Gneh Onebar

This is my first post in a long time. So, a few months ago I had some form of god realization after a meditation session while being sober (no use of psychedelics, but it really had a psychedelic vibe). After the meditation I joined my girlfriend in the living room to watch a Netflix show. When I entered the room it hit me like a train. The living room I saw was the only space in existence and it was eternal. Everything I saw was hyperreal and it felt sort of multidimensional. My mind was instantly so still, that I felt dead. At the same time I felt so much energy in my body that I could barely breath or speak. I was in absolute shock. Then a few 'thoughts' or insights were arising. There is no yoga, no meditation, no reincarnation, no Buddhism, no spiritual masters, no life, no time, no space, no Enlightenment or way to liberation, no actualized.org (well, where the hell am I posting this stuff here and to whom am I speaking? :)); there is just me, tadaaaaa! Or at least all these things are not absolute Truth, they are a form of storytelling. I looked at my girlfriend and didn't really know what I was looking at. I touched her and it felt like touching myself. Suddenly my shock turned into absolute horniness and we had sex. Well, having sex helped me to ground myself. Since this day it happens, that I spontaneously shift into extremely elevated states of consciousness (even writing about this changes my state). Sometimes I feel like I have no boundaries at all or times just stops. I feel like dying over and over again. I go trough some sort of madness and insanity. Once my body was asleep but I was still there watching myself sleeping. The problem is, I can't really control the shifts, they just happen and often-times there also is a lot of fear (like panic attacks). I also have a hard time dealing with loneliness or meaninglessness. Sometimes the fear of losing everything I have arises (my girlfriend, my family, my friends, my sanity, well my life, myself). So, how do I deal with all this, while also living a 'good life' (I love life). Don't get me wrong, it's not like everything is bad, but it just is so much (sometimes too much), at times it feels so fucking shocking and overwhelming. Here are a few questions: How do you deal with the feeling of being all alone? How can I overcome my fear? (How do you deal with groundlessness, insanity etc.) How do you deal with meaninglessness? Why doing anything at all (It seems like I am going through a dark night of the soul, which is from the highest point of view also just storytelling) Do you have a life purpose after god realization? (when everything seems meaningless, having a life purpose also feels meaningless) Is there something I can do to get control over the shifts? How do I awaken into Love? (maybe by embracing all my fears an working through them) If you have some ideas just write them down – your help is really appreciated. By the way I don't claim to be enlightened or something like that. In fact enlightenment just seems like another story.

In this case it indeed was a distraction of the mind. However I had my first awakening while having sex. For me real sex is a way to awakening - at least thats the story I tell.

Thats and interesting take. I see, what you mean.

Sounds good! I will 'work' through my fears.

I hope so. Thx for your messgae.

Absolutely, and there is no way going back.

Well, sometimes I am afraid of myself. I definitely don't know myself in every way possible. And it seems, that the 'process' of discovering myself turns out to be infinite. Thx a lot for your answers, guys.

Well, this is quite a nice compilation.

Interesting Journal! What was for you the best book or article you read about psychedelics? For me it was Baches "LSD and the Mind of the Universe".

@Consilience can you post a link to the talk you mentioned. Thx.

Just found this trailer on youtube. It seems the movie can be watched on prime video.

Check also this video.

Great footage of the experience and a really good interpretation of it at the end of the video.

Well, this sounds interesting...

"Connor Murphy is a YouTuber famous for making videos where he takes his shirt off, but recently he has dipped into the world of psychedelics, and has now reinvented himself as a spiritual guru. Connor now claims to be God (as in the Christian god, as well as ALL other gods) and has a definitive understanding of how the universe works, along with a plan for evolving humanity into a race of enlightened super-beings. Most of this he has picked up from his idol, Leo Gura at Actualized.org, who strangely doesn't seem too happy about Connor parroting his own ideology back at him. Needless to say I think Connor Murphy has taken a little bit too much, and should probably chill a bit with psychedelics." Why do even expierenced Psychonauts have a 'problem' with being God?

Cool!

Hmmm... I get what you mean.

True! However I like the raw material.

Not sure about that (haven't seen a lot of his content), but I don't think so.

Well the guy has indeed a lot of experience with psycedelics... and that's the reason why I don't understand, why claiming to be god (in an abolute sense) is such a big problem. Martin Ball also says, that in the end everything is god.