ivankiss

I contemplated this seriously, for 3 minutes straight, and I came to a conclusion that I don't speak in real life like I speak here on the forum, for two major reasons... Not triggering the fuck out of everybody, and not being locked away in a mental institution. That's right. I'm all neurotic and provocative here, so I can be zen, quiet and charismatic in real life. Makes perfect sense. Balance. Ying Yang. The Chinese know their shit.

Tell you what though... Never in my entire life have I been calculating shit this frequently, this obsessively. Money and time management is freaking on point, son!

Overall, a good week. Great, even. Started out a bit bumpy maybe, but I came out a hero, yet again. Another battle is won. Another major shift. Another rebirth. But don't raise your goblets just yet. There's much more to come.

Back to earth... We're texting full on with the Italian girl now. And I get where this is going. She too is looking for a room. And man... I'm so not playing that game anymore.

I'm too good.

AHAHAHA

Ultimately, I just want my little castle, my own piece of heaven, somewhere on the top of some mountain, or on a desolate island. Where I can continue making love to myself, and ideally a woman or two as well, for the rest of all eternity. Peacefully, quietly and without any disturbance. Don't worry. Kids won't be allowed to visit. Avoiding that catastrophic scenario from the get go. Don't want to become that kind of a celebrity either.

It's not that I could not be that guy, it's that I'd really rather not. It looks good on me, I tried it on a couple of times. But it's just not my thing, ultimately. I'm too conscious and heart centered to become another Dan Bilzerian, or Osho or something.

You thought it was coke and hookers huh

And don't even get me started on guitars and other geekery. I know exactly on what I want to spend all the money that I did not earn yet.

Of course my eyes already landed on a fucking gorgeous watch that I really should not be buying just yet.

Oh and btw, I lied. Staying two more nights. Leaving on Wednesday.

I also had an incredibly warm and pleasant interaction with the lady next door yesterday, but decided not to brag about it right away. Jk got too busy at work. It was... kind of intimate... without it getting physical. Very cool. Smooth and natural. She feels familiar. I'm off today, staying here all day. We might hang out some more. Exciting!

Remember the Italian girl? She texted yesterday again, after me not responding to her last message. I apologized, of course. I don't usually ghost people. I'm not that kind of a scumbag. I just had a lot on my plate. Got overwhelmed. Could not juggle so many things at once. Point is, she's persistent, we're back in touch, and definitely meeting soon. Good stuff.

I love it when I forget that I planted a seed and then being reminded when it grows into something big and beautiful.

Absolute dominance at work yesterday. Basically pulled off the impossible. Can't say luck wasn't on my side, but I also pushed myself hard. Let's repeat.

Fight to survive Succumb to The Path Conquer the fear And nothing will fail The quest to define This struggle of mine Gravity defied I climb beyond heights Carry the weight of the world On my shoulders Rise to the challenge I set myself

Hearts will burn come what may With lessons learned along the way To free myself, I make a choice Just to be heard I lose my voice Finding strength in solitude I fight to fly with much to prove Is this the way it's meant to be? I risk it all, I will not fall

In many ways, the work I do here is more real than the work I do on the field.

It's all said and done already. For real. I just need a little bit more money and a little bit bigger muscles. That's it.

Solid plan.

That's why I decided to become the biggest wannabe enlightened Rockstar in the existence. It's my only chance to be seen, to be heard. To finally get all the attention, love and adoration that I so desperately crave.

Indigo child, starseed, alien squirrel, Pleiadian ninja turtle and Ra the almighty sungod... I was all of it. A perfect hybrid. Still no one gave a fuck about me.

I'm 30 now but I swear I was a prodigy child back in the day. And no one could give any less fuck about it. That's why I'm forced to hate the entire world now. Negligence.

That's right. I can remember what color of bra the nurse was wearing on the day I was born.