ivankiss

Infinite gratitude.

Moving on has become less strange. What had to be left behind is slowly but surely fading away. Like a dying star. Once reality - now a memory. And not even that. I still wake up and fall asleep thinking about her. She's still wandering in my mind. I still don't know the truth. I still don't have the answers. I spent two years with this woman and now nearly six months away from her... And I still have no fucking clue who she is. I don't think she knows it either. Such is deceit. It's been a wild journey, to say the least. These last couple of months have been filled with all kinds of challenges, traps, tests. My new life in Amsterdam is a dream, a nightmare. Organized chaos. Heaven and hell. A story filled with horror and delight. I've burned all my bridges. There is no going back from here, and it's no accident, really. I've chosen this path, consciously, deliberately and on purpose, and I would choose it all over again, a million more times. Nothing else seems worthwhile, or even worthy of consideration. This is what's meant for me. This is my will. This is my fate. And there's no one else here but me. Not a single familiar face or voice. Not a single known thing or being. Pure, unknown wilderness. Raw and untested. Uncharted territory. Spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally. On all levels of being. I stopped counting the breakthroughs, level ups, upgrades and updates. Awakenings and transformations. At this point, the expansion is pretty much continuous, uninterrupted. Does this mean life is all rainbows and butterflies? Of course not. I said there was growth and expansion. Which means there is pain, fear and struggle as well. How else could it be... I got rid of the Polish ex gang leader, at least for a week. He's gone to some other place. Might not ever see him again. I kind of hope I won't. We did become good friends in these past couple of weeks, and we helped each other out quite a bit... However, it's clear as day to me that I must keep my distance. We are coming from two different worlds, and I know how that story usually ends. All in all, all is well. I am determined to face and overcome any and all obstacles of delusion, and I welcome all trials and tribulations with an open heart. I am armed, guarded and protected. I've got big guns behind me. God is on my side. I feel it, I know it. Commitment. Devotion. Passion. Love. I am on track and I know I am heading towards victory and glory. The ultimate wish fulfilment. The dream come true. Whatever and whoever tried to stop me, failed miserably. I have simply become too powerful. Too focused. Unshakable. Immovable. Immutable. Nothing can ever stop me now. Yet being stopped before getting a chance to taste the fruit made of all this blood, sweat and tears... is what I fear the most.

Mmm. Smell that? It's freedom.

Imagine Hercules, Beethoven and Neo having a foursome with Cleopatra, and then she gives birth to an enlightened musical genius super child. That's who I always wanted to be. And now I know I am.

It's only cringe if you fail to hee hee ho ho

Ivan is your new favorite enlightened superhero.

It's a fictional character, you do realize that, right?

Now I literally have more than I could ask for. More than enough of everything I need to pull this off. To complete this epic mission. To bring this shit home. To realize all of my dreams. I hope you have your seat belts on. Ivan is going large.

Master manifestor. Master masturbator. No one can out masturbate me.

Not gonna lie, in times like this, it's extremely difficult to keep your feet on the ground. It's pretty much like swallowing 7 ecstasy pills at once.

So... Looks like I got my perfect little summer romance/adventure, and I wasn't even looking for it, really. I was jerking myself off to sleep fantasizing about something like this, not more than just a week ago. And now I'm full on living that fantasy. Crazy.

I came like a true champion. And so did she.

What. A. Night.

Make it happen.

Need equipment. Need money. Now.

Yup. Instantly reached a new level with my playing too. Just like that. Overnight. Massive shift.

I spent the night at her art studio. The place is just absolutely magical. Super high vibe. And super high ceiling too. All kinds of never before seen or heard weird instruments. Lots of epic paintings. Art everywhere you look. Tons of hippy dippy things hanging everywhere. It was lovely. Despite of us both being super tired (well, mostly me) we talked a lot, laughed, fooled around with the instruments, danced a little, and yes... had sex again. I came inside of her, twice so far. The first night we had sex in her garden, in the hammock. And then later on her bed also. She's a pure blood, Dutch woman. And from what I've seen and heard so far, quite wealthy too. Just saying. Very tall, almost as tall as me. Beautiful curves. Remember the super attractive hippie lady from the movie 'into the wild'? Yeah, that's totally the vibe she's giving off. Also very similar in looks. I stopped being intimated by her after we had sex for the first time. But then she showed me pictures of when she was younger and used to be into body paint. And brother, I could not belive my eyes. She was basically a supermodel back in the day. A flawless 10. She performed live a lot, traveled the world, lived here and there, did this and that. So yeah, just wow. We're on the same page. We both understand this cannot become anything too serious. The age gap is simply too big. And I might leave soon. But we can for sure have a lot of fun together and benefit in all kinds of ways, while I'm here. So far I see no downsides. Again... Holy fuck.

Ahhh, home sweet home, finally.

I'll let you know all about it soon. Super busy day ahead of me.

Holy shit I totally did it! I fucked the lady next door!

All clownery aside, I love you all, seriously, and honestly, and I am grateful beyond words for all your support. I am about to start performing true miracles, any moment now. Lemme just pass out for 12 hours first. God bless.

Oh I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to hear the truth.

It's only a psychosis if you take me seriously. If you don't, it's an epic show.

I was invited to play at a small festival, end of August. Did not give an answer yet. But I'm pretty sure I'm doing it.

Alright. Now I nail shit with music and trading and then the world is really fucked. One word: Gold.