ivankiss

Also, we are running, stretching and exercisezing every morning, and every night. Mostly thanks to her. It's fucking great. I feel like a beast!

Tomorrow is my off day and we're going out looking as hot as it gets, times 7. And yes, don't worry, I'll throw you some pictures soon, I promise.

In other words: maximum acceleration initiated.

But it also feels right, natural, steady. It's not forced, over the top, or imbalanced in any way. It's great. Just fucking intense. Thrilling. Exciting. Scary. Awesome.

And another giant level up. She's holding on for dear life. I'm leading, of course. We're both feeling the shift and are coping in our own ways. It's a lot and it's fucking fast as fuck.

It still keeps getting better and better...

Polish ex gangsta friend is back from Germany, wants to hang. Sure, what the heck, why not. I could use a good friend or two here. And he has proven himself up until now. He has remained respectful and loyal. I appreciate that a lot. Even though we are coming from two different worlds and are probably going in two different directions, I think it's safe to keep him around for now. I do not see him as a threat anymore. I'm far more stable now.

Last night, she had an excruciating toothache. You know, the kind that makes you wanna jump out of the window, from the 8th floor. It's the worst. Super intense experience. Far more for her, of course, but for me too. I was having a really hard time seeing her in so much pain, and not being able to do much of anything. Other than speak to her softly words of encouragement and hold her in my arms. Pills barely did anything. She struggled a lot, the poor angel, and my stomach was turning constantly, but somehow she finally fell asleep. Then she woke up 3hrs later and went babysitting. Yup. She's a rockstar. A warrior. I don't really belive in accidents. This experience definitely brought us much closer, overnight. We got to know each other on a very deep level, fast. On a soul level. I saw how she bites the pain. I saw how she handles hopelessness, devastation, suffering. And it was beyond humbling. It brought me down on my knees. This girl... is stronger than a thousand armies. I pray that she stays out of pain, until she fixes the damage. So far she's been feeling good today. And I'm able to take a full breath again. Hope it stays that way.

She said: why are you doing that, that's my job And I knew right away we were gonna get along really well.

If I was hyper delusional, which I am most definitely not, I would say that she's hyper feminine, and I'm hyper masculine. It's a breath of fresh air. After a series of perplexed feminists, it's nice to date a girl that wants and likes to be a girl.

Loves children, wants to be a mom soon. I think I'm slowly becoming ready for it too. I could see myself becoming a dad, within the next 3 years or so. But first, career.

The vibe only has to stay at least this good, fow this plan to work. But I have a feeling it will only get better. Sure, it might backfire also, but I'd be sensing danger by now already, and I'm not, really. It feels easy and safe. It's fun and very hot.

There are two ways in which this can go down now. A) I nail everything down that I have in mind during this summer, and we go some place nice and warm before winter comes. B) Things take a bit longer than I thought, we rent a nicer, bigger apartment here in Amsterdam, and we stay for another year, working towards our goals.

She doesn't wanna mess around. She's looking to settle. She's very family oriented. And she wants to commit. Build. Create. Explore. Expand. One green flag after another.

She knows God, very well. She's close to God. I can tell. I see purity and innocence in her eyes. And that's beautiful. She's real and has a big heart. It's just a matter of time when she becomes fully enlightened, and more. It will happen if she's around me, for sure. She gave me a room, I will give her a home. Safety. Some much needed peace, love, nurture and care. Fun, excitement, magic. And a lot of crazy good sex.

I thought I'd have to go search for her, but she found me first.

Infinite gratitude. I honestly could not ask for more. I did not fucking see this coming haha! It's so good! Divine timing, divine orchestration! Synchronicity on steroids!

@Zigzag Idiot ♥️

This morning she made breakfast and prepared me a lunchbox. Bro...

She's a perfect blend of hardcore and badass, and gentle, loving and kind. Just like me. Definitely some epic mirroring going on there. I'm falling asleep next to her naked body, and it's just mind blowing. Unbelievable.

It's just way too good so far. Way too perfect. We're both lowkey expecting shit to go sideways. And that might just be why it won't happen. Neither one of us wants to screw this up.

Oh. My. God. Sex. Finally. It was... Otherworldly. She is just magical. Breath taking. And almost too fucking tight. She was shivering from start to finish. Just insanely good.

Of course Iam terrified because she has cancer. I don't know if I'm equipped for something like that. But from what I understood, she should be fine for the next 10 or 20 years, so that eases my troublesome mind a bit. And of course I still feel my ex pulling on my heart string. She expects us to talk on the phone, at some point. And she hopes to come visit me in the future. And that's of course not possible, if I get serious with this girl. But I would let my ex know somehow. I would not just disappear. Not after everything that has happened. I don't stay friends with my exes and there's a very good reason for that. And the fact that I'm still kind of holding on to this last one, is a clear sign that the door is still somewhat open. I must close it for good, no matter how painful it might be. Life is obviously taking me some place new.

I am literally one step away from unlocking pure fucking unlimited abundance, and I deserve it all. Could it be... That I already got the girl of my dreams as well..? Is this real? Is this the ultimate reward? The ultimate blessing? Oh please let it be so. Let this be it, finally.

Communication is great too. We agree on honesty and truth. We laugh a lot and we work great together in the kitchen. I like how we move through the city. We spent a lot of time together and it feels natural and easy. Yeah... This is is special. This is big.