ivankiss

@Shakazulu Good question. I don't really know. I was definitely under a lot of pressure because of being with her. I had a sense of urgency; like I needed to come up with something fast. But I suppose I would've pursued financial freedom anyways. With or without her. It's just that I'd do it in a more relaxed way. Without all the panic, stess and headache. I would've let it come to me, instead of chasing it. If you know what I mean

@LfcCharlie4 Get your point. Thanks. Thing is; I'm completely alone in this business. There are no partners. No competition. Yes, I could partner up. Or even mentor a group. But that would not affect my income. If anything it would just consume more of my time and require more effort. Which is not what I'm interested in. There is a possibility that I'd end up wanting more and more money, yes. But that's not necessarily an issue. That wouldn't require more time or effort on my behalf. Only more money to invest in the business. Everything stays exactly the same; merely the numbers change. That's why it's so perfect and compliments my LP so well. But again. Have to master things. Btw; the girlfriend I mentioned is out of the picture. So I'm doing all of this for myself now

Pure, endless, infinite, white. Light. Feel you brother. First you must become aware of the resistance you're creating by "trying to let go". Can you see the paradox? There's nothing you need to let go. Accept life as it is. Love it no matter how it looks. Focus on what feels good. Let it all be. And it will surely let you go, when its time runs out. You will know.

Another way to look at it; You are not the one who's letting go. You are the one being let go of.

@Nahm Cool. But that's not what this topic is focused upon.

@Nahm I have nothing against ego. It's not an enemy. I'll go as deep as needed and guide it back to light. God approves.

@Nahm Some of the greatest music I've heard was created because of one's suffering. There is depth in pain and sadness.

@Nahm It's an artist thing, I guess. Point taken though. Thanks

I know you're dreaming I know you're at peace I'll meet you in the dreamtime Whenever you call me I'll go under I'll swim through you

I don't remember deciding to "pursue awakening". It just started happening naturally, on its own. It's not like I could've said: "nah, this can wait a few more years." I did not choose. I was chosen. I did not seek Truth. It found me.

Thank you @Water @JustThinkingAloud Wonderful, wonderful suggestions. Felt it deeply. Change is definitely necessary. I obviously just straight up assume others will be able to open up, love and trust me the way I do. That's clearly not how this works. I really should value more what I have to offer in a relationship. Instead of believing others will somehow recognize the purity of my intentions. I take myself for granted. I forget how rare these qualities are in this day and age. I guess it all comes down to self worth. I can see how and why that might be an issue. Much love to ya all!

@Nahm May seem that way, because commitment. Dedication. Immersion. It is precisely because everything is Love that everything is allowed. Confusion, hurt, sadness. Everything. No one is trying to rise above. Rather; experience. Transform. I am privileged to feel all this. When I'm mixing a particular instrument within a song, I mute every other instrument. That way I can focus fully and exclusively on that aspect. Polish it. Make it sit perfectly in the overall mix. That does not mean I forget about the song as a whole. I can maintain awareness of the totality of the song, while narrowing my focus down to a specific aspect. A detail. I even jump back and forth between full composition and the singled out instrument. To hear how things blend. I do this for each and every instrument individually. You feel me? It would be ridiculous for me to say: "it's all just one song. It's unnecessary to polish all these fragments." There's no mastery in that. Yes, the song would be whole regardless. But my skills as a producer would be shit

@pluto Thank you ❤ @Nahm Yes, I understand. But you are speaking of the mountain there I am the mountain. I am pure and untouchable consciousness. That does not change. I know the absolute holds the answers to all questions. But, Emotions still arise. Thoughts do. The pattern keeps playing itself out. The game is still on. I play. And I love it, very much. Be it what it is. I would sign up for everything again and again. There is fun in not knowing it all at all times. I just want to improve my skills in a down to earth manner. God is so realized, he sometimes takes a vacation from himself Thanks ❤

@Nahm @JustThinkingAloud @Angelite @modmyth Thank you all so much. It is appreciated. Lots of different perspectives. Lots of aspects to shine light on. I've been inquiring a lot. Grateful for your help. Your generosity. Your love. Here's a few more thoughts that entered my mind today; Is it possible that I trust people too much? Too blindly? Is it..khm.. wrong to give 100% of your trust to the one you get intimately involved with? Should trust be built and/or earned instead; slowly, gradually? Wouldn't that signify lack of trust towards myself? Am I just too gullible? Naive? Should I always leave room for suspicion? Why do I feel betrayed and heartbroken after these relationships when it is clear to me that the actions of others have nothing to do with me? How can I be fully invested and committed without being attached? Is it simply supposed to hurt? Is life teaching me a lesson? Helping me grow? Am I lost in this game of relationships?

@zeroISinfinity If there never was an individual in the first place who are you in war with? Who is the dragon that must be slayed? How can it hunt you down? What are you in conflict with? What is "The Real Self"? What is false? Why are there two if there's clearly only One? Or none? Love does not kill. Love liberates.

@Nahm I hear you. Will contemplate some more. Definitely helpful, thank you. I can sense that, yes. Can you tell me though...Why is it that I am able to have glimpses of their purity? Their highest potential? Is that just a reflection thing? Those moments might be brief and rare, but I know they are true. It's almost as if those very moments are what keeps me "hooked". You know what I mean?

@DrewNows True words, brother. Thank you. Again...I know. But the pattern keeps repeating itself I may be a slow learner on this one haha. @Annoynymous Beautiful. Thank you, I really appreciate it. You hit some nails definitely. Spot on. I resonate highly with practicing being on the receiving end. Definitely not my role that often. And you're so right it's necessary for a harmonious relationship. Will keep in mind, surely. Bless you.

@remember That's a good point. I have become aware of that, yes. I am a perfect match to those people, in that sense. That is how the scenario is created. It is not one sided, for sure. I'm not trying to portrait myself as a saint. I sure contribute to the toxicity, in my own way. It's never really about me trying to change them, or convince them to do this or that. It simply happens spontaneously, by me expressing my truth. Being myself. I am also well aware of the lessons these people teach me. And I am grateful for those. But somehow I still keep repeating the pattern. I keep staying when I should leave. I overlook myself. Which is the number one lesson they're trying to teach me. I know this with my whole being. Getting there Thanks!

I feel you. My mother has been sick for a while now, as well. And on top of that, I did not see her in more than two years. Been traveling the globe. It can get hard. Especially while knowing the source of her sickness. Seeing how she only perpetuates it all, unknowingly. I can sense it even from a great distance. There were tough nights. I often worried alot. But eventually you realize there's nothing you can do about it. It's her life, her journey. All I do now is try to leave her with a few suggestions from time to time. Ler her know that I'm with her, even from far away. If you have an option, I suggest you move. Get your own space. I can remember how it's like to live with those kinds of energies. It's not nice. It's heavy and draining. If you cannot move, spend a lot of time outside of the house, by yourself. Walk in nature. Clear your energy field, constantly. You must not adopt those energies as yours. Wish you and your mother the best.

Thanks everyone. Those are some helpful insights. I will make use of them. I suppose the biggest factor to me right now, is recognizing when it's time to walk away, or not get involved at all. Without feeling like I'm betraying anyone. It's not really a relationship if one side is unable to relate. I am far away from giving up on people. I love them. But it's precisely this love that often keeps me in for too long. I tolerate too much darkness and somehow justify it all by saying: "They just don't know any better. They just need love." Not seeing how this eventually leads to disrespect towards myself. The one I'm really betraying is me.

@jimwell Leo has a very masculine approach. It involves a lot of "I'm not this, I'm not that". It is all about transcendence. The Divine feminine - which is the heart, is all about inclusion, unification and Love. Holding space for what is. Including the masculine. No path is better or worse. It all comes down to what suits the seeker. But the integration of both sides is necessary. There must be a balance between the masculine and feminine. Also; Something all enlightened masters will agree on, is that the karmic return is inevitable. Meaning that one must come back to the body-mind complex "after" enlightenment. The individual. The self. It will be seen, understood and operated with in a completely new manner. But it cannot be left behind. That is the perfect circle.

@ajasatya Thank you

Do not underestimate the power of infinite, unconditional Love. Love is our transformer, Love is our liberator. Apply Love to Sadness; Sadness will dissolve. Apply Love to Anger; Anger will dissolve. Apply Love to Hurt; Hurt will dissolve. Apply Love to Confusion; Confusion will dissolve. Apply Love to Fear; Fear will dissolve. Apply Love to Ego; Ego will dissolve. Apply Love to everything; Nothing but Love will remain. No realization will set you free. What you realize, you will inevitably wake up from. Only Love remains. Love is Truth. Love is Enlightenment.

@Scholar Nicely put. Thank you. I choose the language of love and compassion Also; poetry. I often look at ego as a child playing on the playground, among all other kids. Sure they can get grumpy and even mean, but they're just innocent kids. They're learning. It would be ridiculous to call children immature and irresponsible, wouldn't it? All they need is a patient, loving and wise caretaker, to watch over them and guide them in the right direction. That is the role of awakened, heart-centered consciousness.

@VeganAwake What you transcend, you eventually come back to. And so everything is included. Full circle. That's the core of my original post. Think resurrection. Hopefully that clarifies things. Surely it is confusing, because language. Also; my articulation could and will be improved, certainly. If you are interested in similar teachings, I suggest you check out Matt Kahn. Perhaps his video titled "the end of inner conflict" would be suitable/relevant. I was highly inspired by it. Thank you for this interaction, I enjoyed it a lot Bless