ivankiss

The plan is simple and straightforward. Which doesn't mean it's going to be easy. But is it doable? Is it possible? Is it relevant? Heck yeah it is. And that's all I need.

I could spend the rest of my life arguing with you in my mind.

Fuck. This. Wind.

Polish guy is insisting on meeting. I knew he would not let go that easily. He got attached fast, clearly. It's my off day. Feeling lazy. Honestly, I'd rather not catch up with him. But I might.

Sun. Guitar. Bachelor's party. This day started good.

I swear I already let it go, but it won't let go of me.

I know I cannot expect closure from your side. You simply don't have it in you. You are incapable of coming forth with the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have to accept that I will never know, and walk away for good. I ended this on a high note, and it's not like I had to. It's just who I am. Who I choose to be. How you can sleep at night though, I don't know... Drugs and alcohol, probably. You have fallen beneath the mark of dignity. Honesty or truth, is way outside of your reach. It's terribly sad, actually, where you are. It's so sad, I really should not ever think about it again. It's too painful and too twisted. And as twisted as I am, I see beauty even in that. Even in your bullshit. Our bullshit. That's what made me fall in love with you. Obsess over you. Bleed for you. This built in error. This perfect flaw. Where I am might not be so pretty either, but at least I'm heading the right way, with a light heart and a clear conscience. I would not trade places with you, not in a million years. But hey, best of luck, and all. I hope I am wrong about you. I really do.

Stars beneath my feet.

An entire universe at my doorstep.

Jk. Amsterdam is, without a doubt, one of the if not the most fun place on planet earth. It's just a fact.

Jk Don't land on your own sword now. It's too soon. Let it play out a bit. I promise it will be fun. Back to earth... My heart is still kind of broken, obviously. My dick is hard, frequently. My bank account could be in a better place. Creatively, I'm in a pitstop. Yes it's nonlinear and yes there is an order to all this and I cannot skip ahead, or fast forward. I must stay present with the unfolding, even though it's tempting to entertain thoughts about future winnings or past losses. I know what's coming. I'm clairvoyant every other Tuesday. And that's both good and bad, as everything else is. But the meat and potato is always carefully placed in the dead center of here and now. That is where I must be. Where I am bound to be. No matter how mundane, boring or insignificant it may seem.

Six strings on a guitar and I only need one to choke you.

Faceless One! Avenge my torment Materialise my utmost Will Beyond all legends and myths Thou art the emmissary ov the beast Thwart the realm above Spawning might below Come All in One Resurrected Stronger than death Thou hast become Revert my death Hail to my return Tis time to reign as a god among man

Absolutely, I have no enemies. Potentially, anyone is my enemy. ... especially you.

Make no mistakes. I seek no revenge. I am not thirsty for your blood. I only seek to claim back the power that's mine.

Anger. Divine hatred. Fire. Fuel. A thousand stab wounds across my back. And still I stand tall. And still I bow to no man, no God. I can't forgive. Not yet. No one would learn anything that way. Not by me forgiving them so easily. This is what you get when you fuck with purity, innocence and love. Hell. And it's coming for you.

To the nearest coffeeshop. I am absolutely for sure smoking too much weed these days and there's nothing I can do about it.

If she reaches for my dick though, I won't say no...

Party in the building. No shortage of hotties. But, I'm not really feeling like it. I'm too introverted nowadays. Speculating, strategizing, calculating. I don't want to waste time on game and party. Not now.

Read very carefully. This is so simple and straightforward that it will probably fly over your head. The importance of it, however, cannot be stressed enough. YOU cannot ever be GOD. There is no space for YOU in GOD. If there is YOU, there is no GOD. If there is GOD, there is no YOU. If there is you, there is also I. There is them too. There is this and there is that. There is here and there is over there. Can you see how none of that can be GOD? Only GOD can be GOD. And is. GOD is not an identity. Not an entity. Not a place in time. Not an activity or an appearance. It is Pure Being. Pure Isness. Pure Consciousness. Nothing more or less. It cannot be pointed towards, because the finger that's doing the pointing is also it. There is nothing but it in existence. YOU cannot be it, because YOU are a defined, limited, finite construct. And GOD is undefined, limitless and infinite. YOU cannot be GOD because the finite cannot be the infinite. What you can do, is realize that the deeper you're willing to let go of yourself, of this YOU character... the more of GOD there will be.

The time has finally come people! You can now all give me your money! My new EP is now fully available on Bandcamp for only 7€ (or more)! Single for only 2€ (or more)! Go tell a friend and go nuts! https://ivankiss.bandcamp.com/album/naked-and-transparent

Apparently, I'm on a bus, heading towards Amsterdam.

Thanks! Ljubljana - > Milan - > Amsterdam Looking great btw! Glad you reached out. I'm not really active here, doing my journaling at some other place... But I'm sure we'll keep in touch. I'll check things out here every now and then. All the best to you!

@Applegarden8 Of course you can! Keep rocking brother!

Well that was wild. I think I had enough for a while.