ivankiss

Be quiet and drive

Been focusing on that low/mid area tonight. I want to bring the heroic masculine voice through, fully. It's still being very shy, hiding in the background. But I'm getting there. Including a short cover too, for fun. Messa Di Voce melody2 Messa Di Voce improv2 Cover1

I am starting this journal to track my vocal progress. To commit to some sort of consistent practice. I have little to no background, no lessons, no practice. I simply started loving to sing, and I've been doing it here and there, for the past few years. I want to master singing - if you will - and get my voice nice and ready for recording sessions. I'm planning on releasing new music soon, and the voice is a new component that I'm now adding. It's an area that requires quite a lot of work - both in performance as well as production. In one of my recent posts on this forum, I mentioned 'The Voice Of God'. Haha. Sounds so monumental. But it's an actual 'thing'... It's something very specific. Something very, very unique, divine and beautiful. It exists in all of us - I believe. Everyone has 'The Voice Of God'. It's just about remembering how to access and use it. Play with it. Bathe in it. Melt with it. That's what I'm aiming for here. One of the few vocal coaches, that I enjoyed watching some time ago, is Justin Stoney. Love his vibe. In THIS video, he gives a few very good insights, examples and explanations on what 'Messa Di Voce' is. What 'The Voice Of God' is. He does not go too meta about it, but he points in the right direction haha. The Voice Of God is not just about technique. It's not even about vocal range. It has more to do with the consciousness 'behind' the voice. That is what gives it that special quality and flavour. That's what makes it sound magical. And 'locking down on it' is a feeling so good, it can be compared to an orgasm lol. I am splitting this practice in two. The first part is about singing along a set melody, that I came up with a while ago. And the second part is about improvisation, or channeling. By doing this practice as consistently as possible, I will become confident and comfortable, both on known and unknown territory. I'm taking these recordings as raw and as real as possible, to expose the areas that require attention, and over time improve. Messa Di Voce melody1 Messa Di Voce improv1

So I've been considering a prostitute these days, a lot. I'm in a spot right now where I do not feel like approaching girls, dating or anything like that. I have no time and no will for it. Have other things on my mind. What I wanna do, is just fuck somebody, without having to dance around it first. I'm a 27yr old dude who had a lot of sex so far. Like, really, a lot. 5000 times, at least lol. So it's not like I'm incel, or lack experience in that area... it's just that I fucking love sex. I'm approaching three months without any action, and it's kinda getting tough lol. In fact; this will be the longest period I went without getting any, since I lost my virginity. That may sound bizarre to some of you, but it's just something very natural to me. I view sex as a basic need. Almost like food or water. To me it seems it's a necessary component of a well balanced way of living. I'm more centred, more motivated and more creative when having sex. Is that a problem? I realize this can be viewed as a form of addiction, but I don't think I'm in dangerous territory for now. I did not sleep with all too many girls. Just above 30, I'd say. Most of the sex I had was with girlfriends or fuck buddies. Barely a few one night stands. It's just that it was a pretty consistent thing. And now it's not anymore. So what do I do? Should I give myself a break and pay for sex? I mean, taking a girl out for a dinner, a few fancy cocktails and whatnot, would probably cost me the same amount of money. And I might not even get laid. I could also reach out to some old fuck buddies and take a longer ride to meet up with them, but idk, even that seems like too much effort. To much dance. I am very introverted these days. Really don't feel like interacting much, or opening up. I just want to have sex. No talk, no dating, no drinks or dinners, no bs. No pretending like it's about anything else than what it is. So is a hooker a good call right now? There are plenty of porn star level hookers in this city where I'm now staying. I found a website. Lots of options. And it's affordable. I would not mind too much about spending a few bucks on that. I've been with 3 prostitutes in my life, way back, 7 or 8 years ago. One of those experiences was pretty much perfect. I had a great time. The other two were... ok. Nothing too mind blowing, but I did bust a nut lol. The main reason I'm hesitant, is because I changed a lot since then, and I now view things in a different way. I've attained a much higher perspective on life. I'm thinking, what would that mean in terms of vibration, am I really a match to this experience, is this just my mind going through withdrawals and playing tricks on me, etc... There is a big possibility I'd walk away from the experience disappointed and unsatisfied - I feel. But there is also a huge chance it would turn out to be just what I needed. A little push. Some fuel. I could get it out of my system and get back to doing the work, clear headed, at peace. What do you think?

This discussion should fit in here nicely:

Did not do it. And I will not, in this phase. Most likely. But if I do, I won't judge the living crap out of myself or the hooker for doing it. Lol. I'm always surprised how low quality this side of the forum is. It's like a war zone haha. It's best to stay out of these debates. You guys all have your reasons for seeing things the way you do, and that's cool, but it has nothing to do with me and my ways. You simply cannot see or understand where I'm coming from, why I do or don't do things, etc. And I don't really feel like explaining myself too much. It's exhausting. I wasn't really looking for an answer, a yes or no. I just needed to get these thoughts out there, out of my head. Appreciate your input, stay sexy.

I'm thinking very selfishly here. What's right or wrong for me, only. The prostitute's point of view, is a whole other topic. A different story. Not really my business. I also don't really give a fuck about what society thinks about this. I'm just not sure if I should satisfy the urge, or transcend it. I see value in both sides.

@PurpleTree That seems... scary haha

Fucking hell. I'm 50/50 on it. Can't decide. I've got all the reasons why I shouldn't do it, and all the reasons why I should.

Yes, but I think my situation is a bit different, since I already had tons of success with girls. I am focused on other shit and there is no space for fooling around with girls. That's all. It's a short phase. Won't last more than a few months, I imagine. Well, idk about you guys, but when I have a gf, I have sex with her nearly every day. Sometimes, multiple times a day. That might change from now on, but in my past, it was so. 9 years of being in relationships, plus a few fuck buddies around that, and the numbers are there lol.

@Harlen Kelly You're missing my point. I don't want to interact with girls right now. I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk, I don't want to play, I don't want to date. I've done that many times, and I know I'm capable of doing it again. Now is just not time for it. This is simply about me wanting to have sex and nothing else. No talk, no flirt, no game, no pulling anyone in. Just an in n out type of thing.

@How to be wise Please read my original post before posting. This is not about not being good with the ladies. I have a lot of experience in that domain. It could be also said that I'm a natural. I have a different type of dilemma here.

It's not about changing anything perse. It's more about getting it out of my system. This is just a phase that I'm in right now. Later on I'm planning on getting a girlfriend or a fuck buddy. These are girls that work for themselves. No trafficking or anything like that. Clients go to their apartments to hook up. I've read some reviews on the website.. seems pretty clean. I don't want to turn this into a habit.. that I'd consider a problem. It's a once in a blue moon type of experience.

Man, this brings back memories... This whole album is pure sex. Such a masterpiece.

Took a ride into the deep night. Was driving without a destination in mind. Such a good feel. Ended up catching up with a friend who's very close to my heart. It's been years since I last saw him. We had a great conversation. Then, his brother and another random dude joined us. We had a lot of stories to share with each-other. It was epic. Much love and respect in the air. That random dude spoke a lot of the time he spent in southern China. He said it was beyond amazing. So that caught my attention, hard. Resonance was high. He was located in a city called 'Kunming', and from what I heard, the possibilities there are endless. Definitely considering China for my next big move, too. Maybe it turns out to be a better option than Thailand... Will see. What a hype!

This came true today lol. I nearly forgot about making that wish. Bought a very sexy, sporty coupe, all black, like my soul lol. I look at it as a nice little investment. Once I decide to leave this side of the globe, I'm selling the car and reinvesting the money. God is gracious.

I sound much more relaxed, confident and convincing when improvising. I surrender to the now deeper. I let go harder lol. When I'm trying to sing a melody that I memorized the notes to, I sound smaller, or contracted. I push and pull more, and I'm not exactly on pitch. I struggle more. It's as if trying to do it, is getting in the way of actually doing it. When improvising, I'm rarely trying to do anything. It's just happening on its own. I'm hearing that beautiful angelic femine, the child I can hear too, but I'm not getting enough of that heavenly masculine into the sound. It lacks a bit in those lower frequencies. It lacks a bit of power. Some balls lol. The contour, the chamber, the resonance.. all things to 'work on'. Breathing could be better too. Being mindful of those for my next takes.

And the word was Love.

I definitely do not yet realize the full potential of this journal. I definitely do not yet see the power it holds. And that's good. Very, very good.

My mind went here instantaneously

@Adamq8 I remember wanting to say so much more, but it would not come out. There were so many insights I lost track of them lol. But I think the essence came through. ?

Imagine imagination (lol) as a pool that you can jump in. You can also think of it as a thought, that you can think of (even more lol) Imagination is infinite. The pool is endless. And you can come out on both sides - so to speak - and wake up. Being, is absolutely still. It is Absolute Stillness. To be, is to do nothing. As soon as you try to get in and participate, you are resisting being. There are degrees to it. And those are what colour your experience. You are basically trying to step out of yourself, turn around, and take a look at yourself. And that is, impossible. It is an attempt to separate yourself from yourself. You cannot separate. All you can do, is spiral in and out, up and down, and around yourself. Spiral around Absolute Stillness. The further away from being you go (and you can go really far) the more you are freezing. The deeper you sleep. The more tension there is. Contraction. It feels like you're leaning forward, wanting to escape, resisting your own being. You can go so far out you freeze completely. And that too is a path that leads to One. To Being. To Absolute Stillness. Being is your center. It is the absence of polarity. The absence of both sides of the experience. There is no duality in Being. Being is a form of art. Being is pure balance. It's just like riding a bicycle. It feels like you are leaning back into the arms of God. Like you are falling in reverse. Like you are relaxing into yourself. Like you are expanding into Infinity. It's warm and cozy. It feels like home. It feels safe. It feels steady. It's continuous. Uninterrupted. Undisturbed. Uncut. It's easy. It's floaty. It's weightless. It's Light. Absolutely still Light.

A crucial ingredient to this vibration cocktail: Even if this reality I'm currently in is just a 'waiting room', I must fully settle into it. I must make myself feel home. I think this has been bothering me a bit these days. I know this is only a station. A bridge to my DR. And that's why I kinda want to rush through the experience, as fast as possible. To reach my DR as soon as possible. And that creates a lot of tension. I must slow down a bit and appreciate the details of this experience, too. There is a lot to notice. A lot to be grateful for. A lot of my wishes already came true. And more are coming true with each passing moment. I am taking control, a lot. But I should also know when to let go, relax, and appreciate the unfolding. There can be less interference.

What you are trying to do, you are already doing. Don't try to get there. See yourself as it.

The I, I see in You