flowboy

I think meeting people in real life is a much more reliable way of researching this topic, than looking at statistics or the sources you've been citing from. If you're really interested in this, then nothing beats meeting people and seeing what's actually up.

I heard flowboy also does that In my pickup days I would have loved to be an intern for Tyler, I think. At least that's what I was dreaming about. Following a successful entrepreneur's every move, whilst going out with him and helping him film the videos. Like Max Tornow did. Who runs a business coaching venture now that is under investigation now for unethical practices I don't know what it is with these guys. They're so good on video, and at what they do, but they can't seem to install a company culture of ethical practice.

Okay for one: these surveys don't mean a lot, because they select for the type of person that would take a survey like that. Inherent problem with global surveys. But let's assume it does. You can see men are overreporting lack of sex compared to women. Their graph is related to women's graph, it's just a bit of an exaggeration of it. Women's reporting lack of sex also jumped up. Correspondingly, men's reported lack of sex jumped up. I don't think this shows anything related to women getting laid more. It's just that men complain about it more than women. Between 2008 and 2018, more people were sexless. The difference in reporting has always been there, I think that's a bias related to sex. Women don't view lack of sex as as big of a problem as men, which is nothing new. It also makes sense that the relation is not linear. Men are just more inclined to complain about this, because sex is higher on their priority list typically. What happened? Well, perhaps people got less shy about reporting their lack of sex. Perhaps the culture changed, and so there was less shame around it. People felt more entitled, and so were more inclined to see their sexless marriage as a problem? Keep in mind that these stats could very well be people in a relationship. Bottom line: all this shows, is that this is what people who like to take surveys said in surveys. I don't even know anybody who takes these surveys. Why would you? I've certainly got better things to do than fill out General Social Surveys. So this really selects for people who have nothing better to do, and like to waste time with stuff like that. Which is probably not most people, and could correlate heavily with lack of initiative to go out and meet people. This makes the data basically worthless. Maybe social media is making people more lonely. Somehow. But even that is just a guess. Correlation does not imply causation.

@zazen I can see your intentions are good, but you haven't questioned your base assumptions enough. This is trying to solve a problem that doesn't exist in reality. Yes, also the stuff about "evolutionary biology and how it drives our behavior" and how we have to "accept these hard truths" - are part of the mirage. Part of the myth that is crafted in order to draw in more hurt and bitter men, and selling them books and content instead of helping them heal. In reality, any emotionally healthy man who has his life reasonably together can find more than enough attractive women - and if he wants the attention of hundreds or thousands of twenty year olds, he can go play in a band or do something else cool that he gets recognition for. People who believe that that is false, usually do so because their emotional health and/or life is not together, and they don't want to do the work to fix it.

We should totally start that.

This is great! Thanks for posting something healthy and action-based Much needed around here

So how to move from there into solving it at scale... not easy. Perhaps a marketing effort that appeals to the bitter people, meets them where they are at, but then coaxes them through a journey of healing, forgiveness and integration. Bit of a bait-and-switch, but it could work.

Of course I have. Can't be a real self-actualizer without at least once boofing shrooms. Isn't that what Leo teaches?

The solution lies in solving the fundamental problem at the individual level. The individual experiences pain, rejection, divorce - and becomes bitter. That bitterness makes him vulnerable to believe in these sorts of stories, which are basically an externalisation of the problem ("It's society's fault that I've been hurt") So helping the individual process his pain properly, helping him integrate the healthy masculine, and restoring his trust and love towards the feminine, is where the solution is.

People only get into this stuff because they have been rejected or otherwise hurt by women. The solution is to address that painful experience directly, instead of getting lost in these types of belief systems.

I'm all for a healthy discussion. But a healthy discussion starts with healthy sources of information. I don't feel like spending energy arguing against a long-ass rant by some idiot that you copy-pasted, I'm not that eager to argue at all really. Let's look into what question you were trying to answer by going to this source that you pulled this from. Before you learnt all these concepts like hypergamy and regulated sexual market. Even go back before the evolutionary biology. What is the question you were looking for answers to? Then let's just ask that here, much more efficient and healthy. There is a personal core motive or question behind your interest in this stuff, and I'll be more than happy to talk about that.

@Knowledge Hoarder It's not even his own text. He pulled it from some other source. Probably an unhealthy reddit group. I refuse to spend energy arguing against nonsense that OP didn't even come up with.

It's a toxic ideology because it is full of lies, promotes victim mentality in men, and is very derogatory and unfriendly towards women. You can tell, because no women are into red pill. That should be a red flag. Less subtle clues would be "regulation of the sexual market", which is a concept I challenge anyone to explain in a way that is not toxic and horrible

Still waiting for the ban on toxic redpill shit to be enforced... This is all unhelpful nonsense. The number of lies in this is almost the number of total sentences. We can have discussions about this nonsense over and over again every week. But I personally feel that it should be treated the same way that conspiracy theories are treated here.

Exactly my conclusion, after struggling with this stuff for 10 years. Crazy that most people don't know. The pickup marketing is not helping. Thanks! You too!

I'm friends with multiple tantric domina and body workers who specialize in this. I have a very high opinion of them. They really help people, and it is a profoundly spiritual endeavour. There's also some very good workshops I know of. Go for it!

Go for it 100%. The reason you're stuck right now, is because the thing you are passionate about is not 100% out of the question yet. If it was 100% impossible, I bet you could accept it and find something else. But: Then go for that, I'd say. A passion is not the same thing as a life purpose, but following it can help you turn it into one, or find your next passion, et cetera. Seeing how hard you went for this goal at such a young age, it's very possible that you actually make it. And if you don't, new opportunities will open up and present themselves, and you'll have the self respect that comes with knowing that you have a track record of really going for things. In my case: I would always feel better about myself having tried and failed, then never having tried. The question is whether that's true for you. Just: keep listening to your intuition, and be open to pivot and do something else, when what you're doing no longer feels authentic. Maybe you'll want to do something completely different after even one year. Maybe you'll learn a lot about yourself, and it will change your direction. That is hard, but it's better than getting stuck doing what is no longer authentic. Don't let people tell you that it's selfish to follow your passion, or that there isn't enough 'giving to the world' in it. When you're young, it's natural to be focused on doing what you want to do. Actually doing it can be enough of a gift in and of itself: after all, it's inspiring to the people around you, to see you really go for something. If later on, deeper gifts announce themselves to be given by you, just be open to receive that intuition, and be willing to pivot. It makes no sense to inauthentically do something because other people tell you it's good. My 2 cents. Take at your own risk. Flying is dangerous

Oh man, I've been there? It's nothing personal. When you're feeling low and insecure, people don't like those vibes. Later, when you feel better, you have better vibes and people will be attracted to you. It's not about you as a person. People are just not attracted to neediness and sense of unworthiness. You've already gotten girls to date you, so you don't need to get a hooker. You'll probably get laid in the next year. The first time you have sex with a girl (who chose you too) is a memory to be cherished for life man, do you want to take that away from yourself? Weed can make social anxiety worse, I'd stay away for now. Alright man, all of that is okay. Take the weekend to take care of yourself, then go back and get to know some more women. Try to focus on getting to know them, while also letting them get to know you. The more authentic you can be, the more attractive you are. Don't fall into the trap of believing that your social skills are the problem. Social skills come naturally, when the sense of unworthiness is lifted. Of course, pushing through anxiety to take action is helpful. But this is only bringing to the surface the natural ability that is already inside you. Also, don't fall into the trap of believing that it is your fault that you are this way, that there is something inherently wrong with you. There is not. Social anxiety and problems like the one you are describing, are usually caused by bullying, unhelpful parenting, or trauma. It's not your fault. From accepting that it's not your fault, you can work your way out of it.

Good for you! Stop feeling inferior and you don't need pickup techniques anymore. That's the mindfuck. ( of course, to heal a sense of inferiority is a journey in and of itself, but it has little to do with pick-up technicalities, and more with healing childhood conditioning and trauma )

Don't do anything more to "improve yourself" right now. The only reason this is your reaction, is because you have a buried sense that there is something wrong with you. Fixing oneself never leads to being fixed. It just leads to more things to be fixed, a lifelong journey of fixing yourself, feeling unworthy and inferior in the process. Is that what you want? An attractive man feels worthy and "enough". You are setting yourself up to never be like that, the way you are going about it! If what you said is true, and you already are doing all of this cool stuff, a healthy reaction would be: "Maybe we should take a couple days apart, and you should think about whether you really want to be with me." Of course, what she's really reacting to is your "not enough" frame: I bet the reason you are building muscles and doing all this yoga and whatever else, is because you feel "not enough". She's just mirroring that back to you. Women pick up on these things, without even knowing it. Doing even more things from the "I'm not enough" mindset is just doubling down on a failing strategy.

Broccoli is harder to plug, though.

If your intentions towards the world are good, then it is never selfish to do what is best for you, as in the long term it is also what is best for the world. No one relates to a saint A saint is just a marketing image, a projection, made possible by reputation and distance, that people use because they feel the need to look up to someone. It's basically a pyramid scheme of perfectionism and self-unacceptance. Perpetuating a saintly image, thereby rejecting the human side, is done so that others who don't love and accept themselves unconditionally, can use that to point to, and keep that unloving pattern alive in themselves. Even true saints never said they were saints, it was the ones around them who projected the perfection, wrote the legends and left out all the humanizing details. ? Now when you're willing to accept all of this enough, to be able to tell this to someone you're dating, she'll be all over you. Of course I'm not saying to tell it all on the first date, people like to keep it light at first and go step by step, but this kind of authenticity and vulnerability is super attractive. Do you know how hard it is to find a guy who doesn't constantly try to prove that he has no flaws or painful stories like this? I've been told it's very hard. With your sense of direction and purpose, combined with self-acceptance, vulnerability and openness, you'll be irresistible to the right woman. @soos_mite_ah would you say that's accurate? It's such a mindfuck, because this is the opposite of the survival strategies one learns in teens and early twenties.

Felt myself spin out into irrational thoughts yesterday evening. The usual pattern: "I'm a bad employee for getting very little done today, but I will make up for it by sacrificing my sleep" The cigarettes are back for another day. I called a friend and got some reassurance and perspective. Got a good night's sleep. Did the most important thing when dealing with shame: I admitted openly to my coworkers that I was unproductive yesterday. It wasn't as big a deal as it was in my mind. That always helps. Still feeling good about the video free day today. Being okay with the present moment and my own thoughts is the first step to clarity. Also, without the video distractions and on a good night's sleep, I can put in an honest day's work today. I'll feel good about that. From there, I'll clean up my system, make a new plan for the emigration, and quit the caffeine and cigarettes after that. I'll be loving towards myself and allow myself to come back step by step.

Now that sounds like good value for the money. For a 2k/3k bootcamp I expect some personal attention. I've seen videos of Tyler coach people infield, that looked dope though. I would have paid for that. There is something inherently dirty about an industry that profits from people that have been traumatized in some way. I use the word traumatized in a broad manner. I think the helpful products and bootcamps are good and should exist, but it's not ethical to shame people and use their own sense of inferiority to hard-close the sale.

I'm a professional C# programmer and have taught others. The key is to create your own thing. Creatively come up with something that you want to make. Then there will be no predefined answers, and so you'll have to look everything up and learn how to use it and apply it until it works. Step by step code-along tutorials are almost useless, you learn very little from those. I don't recommend following along with videos like that. It seems like you're learning but you're not, because you only learn programming if you do the problem solving yourself. I recommend coming up with an idea of what to make, and then using a decent book to look everything up. That will really seer it into your brain, and get you to a decent skill level fast. Just get a good book and an IDE, and get creative