ivankiss

@Sine Yes! Beautifully put

@RickyFitts I could go on forever..

@Etherial Cat You're too kind. The night was epic as fuck. Can't wait to report

@cjoseph90 Wow, thanks, that's very kind of you. I'm eager to see where the story goes. She's gonna be here any minute now. Have a blast guys. I know I will

Thanks for killing that boner for me. I'm on my way trying to understand myself. I think I understand women pretty good already. You're a master at push and pull, I see. Thanks!

@RickyFitts Thanks for reminding me of my ex

Much more juiciness coming soon. I will do a short introduction of the other two FWB's I mentioned earlier. 'V' and 'K'. I think you'll like that. It's a far less romantic story. Fucking only. No love-making. I wouldn't say it's necessary, but it's desirable. At least to me, at this point in time. I am a veteran when it comes to relationships. I learned my shit. Trust me; two people pulling in opposite directions is hell. Sure; that can be transcended. But what are the chances both parties are enlightened? It's just not realistic. Bottom line is... I don't want any relationship now. Even if it's perfect. What's perfect for me now is exactly how I am right now. Haha! Happy for you! It was too good not to be shared. I'd explode if I tried to keep it to myself I explained in detail the reasons why earlier. Not sure if you skipped it.. I agree. I'm not trying to avoid feelings. I'm fully embracing those, already. As she is. I just want to avoid the whole relationship thingy. I want us both to be really fucking clear on our agreement. And keep reminding ourselves of it regularly. Otherwise we'll get lost in the intensity of our emotions and end up God knows where.

@Hulia Cool. Thanks for adding your thoughts. I'm all for spontaneous sex, too. I love doing it in public. Not in front of everyone's eyes of course, but in public nevertheless. And what I heard from her so far - she's into that kind of stuff too. I'm sure we'll experiment more in the future. This is just the very beginning. And I think we started out phenomenally.

@WaveInTheOcean Yeah, I'm not gonna do any of that long distance nonsense. I think that stuff is destined for failure. But I hear ya. I'm sure it can be done. It's just not my cup of tea. I want to be single now for a while. Simple as that. I'm more clear about my goals and visions that way. I have more time and space to take all the necessary steps. Also; I'm still not 100% healed from my previous relationship. It was quite an intense, traumatic experience. It left a mark. Not jumping into anything too serious is the smart choice here. No doubt about it.

@WaveInTheOcean Thanks! @Hulia I think your view on my situation is heavily distorted, sorry. Might just be your own sexual frustration. I'm not sure.

@Hulia There is nothing wrong with a relationship. And even less with feelings. I'm all for that. It's just not the right timing. As I mentioned; I got out of a long and serious relationship not even a year ago. I also plan on leaving this country within the next year or so. I want to be free and travel the world. That's the mission I'm working on right now. So you see how a relationship would mess with that vision. @WaveInTheOcean Thanks! I hear you. But I think you know damn well what I mean haha. Yes, of course this is a form of a relationship already. But it's not a full blown sacred partnership lol. We don't live our lives for the same cause. We're not working together on building our dreams. We don't have a common goal or vision. Nothing outside of my bedroom. Just some great sext and awesome, long, late-night talks. I only worry because I don't want to end up hurting her. She is such a kind-hearted, gentle soul. So pure. I'd hate to be 'that asshole' in this scenario. Thankfully; we started all this with radical honesty. Nothing shady going on in the background. No lies. No manipulation. She's well aware of how I feel and think about all this.

@Roy Thanks for sharing your experience. Very relatable Good advice, too. I am well aware of that. Had similar experiences before. Someone always catches feelings, indeed. I think that does not bother me too much. Especially in this case. Not feeling anything around each-other would be a bad sign. Our communication is great and I'm sure we can talk everything out. She's aware of everything, too. She's also mature and reasonable. I think there's not much to worry about. I had a nice chat with my friend's girlfriend a few days ago. She said it's all about what we do together. If we leave it at this - meaning; only hooking up at my place - there's little to no chance for a relationship to happen. So yeah. No dinners. No going on trips. No meeting each-other's friends and family. Pretty much no activity outside of the bedroom. But even then we must be careful. Once a week might not be enough for me (and her) because we're horny as fuck. But every night is not an option, either. Two or three times a week sounds great to me. I'm pretty sure she'll come over tonight or tomorrow... We'll talk about it. I totally agree with you. The secret to mind-blowing sex is great communication. Thanks again! @Hulia I'd say it's damn obvious I appreciate the fuck out of her and this experience. I'm practically jumping out of my skin with gratitude and excitement. So yeah, you missed that one completely. I think you're just a bit jelly @WaveInTheOcean She's not on the pill yet, but she's thinking about it. Will see. No worries tho. I am the master of my dick I have deep control over things. I cum exactly when I want to.

Warning: Complete Transparency! I go deep into detail here! Build up 'J' wanted to come over tonight, again. I had to say 'no'. She slept over last night already. Well... we barely slept, but yeah, she was here. I don't want this to start moving into a weird direction. A relationship - I mean. Am I worrying about nothing? Or is it for a good reason? You be the judge. On the second night she came over a bit later. It was almost 1AM. She worked late and she also promised a coworker to give her a ride home. I open the door for her and give her a hug and a kiss. We head up to my apartment. Again she's rocking a short dress. Looking all hot. We're both feeling good and excited about the date. Already talking about God knows what. The night is on fire. Both figuratively and literally. The passion in the air is undeniable. Summer is here. She already feels a bit more at home. A bit more comfortable and relaxed than last time. She moves around my place more freely. We talk and talk and it seems like we could go on forever. Again I must emphasize how good of a listener I think she is. I really feel heard when I speak. Not necessarily understood all the time, but heard for sure. She's present. Mindful. She's not elsewhere while she's with me. I really appreciate that. It's a breath of fresh air. Climax We skip the massage this time around. I have no idea what movie we started watching. A few minutes in and she's giving me this slow, super-sensual blowjob. She's got some serious skill. Definitely knows what she's doing. Meanwhile; I'm smoking a joint and playing with her gorgeous titties and her cute, little round butt. Need I say more? I felt like a fucking King. For a few moments; I kinda struggled to take in all that epicness. To receive all that goodness. It was so damn good it started being too good. To my fragile little ego - of course. A few more puffs and I lay my head down, melting through the bed and into the deep, endless nothingness. She keeps going and going. I feel like I'm falling forever. Never hitting the ground. It's beyond epic. Pure ecstasy. God knows how long it has been, but I finally open my eyes. She knows I'm back. She stops for a moment and smiles at me. 'Are you enjoying yourself?' - she asks. I smile back at her and put my dick back into her mouth. Sliding it slowly deep into her throat. She's gagging a bit but I keep holding her head down. I was so close to cumming into her throat right there, right then. But I resisted and released her. She liked that a lot. A few tears running down her cute, round cheeks. Her eyes half closed - so seductive. A naughty smile on her face. There was little to no space for a thought to occur in my mind... But I remember this thought crossing my mind at some point; 'Holy shit! I just got my dick sucked so good I reached infinite bliss. Enlightenment!' Haha! It was ridiculously good. One very important thing I did not mention 'till now... is her HAIR. Jesus Christ. It's so damn long and so damn thick. Beautiful, brown curls. All the way down to her butt. Great to play around with. I wanted to eat her out so bad. Her pussy is so lovely. It is the essence of femininity. It's so delicate. So delicious. A true work of art. My tongue works its wonders. I speak quite a few languages. I think it's an advantage. Her head is buried deep in the pillow. Her moaning is turning me on like crazy. It's so raw and unfiltered. So real. So primal. So hot. I slowly slide my finger into her. Her pussy is gripping me tight. Just unbelievable. How can a girl be this damn tight? I am losing my mind over it. It's incredibly hot to me. Soon there was room for another finger. I am digging in all directions. Shifting gears. Exploring her divine temple. Then I lock down on her G spot. 'Come, come' motion. My tongue circling her clit. I can hear her chasing the biggest orgasm of her life. Barely having any room left for breathing. Her body showered with adrenaline. She does not cum. I kinda knew she wouldn't. She was chasing too hard. Instead of letting it come to her. It's exactly the same as with Truth-realization. And it's also a pattern I'm used to seeing in girls. Some girls struggle to cum. At least in the very beginning of hooking up with you. No matter what you do, they're always going to be just an inch away from that mind-blowing orgasm. I also struggle with this, from time to time. While the majority of guys cum too fast... I sometimes take forever to cum. Anyways; despite her not cumming, she definitely enjoyed the fuck out of the ride. I give her a few seconds to catch her breath and then start pushing my dick into that tiny, little hole. We agreed to ditch the condoms. Not gonna lie, that entry hurt a bit. No matter how wet she was and how long I've been fingering her. My dick is just too big to enter her just like that. I definitely cannot just shove myself into her. It's a slow, delicate process. I keep pushing slowly, gripping her body tightly. Breathing into her neck. Pulling her hear. Softly whispering in her ear. She's opening up for me. I can feel her muscles relaxing, giving me space. For every centimeter I go deeper; she goes higher and higher. Her eyes roll back and I finally hit the wall. There is no more deeper than this. A few moments of stillness. Vibration. And the ride begins. We fall into a rhythm. Lock into a steady tempo. Breathing in and out of each-other. The sound of her juicy little pussy taking my fat dick is too damn hot. It's jerking my mind off. ASMR style. I turn her around. Her hair wrapped around my hand and I'm hitting it from behind. There is no way I can do it full force. I'd kill the poor little thing. But goddamnit the girl can take it good. She's a real champ. I pull on her hair harder and now she's up and against my body. I kiss her neck. Both of her titties in my one hand. My other hand playing with her clit. She completely loses it. So much so she starts taking control and pounding back real hard. She turns into a wild animal. Yup, you guessed it. She crossed the line and hurt herself a bit. But she shook it off quickly. Demanding me to fuck her more. I love fucking her in all positions. But there's something special about her riding me. Jesus fucking Christ. Serious cardio workout. I'm lowkey afraid of us getting a heart attack at times lol. It's just otherworldly. She's gripping my body tight with her thighs. Her boobs on my chest. She's moaning directly into my ear. Both of my hands on her gorgeous, round butt cheeks. Better yet; both of her butt cheeks in my hands. It just fits perfectly. I love being in charge in this position. It hits the perfect spot. For both of us. I came like fucking Godzilla. The build up was insane. I pulled out the last split-second and came all over her ass and back. ...And we're both shaking again. Laughing while trying to catch our breath. It was a laughter out of pure happiness. Pure joy. Pure satisfaction. She stays like this on top of me for some time. We kiss and cuddle for a while. And then... I look into her eyes and say: 'We must be careful not to fall in love with each-other...' She knew right away what I meant. I mean... This is waaay more than just some casual, empty, meaningless sex. This is hardcore love-making. It took us both by surprise. We took a shower, I walked her to her car and then went for a short walk. It was then that I decided to start this diary. Final thoughts: Yes. The third time, which was last night, was even better. True story. Spoiler alert: She came all over my face. And all over my dick, too. That's why I needed a break tonight. Funny because not that long ago I was bitching about how I feel like fucking all day, all night. And now I can't do three nights in a row lol. I guess even the good can get too much. Or worse; lose its magic. I don't want that to happen. Then there's also this whole 'falling in love' thingy. Which I'm not entirely sure what to think about. I don't want to panic. And I also don't want to cut this out. It's amazing. It should not be stopped. Just moderated. I sure as hell don't want a relationship. She says she doesn't either, but I'm not so sure about that. I think she's falling hard for me. I don't want to hurt her or break her heart. And I don't want to fall in love with her, either. It could happen so easily, unless I, or, we stop it from happening. I need some time and space now. I don't want to lose control over this situation... I ditched 'V' earlier today. - Another FWB I had from before. It did not make sense to keep her around now that I'm regularly hooking up with 'J'. Besides her, there's still 'K'. We rarely hang out, but whenever we do - it's always awesome. Nowhere near as awesome as it is with 'J', but still pretty damn good. More on all that later.

@Intraplanetary They don't have to literally understand The Truth. It's more of a sensing thing. Ever hear someone say: 'there's just something about that person...' That's Truth. They can't point their finger at it, but they can sense it. That being said; I agree people can and more often than not do misinterpret Truth when you speak it. That doesn't bother me too much nowdays. Truth includes that part, too.

@Applegarden8 Thanks! @Zeroguy ? @WaveInTheOcean Noted Thanks!

@Manusia Awesome to hear, thanks! @Zeroguy Rizlu imaš a ličnu kartu nemaš @WaveInTheOcean Have not tried 2cb yet. I doubt I can get it easily where I'm at currently. But I had sex on lsd, mdma, etc. So I think I got what you mean

@WaveInTheOcean Warming up Night ❤

Thank guys. I think he got the message. He seems like a dude that can be reasoned with. I'm not planning on being too close to him. But I would not like to be forced to avoid him or feel uncomfortable around him either. I know he won't stop coming to our coffee shop. And I'm planning on working there a bit longer. So yeah... I think I can keep control over this situation. He tried to convince me, but now he just keeps running into a wall. I simply stopped responding to any inappropriate text. However; I'm well aware things might not end here. If he comes back pushing stronger I might have to become real serious and raise my voice. Hopefully that won't turn him on even more

@snowyowl Illusion is a thought

Yes. Furthermore; resistance can and often does disguise itself as an attempt to accept something. That does not have to be the case, necessarily. Resistance can feel good, too. And acceptance can feel terrible. Sometimes yes and sometimes no. - Relatively speaking. Absolutely speaking; you are generating stress. You are generating relief. It is all your Will. Right now. It is a matter of becoming conscious of this and remain in that 'space' - if you will. Then; you feel how you choose to feel - so to speak. Not how your circumstances dictate. My advice would be; get really good at differentiating thought/belief from actuality.

You cannot accept something that already is. In that sense; acceptance is an illusion. There is no such thing in actuality. Everything is always and already totally 'accepted'. If it wasn't; it would not be (happening).

In my deepest moments of pain and grief; these two videos helped me a lot: https://youtu.be/0kXVcGGwqwA https://youtu.be/b5y40k6dU6k Much love to you and Max.

Caligula's Horse - Marigold Take it all I never needed any more Than days on days and gentle nights When nothing could stop me Keep it safe Take its secrets to the grave When I was the king Just for that one day When nothing could stop me Feed my soul Force a smile, ignore the hole Wishing like hell that I was still god With nothing above me Read my eyes Weary lines Taking what's mine Just soil below and nothing above me Feed my soul (feed my soul) Marigold And I'd rather starve than choke what's killing me down Give me heresy We were never told the truth The world that spoke, calm these hands Before they can reach your throat Give me eyes to see her never growing old Good news They hope you choke Take heart It's all fool's gold... Leave me there Pockets full of empty air Paying my penance, curse this prayer Regret never touched me 'Cause she will stay Dressed in choices that I made Head like a king, but crown like a gravestone Don't touch me Feed my soul (feed my soul) Marigold And I'd rather starve than choke what's killing me down Give me heresy We were never told the truth The world that spoke, calm these hands Before they can reach your throat Give me eyes to see her never growing old Good news They hope you choke Take heart It's all fool's gold... With these hands, I could change the world More than gold, more than I deserve I'm a wealthy man, I am loved Tell me hope's not lost Soon you'll see I can't take it with me When to nothing I fade, gone, borne by the choices I made I'm a wealthy man, I am loved Tell me hope's not lost Soon you'll see I can't take it with me When to nothing I fade, gone, borne by the choices I made Wake up, wake up, and soon you'll see that all hope is not lost Not gone

God damn it. This is getting ridiculous now. A while ago I made a thread saying how I wanted to take a break from sex until I fell in love with someone again. Well; that did not work out really. I ended up craving sex bad. Since then; I had two partners. FWB's - if you will. The first one was pretty good, the second was (and still is) nearly perfect. But not as reliable. I think I'm not having sex as frequently as I sense the urge to. Like; maybe once or twice a week, only. Sonetimes even a month. And I could do it at least twice a day. It's getting increasingly difficult to navigate and/or transform all this sexual energy. I feel like a horny 15yr old again. Pretty much all the time. It started seriously affecting my thinking patterns. My behaviour, mood, etc. I know sexual energy is creative energy. And not being creative enough might be what's bugging me. But still; this shit is hard. I'm working seasonally in a coffee shop. All I see is ass n titties all day long. People say I'm good looking and charismatic. So let's assume that's true... I'm also a natural flirt. I flirt with pretty much every woman at my job. It's awesome. But on the other hand; it only makes me want pussy more. I am aligned with my purpose. I work hard on several areas of life. I don't want this shit to hold me back. But it almost seems as if I cannot truly move forward without letting this out of my system. Fucking it away. What do you guys think? Anyone went through something similar here? Particularly; in the 'post-awakening' stages - if you know what I mean. I still don't want a full blown relationship. Should I just find a more reliable FWB? Or should I use some methods to transcend this? Would appreciate your thoughts and views. Here's a cool and very relevant song for ya sexy people: https://youtu.be/7Quj_-amMPE

Do you need to accept that you're breathing in order to breathe?