ivankiss

Signing the contract with the new company on Monday, btw. Just confirmed. And I'm pretty sure that means 5 days of holiday, starting right now.

Oh what the hell. OK. Fine. Let's do it. But no expectations. And no pressure. Just a casual little walk in a park.

Ahh, who am I fooling... If I meet with this girl now we're getting involved on a more intimate level, for sure. At the very least we would be making out, one point or another. So... Yes? No? The fuck do I want?

Definitely should not go out with an intention to have sex. Because no.

It's Wednesday. The Italian girl is expecting a yes or no from me. And I'm still not fucking sure. Do I feel like going out on a date right now? Nah... It sounds exhausting. But maybe just a nice little walk in a park... Hmm... Hmm hmm hmm...

I should have named this journal 'witness me purging hard'

But don't stop sending me your money haha!

How can I make it even more obvious that this is the part of the movie where everyone should leave me the fuck alone for a little bit..?

Two random dudes joined me, while I was chilling on a bench in the park. 2 joints and 30 minutes of lame ass small talk in, and one of the dudes starts forcing his business idea on me, saying how he needs a man exactly like I am to complete his brilliant entrepreneurial circlejerkery. I was like, nah, thanks bro, I'm good. And then he legit said to me that he will make an offer to me that I will not be able to refuse. Hahaha! What an idiot! But I'm an even bigger one, for giving him my number at some point. He basically had 'alpha winner' written on his forehead. The bad thing about being attractive (and no, not just sexually) is that you're mainly going to be attracting idiots. Because they're most confident in their idiocy. That is why I rarely ever approach anyone. And if I do, it's usually with a strong and honest intention. Or out of genuine curiosity. Haha. I'm so full of shit. You fucking lunatics.

Monkey business.

HAHAHA

That's right. I am no longer one of you primitive carbon based organic losers. My DNA is transforming to a 12 dimensional crystalline structure. I am the light, the light I am.

Just wait until we get to the decalcification phase.

Of course it's all just trauma. It's all stored in my muscles. The body is rather like a map, really.

4 sessions tops and I'm reborn. I can do it on my own also, yes, but it's going to take a lot longer. I wouldn't say I'm in pain anymore. The worst was in February/March. I worked my way through a lot of it already. Now, I'm mostly just annoyed by it. It's uncomfortable. It's obvious as fuck to be that my body is not in alignment. Out of symmetry. And I know I can fix it. Just wouldn't mind a little bit of assistance.

Definitely need that fucking chiro already.

Jk there's nothing organic about any of this. I'm no orga, I'm no mecha, I'm a wizard, Harry.

Torn, undone, dissolved By incandescent gods condemned Burned their mark on my soul To my inverted shadow confined Twisted, spun vertebras and spinal column unaligned Joints shattered and torn apart Spasm-rendered distortion Organic spiral Stretched and torn into a new creation A worldless thing, a thingless word Lightborn malformation

Random beats of blinding shockwaves Erratic suns that twist my eyes Flashes pounding at my thoughts As the intrinsic pains multiply Muscle and tissue twined with every violent lash Battered by an unrelenting shine Immobilized by the increasing pains The procreating agonies of system breakdown

I say that with love and respect.

It's been a while, btw. Fuck all of you idiots. You all suck too.

If you're new here, I bitch and moan about the weather frequently. Definitely way too fucking hot outside today. This planet is not meant for me. It sucks if it's too cold, it sucks if it's too hot. And it's rarely ever just right. I think that's what I'll be all about when I become super rich. Just chasing the perfect temperature around the globe. Because why not.

The body is adjusting itself. I'm barely doing anything at all.

Digging deep through my old muscle tissue. I don't even know how I'm doing what I'm doing. It's all just breathwork.

It's all in how you breathe.