you share is not foreign to me. Not at all. And now that I've 'descended' it does not seem scary, one bit. But last night, when I was at those 'hights' and I was 'experiencing' it directly, it was way too much. Felt like my heart was about to explode any moment. Reality was falling apart, right before my eyes. It's no wonder I'm scared to death of psychedelics when I can go this deep sober. Appreciate it very much, and I might reach out to you with some questions, but now I must take a break.

I'm not ready for this. And something tells, I'll never be. Impossible. It's so tempting, so inviting.. it's pulling me in. But I must be considerate towards the individual. It's too much for the nervous system. I'm definitely onto something huge - to say the least. I doubt many went this far. Sweet mystery.

@Endangered-EGO Well, yes, eternity is already the case. Infinite consciousness of it though, is a whole different thing. That's what I'm pointing to. I also may suck at describing what I'm pointing to. Sorry about that. We definitely share some similar experiences though. Very cool.

A casual, innocent, little meditation turned into infinite transcendence, fast. 0 to 100, in a blink of an eye. I managed to decrease the frequency, and descend - if you will. It was way too much. Last time I went there (and higher)... was 2+ years ago. And it was as intense as it gets. Unimaginable. Unspeakable. Death seems like a joke in comparison to this. I could not exaggerate, even if I wanted to. Going to chill and watch some youtube now. Enough of this consciousness biz for tonight. Holy shit.

@Endangered-EGO It is not nonexistence that I'm terrified of, if you will. Though it is not excluded. What I truly fear lies beyond death. Does 'frequency singularity' ring any bells for you? It's timeless stillness in pure Light. No 'flickering' whatsoever. Everything, and I mean everything, is 'seen' at once. It could be referred to as 'maximum consciousness'. And somehow, it's frozen.

Beautiful, @Endangered-EGO Really, truly appreciate it. But I ain't going there now. Nope. I know where it leads haha.

Frequency is literally how frequently you are.

Oh.. Now I get why gurus often sway their bodies while transmitting. It's because the frequency is so damn high. Fuck me sideway, man. I'm having so, so many incredible insights right now, but I am nearly incapable of typing. Barely 'physical'. @Endangered-EGO Sorry, but I am unable to go there now. Turns out; I opened a door I'm not quite ready to step through. Must calm down and climb down the ladder now. Will get back to your comment. Much thanks for your input.

@Endangered-EGO I think I know exactly what you're talking about, and it's scaring the crap out of me Breathe, Ivan, breathe.

CARBON-BASED ANATOMY homo sapiens and your carbon-based anatomy the child you're looking for is starved and lost, a memory drop the knife leave your arms behind just for a moment calm the mind the longing never ends not while you're human what if you could hold your mother's heart inside your hands would you seek blood again would you find the karmic thread drop the knife leave your arms behind just for a moment calm the mind the longing never ends not while you're human stop the clock drop the storyline just for a moment stop the clock the longing never ends not while you're human

My body requires quite some work. As someone who has endured severe abuse throughout my life, it's no surprise that I stored tons of trauma in my body. My posture is kinda fucked. Lots of tension. Strain. Fatigue. I'm far from being fully flexible. I'd say I healed the psychological and emotional aspects of my being, but I definitely must do some serious digging through all that old muscle-memory. I'm also planning on hiring a chiropractic, as well as doing a few deep-tissue massage sessions. Looking forward to all that, very much.

I'm eating much more since I moved here. 3 to 4 meals a day. I used to eat only once, max twice a day. 1500 calories, or less. Now I'm consuming around 2500. That's great. My appetite is back. I'm aiming for cca 3500 calories per day. At least in this bulking phase. Did not sign into a gym here yet. I'll do that as soon as I start working. I lost 10+ kilos in these past few years. I'm just below 70kg right now. Height: 183cm. My goal is anywhere from 81 to 86kg, lean muscle mass. 10 to 15% bodyfat.

Desired job #2 falls out of the picture. I immediately noticed the shift when I entered the workplace. So much stress in the air. Bad organisation. Employees were stepping over each-other, like ants. The manager was cold as ice. Lacks manner. No space for kindness. I understand the timing could have been wrong, and it might not be like that all the time... but I'm trusting my gut feeling on this one. Another huge issue was language. They were not happy at all about interviewing me in English. I doubt I'll hear from them. And even If I would, I'd most likely reject. The other interview I had was basically the complete opposite. Very kind, open and respectful manager. Nice atmosphere. Good organisation. The only downside is, the job pays quite a bit less. Expecting a call from them, soon. Tomorrow I'm sending a few e-mails and doing a few more interviews. Overall; today was a massive step in the right direction. Feeling good about everything. Maybe just a bit impatient.

First meeting/interview went great. Smooth as butter. Very kind and pleasant people. This was my #1 desire for a job... If they hire me, I'd pretty much skip WR1 and 2, and land straight into WR3. Which is just a few steps away from my DR. I'm expecting a call from them one of these days. Cooking a wonderful meal atm. After lunch: some rest/meditation, and then I've got a few more interviews on my list.

Paper-work done. There is nothing standing in-between me and that epic job now. Going on a few meetings later today. Exciting!