ivankiss

States come and go. Cannot hold on to them. I'd say that simply being is key.

It should be common sense, really. If you want to sleep with a girl or make her your girlfriend, you need to be perfectly clear about it. If she tries to pull the 'I see you as just a friend' or 'you're like a brother to me' card on you, you either have to improve your game and make your intentions even clearer, or you simply walk away and do not look back. No sticking around, doing stupid little favours, having a coffee and listening to her ramblings, hoping that one day, maybe, possibly, by some miracle you get lucky and she 'gives you a chance'. How pathetic that is... You should not be given a chance. You should be wanted by a woman. You should be irresistible. Guys in these dynamics are just too desperate. And I get it... If you cannot have sex with her or date her, at least you get a little ego boost by being in her presence. You feel closer to what you actually want. When in fact, you're actually further away. Frying in that friendzone, like an insect. Girls that do this are not stupid. They know exactly what they're doing and why. It's clear as day to them that the guy wants to fuck their brains out. They feed off of that energy. They absolutely love all that attention. They love all those little favours. They love that you're right there, whenever they snap their fingers. It's disgusting. But it's just how it is. It's entertaining to them, it fills the void, but also; it's a survival strategy. It's how they navigate reality. By having a bunch of dudes ready to jump when they need something. Don't be that guy. Be strong. Choose yourself over any woman. It's not easy, but it's far more rewarding. Don't stick around waiting for her to throw you a bone. Move on, find a woman who will want you. Maybe lower your expectations a bit, if you're shooting too high. Dating a bit less attractive girl is still better than being friendzoned by a very hot one. And girls, handle your shit too. Stop torturing these dudes. What you're doing is not healthy. It can also ruin your relationship when the right guy shows up. No healthy man will date a woman that has 16 dudes in that friendzone, orbiting her every other day. You have to learn how to live without that cheat code. Either reject the guy fully or start dating. Cut the bullshit. I'm not saying true friendship between a man and a woman cannot possibly be. I'm sure that can happen. But let's be honest... 9 out of 10 of your guy friends would have sex with you, in a blink of an eye, if you were to give them a chance. Real friendships are rare. Super rare. While guys who are friendzoned are on every corner. Personally, I have never been friendzoned. Nor do I have female friends that I hang out with regularly. And that's for a very good reason. I either have a girlfriend, a fuck buddy or I'm all alone. Friendzone my ass.

@Schizophonia I am going through something, yes. Thanks for noticing. All is well.

@Applegarden8 Yeah, some people flirt full on even when they're in a relationship. I'm not a fan of it. Although I cannot say I've never done it myself... Like, back when I was 20 maybe. I cannot imagine doing it now. It just does not seem or feel right. You are not wrong. I am angry and I am healing. This is part of the process. Thanks. It was quite a while a go and I never did anything like that again. It wasn't really nice of me, I agree. But in a way, he set us up. He knew it was going to happen, and he also knew that girl would never consider being with him. Again, not cool, but not such a big backstab either.

Form is only a lie until you realize formlessness. Two are one. Form is just an 'extension' of formlessness. A lie is just a distortion of Truth. It is always of Truth, but not necessarily The Truth.

It is possible to switch from witnessing the unfolding of the present moment to remembering it, in real time.

Guys, please read the original post properly before you respond. I see this often. You completely miss the entire point of the thread and keep posting about something else that triggered you. I'm not talking about regular friendships between men and women here. If you have healthy friendships with the opposite sex, that's cool. I'm not saying you should not be friends with anyone. What I'm talking about is a very specific and very toxic dynamic. It happens when a guy clearly wants more than just a friendship, but still sticks around, hoping that something more will happen. And a lot of those girls who friendzone guys are perfectly aware of that and are taking advantage of the situation. It's just nasty. On both sides. If you don't see a problem with that, you're either toxic yourself, or you're playing dumb, for your own selfish reasons. I don't know about you, but I dated quite a few girls who had a bunch of dudes in their friendzone, orbiting them and doing favors for them constantly. It's annoying as fuck. And it's very common. I'd say that nearly every girl in her 20s does this, to some extent. It's just how they get by.

Had a similar issue. I could get hard, but not rock hard, and it was more difficult to remain that way. Try smoking some CBD before sex. It won't get you high, but your nervous system will relax and you'll get it up easy. Worked for me at least.

@hoodrow trillson Are you serious?

@NoSelfSelf I get it, I see how it can work, but it's just not my cup of tea. All the best.

Yeah, this does not seem healthy. It happened once, kind of. A girlfriend wanted to friendzone me after 4 years long relationship. I rolled with it for a few weeks. It was hell. But other than that... No, never, really. Haha! Good luck brother. All the best.

@NoSelfSelf Yeah, you had me, then you lost me. But I guess you're saying it's all just survival. It's just how it is, they're right for doing it and you should just know better. I agree, a little bit, but also no, it's bullshit. Women absolutely have issues to work on and stuff to improve. Are they not supposed to evolve, grow and develop? I always stay out of these man vs women kind of debates. It's really not my thing. I'm just saying we all have stuff to improve, in order to be better, healthier, more conscious and loving partners. We play too many games. And some of them are dangerous and can cause serious damage.

@Chives99 I had a good friend who was always complaining to me about being friendzoned by this really hot girl that he was super into. He was always there for her. It was almost as if his whole world was revolving around doing these little favours for her. He would flip his day upside down just to meet her needs and "be there for her". And she kept saying that he's like a brother to her, knowing very damn well that he was in love with her. It was really hard witnessing that sometimes. And guess what happened... I ended up banging that girl. Not my friend. I felt a little bit guilty, so I told him, of course, and it was all cool. It stung a little bit, I imagine, but we were cool. We spoke a lot about it all, he upgraded his game a little bit, and a few weeks after that he met a girl and took her home. Lost his virginity that night, at age 21. True story. @Gesundheit2 Good point. Nice input, thanks. @NoSelfSelf Yes and no. Yes, you are absolutely doing it to yourself and you should not allow yourself to end up there. But also no, it's not just your fault. It's not just because you're a loser, or beta, or whatever other stupid thing. Some women do this intentionally and deliberately. For a very good reason and with a specific purpose. It's a very well though out thing. Designed to meet their needs. And it works. Most of them time, they get exactly what they want, when they want it. Again, not saying this is true for EVERYBODY. Internet. I'm just saying this happens very often. It is an issue.

Guys are being constantly friendzoned. Don't bullshit yourselves. It's a real issue. If you're happy with your friendships, that's great. Not the main point of this thread.

I love sex... I always did. It's a very important aspect of my life. If I'm not having sex regularly, I'm quite different... Bitter and kind of depressed. I had plenty of girlfriends as well as casual partners since I lost my virginity at age 16. I was pretty much having sex non stop since then. I'm 28 now. Up until recently, the longest I went without sex was two months or so. Then I had a pretty bad break up and decided to take a break from it all. It lasted for 5 months. It wasn't easy. I was horny all the time and was masturbating regularly. Then, one night, one very persistent girl insisted that I go home with her, and that was it... the end of my break. We started dating and were having sex pretty much everyday since then. Often multiple times a day. I never allowed it to really spiral out of control. I'm not into switching partners often, having one night stands, juggling several partners at once, cheating, or anything like that. I had tons of sex, yes, but it was always with a girlfriend or a fuck buddy. So I wouldn't say that I'm a total slut lol. Nevertheless, I'm kind of concerned about this issue, mainly for these two reasons: 1. I tolerate all kinds of bullshit from my partners, bend over all kinds of shit, and accept all kinds of disrespectful behaviour, just because I know I will be having sex. That's kind of what's happening with this current girlfriend too. I'm mostly in it for the sex. 2. I realize that having sex everyday might be too much for most people. I cannot expect my partner to be up for it all the time. It only makes sense to take breaks. I know it's much more delicious that way. But it's just so fucking hard for me to live with a hot girl, watch her walk around the apartment naked, and not make a move lol. I either shut down completely - not to feel the urge - or I get grumpy, or whatever else. It's not ok. I know this is an issue. I'm kind of in control of it, but also no, not really. What are your thoughts? What do I do about this? Do I do anything at all?

More consciousness, more lucidity, more freedom and control, and it seems much realer. Even though both are, essentially, dreams. Just a different flavour of imagination.

Once or twice, spontaneously. Whenever I tried to do it intentionally, I failed. Maybe I just wasn't persistent enough... The experience was surreal. Yet more real than anything I've ever experienced in 'waking life'. I had control over everything. Could pause time, fast forward, rewind... Fly, switch characters, or be no character at all - just pure, weightless awareness floating in empty space. My memory is foggy, but it was incredibly beautiful and fun.

@somegirl Good advice, thanks. And yeah, that's pretty much what I've been doing so far. I'm kind and compassionate, but I don't let her walk all over me. I let her know where my boundaries are. Sometimes in a nice and calm way, and sometimes in a more loud and sharp way. Depends how outrageous the shit she does is. I cannot say that I did not notice any improvement, but I don't think it's because she honestly wants to improve. I think she's just trying to adjust to the environment and play the role of a girl I desire. It's not authentic or real. I won't give to much time and effort to this. It's just not worth it.

@somegirl Interesting coping mechanism haha! Thanks for your input. Definitely... It comes down to unworthiness and lack of self - respect. I'm aware of that. And as I said, it's not like all of my partners were disrespectful and trashy. This is literally the second girl, among many, that is being a dick towards me. Not all the time, of course, but quite often. She's just used to toxicity and deceit. It's how she lived her life so far. It's pretty much all she knows. And that's where my saviour complex kind of kicks in. I'd like to show her that it can be much, much better. But I won't break myself over it. I did it once before, and it was more than enough. I'm not being dormant or passive in this dynamic. I'm letting her know loud and clear what I won't be tolerating. But even that is not what I should be doing. We're clearly incompatible. We are mainly just attracted to each-other sexually. Obviously, I have to work through some stuff, but I'm pretty sure I'm done with girls like this forever.

@Vrubel I hear you. I studied personality disorders quite a lot, after that nasty break up I mentioned. Toxic family dynamics too. I understand this stuff, to great extent. I agree with what you're saying, but I don't want to put labels on people and stick a diagnosis on their forehead. I think it does more harm than good. I also don't want to see myself as a victim. There is definitely something off about this girl, big time, but at the end of the day, I still chose to be with her. No one forced me. She's super manipulative and all that, yes, but I am not chained to her. I think I'm keeping my head above the surface. I am aware of the bullshit that's happening. And it's not like I don't have an agenda. I am not a saint either. This will end soon, I know. I'll try my best not create a bigger mess than it has to be. @Devin Noted, thanks.

@Vrubel I hear you... but the thing is, I love a girl who is a trashy slut in bed. I hate it when she is a trashy slut outside of the bedroom. So that's kinda my problem. It's contradictory. I would love to meet a decent, kind, loyal, respectful and loving girl who can also be a freak in the bed. And that's not that common. I just should not fall in love with crazy chicks like this... but I cannot help it. I'm just a very loving guy. If I spend enough time with anyone I'll end up loving them. Even if I hate them, I'm gonna hate them till I love them lol. @StarStruck No, I don't live in Serbia anymore. This was a small, private boat. 4-5 people or so. It kinda makes me wanna throw up, just to think about it.

Reminds me of a terribly bad trip I once had lol Was caught in between I am and I am not, for what seemed like an eternity. Felt like I was being torn apart, in every way possible. Terrible experience, but wow the benefits.

So I got into a pretty nasty fight with my girlfriend last night. On Valentine's day lol. She disrespected and humiliated me in public and I just fucking lost it. It's clear to me that this girl is not right for me. The relationship is already damaged and toxic, and it's been only 6 months. I don't see how this could get better. Only worse. I know this won't last for too long, but I cannot break it off just yet. She lives with me, rent free, and has nowhere to go. I cannot throw her out just like that. I know I have my own shit to deal with... but I never disrespect her, attack or abuse her in any way... I just snap when she does something outrageous. Like doing coke all night on a boat with dudes who are dying to fuck her, etc... There's already so much bullshit... I don't know what the fuck is going on... Either she's a complete psycho and enjoys causing men pain (which she kinda admitted at some point) or she's just this lost girl who lacks emotional maturity severely, and is unaware of the shit she does. Either way, I know we're not a good match. But man... the sex is fucking great. I know I'm kind of putting pussy on the pedestal, but I don't think that's the main reason why I'm staying in this shit. It goes deeper than that. I obviously do not value myself enough. And even though I could find a new girl in no time, somehow that's not what I wanna do. I want to make this work. I like working on shit and fixing stuff, I guess. I enjoy growing together with someone. Obviously there's going to be drama in any relationship. But if there's no progress and we're just running in circles, then it's kinda driving me mad. I definitely put too much importance on my relationships. I need to take it a bit more lightly. It's causing me too much stress, heart and head ache.

@Leo Gura Found it, long time ago. It's music. I live for it. But this issue can get in my way sometimes... That's why I'm addressing it.