ivankiss

Explore: Which frequencies sound best at what tempo.

Quick entry! Holy shit! I just came up with the grooviest, catchiest riff ever. And with it came an idea, or, vision for the whole song. And with that came the whole vibe and style I'm after...? Could be! For now; I'm only writing in my mind. I don't feel like actually starting writing things down yet. I don't want to interrupt this epic jam. I might just discover more!

@Mason Riggle My heart goes out to you, brother. Hang in there. I know very damn well that whatever advice I give you it won't mean shit as soon as she looks at you, touches you, or smiles at you. You must find your own way. Much love.

@_Archangel_ Oscillations. And also; non-linearity. Consciousness can and does exist on many, many levels at once. And it may seem like those contradict or oppose each-other. Which is, of course, illusory. How can I feel bad while I know I'm God? We'll, how couldn't I? The knife that pierces through your heart hurts the same way prior and after to realizing it's actually just God. What you are pointing towards, is the good old 'enlightenment means one should be blissed-out 24/7 and have magic powers' type of thinking. Which is a fairytale. Real enlightenment is so subtle, it flies over 99% of people's heads when they encounter it. It's just real. It's true. It's honest. That's all. Superpowers are optional. And being all blissed-out 24/7 would actually be a limitation.

Finally in profit. Big confirmation candle. The picture is much clearer now. Holding. ATR: 26.21

Been there. Sometimes it's because my sexual partner is not actually a good (vibrational) match. And other times it's because I'm disconnected from feeling/sensation. I'm way too focused on thoughts. What works in that case, is slowly shifting my focus from thought to feeling, in real time. Breathing is crucial here. Try tuning into your senses. Really feel into them. A long, slow, passion-filled fore-play is also a big yes. It gets me hard as a rock. I usually struggle with erection when I try to rush things, or skip ahead. Meaning; I'm not really flowing with the moment.

@Nahm I kinda, sorta remember that one Much love and respect.

I stopped seeking for The Truth, quite some time ago. It found me. But I still seek small stuff on a daily basis. Like food, or sex, or money, or an epic sound, or whatever. God works in mysterious ways. The realization itself came with an enormous amount of insight, knowledge, wisdom, mastery. But best of it all - the show is not over yet. I am basically free to do whatever with myself and my life. It's dreamy. What was holding me back? Mainly; unworthiness, insecurity, inferiority, negligence, doubt.'

Thanks @Nahm . It felt good to let that out. It was just so damn painful. So horrible. And yet I kept seeking for the beauty in it. I kept trying to see the light of it all. And as wonderful as that may sound, it was actually nothing but massive self-deception. Lies. I was lying to myself on daily basis. Because I was so desperate for this to be it. For her to be the one. For our love to be The Love. My story is a perfect example of how an innocent heart that only seeks love, understanding, appreciation and companionship, can unknowingly lead one to live under extremely brutal circumstances. And not only that, but in the name of God. I knew none of it was actually directed at me. I knew it had nothing to do with me. I knew it was all just a movie of her past abuse, playing itself out in the light of my presence. As if she was trying to tell me 'this is why I cannot meet you where you are at'. As if she was telling me 'This is everything that has been done to me in this life, feel the pain of it all.' As if she was telling me 'please, help me!' I tried to leave many times, but I couldn't. I kept coming back. I could not leave a soul that's in pain all alone. Partly because of my good heart, and partly because of my own selfish agendas. I trust you understand now why I am still a bit sensitive to this topic. All I want to do is let anyone know, who lives under similar circumstances as I did, that it's ok to put yourself first. It's ok to look only after yourself and give yourself what you need. Time, space and safety to heal and reflect. No one will punish you if you just leave. It does not make you a bad person.

Feel you. I used to feel so alone at times, when I could not share the beauty and profundity of the experience with my trip-companion. We were taking the same doses. But, as arrogant as it may sound, I had to keep climbing down the ladder, in order to meet them where they were at. That does not mean the experience was bad (although at times it was), but mainly, it simply means that everyone is at their level and are evolving at their own pace. It would be silly to expect from a 3 year old child to run as fast as an adult. Yet they are still One. I see no contradictions, whatsoever.

I skipped that one. Well, it did not come from my mouth... @RickyFitts Any drug is not really a social drug - I'd say. At least not until one becomes very, very familiar and comfortable with the substance they're taking. @soos_mite_ah Skipped your comment, too... I feel you. Can relate. I learned my lesson the hard way. You might enjoy reading my very first post on this forum: This is exactly how one should not take psychedelics. Unless one is a total badass

@Nahm Cool, thanks. What I was trying to point towards, is a very nasty trap one can find themselves stuck in, especially while in the very early stages of awakening. And that is this whole, twisted, sick idea of 'All is well, it's totally cool that I'm being treated like shit, I'm not attached, I cannot be touched by anyone or anything, etc.' While all that may be ultimately true, it's pretty obvious how that type of thinking is going to lead to more suffering and abuse. I know very damn well. I was in that spot, for quite a few years. Thinking that because God is all-loving and everything, that means I should love my abuser, stay with them and continue enabling the abuse. Or better yet; love the abuse away. That's just not how life works. Meditation is great for everything you mentioned and more, but no amount of it can be a substitute for taking the necessary action in these types of situations. If anything; meditation should lead one to taking those steps. Meaning; removing yourself from that environment and finding safety. That's how self-love looks like in those scenarios - imo.

@RickyFitts That's understandable. I rarely do, if ever, smoke outside in large groups of people. I prefer one on one, or by myself.

@allislove Yes, but it's disguised as the 'right road'. Or else one would not get lost on it. @RickyFitts I used to have panic attacks too. And then I took a long break. Nearly a year long, or so. The first joint after that pause was a bit intense. Lots of anxiety and stuff arose. But I recognized that as an invitation to break through those feelings and thoughts and find my center. High or not. Since then; I can smoke without any turbulence. Then again; I smoke very light joints. 70% tobacco or so. Don't judge

@allislove There is also a road that leads you to jump off of a bridge, because you got a bit too lost in this whole 'no me no you no whatever' type of stuff. And there is also a very crucial point on one's journey that can be referred to as 'the karmic return'. It's about returning to the body, to the persona, to the ego, to the I, to life, to 'illusion' - if you will. All those yummy words that trigger the crap out of hardcore nondualists. And that process occurs after one has reached the top of the mountain.

@Nahm Literally, while one is being physically, psychologically and emotionally abused. Day after day.

@flowboy Awesome, thanks. Well, I usually combine weed with creativity or contemplation/meditation. I rarely watch TV or anything like that while high... unless I'm having a girl over

@allislove I am deliberately emphasizing that this is just the way I see things, from a rather limited perspective. What you are pointing to, has already been done though.

@Nahm How exactly does one meditate while being assaulted?

@Nahm Forced, meaning, if I was to actively trying to avoid those words in order to appear more enlightened. Liberation, to me, is exactly the opposite of that. That's what I discovered true detachment to be.

@Nahm True. But once you do let go of those, you are not forced to scratch those words from your vocabulary. You can still use those pointers, to make a point. Or a joker

@acidgoofy True. I'm not saying psychedelics cannot be beneficial for many people, and that they cannot extract value from the experience. Not at all. I'm just saying that's not to be confused with full-on God-realization. Because, many do have that attitude, after tripping once or twice on higher doses.

@Peter Miklis True dat.

@allislove I'm sorry officer, but I'll have to disagree

@Nahm Thought so. Just wanted to check if you had both sides of the coin covered - so to speak. Would you agree then, that freeing yourself is not just about the cessation of the story in one's mind, but that there is also massive action to be taken. Courage to muster up. Faith to cultivate. Etc...?