Daphnedenninghoff23

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Posts posted by Daphnedenninghoff23

  5. Posted

    20 hours ago, flowboy said:

    @Daphnedenninghoff23  Sounds like for you guys, at this time, it is healthy.

    You may want to go back to closed at some point, and that should be perfectly fine and guilt-free.

    If you feel good about it, why second-guess it?

    The relationship should always come first, though.

    You should always feel like you are free to put the breaks on the open thing, and just go back to just being together. Without feeling guilty, or like you're depriving him.

    When a third person's needs have to be considered, that's when it gets real messy.

    Loyalty should be with each other, and any third person should know that they are not on equal grounds with you, they are a guest and will remain a guest. You can see them out any time.

     

    I'm a guy who has a relationship. The idea of having this freedom appeals to me. It would appeal to any guy. That doesn't mean I need it.

    Calling it a 'need' is a bit strong. Because that makes you wrong for depriving him, if you choose to not want to be open.

    I think it's more like a fantasy. Or an innate drive. (But not all innate drives have to be satisfied, for example, when I'm angry enough, I have an innate drive to kill someone. But it's not in anyone's best interest if I do that.)

    Being able to explore it a bit should be a gift, an extra, a cherry on top.

    Something that goes away immediately when there's more important things to take care of, such as working on your relationship.

    To summarize: if you feel okay, it is okay. When you feel pressure to keep being okay with it, that's when it becomes a problem.


    Yeah, I like what you said. We do always have the choice to close up the relationship. I notice we often go through phases where we are very very deeply involved only with each other. And it's the best thing ever. And then we have phases where he is more interested in other girls. And he wishes to explore that. The funny part is that in these 8 years, he only had actual sex with another girl just once. 

    He does flirt a lot. And I always feel very grateful when he tells me how he feels. He also often shares with me the insights he has regarding projections he has on other women. Like making them be something they are not. We are both quite philosophical. So it's a bit of a learning experience. 

    I notice that I actually never really feel like being with another guy. But I have the same freedom he does. I just don't feel like it. I do like being on my own sometimes and just reading a book in the sun. haha. 

    I agree that a third person involved can get messy. But the weird and interesting thing about our relationship is that there is just no guarantee that he won't catch feelings for someone else. Or that he might leave. We are very aware of this. 

    And I believe that if that's the case. The relationship ends naturally. Or not. Who knows. When not doing this all according to "normal" relationship ideas.. it often leaves me a bit like... Okay, so what do I do next? Nobody can really tell me?

    And yeah, the needs we have, they pass. We don't have to follow them blindly. And funny enough, I feel there are still a lot of lessons my partner needs to learn regarding his sexuality. And this is also my view on it. We learn through experience. So if he believes something about other girls, then it is his journey to explore and see if he believes are true? Most often our expectations and beliefs are not true. 

    I just don't like the idea of telling him. Okay, we are in a relationship. So now you have to live by these and these rules. 

    It is a gift. I am very very grateful for all the experiences I am having. 
    Sometimes I do feel fear, jealousy, a lot of things actually. 

    But I explore these. Talk about these. And gain great insights from these.

    Things change. The relationship might end. We can't know what the future holds. 
    But we also might stay together. 

    Thankyou for you time and for sharing your view. 

  6. Posted

    21 hours ago, JosephKnecht said:

    Open relationships require a lot of emotional maturity. If both people are not emotionally mature, it will lead to problems down the road.

    I live in the Netherlands, and open-type relationships are fairly common here. For some people, they end badly, but for others, they work like a charm. 

    In order for these types of relationships to work, you have to be completely honest with yourself. If you have any personal insecurities (thinking that you are not good enough, etc), eventually this will lead to jealousy and problems. 

    If you are happy when your partner shares his body with another person because his happiness translates into your happiness, then you will be fine. Also, your partner has to be happy for you when you do the same. :) 

    You have to decide what works best for you. 

     

    I do have personal insecurities, as a lot of people do. Not all the time though. But I noticed that self-reflection, and honesty and communication help very well. 

    Thank you for sharing your view. I appreciate it. 

  7. Posted

    21 hours ago, cookiemonster said:

     

    As long as there is no deception and it's totally consensual then it's perfectly fine. Open relationships can be very healthy.

    What you don't want though is a relationship that is built on lies. There's a big difference between being sexually liberal and cheating on someone.

    But if it's working out better for both of you then it's all good.   B|

    Hello, thankyou. 

    Yeah it is consensual. He wouldn't do it if we both did not agree on it. 
    And it often leads to very very interesting conversations. 

    I wouldn't want to change it for a dime. 

    The honesty part is for me the most important part. It's key.

  8. Posted

    Goodmorning (It's 7:20 AM here)

    I am in a relationship for 8 years. 
    We have built quite an interesting dynamic over the past years. 
    And mainly what is always interesting is that we always use obstacles as fuel for growth and personal development. 
    I always reach new heights with the amount of satisfaction I have within myself and within my relationship because of it. 
    Another thing I really appreciate is the radical honesty we both practice. My partner even talks with me when he is interested in other girls, he talks about his feelings, he literally tells me everything. 

    One thing however that keeps coming up is sex.
    I know we care about each other very much. Haha. I find it funny because it's kind of cliche.
    I have always believed << that a relationship should be permanent. And that the man should only love me and want me. 

    Very quickly, I learned that this is...not really realistic. 

    I learned really fast that both my partner and I, even if we love each other, still get attracted towards others.

    First I struggled with this. I thought this must mean we don't love each other. This means I am not good enough.

    But through a lot of talking, we realized that this was not the case. Over the past 2 years, It has become natural for us to allow flirting, attraction, and such things to happen naturally. 

    it actually caused the relationship to become even better. Because there were no feelings of bondage. We just really enjoy being with each other, we always come back to each other. 

    So it's kind of like an open relationship.

    However, it's mostly my partner (who is male) that has this need. 

    I remember I read in a book by Osho that I am reading, that sometimes it can be good in a relationship to have an affair or to go and have fun with someone else. It can make you appreciate your partner a lot better. And I can see some truth in this. 

    I feel like I am very much breaking old conditioning of what it means to be in a relationship. And sometimes it's a bit scary.

    Sorry for the long ramble. But Then it's easier to understand the situation. 

    So, I am mostly just curious, if anyone else has tips or useful commentary on how to deal with this consciously?
    What is your experience within a relationship with this?

     

     

  10. Posted

    Hi!

    So I am curious about tips on cleaning up my information in-take. 
    I have just finished watching Leo's new video on society. 
    I think cleaning up the information intake of course is both the things you consume, 
    but also the things you have already accepted as 'truth'. Even though they are just beliefs. 

    So I am just curious about tips. Experiences. etc. 

  15. Posted

    ....That moment when you realize this is going to take a shit load of work.

    I mean, I was already kind of semi-aware of the difficulty of embarking on this journey. 

    But the more I am becoming aware of this web of shit, it just baffles me. The ignorance...and the blind faith in these concepts. Pfff...

    I definitely understand why Leo mentioned this is gonna take 10000 hours and a lot of suffering. And that there are so many traps you can fall into.

    Nonetheless...I can see that this is worth it. If anything, it seems like the only thing worth doing. 

    Everything else just seems like an endless rollercoaster ride. Life at the moment just seems like a big LSD trip...

    A overgrown garden, for sure.

  17. Posted

    I know now that the only way out is through and in.

    I had a lot of thoughts about my relationship yesterday.

    Lots of it was just my mind worrying, abandonment issues, insecurity, etc. 

    I realized afterward that the only option I have left is to pursue enlightenment. I want to become completely and utterly clear with who I am and what reality is. As things are right now, it will be a very conditioned kind of love. 

    I also feel a longing for understanding true love.

     

  18. Posted

    10 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

    Expectations cancel true love.

    31 minutes ago, Daphnedenninghoff23 said:

    Yeah, this is what I am noticing. 

     

    10 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

    Yes. Granted that person can also access his/her ability for true love.

     

    I can imagine that it is quite rare. I sometimes fear pursuing the path myself, because I am holding on to the "security" of the current dynamic I have with my partner. Even though through some insights I had in my own nature, it all seems to be falling apart.

    It's difficult to go back now, and just act as if nothing is wrong. It's not possible for me to unsee how conditioned this love is. And how we will never be able to satisfy/fulfill each other. I want to move closer to truth.. But I fear letting go. And I am very very aware that I am going to have to. 

    Hence..why I am thinking about this subject. 

  19. Posted

    I am have been wondering about this topic for a while now. 
    I am currently pursuing enlightenment, and I am also in a relationship of 7.5 years. 
    I already was very interested in contemplation, and I always felt scared to look at the subject of relationships. 

    Of course, it came up again. I am noticing this web of lies and deception from both sides in my relationship. We are quite comfortable with each other, and overall I have nothing to complain about. Except that the love we feel for each other becomes questionable...when you really take a look at everything. It is a very selfish type of love. 
    And also I have to admit that I have no clue what real love is.

    Is it not possible to love as an ego? (ego asking, lol)

    Is it possible to have a relationship with someone in a high consciousness way?

    Thank you in advance for having this discussion with me. Perhaps someone can help me with a different or new perspective. 

     

     

  20. Posted

    Did 1 hour of contemplation last night. It was very interesting... It's just so mind-shattering to realize everything you know is not true. 
    From today on, I am cleaning up my diet, starting with sugar. I don't have an extreme addiction to sugar. But chocolate is a weakness of mine. Going to have to use the month of December to really drive this habit home. I know that cleaning up my diet is going to take time. 

    Onward we go on this path... Or rather yet...Inward? Or...ehm...I dunno anymore xD 

  24. Posted

    Yesterday I spend my day cleaning my information intake. For the rest of the month, I will continue detoxing my diet.  I also decided to have a little solo retreat on Thursday (I am free from work). I rarely spend time alone without any distractions, besides when I am meditating for 30 min. 

    I feel like I am barely even scratching the surface of this work, and it is already having a huge impact on my life. 

    Going into this with the mastery mindset. I am in this for the long run.