ivankiss

@Lilia ❤

Ever feel that way? Like you just had enough of it. It's almost like it becomes a distraction from reality. It's everywhere. It's all covered in signs and symbols. The whole damn thing. Even if you don't want to read it, you do anyways - subconsciously. It's using up so much space. It's slowing me down. Language is just so damn tricky. So limiting. Like; how do we know we're talking about the same thing? No way to know. All we're doing is using pointers and thinking they are what they're pointing to. I don't wanna make all these weird sounds and noises and organize them in a specific order for you to de-code and understand them. I don't want to use these symbols in order to form a connection with you. I want to place my hand on your shoulder and look into your eyes. I want to breathe in silence, in your presence. I want to listen to how you're breathing. To feel myself and feel how you're feeling. That's how I'd prefer to communicate with you. I could tell you so much more. So much more accurately. So much faster. I hope it becomes a thing.

I find this quite accurate

@WaveInTheOcean @mandyjw I'd say I'm already quite aware of its power. And its many different forms, as well. But I'm sure my understanding of it will deepen even more. I'm kinda deciding on whether or not should I use lyrics in my new music. I'm pretty sure I'll be singing, but I'm not that sure about lyrics. I love poetry and all. Deep thoughts and stuff. It can all be so damn beautiful. But also so damn misinterpreted. It can distract one from actually hearing the music and what it's trying to say. 'The answer cannot be found in the writings of others or the words of a trained mind'

@mandyjw Hear ya, thanks! Been doing that, here and there. The more I repeat the word the more it sounds gibberish haha. It's so damn funny. All in all; I've got nothing against language. I guess I'm just becoming more conscious of its limitations. What it is and how it works. @RickyFitts Nice! @Nahm Excited nevertheless @cetus Haha epic! How about language speaking back to you as you're speaking it? Anyone had that experience? It's a trip.

@Applegarden8 Thanks, that's very kind of you. I'm very happy, too. And you're damn right I've been missing that aspect in my life. For quite some time now. I imagine things are about to shift radically.

@Nahm Oh boy, the excitement! Thanks! @kinesin

@cetus Yup, I've seen that one. Can't recall the details though. Might re-watch.

@puporing Very true in my experience, too. @DrewNows Yup, I hear ya. I've been looking into 'Light Language' a bit... Apparently; I can speak it haha. Very cool stuff. @hyruga English is not my native language, either. And I could certainly expand my vocabulary, too. I speak 6 languages. 4 fluently and 2 almost, kinda, sorta. I'm planning on perfecting those in the future and maybe even picking up new ones as well. Overall; I think language is beautiful. It's just so damn exhausting sometimes. Slow and abstract. @Applegarden8 Good news. My new 8 string is on her way. Expect the world to end, soon. @RendHeaven Did not see the new episode yet. But I agree with what you're saying. Also; no worries. I'm very comfortable with my sexuality. I'm so not homo that I'm so totally cool with hugging a man.

Oh... This is how one-liners were born... I see now.

@universe Hmm, yeah, I see what you mean. But this seems relevant now. Thanks.

@cjoseph90 Right now? Nothing. Sitting in silence. Hanging out here. In general? Nothing. Sitting in silence. My journey is going very well, thanks. Things kinda escalated today with a girl I met at my workplace. Feeling good about it. Life is awesome in all other areas, too. I'm aligned with my purpose and seeing steady progress. I'm from Subotica, Serbia. Currently living in Maribor, Slovenia. How about you?

As promised; I'm going to continue by saying a few more words about judgement and fear. And I think it would be wonderful to open up with this lovely song that I came across a few days ago: https://youtu.be/qyYmS_iBcy4 How was that for you? Were you able to stick through it? Perhaps even appreciate and enjoy it? Or did it scare the shit out of you and you turned it off immediately? Did you find it disgusting in a positive or a negative sense? I understand this is just music and everyone has their cup of tea. Their taste. But I'm going to use music as an example here to illustrate a picture of what's going on 'out there' in the 'real world'. In everyday life. Basically; we judge and fear the unknown. We don't understand it. It's alien to us. So our first reaction is obviously fear. Survival kicks in. We don't want that unknown thing to penetrate our comfortable, well-known reality. We want it outside of our bubble. As far as possible. So we can pretend it doesn't exist. And that it's not meaningful and of value. And beautiful. Divine. Godly. We don't want that thing to do anything with us. The thing can be anything. It can be big or small, physical or metaphysical, real or unreal... Whatever. It doesn't matter. Point is; you don't know what it is, you think it represents danger, so you want to separate yourself from it. Judging it is, ironically, a very primitive way of actuality attempting to understand it. Like, you're still afraid to death of it, but you're also kinda curious about it. Of course; all this happens subconsciously - if you will. Depending on how conscious you are - I imagine. So to put it simply... You cannot integrate aspects of your being that you are judging or are afraid of. Not while you're stuck in fear and judgement - at least. You must find courage to face 'The Devil'. And you also must have the gut to digest it all. Shit can get nasty. Cultivate awareness. That is the key - as with everything. Understand that what you are judging or are afraid of is, ultimately, You. You are resisting integration. Declining the invitation of Love. Removing fear and judgement, or better yet; flowing through those - will not result in you losing yourself in the unknown. Not really. Not as you might think. Loss of identity is the main reason you fear and judge. And it's completely understandable; from that point of view. But I know from direct experience that integration only makes you shine more as the unique individual that you are. Nothing is ever lost, really. It can only seem that way. So.. next time you see something disgusting, ask yourself: 'How come I'm this divinely perfect and at the same time this fucking disgusting?' Fucking epic.

The road to authentic being might not be all flowers and butterflies. Sometimes you will be dealing with intense stuff. Having a skill or two or even a clue or two about how to survive those dark nights, is crucial. The consequences of not knowing how to properly respond to or deal with the darkness that's arising in you can be detrimental. You can end up damaging yourself psychologically and even physically. This stuff can get as serious as it gets. I feel like that's not being emphasized enough. I myself have always kept a close relationship with my shadow. I was in touch with it - to various degrees throughout my life. Most of the time; the darkness that arises in me is not alien or foreign. But.. I do get surprised or even shocked here and there. In most cases I can intuit the right steps right away. All I need is time, space and silence. And I can do my thing - in no time. But life's not always going to bless you with that gift. Sometimes you will have to deal with stuff on the spot. In the heat of the moment. No matter what the circumstances. This is where things get a bit Harry Potter. There is an art to transforming 'negative' energy on spot. Especially if caught off guard. The better you get at it; the easier and more natural it gets. You simply learn, or, remember how to respond to and neutralize these energies. And by energies I mean - quite simply; feelings. You become so highly in tune with what's going on energetically around you that you instantly know how to balance out any perceived imbalance in your field. You're doing this primarily for one reason; to stabilize your own energy. But it may or may not also benefit those around you. I'm not going to be getting too deep into how exactly one should go about doing shadow work in here. I imagine I will create another thread for that. But I will share a few pointers with you here. 1. It is not about you. The stuff that's arising, the turbulence, the shock, etc... all that has nothing to do with you, actually. It's just energy. Very intense feelings that are sorta like waves in the ocean.. during storm. Even if a character that's screaming in your face may seem to be having a problem with you directly - that's not actually the case. It simply represents a wave. 2. If you choose to reflect the darkness back to its source; try not making it personal. Be angry, be loud - but avoid shooting low. That's going to lead you to spiral even deeper into shit. If you have to reflect back the energy because you're unable to transform or neutralize it in the moment; try being loud and passionate for a higher cause. Try reaching upwards. Don't just rage mindlessly. 3. If you have the time, the space, the silence and the will to dedicate yourself to shadow work... That's awesome. You can really do a big thing for yourself. You can integrate aspects of your being that most people would not be caught dead daring to feel or think about. Let alone embody it and accept it in their heart. That is how you ultimately integrate anything. By facing it head on and opening your heart to it. Letting it consume you. I feel the need to warn you again here. This is serious business. You should not be pushing yourself over the edge if you don't know how to land. More on that later. In a safe and controlled environment; you can do wonders. I am yet to experience this fully. But I also already have - to some degree. Basically you purge the fuck out. Within four walls. You rage, you cry, you go insane, you laugh, you hate, etc. One rule only; Do not harm your body (or at least not severely). 4. Creativity Obviously; another great and very important way to get comfortable with and express all kinds of thoughts and feelings. It can be extremely liberating. It can heal you - if healing is needed. I'm all about music, so that's kinda my go-to. But I'm sure there are lots of other creative endeavors that can serve the same purpose. Point is; being in touch with your 'dark side'. I feel like I have exhausted this now. It should be enough information for those of you who resonate with it, to get a sense of direction with this. I want to emphasize here and in future similar posts that this work should not be overlooked or avoided. But it should most definitely be done in a safe and responsible way. So... If you like the idea of becoming friends with the darkness... Get excited. It's a very cool world. And it's not dark at all, actually. Peace.

@Roy Hear ya, thanks. Feeling a bit relieved. It's not that bad now. I think the urges are the strongest the day after I have sex. It's almost like once I taste the drug; I want it all the time. But if I don't get it; I kinda start forgetting about it... @puporing Thanks! Might look into that. Regarding music; heck yeah. Music is - in a sense - a way bigger orgasm to me. A way bigger source of love, pleasure, freedom, etc. But it work in different ways. It's not exactly the same as sticking your penis into a vagina. I want to meet those needs too. And I also noticed in the past that I'm more inspired to create music if I'm meeting those needs consistently.

That's just how walking the high road is. You are being kind, gentle and loving... and others do whatever the heck they want. Including ignoring you, looking at you weirdly, or just downright disrespecting you. Look at it as God testing you. How deeply do you know Love? How willing are you to stand for Truth when no one else seems to give a fuck about it? That's the name of the game. Don't expect another to mirror your heart. Simply radiate love and compassion and ask for nothing in return. Once recognized; that right there is the biggest gift and blessing. It is a superpower.

After all; you're only having sex with yourself, so...

@Shin make that 4 degrees warmer: https://youtu.be/8NGemR1cqZQ

@Shin ?

@Shin Honest question; do you think I'm interfering too much? (With the natural flow of things - I mean)

@knakoo I don't really stop flirting and/or approaching (unless I'm in a relationship). I'm still open for anything to happen. I just don't actively seek for another partner if I already have one. I'm not that driven. It was kinda the default setting for me.. What do you think? Why is that? Could be just plain laziness. Or maybe some negative beliefs I hold.. Btw, I'm mostly focused on tinder these days. Got about 250 matches. Lots of options. For a small city like this; that's a lot. I have a few dates set; but I'm not being too aggressive about it. I'm kinda holding back. Taking my time. I don't want to put pussy above self-improvement. Besides tinder; there's my job. Plenty of opportunities to meet ridiculously hot girls. To be honest; I never really put too much effort into scoring. It always just kinda happened on its own. And it was awesome. This is the first time I'm trying to take full control over things. In that sense; I'm kind of a newbie.

'I know the pieces fit 'cause I watched them fall away...'

@B222 Thanks! Right back at ya! @RickyFitts Good advice. Thanks. Been sitting a lot with it. As I said; I can rise above it and transcend the urge temporarily. But it keeps coming back. Thing is; I'm just very used to having sex. I never really took a break, ever since I lost my virginity. I had consistent partners and my needs were pretty much always met. This is the first year that I'm not having sex consistently. So yeah, it's obviously a shock to my system. I'm sure I'm dealing with a certain level of addiction. But it's not too bad. I'm also just a 27yr old dude, after all. When if not now? @knakoo Yeah, I've been thinking about that... Dunno. I'm just not used to having multiple partners at the same time. I was always focused on one girl at a time. Even if she was just a fuck buddy. Might try it out. But I'd much rather have one or max two reliable girls. Feels more natural to me. 10 could be either epic or a disaster

@RMQualtrough All 6 parts are a masterpiece