ivankiss

Keep it simple.

I'm moving to another country in two weeks. Of course it will end.

Tied her down last night. It was her very first time. She gave herself to me completely. I'll probably do a full entry in my sex diary. This was just ridiculously good.

Finally! After a very long while, I gave the 'full Ivan experience' to a girl lol! It was unreal. I tied her down. It was her very first time. We completely lost ourselves in the roleplay. I truly made her mine last night. She surrendered herself to me as deeply as possible. She obeyed my every command. Struggled to escape a bit too. I had to punish her a few times. There was definitely some rape fantasy involved. Absolutely perfect night. I really hope I'll find the time and the will to write everything down in detail. This cannot be forgotten.

Warning: Complete Transparency! I go deep into detail here! Oh man. I'm so excited to be starting this. I can already smell all the growth and expansion. The idea crossed my mind a few times these past few months.. but I never really felt like jumping into it. Up until tonight. Buckle up, dear reader. This is my very first entry. The very first chapter of a story that is filled with pleasure, excitement, joy, lust, ecstasy, love. This is my personal and also public sex diary. Why - you might ask? I don't know. It just feels right at this time on my journey. I'm working on quite a few areas in my life. One of those is this. I decided to explore my sexuality more deeply during this period. To learn more about myself, others and the world, through the pleasures of intimacy. That's what I'm all about here. Build-up She left half an hour ago. I will be referring to her here as 'J'. J(28) is a girl I met at my workplace. We started talking here and there a while ago. It was purely platonic. No sexual tension in the air, or anything like that. I was kinda flirting with her a bit, but not fully. I kinda assumed she had a boyfriend. That turned out to be a false assumption - as most assumptions are. One day we talked for quite some time during our lunch break. We kinda went deep fast. Still not a word about sex or anything. Just a nice, open and smooth conversation. I talked quite a bit more than she did. I could tell she liked that. I was expressing my views on life passionately and she enjoyed the ride. I'd say she's a very good listener. I like how she smiles politely and gently. With a pinch of fear and discomfort in the background. Anyhow; we now knew we were both single and ready to mingle. So we set a date. It went incredible. We talked on a parking lot until 3AM. 4 hours or so. No sex or anything like that. But a lot more flirting. We basically got to know each-other pretty good and pretty quick. We agreed on all terms and conditions. Neither one of us wanted a relationship. We both have other plans we're working on. And a relationship would be kinda in the way of that. We also both ended a pretty serious relationship not that long ago. We agreed we wanted to enjoy the single life for a while now. Everything seemed perfect. I found myself the perfect FWB. Someone who's not into BS either and knows what they want. Someone who plays clean. I was pretty damn happy - and I didn't even have sex yet. And then... a few nights after that first date, it happened. She came over to my place. Climax Holy mother-fucking shit. I really want to write about tonight's experience - which was our second sexual intercourse.. but leaving out the first one would be a sin. Lucky you, dear reader.. You get a peak inside both nights. It's all still very fresh and raw. First night... She comes over around midnight. She's wearing a short and tight black dress. Just gorgeous. Very hot. I pour us both a glass of some nice, sweet, white wine and we start talking. Up and down, left and right, in all directions. Touching upon a lot of topics. It was great. One thing to another; we're on my bed. Just a few days ago I installed some led lights underneath it. The color is red and it's kinda dimmed. A few candles burning on the table. The ambience was hot as fuck. I offered to give her a full body massage. It's something I enjoy doing. I also finished a course for it a few years ago. So I guess I kinda know what I'm doing. People say I'm a natural. She instantly fell into a trance. Deep into relaxation. I don't think she was touched like this in a very long time. If ever. At first she had her panties on. Not for long though. They were in my way. Soon she was completely naked. Her body covered in massage oil. Combine that with the epic lightning in the room and you got yourself a scene out of some high-end porn movie. And better. The massage lasted for at least 30 minutes. I know she works hard and a lot. I genuinely wanted her to release some of that tension and relax. I could tell she was very grateful. Also; it's not like I wasn't enjoying the fuck out of it too. One thing to another and she's returning me the favour with a mind-blowing blowjob. Now I'm in a trance. We both smoked some really good weed before, so yeah... we basically had sex in outer space that night. It's one thing when a girl is giving you a BJ just because... Almost like out of some sort of obligation. Like, you can tell she can't wait to get over with it... And it's another thing when a girl makes love to your dick with her mouth. You can tell she's genuinely into it. That she's truly enjoying it. My mind was nowhere to be found. My dick hard as a rock. It was alsmost time... I turned her over and started kissing her beautiful breasts. I mean; they're just incredible. A perfect, full C cup - I'd say. Gorgeous tiny, pink nipples. Her skin is soft and a kinda pale. She's extremely sensitive to my every touch, every kiss. Even my breath on her neck makes her moan, gently. I kiss my way down to her belly button, circling around it with my tongue. Gripping on her thighs. That first kiss on her pussy was heaven. For both of us - I imagine. I completely lost myself in the act; following the trail of excitement. It was my mission to make her feel the deepest pleasure possible. To make her forget about her name. And that she's a human on a planet called 'Earth'. The direction was clear. Straight to The Heavens. It finally happened. I was about to enter her. But... There is something I noticed while going down on her and did not mention her just yet. And that is just how freakin' tight she was. I could barely fit in a finger at first. She's a very petite girl, so I was kinda assuming that was the case... but still; I was very surprised. It's safe to say that this is the tightest girl I've been with so far. It's our first time together, so I'm wearing a condom. I entered her as if I was entering a virgin. It totally felt like that. To both of us - I imagine. I was not sure if I could fit the whole thing inside of her... but little by little; I did. Enter two or so hours of mind-blowing sex, with a 15 minutes long break for a blunt and some breath. The dynamic was pretty much spot on. She knows how to be submissive. But she also can handle the lead role well. It was a beautiful dance of sexual energy. Our breathing synchronized. Some sweat and some juice. It was beyond amazing. We both came once, but we came as hard as humanly possible. Both shaking. Both in total disbelief about just how freakin' incredible that was. We talked some more, cuddled, smoked and watched a bit of some movie. Finally falling asleep around 5AM. We barely slept two hours and then the alarm went off. She had to leave. Had things to do. I walked her to her car and kissed her goodbye. Straight back to my bed. Still in utter disbelief. We completely fucked our brains out. Final thoughts: It may be hard for you to believe that things got even better the second time she came over... Which was tonight. But trust me; We reached a new level this time around. We went even higher. We left the Earth even further behind us. It was shorter; but somehow sweeter and even more intense. More on that in my next post...The Sun is already waking up. It's way past bedtime. Good night, dear reader.

Thanks guys. We had great morning sex. Less than 30mins, I'd say. It was not painful for either one of us. Definitely feeling a bit desensitized though. It only makes sense. I guess going for hours and hours at a time is not smart. It can be a once in a blue moon type of thing, but definitely not every day. Thing is, the attraction between us is so damn strong, it's almost more painful to resist each other than to have sex all the time. We are ridiculously turned on, simply by being around each other. Things are great when we're not having sex too. We talk and talk, and it seems like we could go on forever. It's like sex for the mind. The only thing that's bugging the system here, is knowing that this is going to be short lived. We have an expiration date, and it's kinda hard to ignore that.

Yes, it's all because mommy and daddy didn't love me. Now I must tie girls down.

Jesus, if I'm not horny, reading this journal is the cringiest experience ever haha!

Obviously, now that we're sharing an apartment, we are having sex and fooling around whenever we want to. It's been a while since I've been starting my day with a blowjob. Simply falling asleep and waking up by her side is wonderful, too. We're talking a lot too, spending time in each other's company and doing our shit. Silence is not uncomfortable, at all. We are definitely able to take it easy, too. It quickly became obvious that we must, or else we'll end up destroying our genitals lol. I will not do full entries about us anymore. I see no real reason. It's simply amazing all the time. Unless anything that truly stands out happens... Then I might report. Sharing more thoughts in general about us in my ordinary journal, on another forum. This journal is purely about sex, and there's not much more to be said about that.

You have not truly made a girl cum unless she starts crying or burst into uncontrollable laughter right after she cums. It's one of the most beautiful things you can experience in this life. If anything can make you feel like a true king, it's that.

Too good, indeed. It's so good, it's potentially dangerous. I must be cautious. She made it clear that she won't be. She's basically going all in.

I told her she was the reason I revived my online sex diary and that I gave her the nickname 'Ukrainian Goddess'. She liked that a lot. Wanted to read it right away, but I told her she might have to wait a bit longer for that, if I indeed let her read it. Fun games. Packed all my stuff this morning. Moving into the apartment tonight after my shift ends.

I'm going to do things a bit differently in this entry. It's basically going to be a speedrun through the entire night. Simply because there is just too much stuff that went down. I do not have enough time to write everything down in detail. Even if I could remember it all. I'll begin by saying that this was not only the absolute best sex I've ever had, but also one of the best nights in general. It felt like it lasted several lifetimes. Yet it was over in a blink of an eye. It was an epic trip. BUILD UP I'm at work, feeling like crap. Did not sleep well or enough since that first night that we spent together. Anxiety was hitting hard. I waited till evening hours to text her. We exchange a few short texts, she sends a picture of her beautiful ass, and we agree to catch up at her place when I finish working. I'm still feeling shit. Still anxious. Unable to be truly excited about the night. Not feeling horny, at all. But I had a plan. I got some CBD. I was hoping that would help me relax and sink into my body. I arrive at her place, she opens up the door. We kiss, I grab her ass, we exchange a few words, and I enter her apartment. A friend of hers was there. She tried to make him leave right away, but I insisted that he stays a bit longer. He seemed like a cool dude. So we talk, smoke some CBD, they drink a bit of wine. Very cool vibes. Interesting topics. I'm having fun. Started feeling quite a bit better, right away. After a while, Ukrainian Goddess starts giving me sings that she's becoming seriously horny and that we should ditch the third wheel. We would be kissing and touching here and there, mid conversation, so it kinda became obvious to the guy that it's time for him to leave. Indeed he leaves. We jump right into it. CLIMAX Right away, an epic, out of this world blowjob. She's swallowing my dick whole, sucking like there's no tomorrow. It did not take me long to get hard as fuck. CBD was already kinda doing its thing, although I barely smoked any by that time. Still a bit anxious, but significantly less. We start fucking wildly in her kitchen. She cums after just a few minutes. Now I'm not even surprised anymore. She's simply able to cum all the time. I eat her out, she cums again, she sucks me off, we fuck again. Some very interesting intellectual conversations while having a break, to catch our breaths. We were turning each other on, on every level of being. We move to her room, and basically repeat the whole thing there. Then we take a shower together and fuck some more there. She gives me this incredible full body cleansing treatment. It was unlike anything. She genuinely wanted to take care of me. I was melting, from the inside out. We fool around a bit more, she cums a few more times, and then we decide to go outside. I ran out of CBD, so I suggested that we should drive to the nearest gas station and buy some. I knew they were selling it there. It was a solid 10min walk from her apartment to my car. Our way to the parking lot was just magical. Its half past 1AM. Not a single soul is outside. It's a super cute, small town, and we have it all just for ourselves. It's like the entire town became our living room. Our playground. It was truly surreal. As dreamy as it gets. Obviously, we fool around on every corner. Grinding, grabbing, jerking, making out. Not giving a single fuck about anything at all. But we did not fuck. Not yet. The streets are just beautiful. All those lights were painting a picture worth a billion dollars. It was unlike anything. The way we connected and talked was unbelievable too. So much resonance and stimulation. We make it to my car, laughing, having the best time of our lives. After a few roundabouts she starts kissing me and tells me that she is super tuned on by the way that I'm driving. Music was epic and loud. We arrive to the gas station, grab everything that we need and head straight back. As soon as I park, she realizes that she does not have her phone on her. She was sure that she left it at the gas station. So I drive back, as fast as possible. She did not find it there. Fuck! I was quite frustrated. I did not want this to ruin such a perfect night. But she did not give a fuck, really. She was laughing it off, saying how it's just a phone and that it's clearly a sign that she needs a new one. We kinda both let it go. We're back in town, on the parking lot. I step out to take a piss, and would you look at that... her phone was underneath my ass this whole time. She left it on my seat when we stepped out at the gas station. I was sitting on it this whole time. A huge relief. Maybe even bigger for me than for her. She still did not give a fuck and was laughing like crazy. The situation made me quite horny. I rolled a joint with the CBD that we just bought, pushed my seat back and down a bit and slid my pants down. Grabbed her head and put my dick in her mouth. I was rock hard in seconds. Anxiety was completely gone and forgotten by this time. Played with her pussy for a while, she sucked me off a bit, and then I ordered her to step out of the car. She did, kinda confused. I step out too, and come to her side. Turn her around and start fucking her against the car. Right there on that parking lot. She cannot believe it. She says it's her first time having sex in public. I tell her we're going to do a lot more of that. She cums again, obviously, and then we slowly head back to her apartment. Talking about everything possible. It was so goddamn real and genuine and no bs and flawless. Just a lovely talk. Super fun too. She then walks into this dark corner on a narrow street and yes, we start fucking there too. I eat her ass and pussy like a mad man. She cums yet again. Sucks me off some more, and that's it. We move on. An epic little quicky, in the middle of the town. We arrive at her place, smoke some more CBD, I put on some great music, and we completely lose ourselves in pure ecstasy. It was just unspeakable. Everything was so damn perfect. It could not have been thought of, or scripted, not in a million years. It was pure, spontaneous, improvised magic. We would often just gaze into each other's other eyes, admiring each other's beauty. There was more silence, and less communication using words. The sex itself turned into this full blown tantric thing. It was the highest quality of love making. Truly divine. Everything slowed down as fuck. It's just unspeakable. Time was long forgotten. We fucked in every position imaginable. I mean, I can't think of anything we did not do. Fooled around with some anal too, but she was not able to take me fully just yet. She'd need quite some time to be properly stretched and warmed up. So we agreed to leave that for next time. After hours and hours of this never before experienced sex, I finally came. And I came like never before. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I literally never ever came like this, in my entire life. It was like I came 3 or 4 times at once. It was like a series of smaller orgasms that at the end all merged and resulted in this one mega super duper intense orgasm. It was totally out of this world. I came so deep in her throat, it was just ridiculously good. It was a work of art. She did the job like a true champion. We talk a bit more, both in utter disbelief, cuddle, kiss, fool around, and finally fall asleep around 6 in the morning. I wake up after two or three hours and we have a nice little quicky. I cum again. Pretty damn fast. All over her ass and back. Fall back asleep. In the morning, before I went to work, she gave me a sensual full body massage. She really got in there, too. It was not some lame ass, boring massage. Fuck, I really needed that. I was so damn grateful. None of the girls I've ever been with wanted to take care of me and just make me feel good this genuinely. It's just on a completely new level. We leave her place together. She wanted to get something to eat, and I had to get to work. I was already a few minutes late. We laugh and exchange a few more words, kiss and then part ways, right on that main square where we were going all crazy on each-other just a few hours ago. Now it was super crowded. Thankfully, work was chill, so I had some time and space for myself to catch my breath. I slept barely 4 hours again, so I was glad it was an easy day in the restaurant. Towards the end of my shift, Ukrainian Goddess's landlord came by for a drink. I kinda know the guy from before. I was joking around with him a bit, saying that I will be spending quite some time at their place for the next 20 days or so, and that I'm willing to pay some money if needed. One thing to another, and we agreed that it's actually better if I simply move into an empty room, right next to Ukrainian Goddess's room. He gave me a good price for it. So yeah. That's happening. For the next 20 days (at least) I will be sharing an apartment with Ukrainian Goddess. And then I should be leaving town. I only pray my dick does not fall off in this period. We'll have to try and take it a bit easier. AFTER-THOUGHTS Magic, magic, fucking magic. It's just what this is. Everything came together too damn perfectly. I am speechless. Obviously, we are crazy for each other, already. Neither one of us ever experienced something this good, this intense and this fast. It hit us both out of nowhere. We both realized quickly that it's going to be quite painful once it ends. Because it will end, inevitably. Quite soon, too. Who knows how many disappointing partners we'll have to go through until we come across something that can even begin to be compared to this... it's just way too damn good. But it's only life. Things come and go. Sometimes quicker, sometimes slower, but they go for sure. I left out so many details it's painful. Mainly when it comes to our conversations. Those were equally as incredible as the sex itself. We said some seriously deep shit to each other. Stuff that really sticks with you for a very long while. It was too beautiful. Can't wait to see where this goes in the weeks to come. But right now, I just want to sleep and regain my strengths. I pretty much gave it my all in these two days.

I'm completely dumbstruck. Last night was even better. Unbelievable. Smoked about 1g of CBD, and all of my anxiety was gone. I felt incredibly good, centred and relaxed. My dick was rock hard the whole night, too. We fucked all over the place. Not sure when will I have time to do a full entry, but it must be done. This is simply way too good. I don't think I ever experienced anything this damn beautiful.

Texted her. She sent nudes. It's on. Round two tonight.

Fuck... I left out too many juicy details. There was just too much goodness to remember it all and write it down. It's impossible to compress the whole night into a single entry. Oh well... I'm going to text her later today. There's a chance we're hooking up again tonight. I simply cannot resist it.

I said I would not, but god damnit, last night was just too damn magical not to write it all down. I want to remember all the details of this experience and be able to come back to it in the future. Hardly anything can be compared to this. It was easily one of the, if not the best night of incredible sex, that I ever had. I am still in utter disbelief. BUILD UP I'm on the coast, working in a restaurant till October. Goal oriented and with a tunnel vision. I made a promise to myself that I would improve certain things by the end of the Summer. Friends, girls, night outs, and any kind of fun really, is not on my 'to do list'. I cut all that out; spending most of my time in solitude. Rearranging, sorting out and organizing things. Preparing myself for the next chapter of my life. A very significant chapter, that is. Clearly, I've been thinking about sex a lot. Masturbating and fantasizing quite frequently. I even hooked up a few times during this phase. But it was short and nothing special really. It mostly left me feeling unsatisfied. Did not really fill my cup. It cannot even begin to be compared to what went down last night. The restaurant was quite crowded and I was running a mini marathon, yet again. God I hate this job... But I need that money to invest it into things that truly matter. Obviously, I was not too happy about being there, doing what I was doing. I could not wait for the night to end, so I could crawl back into my shell and get back to planning my next move. I craved silence and peace. All that noise was stabbing me from left and right. '20 more days' - I kept saying to myself. 20 more days and this madness will end. And then, she showed up. Sat down with her friends at a table right next to the entrance. I will be referring to her here as 'Ukrainian Goddess'. Because, that's just what she is. Ukrainian and an absolute Goddess. I've seen them and served them all before, on several different occasions. Her two friends are a guy from Alaska - a son of some politician - as I understood, and a chill, surfer looking guy from California. They're all travelling frequently, and right now they're staying in the town where I work. They like to drink. A lot. It quickly became clear to me that they all had quite a few drinks already, but especially Ukrainian Goddess. She was super talkative and outgoing. Joking and laughing straight from her heart, as if she was the only one in the restaurant. Not giving a single fuck. I was not paying too much attention to them, even though I was clearly attracted to this girl. She was wearing a tight black dress. No bra. I would describe her body as the perfect hourglass type. Her curves are just breathtaking. Eyes sparkling blue. Round cheeks and a cute perky nose. Long, curly brown hair. She was just glowing. Still, I was wearing my 'serious mask', doing my thing, not showing any signs of attraction. Later she would admit that it was driving her crazy that I was ignoring her. But let's not skip ahead... Things slowly chilled down a bit, and I finally had some time to smoke a cigarette. I stood right on the entrance, near their table. And this is where she started coming onto me, pretty damn hard. She was quite drunk at this point, but still very coherent, in control of her body and present. It quickly became obvious to me that she wants me bad. She was not trying to hide it, one bit. Her two friends were kinda heating things up in the background too. Saying how we're a great match, that I look like I could give her what she really needs, etc. I kinda always thought she and that Alaskan dude had something going on... But I was surprised to learn that that's not the case. They just hang out together. She was pissed for a moment at him, for being in the way and stopping me from making a move on her all this time. But even if it wasn't for him, I doubt I would've done anything. I just was not in that 'hunt-mode'. It truly had to be her to make the first move. And boy did she make it. Strong and decisive. No bullshit. We start flirting pretty hardcore, but also just talking about some random stuff. Getting to know each other a bit more. Soon she places her phone in front of me, with the dial opened up. Waiting for me to type in my number. In my mind I was still going to say 'no' and head home as soon as my shift ended. I was seeing this whole thing as some sort of a distraction. As if I did not want to allow myself to unwind a bit and have some fun. I was also just a bit intimidated by how straight forward she was - gotta admit that. I basically wanted to chicken out. But she simply wouldn't take no for an answer. Saying that she had terrible luck with dating since she arrived here and that she desperately needs someone to cuddle with tonight. Deep down, I felt the same. Yes, we were definitely a perfect match. I'm still playing hard to get, saying that I kinda took a pause from this whole casual one night stand thing - thinking that it would end up being yet another disappointment. Boy was I wrong. Thank God she did not give up that easily. I still had to finish up some things at my job, and she would often come right up to me and smile seductively. Saying naughty things. Basically eating me alive with her eyes. As soon as I finished working, she said we should head straight to her place. She did not want to hang out with her friends not even for a minute longer. Our agreement was that we wouldn't necessarily have sex, but at least kiss passionately, cuddle, talk, etc. She was trying to be respectful of my 'abstinence', but we both knew what was about to go down. There was simply no way around it. The attraction was way too strong. CLIMAX I put my arm around her waist right away, pulling her in close, and we slowly start walking. Her apartment was 200 meters or so away. On our way there, things quickly heated up x100. One of the first things she says to me is that she thinks underwear are a stupid invention and she isn't wearing any. Then she says I'm making her soaking wet this whole time and she can feel it dripping down her legs. My. Fucking. God. I had to make sure of it. A few more steps and I press her against the wall, my hands go straight under her dress. Fuck me sideways. She wasn't lying. I don't think I ever felt a girl to be this fucking wet. Especially not before I even touched her. My mind is blown. Dick hard. We start making out, right there on the middle of an empty, narrow street. I am in utter disbelief about how fucking juicy her ass is. Pussy even juicier. My fingers play around with her little purr a bit, she's already moaning. Then she pushes me away, saying that we're close and that we should hurry up. On our way she says that she's bi and that she also enjoys being dominant a lot. That's not how things are going to be tonight - I said. You are going to surrender yourself completely to me, or else I might have to force you into submission - I said. She liked that, I could tell, but was not biting it really. She probably thought I was only talking big game and would end up being her bitch. Little did she know who's she dealing with. We arrive to her place and start going crazy on each other on the stairs. I was dying to lift that dress up and shove my face right in that yummy, perfect ass. My tongue is already circling her clit, and we didn't even enter her apartment yet. We're grabbing on each other, like we never tasted flesh ever before. Making out wildly, sucking on each other's tongues, stumbling our way up the stairs. We finally enter her apartment. More kissing and grinding, and we make our way to the kitchen, with our bodies glued to one another. Pause. She pours us both a glass of white wine. I don't drink - I tell her. Why is that? - she asks. Just another thing I took a break from. I wanted to be completely sober for a while - I say. I also tell her that I stopped smoking weed a while ago and that I'm kinda sorry that's the case, because weed is a huge aphrodisiac for me and it truly draws the animal in me out. She kinda thinks what I'm doing is stupid, I can tell. She does not understand what I'm trying to accomplish by this and what my goals and ambitions are. It's understandable. She does not know me or my story. So there I was, completely sober with a smoking hot, now already naked girl. I don't remember when was the last time that I had sex without smoking weed before. I was sensing some performance anxiety creeping it's way in, but I was determined to overcome it and do this thing raw. I had to try at least. We talk about submission and dominance a bit. She insists that I surrender and let her lead. That's just not going to work - I say. It's simply a turn off for me. She does not like it. I can tell she's becoming a bit frustrated, kinda aggressive too, but it's still mostly just all fun and games. One thing to another and she's sitting on the kitchen table, her legs wide spread, my face in her pussy. I'm eating her out like it's the last meal I'll ever have. I was dreaming of this very moment for the past few months. There is nothing quite like it. My love for pussy is unspeakable. It just drives me completely nuts. She's moaning freely, as if she's the only one that exists on the entire planet. Enjoying herself to the max, without any second guessing. Not holding back one bit. I soon enter her with two fingers, my tongue still all over her pussy. She is wet beyond description. 'Oh my God, you're gonna make me cum already!' - she screams in pleasure. Not even 5 minutes. That's how long it took. She came all over my face, like a true Goddess that she is. I was surprised too, but she seemed surprised even more. Later she confessed that barely any guy was able to make her cum. Who the fuck was this girl screwing? To me it seemed like the easiest job ever. All I did was completely lose myself in her pussy. It's gotta be my true love and appreciation for it that's doing the magic. I want to taste my pussy - she says. We make out some more, right there on that kitchen table. Stuff like this you see not even in a movie. Not even in some high quality porn. It's just too damn real, raw and unscripted. It's pure fire. Pure passion and desire. Please let me suck your dick - she starts begging. I know you have this stupid thing of yours going on, but please, I just want to suck your dick so bad - she says. It's the words every man dreams of hearing, I'm pretty sure of that. A smoking hot girl begging to suck my dick. What the actual fuck. This must be a dream. Still, somehow I was not as appreciative of it all as I knew I could be. It's like I bumped into this blockage that was stopping me from fully absorbing the sheer epicness of the moment. Fucking hell man. It was just too damn good. Too much to take in. Soon enough, my dick is indeed in her mouth. And oh my God. She fucking loves to suck. It's clear as day. Enjoying every second of it. She sucks dick for her own enjoyment, just as I eat pussy for my own enjoyment. Clearly, we are a match made in Heaven. I wasn't rock hard right away. Anxiety was doing it's thing. But that wasn't an issue whatsoever. She was swallowing my half erected dick whole, choking on it, playing with it like it's her favourite toy. She's on her knees, clearly. Her ass looks like absolute magic from up here. I cannot help it, I reach over her and start grabbing and spanking that ass, pushing my dick all the way in her throat. She goes all nuts. It was just what I needed. Soon I was rock hard. She's going all crazy on my dick. I'm playing with her ass and pussy. Absolute perfection. We fool around like this for God knows how long. I eat her out. She cums again and again. We take a short break, then she starts sucking me off. It was just so much fun. No rush whatsoever. The clock stopped ticking. Somehow, we ended up in the hallway. She started convincing me again to let her dominate me. I gave in for a few moments, letting her push me against the wall and do her thing. She's not letting me make a single move. Licking and biting my whole body. Sucking my dick. It was difficult for me, I kept wanting to take over and fuck her face off, but I tried my best to remain still. I figured I'll give her a few moments to play her role. But it didn't last too long. Soon I pushed her to the other side of the hallway, turning her around and getting on my knees. Her ass right into my face, once again. I'm giving it my all, she's moaning like crazy. Please don't stop! You're gonna make me cum again! - she yells. As soon as she cums, I decided it's time. My dick was rock hard and ready. I get up and shove it all the way in from behind. She jumps in a cocktail of shock and pleasure. At last. After a foreplay that felt like a whole lifetime, I am finally inside of her. And it is absolute heaven. She is just made for me. We fit perfectly, like two puzzle pieces. I'm going hard. I'm not holding back one bit. Partly because it's just what was the right thing to do, and partly because I was kinda afraid of losing my erection. Stupid fucking anxiety and monkey mind... But no, it's all great. I'm still hard, going all crazy on her. That most beautiful juicy phat ass slamming against my body. I give it a few good slaps. It's like it was made for it. To my surprise, she cums again, without me laying a finger on her pussy. Pure penetration orgasm. I mean... what?! How the fuck is this girl able to cum this easily, so many times? It's just mindblowing. And she would not stop here. She was not even nearly done. We take a short break again. Talk about God knows what. But I remember it was honest and real. Kinda got deep to a few times. We touched on some insecurities, issues and stuff... It was a nice way of opening up even more and connecting even stronger. We also spoke of our exes a bit. It could not be avoided. I was super surprised when she said that her body count is bellow 10. I mean, with that attitude and energy, and with those skills... I was sure she fucked God knows how many dudes. But no, instead, she was married for three years to an Australian guy. They're kinda in the middle of a divorce right now. Fucking hell... I just fucked a married woman - I thought. Fucking awesome. She's older a few years than me. Funny, I kinda thought she was younger. Being with an Ukrainian girl was one of my big wishes too, for a very long time. Simply because Ukrainian girls are known to be among the most beautiful girls in the world. I can confirm now. There's definitely something special about them. Although I might have to try a few more to be truly sure haha! Soon enough, we're fucking again. On the kitchen counter, on the floor, on the table, even in the fucking window, hanging half out of the apartment. Gazing at the starts with my dick deep in her pussy. It was an absolute dream. She keeps cumming, and cumming, and cumming... and it seems like she could go on forever. I, on the other hand, was holding back for too long and kinda became desensitized by this point... I kinda knew that from this point on, it's going to be really hard for me to cum. But that did not mean the fun is over. Far from it. She decides to take me in another room. A music room, I guess. She insists that I play her some guitar. I was not resisting. I plugged in this old epiphone that belongs to her roommate, and started fooling around. She sat on the couch behind me and was kissing my back and neck while I was playing. Another perfect moment out of a movie that was never made. Fucking awesome. One thing to another, we're fucking like rabbits, again. Right there on that couch. Her legs are nearly behind her head. She is super flexible. I am going as deep as it's possible. She is screaming in pleasure. I was hitting the spot in this position so damn good. I was also hitting the wall, but she liked that too. Her nipples in my mouth. Absolutely beautiful titts. Amazing thighs. Just an insanely gorgeous girl. And then, out of nowhere, things turn a bit awkward, but also quite fucking hilarious. As I was fucking her in this beautiful position, with her legs all up in the air, all of the sudden the doors open and her roommate who's this old rocker guy in his 60s enters the room and starts yelling and bitching how this is a guest room and that he just now brought a friend over who has to sleep on that couch where we're having sex. Haha! He was quite pissed! We did not even hear him entering the apartment. Thought we were still all alone. The lights were on, it was quite a scene. We quickly got up, she covered herself with an umbrella and ran off into the kitchen to get all our clothes and stuff. We were laughing like crazy, but her roommate wasn't happy at all haha! From here we finally moved to her room, where we continued to bathe in absolute ecstasy for god know how much longer. We talked and talked more, and we also became quite a bit softer. It wasn't just pure animalistic fucking anymore. It was gentle touching and kissing too, cuddling and really just being in love. I am making love to you - she says. I'm not only having sex with you. I feel the same - I tell her. It truly feels like real love. No bullshit. No pretence. No 'ego' - if you will. Only genuine desire to make each other feel the highest pleasures and the deepest feelings possible. It was truly divine. Nothing can compare to this. Not even my adventure with J. That was out of this world too... But this... This is just true love. No other way of putting it. We were both on the same level. Skill wise, emotionally, mentally, and in every other possible way. It was beyond perfection. Too fucking good. More sex, more fooling around, sucking and licking, talking and cuddling, kissing and listening to great music. It was a perfect outro to this incredibly wild and intense night. We used up all our energy, until there was nothing left and we just collapsed. We did not want the night to end, but sadly it had to. We both had things to do in the morning. Which was like in three hours or so. I thought of leaving her place, but again she begged me to stay and cuddle with here until we fall asleep. I simply could not say no. She fell asleep on my chest, way faster than I did. Understandable. She was drinking and smoking weed. Me, however... I was laying there for a while, holding her in my arms, playing with her hair, with a million thoughts rushing through my mind. Ranging from 'this is absolutely insanely good' to 'fuck, why am I struggling with this fucking anxiety and all that shit... Why can't I just feel good in my body at all times...' I was kinda bummed out that I did not cum throughout the whole night. I closed my eyes for a few minutes, and when I opened them up, I was ready to go again. I knew right away she's not the kind of girl that would be pissed for being woken up for sex. So I flipped her around and slid my dick into her in this spooning position. It was perfect, because I did not have to use too much energy. After I few minutes, I finally came, all over her beautiful ass and back. She pressed herself back against me as much as she could, my arms around her, and we finally fell asleep like the two love birds that we were. Morning sex? You bet. More sucky-licky-fucky. And all that. She came a few more times. I could not cum. Bummer. But fucking awesome nevertheless. We agreed to hook up a few more times in these 20 days, before my contract ends and I leave this town. We expressed once again to each other just how amazing the night was. We pretty much fucked throughout the whole night. Crazy! We kissed and hugged, I made some stupid joke on my way out, she laughed pretty hard, and that was it. I finally left her place, somewhere around 8:30 in the morning. We spent solid 10 hours together. If this is not love, I don't know what is. And the best thing about it is, that we totally understand and respect the fact that it's not going to last. It's true love but it's only passing by. It's not here to stay. Somehow, that makes it all even more magical. AFTER-THOUGHTS What do I even say? I'm speechless. I cannot even comprehend this. I'm definitely looking forward to meeting up with her again, soon. But I need some time to sober up from this experience. My dick is sore too. Her pussy as well. No big surprise there. We pushed the limits as far as possible. This is definitely not something that can happen everyday. It's just too damn intense. I also don't want to kill the magic of it by going in too soon. Letting things cool down a bit. May or may not report when we hook up again. All I can say is... God... Fucking thank you. This was just a beautiful gift. More than I could ask for.

The struggle to free myself from restraints becomes my very shackles.

One more step... It's here waiting for you. Now go, slow, take your time.

Breaking the silence for two reasons: One is: women in their 40s are fire. Hooked up with 3 'older' women recently. It was great. Still prefer girls in their 20s, mostly because of looks. But it was awesome to try out something different. And the other reason is: J reached out to me today. It's been a year since our little adventure, and I still cross her mind. I think that's awesome. It's also clearly a sign that what we had was real and quality time spent together. Doubt we'll ever hook up again, I moved away months ago, and might move even further away soon. But goddamnit, it was so good I cannot help myself but wish for at least one more night with her. Doubt I'll ever do a full blown entry here again. It does not tickle my pickle anymore really. Still, this diary was super fun and it means a lot to me. A great fucking ride.

Just when the circle's drawn, just then the circle's gone.

@Applegarden8 This thread is mainly meant for sharing music

'The answer cannot be found In the writing of others, Or the words of a trained mind.' -Chucky A thought can never be actual Truth. It can point towards it, or inspire introspection. It can bring some sort of understanding and clarity. It can make it easier to relax and surrender. But it can never be The Truth. The greatest book of all time will never actually be The Truth. The greatest teacher of all time will never be able to teach you The Truth. Only point towards it - and not even. Absolute Truth lies purely and exclusively in Being. You can only BE Truth. Never think or speak it. Never hear or taste it. No matter how close it seems you are to it. Please be extremely careful - whether you're seeking or preaching. Thought can be super tricky. It can lead you straight into madness, or worse, while you're thinking you have captured the essence of existence. Breathe, love, enjoy the ride. Share and absorb insights freely. But do not confuse an idea for actuality. Peace be with you.

Matt Kahn all the way!