ivankiss

Being polyamorous is just a lame excuse for not being able to fully commit to a relationship, be loyal and respectful, etc. It has nothing to do with gender, rather one's level of development.

@Kksd74628 Again, you are shooting yourself in the foot. There clearly is a you and me, and you are clearly triggered by what I'm saying. You are also clearly trying to convince me of something. All works of 'an ego'. I am completely fine with having an identity. And that does not mean I'm more or less conscious than you. Perhaps I'm just more real and honest with myself. Me having an identity, an agenda, caring for my survival, etc, does not make Oneness less one.

@Razard86 You are digging your own grave. You are literally pointing your finger at me, saying that there is no me and it's all an illusion. Can you see how stupid that is? I'm just bored at work dude... Having a not so delicious stake, killing time on the forum, debating with folks who think they have no identity. It's fun.

If you really took the whole 'there is no other' idea all the way... it would be a complete disaster. Chaos. Mayhem. It's one thing to parrot this stuff from the comfort of your couch, and it's a completely different thing to fully align with that truth and live it.

@Razard86@Kksd74628 Bullshit. Sorry. You do not stand in the truth you're speaking of. Which makes what you're saying untrue. You both very much have an identity. An agenda. Something to prove. Hard pill to swallow, indeed. But you're not where you think you are. Still walking your path, one foot nailed to the ground.

@Kksd74628 I'm good at sniffing out bullshit.

@Kksd74628 That's a half baked awakening. Half of the circle, not the full circle. Yes, it's all one consciousness. And yes, you may call this 'a dream'. But within this dream there is a 'you' and there is a 'me'. And we're not the same. We are just made of the same 'dream stuff'. Don't try to sell me the whole 'I don't have an identity, I don't have an ego, there's no one here and you're talking to yourself' crap. Because we both know it's just not true.

@Kksd74628 It's mostly a reminder for myself. But also for anyone else who needs a reminder.

It's not all of them, of course, but quite a few girls I was more serious with, had a terrible past. Stuff that kinda makes you wanna throw up. One of them was gang raped when she was 9. The other one was hooked on coke and was sucking dick for it at age 15. This current one was involved in all kinds of nasty stuff too. Dating guys twice her age, was harassed many times while she was blackout drunk, and I'm pretty sure she was raped too. I'm trying not to go into it or ask about her past too much, because, well, it just fucking hurts to imagine her in those kinds of situations. Or any girl for that matter. What's up with all that? Is it me or what? Why am I attracting or being attracted to girls with heavy baggage? How do I not judge them or feel sick when stuff like this comes up in a conversation? Or should I avoid girls like this? They do tend to be kinda coo coo at times. It only makes sense. Any experience with this guys?

Yup. It's clear as day now. The reason why I get so attached to these girls is because of sex. I've got work to do, I know...

Alive or dead is a duality. Consciousness is neither.

It makes me think... does this make me some kind of a predator too? I mean, it's not like I'm consciously seeking out girls like this.. more often than not they come to me first and, in a sense, pick me up... But I do choose to stay with them, despite getting to know all that stuff about them. Should I walk away, right away, because I see how twisted it is? Should I know better? Am I 'taking advantage' of them? I never harassed a girl in my life, ever. Never even pushed hard, or anything like that. I always got girls easily. But I see how staying with this kind of girls could mean that there is something twisted deeper within me too...

@Devin I hear you, and maybe I secretly enjoy playing with fire lol. I don't know. Of course I'm not a fan of the pain and drama that comes with it, but there is just something about girls like this that gets me hooked. There is depth to them. And sex is more often than not insanely good. Maybe that's the catch. Maybe if I wasn't into having lots of freaky sex, then I wouldn't be into girls like this at all... Definitely something to think about more deeply.

@Mormegil Yeah, I hear you. Definitely had the role of a saviour in the past. I already did a lot of work in this area and I think I'm doing good now. I'm not trying to save this girl or set her on the right path or anything. At least not directly. It's kinda happening on its own, simply by spending time together. I like quite a few things about her. We're in love and all that. But some stuff I just cannot digest. What she's been through is shown in her behaviour in the present, one way or the other. It just seems like too much work. It's too twisted. I'm not ready to walk away just yet. I do enjoy being with her, most of the time. But I'm pretty sure this won't work in the long run. I'd just like to avoid feeling sick and judging her about this stuff. It's her life. Has nothing to do with me. Don't know why I feel this so intensely...

@Exystem I love metal too. It's what made me falll in love with music in the first place. But lately I've been enjoying calmer waters too. Will check out that album - doesn't ring a bell. I salute you!

Apparently, cumming simultaneously with your partner is a rare thing to experience. At least from what I heard. And it kind of makes sense. Many struggle to get themselves or their partner to cum at all, let alone cum at the same time. It wouldn't surprise me if most people never experience this in their entire life. But holy fuck, it's so damn good. Something about your partner cumming simultaneously with you makes your orgasm that much stronger. And vice versa. It's truly a heavenly experience. My girlfriend cums a lot. Easily 5-6 times during an intercourse. She says it was never like that in her past. Maybe that's true, maybe it's really because we fuck so good, or maybe she's lying. Who knows. But what's for sure, is that we're crazy about each-other. I'd say that it doesn't get much better than this. All of my sexual desires are satisfied with her. Outside of the bedroom it's a bit different story, but when it comes to sex, she's more or less a perfect match. We don't cum together always, but it happens quite often. I only experienced this with one or two girls before. So it's kind of a big deal. I'd say it's mainly because we are so damn attracted to each-other, but there are other factors here too, for sure. Being relaxed and feeling safe, trust, respect, love, etc. If this is something you've never experienced, or did not pay too much attention to - I'd strongly recommend you start focusing on it. It's simply too good not to be experienced. It's like you completely lose yourselves in each-other and your souls collide. It's much more than just sex.

@Exystem Nice! I am hopelessly in love with Katatonia's acoustic album 'Dethroned and Uncrowned'. It's absolutely beautiful. Always cuts deep. Constant noise Behind the overcoming I had no choice but to rearrange The scar is open I am not allowed to understand I take it as you're not coming back

There's too many really... but this is a start: Turn back time Reason why Break neck speed History Waiting Waning Exasperating Unstrung Tethered Hoping forever No I tried to settle bets with my own soul Bless my lips for the first time before you don't Gripping to the last touch of your hand I grow to loathe Hope that you remember just how far I'll go I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I'm enough Resist Resist Resist

Everything is consciousness. No human, no robot, no computer, no electrical circuits. Just consciousness.

Of course! anal! Haha! Please elaborate, kind sir.

Sure, but this is the 'relationships and sexuality' section.

Consciousness, Nonduality, Singularity, Oneness, God, Love... it all became a very real and direct thing to me. There's nothing woo woo or mystical about it anymore. Nothing spiritual about it, either. It's right in my face, so to speak. It's directly accessible - if you will. It's so simple and obvious. But the language I used to use in order to describe it and do the work, is kinda funny. There's a lot of nonsense and distortion in this 'spiritual jargon', and I just adopted it as I was going. It was useful at some point, to make sense of some things and cope with them. But now I kinda see the limitations of it. It's kinda annoying too - to be honest. It sounds like some hippy dippy garbage. It simply does not hit the nail on the head. It does not sound real and grounded enough. How would you speak of all this stuff, that can be heard as quite 'out there', in a simple and down-to-earth way?

@Mu_ Lovely, haha! Thank you. Embrace the cringe it is. I think what I like the most, and what I'm really after, is communicating this stuff indirectly. Non-verbally. I love when we 'accidentally' arrive there during a conversation, too. Or better yet, share 'a moment', a glimpse of that magic. Synchronicity and stuff. I kinda live for those moments haha! I imagine, at some point, everything becomes like that. Magical and absolutely, brilliantly perfect. No matter how the picture is painted. No matter what the storyline is. Looking forward to that.

Yeah, that's a nasty trap to be caught in. It's what happens when you twist the truth and use it to justify your nastiness. Nothing awake or loving about it. But it's a journey to go through, for sure. I was in a nasty relationship too, not too long ago, so I can kind of relate. It was different than what you're describing, but toxic nevertheless. The dynamic was similar. No other advice I can give, but to gather all your will and courage, start planning an escape, and then when the time comes leave, and never look back. You have to cut this out completely. Only that way can you heal and move on. At least that's what I had to do. Removing yourself from a hostile environment is an act of (self) love. Stay strong. All the best.

His mind is slow and limited, his heart is shutdown and cold, his body bares the wight of his pain.