ivankiss

I've slept so long without you It's tearing me apart too How'd it get this far? Playing games with this cold heart I've killed a million petty souls But I couldn't kill you I've slept so long without you

Guys, I think you got me confused with someone else. Clearly; Jonathan Davis is the Real God of Sex. His music/lyrics are making nasty love to my ears. Walking, waiting Alone without a care And Hoping, hating Things that I can't bare Did you think it's cool to walk right up To take my life and fuck it up Well, did you...? I see hell in your eyes Taken in by surprise Touching you makes me feel alive Touching you makes me die inside

Guys, please... Be real with yourselves and everyone else. Cut the crap. Please. You know who you are. Not gonna name anyone here. Out of respect. Know where you are at this very moment and stay true to that. Speak from that 'level'. Because guess what - if you speak as if you were at some ridiculous heights while not actually being there - that's falsehood. Lies. You can use as big, as shiny and spiritually correct words and phrases as you want... but if what you speak of is not where you are at that very moment; you're being full of shit. A devil - if you will. Asleep. Etc. The majority of you cannot differentiate thought from actuality. That's the main issue. Your attachment to thought and what it represents to you. That's what's bugging you. Not the thought itself. Not the word. Not the label. Not the name. Not the story. Not the 'I' or the 'You'. Simply; a lack of awareness over thought. And also; Heart. Honesty. Integrity. Respect. Value. Purpose. Passion. Meaning. Love for life. Empathy. Humility. Compassion. Commitment. Dedication. Vision. Style. Blood, sweat and tears. How on earth did we come to skip all that? Or even label it as trash and throw it away? It's just mind-blowingly stupid to me. God has never entered this forum, ever. And if you are truly self-realized - you know exactly what I mean by that. 'When' you are God; you are definitely not on this forum, feeding your mind with nonsense. You are way to busy being absolutely magnificent, perfect, flawless, magical and unfuckable. Invisible. Hanging out on a forum is the last thing on your mind. If there is a mind left. You come here to learn and help others learn. And probably have some fun too. This is all just thoughts. Cannot out-fuck that fact. So don't try so hard to be too smart. Nothing that's being said here is actually what God is. I think that's pretty clear to all of us. So again; cut the crap. Stop pretending you're God, and share some cool, reasonable, healthy, juicy thoughts with us. You're not gonna lose your enlightenment lol. Peace be with you.

Oh, this is going to be so much fun...

Uh, oh. That went deep fast.

@Zeroguy Yeah, I'm kinda sick of it, too. There is an enormous amount of toxicity and delusion going on in spiritual circles. Even more than in the minds of common mortals. Muggles - if you will. It's kinda sad to me. Frustrating and annoying, too. But I don't give too many fucks. I have other, far more important things on my mind.

Just bought some epic handcuffs for J. I'm kinda used to improvising always when it comes to trying a girls down... I love using a strong tape. Or a rope. But handcuffs are kinda cool and fancy. I'm sure they will be put to great use.

@Zeroguy Samo cepaj! ❤

@Zeroguy Cool man. You know yourself best. I'm just sharing what I noticed. Not to tell you you suck or anything, but to help you - I guess. I spiraled deep down into madness. I know just how painful, terrifying and crazy things can get if there's an error in your thought processing. A cognitive dissonance - if you will. It can lead to all sorts of tragedies. No matter how deeply you believe you're God and all-loving. None of that will save you if your mind goes to waste. There is a healthy way to go about transcending the mind. And then there is a very toxic and damaging way, too. Which might as well cost you your life. That's what I'm noticing here often and am worried about.

@Zeroguy I'm proud of you, too. I'm not doubting your realizations of The Absolute. But I think your psychology needs some work. Just an observation. And a friendly advice, maybe. I see that here a lot. A lot of folks had glimpses of The Divine and are totally drunk on it. And that's cool, I guess... but not if your psychology is fucked up. How you think, behave, etc... Is very, very important. Without that; you're just a lunatic that thinks he's God. Been there. That's why I know.

Trust me guys; when my mind is truly empty and there is no sense of I; I'm not on this forum. I come here to think, obviously. As you all do.

@universe Thanks. However; I need to use my name and the letter 'I' when interacting/relating. Being ok with that is what true transcendence/detachment is, imo. Not being afraid of certain words and trying to avoid them. I find it hilarious how triggered spiritual folks are by names, I's and You's But I get your point. And in that sense; I agree. In actuality; there is no one doing anything. And it's epic.

That was beautiful. ...May I? Not feeling anything is not so unusual. Many experience this in their lives - I'd say. It's great that you are at peace with everything. If I had to choose; I'd choose peace over joy. I'd rather be forever at peace than forever joyful - if that makes any sense. Thankfully; I do not have to choose between the two. Because they are actually One. Peace and Joy are actually on the very same spectrum. It could be also said that only from a place of inner peace can one come to express joyfullness. Play. Creativity. Fun. Pleasure. Etc. When one is at peace; joy is right next door - so to speak. Just a step away. So... Are you really at peace, Gianna? Or is there something bothering you? Could your desire at this moment perhaps be the desire for reconnecting with your feelings? Your drive? Your inner spark? Your fire? Don't you desire something exciting, wild, magical, unbelievable? Don't you wanna feel that? Feel life? I think you do. And I like it.

No one will ever know. No you = No Them How could they anything if you are nothing?

@justamirror I love you.

@Anahata Amen!

@ll Ontology ll Thanks! Much love! This whole 'separation' thing is a joke. It got me chasing my own tail for a bit. Of course there is no separation. Never has been. I never even believed there was. How could I ever believe in something that does not exist? You cannot be separate, ever. No matter how hard you try. In fact; I challenge you. Try as hard as you can. Go think as hard as you can that you are this character in a world, doing your shit. Really believe in it. See it through. I guarantee you will not be separate, ever. And if you put your whole heart in it; you will never feel separate, either. You will feel loved, supported, whole, fulfilled. This issue of separation will not even cross your mind.

This is my jam right here. Right in the childhood.

That sounds interesting. Somewhat scary and disgusting, too. But also cool. I never read a novel in my life lol. I'm not a big book guy. Apparently; I'm good at writing. God works in mysterious ways. Regarding young girls; shit man, I think I've got some of that juice in me going on, too. It's kinda weird to admit, but it's true. I'm not attracted to way too young girls. And I'm smart and conscious enough to handle that stuff when it arises in me and not act it out. But I definitely find myself being attracted to some 15,16,17 year old girls, sometimes... Can you blame the man though? Most girls at that age look at least 20. Sexually ripe and everything. Oozing with 'fuck me' vibes. While still having that flavour of innocence about them. Any man who says that's not turning them on is lying. I'm a 27 year old dude who loves girls and sex. I wouldn't say I have an issue or a hardcore addiction. I did not have all that many sexual partners till now (30, or so) But...I've had a looot of sex. Like, really, really lot. Mostly with girls I've been dating. Just with my most recent ex I had sex well over 1000 times. That's a lot of experience. We've been together for cca 1300 days. Every goddamn day. 24 hours. From the very beginning. We spent a total of 3 days apart in nearly 4 years. Can you say ' c o d e p e n d e c e ' haha! Point is; we fucked a lot. I can see how I could easily develop a hardcore addiction if I spiral down into darkness. That's one of the reasons I'm doing this diary thing. To gain more awareness over things. To explore and express my sexuality in a healthy way. As healthy as I'm capable of at the time - at least. So yeah, hmm, young girls... I think it has something to do with me not going full on with girls when I was that age. 15, 16... I was in a relationship then. Did not cheat. I had sex with that girlfriend consistently. So my needs were met. I did not complain. Then I broke up with that gf and moved on to the next one. Repeating the same cycle. And then the next one... So yeah, what I missed out on, was that whole 'running around with my dick up in the air and chasing young girls' experience. And now that I'm single and horny; I want to fuck everything that looks sexually ripe. Kinda sick, but what can ya do. I'm sure it's just the animal within me. Again; thankfully I can handle my shit and I do not approach girls that are younger than 18. Even that seems a bit too young. 19 and onwards sounds good to me. Green light. This is actually the first time in my life that I'm fully committing to this. Picking up girls and sleeping around with them. Not settling for a relationship. It's kinda new too me, so yeah. I'm learning as I go - in a sense. On the other hand; it's way too easy and I'm totally rocking it. So much fun. My latest relationship made me realize I wanted to be single now. For quite some time. Exlplore and experience. A lot. With numerous partners. No strings attached. Only fun, pleasure, experience, memories. Love. But with a different kind of twist and flavour.

I know a guy Been invited to a small, private party like that, not so long ago. But I rejected. Not my style.

I've been called that before, yes Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed reading. Wishing you some nice bedroom action soon! @Peter Miklis Haha, cannot argue with that. But it's not that simple. Getting a girl to completely surrender herself to you is a form of art. You could easily end up being 'that creepy guy'.

Yeah, I'm not gonna go there now. Lies.

@Hulia I hope not

@Hulia Ask my ex lol

@Hulia Thanks! I hope that happens, too. She deserves a good man. But I doubt I'll be crying over it lol. Just bumped into J at my workplace a few minutes ago. Damn, she's so damn hot. I love seeing her in her uniform. I nearly dragged her to the toilet and fucked her right there. But I controlled myself.