ivankiss

It's even funnier. There is no actual body within which nothing is happening. There's literally just sensation, and a thought about it. Careful not to twist this though... You should still eat well, sleep, be active, ect. It's just about seeing things for what they really are - if you will.

What if there is no perspective at all? What if everything just is?

Had a thought or two about this myself. Digesting food, taking a crap, breathing in fresh air... what's all that actually? Sensation. Just that. And whatever you think of it, is just that; a thought.

@Leo Gura Looks like I've got some research to do. I'm not familiar with those substances whatsoever haha. Cardio for sure, hear ya loud and clear

@Leo Gura Thanks, that calmed me. Don't know why, but I always thought taking a pill is a bad thing, for whatever reason. Like it indicates that something's wrong with me or whatever.

@Etherial Cat Thanks for sharing. That must have sucked, sorry you had to go through it. Awarenes is the 'reward' indeed. Also; more space, depth, wisdom, courage, etc. At least in my case. My ability to love has only deepened. And I'm the first in line to receive it now. I feel no need to look for love in another. I'm sure it will be beautiful if and when it happens... but for now I'm totally cool with being single. Perhaps for the very first time in my life. And that's big. Wish you the best.

Know what you mean... To me it felt like I betrayed my own soul. Though I wouldn't say I regret anything now. I'm honestly grateful for the experience, no matter how painful and twisted it was. I could look at it through the lens of 'I wasted so much time and energy, etc...' but I know I had to go through this. I know I'll turn all this into gold - so to speak. Thanks again. Much love and respect.

@Etherial Cat Thanks. And yes, I knew that even back then, but desperation was stronger. We see what we want to see... Never dived too deep into Eckhart's teachings, might check out. Matt Kahn helped me tons regarding all that stuff. That was my go-to.

I think the lesson was more about not being so desperate for someone's love, affection and validation, and not believing in silly little fairytales... Emotions are fine. Thanks though.

...and you lost me.

Tried a lot of stuff; the only thing that really worked was breathing my way through it. Quite literally.

If everything that can possibly exist exists, pain and suffering can be no exception. However, just because it's an option, doesn't necessarily mean it's a must.

Breathwork. Which is not to be confused with 'basic meditation'. Try this. I loved it.

If there's something flawless and utterly perfect, no matter how or where you slice it, it's going to be flawless and utterly perfect. Also; might wanna look into sacred geometry.

If I'm being totally honest and as precise as I can be: I turn myself on. No one has to do or be anything. That being said, I do have some preferences, of course. Mostly; I'm into petite women. Cute and with a spark in their eyes. For some reason I like it when they're a bit shy. If they're too loud and extroverted it can throw me off a bit, but that's not necessarily a deal-breaker. I do however get turned off hard by girls who are acting like bros. Nothing sexy about a girl who's...well...a dude. Lol. Cleaver, sharp, present, playful, sincere... All great qualities. Emotional intelligence is super important, too. The ability to surrender and follow my lead, as well. Up for an adventure, has a passion for something in life, or is passionate about living in general. If she can play an instrument and/or sing that's a massive plus. But also, you know, nice titties and fit booty. Can't forget about that. Love curly hair and I also have a thing for french cut lol. Sometimes I'm into 'bigger' women, too.

The only way the infinite can express itself is through constant change. Or so it appears.

I find it hilarious how the forum just can't seem to let this solipsism video thing go

Just stand in their presence and breathe. Also; pay attention to how they relate. An awakened being treats everyone and everything with loving kindness and respect. Then again, who cares where anyone's at... People love turning everything into a competition. Awakening is not an exception.

@Salvijus Indeed.

I am only ever conscious here and now. But I do not mind pointing towards 'a past' or 'a future' in order to paint a picture.

Not a who or a what. Just isness. Being. However, that doesn't mean much here, does it? Anyone can call themselves God on a forum.

Not as awake as it gets, but yes.

A complete and total commitment and devotion to purpose and passion. That's what woke me up. Gurus, teachers and mentors showed up later on, to help me ground and understand what was already going on.

Trained, I see imperfection in your race Lying in wait, blind, I suffer knowing I'll never reach your heaven It's unattainable, please teach me how to dream I long to be more than a machine

Thanks guys. Appreciate it a lot. It was the most intense period of my life, that's for sure. And I am beyond grateful for the experience. I mean, the amount of wisdom and depth I 'gained' simply by surviving this, is unspeakable. It feels like it lasted at least 10 years, not 4. It was beautiful, hideous, and everything in-between. An epic story to tell... Not so fun to live through. In a sense, this is just me giving myself the closure, that I never really got. I was left with a million questions after the relationship ended. Lost in the endless fog. Heart-broken and half crazy. I don't know the truth of her side of the story. And I made peace with the fact that I never will. Perhaps such truth does not even exist. But I needed to clear things up on my side. I had to make some sense of it all. Even if that meant recognizing that it was all mostly senseless. There was no logic or reason behind it. It was stupid, irrational and irresponsible in every way. Yet it was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I know the love I felt was real. And I know I am the source of that love. It was all that noise and delusion around it that was painful.