flowboy

Day 5 Decided to use my fasting momentum to try intermittent fasting today. Basically: not eating until the work is done. I like the idea of not mixing them up: mindfully working, and mindfully eating afterwards. I took a walk in the sun and I feel happy and positive. I'm drinking sparkling water with a slice of lemon and it tastes a-ma-zing! It's like my senses are sharper. Bought some groceries for my meal consisting of several two-ingredient parts. All basics. Looking forward to that. Finding a way with not texting. What I do now is I turn my phone on for the first time during lunch break, then I check to see whether anyone tried to message me. If so, I call the person, and if they don't pick up I leave a voice message explaining that I'm trying this new thing where I don't text and call more. That's my strategy to get my contacts used to it. And then of course I will have to learn who who is available at which times. My second calling opportunity is in the evening, when I'm washing dishes. [4pm] I am in the ZONE. Drinking only lemon water and ginger tea. Being my super focused, 'precise' self. Maybe it's a bit harder to get there without coffee, but it's better and lasts longer.

Day 4 [5am] It's surprising to me how easy it is to get used to fasting. I'm sleeping really really well. I feel so calm and relaxed in bed. I also remember feeling distinctly hot, like my body was cooking something. But in a calm, healthy way. Regardless, it's been 80 hours of no food, and it's time to start this engine back up again. I've read that one should be careful when starting to eat again. So I started with taking a bite of coconut oil. I suppose that will be quite easy for my system, since I'm in ketosis. I might have some lemon juice too. [6am] I went for my regular 4km run, and it was enjoyable, but a lot harder than usual. I'm not entirely surprised, since I've been working out like a beast and not eating for several days. [8am] That was the best fried egg ever... [12pm] Needed a nap after eating oatmeal with olive oil, eggs and blueberries. Digesting oatmeal definitely makes me sleepy and unfocused. I could barely follow the conversation at work, it was like I was only using 20% of my attention. So, what I could do about that is buy the gluten-free kind, and also only eat it in the evening. I realised something: I didn't plan time to eat into my schedule. I think I was planning to do that during work, just prepare it days before and then warm up containers of it, and eat those while continuing to work. I don't like that idea anymore. It's multitasking, it's not good for my focus, and it also makes it so that there is no reward at the end of the work day. So I will change that. Having some mild coffee and sweetened yoghurt cravings. Also some mild texting-my-friend-cravings. Very mild. [4pm] Work (programming) feels different without coffee. I'd describe it as dry. It's less interesting, and one time I had the urge to get up and take a walk. But because I'm so disciplined, I kept going and got into a better flow after that. I know this effect is temporary, although it could be 1-2 months before I'm just as enthusiastic without caffeine. [5:40pm] At the end I was doing something really fun, but somehow I was able to stop on time and stick to schedule! I would never be able to stop doing something fun on time on caffeine

What if this was the touchstone you would use for choosing a business idea to work on: if someone else stole it/did it first, you'd be happy, because you just want it to happen What do you think?

[11am] Some mineral salts brought my energy back. Interestingly though, I'm cold in this room and my friend is not. It seems my body is saving on heating, but not on brain power. Makes sense, wise choice [4pm] we worked out HARD, twice today. One workout with burpees and sprints, and later a session of tabatas with many different exercises. And now I'm typing away like a maniac. The energy was first a bit undirected, but now I'm focused and I want to work. I'm excited to type up my notes. This is crazy. 3 days no food and I'm just as fit and way more focused and energetic. [8am] Just got home. Bought chicken and spinach. Was planning to cook and eat at 10, but now I realise that that plan is interfering with the principle of going to bed on time, so that I can get up on time. So, I suppose it's going to be a 80 hour fast instead! Looking forward to break-fast tomorrow!

Day 3 [5am] Good morning! I dreamt some complicated stuff, it had to do with someone experimenting with visualisation, but it was loopy. Kind of like what happens when I have a fever, I get very complicated dreams. But: the alarm went off, and I feel like I've slept enough!! That hasn't happened in 6 months. I walked over to the alarm, then started making my bed and getting dressed like I was programmed to. Also, before going to sleep yesterday, I wasn't watching youtube, or listening to podcasts. It was just silent, me reading in bed. That and no caffeine is really doing wonders for my sleep. And I'm seeing a lot sharper. Colors are more intense, too, did not expect that effect. To complete a 72 hour fast, I can eat something at 22:00 tonight. Or I could try to sleep on it and start eating tomorrow. I will see. Of course, if I start feeling unhealthy, I will break my fast earlier. But so far I feel fine. Got my energy back yesterday. I read a whole bunch before I went to sleep. Mostly what I feel is clarity, muscle soreness and slightly weak/hungry.

I'm proud of myself. I just cold-called a person I wanted to interview, while I was fasted and decaffeinated. Basically, I was almost sleeping in my chair, brain barely functioning. Turns out (and I knew this) that when doing something scary, the brain turns on! I was so happy with that result, that I went for a spontaneous 4km run. Who says you need to eat before working out?! Now around 4pm, I do feel slightly weak and am looking forward to food again. I'll try having some minerals in water. [6:30PM] Man, this is weird. I'm about 44 hours into the fast and suddenly I'm getting hungry and antsy. And a big boost of energy. There is the urge to do something. I want to wash dishes but there are none. Guess I'll fold laundry. My speculation would be that this is the part where my lizard brain realises that we're out of meat and it's time to hunt?? I guess my body has started to produce ketones. If I had one of those ketone strips to pee on, I could prove it. But I don't have those, because I'm not a freak. But if I were to eat some fat right now, I bet I could run real fast.

Conversation with my friend set me straight: He's an ambitious and hard-working person I look up to. My perception of him was that he was always tirelessly working on something. But he assured me, he also has days where he stays in bed late, and that perception is just because I'm not observing him 24/7. Instead, we mostly communicate about results to each other He also said this: Longevity is important, and it's a marathon, not a sprint. It's good to find a configuration of your life where you can maximize your output over a long period.

Day 2 Good morning! It's 11am. I'm seeing a lot sharper. Did a stiff Freeletics workout, took a cold shower, enjoyed a guided meditation by Steve Guarino. Feeling slightly hungry but it's tolerable. I had a conversation with my mom yesterday. Apparently she believes that working hard to make lots of money is not going to make me happy. She believes I should take a break from all the ambitiousness and just be happy with my job, and use the rest of my time to do whatever my heart desires. I understand where she's coming from. But it's hard to hear, because I'm afraid it will make me give up. I connect her message to the voice in my head telling me to take it easy when I was planning to do something hard. Part of me is just afraid that my mom is always right. And now that she doesn't believe I should get into business, I'm doomed, it will never work out. I'm glad that I did Primal Intensive, and learnt to separate myself from this inner parent. My parents are not always right, and they mean well but they don't understand. I looked at my Big 5 test results of a year ago. I scored in the 0th percentile of conscientiousness, and also the 0th percentile of industriousness. That's extremely low, it basically says I'm lazy and unproductive by nature. Fuck the Big 5. I don't think it's accurate, I don't think the test on Jordan Peterson's website is any good, and I don't think I answered the questions correctly, I probably went overboard out of self hate. And it's also very fixed - pretending someone's nature is just what it is. It scared me, though. Am I fighting my nature and doomed to fail? Or give myself stress and diseases because it's just not in my nature to be working this hard? That's my biggest fear, I think. One that can easily be proven wrong, by getting some results.

End of day 1. This is what I did: Ran 4km Called a friend Read 20 pages Took a nap Listened to music while doing dishes and it opened the floodgates. I'm still crying. With the emotional release, I feel a sort of compassion for myself that it feels like I've been lacking. That with all the pushing myself, I'm not being nice to myself and giving myself the sense that it's never enough, I'm never good enough, never working hard enough by my own standards. I wondered today whether in my childhood I picked up the idea somewhere that my natural personality is not good and I need to change myself. Well I definitely did, come to think of it. Most of high school I was getting bullied and misunderstood and it made me desperate. I thought that if I got really strong, then people would accept me for example. I tried dressing like the cool kids. So much self hate. And now, I wonder how much of that is propelling me today..? Or, holding me back..

Day 1 Good morning! Let's review the things to abstain from for 2 weeks: Reading comments Participating in discussions YouTube Netflix Any video, except the ones in the course I'm doing and the videos in the exercise app I'm using Coffee Sugar Alcohol Smoking Texting Social media Dating apps PMO Tea with caffeine Video games Podcasts Audiobooks Sex Processed food Going shopping just to look at cool things Dating Reading stuff on the internet and going down wikipedia rabbit holes I'll make a list and hang it on my wall. Though it's not about these activities in particular, it's more about detecting whenever I'm chasing unearned pleasure to escape. For example, my work performance has been suffering because I'm hooked to checking my text messages like a rat on cocaine, and will get impulses to do this right when my focus was about to deepen. Replacement activities Going for walks in nature Reading and taking notes Fiddling with guitar Calling/seeing friends Reflecting Journaling Also, I start my fast today. I want to do 3 days, to get a good reset and give my body the time to heal and declutter. That means that I can have breakfast Wednesday May 6th. Begin state Very brainfoggy. I feel like to be properly awake, I need the massive amount of coffee that I've habituated myself to. Physically, I feel like a machine with dirt stuck in the gears. I'm not seeing as sharp, I feel that annoying pressure in my ear, lymph nodes are swollen, breathing feels kind of heavy and there's some tiny sharp pains from my chest sometimes. Also my heart rate's been "resetting" where it changes the rhythm noticably, quite frequently. I'm interpreting this as damage incurred from stress, bad sleep and caffeine abuse. I'm excited to give my body some time off so it can heal.

Tomorrow morning, I'm starting a 2 week dopamine detox - where I cut out all activities that are rewarding but not beneficial. I'm optimizing for earned pleasure. The satisfaction from working, and when I need something else I'm going to turn to reading, reflecting, journaling, walking in nature, and conversation with good friends. I'm also allowed to play guitar and do as much exercise as I want. I will post my 'begin state' tomorrow.

@electroBeam @LfcCharlie4 @Hansu @TrynaBeTurquoise @DaveB @Villager Albert Thanks everyone for your helpful suggestions so far. I added them to the list. Now I'm going to watch some instruction vids to see what else I missed. I actually planned to start today, but because the rules were not yet clear, I'm caffeinated and eating processed food already. Can clearly feel part of myself being horrified at the idea, and another part getting excited at getting back to basics and what feels like more meaningful parts of life. I'm excited to go for more walks, and not just go for walks with headphones on, listening to some podcast, not even looking, no, really looking at nature. I stared at the leaves of a rose bush this morning, it had all different kinds of sleeping bugs on it, it was amazing. I enjoy watching sheep eat. I took a walk last Tuesday and just stared at mule deer. It was great.

Oh man. This is exactly how I used to feel a couple years ago. Was diagnosed with ADD too. Damn near no one knew how to help me, either, and that was frustrating.

@Hansu Hadn't even thought of that!

You're confusing life purposes with jobs. Not the same thing by far In fact, if you can put your life purpose into words, then those words are not your purpose. (look up David Deidas explanation in The way of the superior man) Have you done the course? If I were you I'd forget about the whole life purpose thing for awhile, because most people here misunderstand it anyway. Just figure out what you want your life to look like in 10 years, and then break that down into actionable steps that you can follow. All you need to do to keep yourself busy in a pretty purposeful way for the coming years

Wow.??????? That is an awesome response, sir.

@modmyth That sounds delicious. Would like to try that as a substitute. Not sure if it's sold in the netherlands though, will have to check.

I don't think you're kidding yourself. I base that on how different tea and coffee feel in my body. Coffee gives me a distinct dehydrated, stressed, poisoned feeling. Green tea doesn't do that.

I want to start a dopamine detox next week. Going to figure out the details of that. Reasons being: I am dependent on coffee to feel good and get anything done, sadly, and it's fucking up my sleep. I am addicted to messaging and getting replies, and it's fucking up my deep work. Even though I'm not the most social guy, somehow I find myself interrupting my work to find out whether someone's read my message and said anything back. It's not just phone, it's also facebook and this forum. Generic addiction to getting replies and proof of attention. And it's a problem because whenever I'm about to get into the work zone, that's a trigger to crave checking messages instead. So it prevents me from going into the zone I crave sweetened processed yoghurt in the morning so much that I'll actually rush to the supermarket to get it, even at risk of being late for work. Madness. Also, all the productivity hipsters are doing a dopamine detox these days, can't fall behind! But seriously, I think I'm finally hear the message. Like before, I did have the goal of using my phone less, and succeeded for a while but slipped back into it, because I didn't take it seriously enough. I didn't realize how much it takes motivation away from the important things. Like: why am I not super-motivated to do this important thing? Ahh, because I fill all my empty moments with youtube videos and podcasts. Right, that makes sense. And sure I can push through, I've learnt to do that and trained my willpower quite a bit. But as long as I still fill my life with overstimulation, it will remain hard and willpower-draining to even work normally. At least that's the hypothesis, and I'm excited to find out whether that's true for me.

It's not making you more focused, though. It's getting you to 80% of where you would be had you not been drinking it I also feel like I need a "helper substance" of some kind. Like it feels unnatural to start working on just water. But actually, that's probably bullshit that's been conditioned into me, just from everyone around me believing it too. I don't need a chemical substance to be the best version of myself. Oh but the first few days without coffee are gonna su-huck though. I tried for even one morning last week. Hated my life.

I think that would work, I might try that. At the office we had a tradition of doing pushups every hour, ha ha.

I was getting ready to hate on this and say he's overdramatizing it. Then I watched the video. And I actually think he's on point. Thank you for posting this buddy. I will quit coffee again after seeing this. I have been quit for a couple weeks several times, but still drinking it. When something requires my top performance, or I'm nervous about some event that day (even a date) I tend to use that as an excuse to start again. Spent most of 2020 telling myself I had quit and then using coffee again a few days later. Because hey, it's not that bad. While I don't recognize that I'm not able to enjoy things without it (on the contrary, I feel more like myself when I'm not drinking it) I do recognize that it ruins my sleep. I've written many journal entries about quitting it, and still have not. It's actually tough. Wanting to feel like the most alert version of myself for this or that event gets me every time. I don't think its health effects are as bad as smoking. Although I feel less sure now. But when I smoke, I can immediately feel myself getting sick and having trouble to walk stairs. So aside from research, that's an immediately observable difference. I don't think tea is as unhealthy as coffee. Because I read somewhere that anything that's charred or roasted contains carcinogens. Another interesting idea is that we drink caffeine to compensate for a sedentary lifestyle. That our bodies are actually used to more movement and adrenaline during the day, and to compensate for that, we use tea and coffee. Makes sense to me. Doesn't mean that that is for the best, though.

Haah, remember when I wrote this? It really seemed like a realisation I would stick to, huh. What actually happened is: my desperate hurry to get this move "over with" won at first. I signed a contract to go work for too many hours, for too little money, leaving me too little free time. Then I proceeded to sign a rental contract for a minimum of 12 months, which was at least 500 per month over budget, leaving me barely any budget for groceries, let alone savings. I then told the girl that I was doing all this for, that I was telling myself was not doing all this for, that "the deal is done". I was convinced that I would be living together with her soon, in a great apartment, with a better job, better everything, and on my way to financial independence. I then could barely sleep for a couple nights. Something didn't feel right. Then the awful realisation crept over me that I may have just done something stupid. I called a friend, who confirmed in fact that my plan was crazy. So, in a pit of despair and even some suicidal thoughts (not seriously though), I called the landlord and said that I wouldn't be able to afford it, I emailed my prestigious new employer that I had fought so hard for, told them I wasn't coming, and asked for my old job back. I was mocked a bit but accepted. Then a few days later I got tired of the shifty unmotivated attitude of the girl I was dating. Asked her point blank whether she loved me or not. She said no. Turns out she has an avoidant attachment style. To her, it had not been serious at all. What I thought was a relationship was not that, and did not have the potential either. In hindsight, I can see the signs I missed. So that all came crashing down pretty quickly. And I have to say it was a blessing. It taught me what to look for and what to avoid in a partner. It killed the last shred of desire for a prestigious job, the last shred of doubt that entrepreneurship is the only path I value, and I'm done ego tripping about so-called prestigious jobs. It's still wage slavery. Not that I'm not grateful for the opportunity, but it would have been a step sideways, not forward. Even slightly backwards, because it would have shrunk my time budget and my money budget. So I moped around for about a day and then immediately pivoted to put all my free time and energy into starting a business. It still feels like an impossible wall to climb at times. But at least I am determined: I have no doubts and thoughts of other attractive options distracting me now.

Ehm, tool for what?

This is powerful. Same strategy worked for me. Do this.