flowboy

@khalifa How's your relationship with your father? Has he been supportive, encouraging you to make the choices that are good for you, whilst still having your back and providing guidance? Or has he been either absent or domineering, anything else but a strong non-judging loving entity to lean on? I say this because I have yet to come across a person - client or otherwise - who has trouble making satisfying life decisions - where there was no unresolved father issues if we dig deep enough.

Then you did it all wrong, sorry to say. The life purpose is not some ultimate idea you find by thinking about it. It's something you find by doing, providing value, giving your gift in ever deeper ways. It's like Deida says, an onion that you keep peeling layers off, each layer revealing a deeper life purpose. But you can only find those layers by doing. If you've only sat there with your thoughts for 7 years, you're not telling us the whole story. Because unless you've done something productive in that time, like write a book, it means you haven't been mentally healthy. A mentally healthy person has an innate desire to be productive, to do something meaningful, to be useful to others in some way. To create. Perhaps you have an underlying anxiety, holding you back from your natural drive to do stuff, which you might want to explore. I suggest two things: Therapy Finding a way to monetize your life purpose work now. No excuses. Be creative and try things.

As an INTP, this makes me think of a typical undeveloped INTP - who fancies himself the smartest person in the room, but would rather die than get out of his philosophy armchair and get his hands dirty. Yes, my own shadow side is what I see here My opinion is that a life purpose statement should be the result of experiences providing value and seeing what feels right - distilling a direction from different experiences of giving your gift in various forms in the real world. This is what I always encourage people to do. What Leo also does with his 'small bets' concept. The statement then helps you focus and narrow your direction.

Not if you quit porn and ejaculation for 30 days. I don't need anything external to enjoy a healthy sexual feeling and masturbating. Learn to quit the ejaculation & visual stimulation addiction and you get back to a more natural state.

If you do it right, it's really not that bad. In that position I'd probably just start habitually mentioning my desires whenever I felt them, and then casually talking over them (not waiting for a response) by changing the subject. That it's sometimes hard for me to stay on topic because her physical attraction is hard to resist, that I feel myself getting hard when she mentions X, kind of whatever comes to mind but just putting your sexuality out there without looking for a response. This builds sexual tension, and it can go two ways from there: She gets uncomfortable and the topic has to be addressed. You two decide that you have to take some weeks apart so that you can find another girl to project this energy onto and you can be better friends (if there's actually substance to the friendship) She gets intrigued, doesn't seem to mind, giving you quiet permission to go further and make a move.

this guided release I created helped out some of my clients - give it a try People bond over shared experiences that transform them in some way - meaning, learning by being taken out of one's comfort zone. Think of a person in a stable state as an atom with an equal amount of electrons to compensate the positive charge of his number of protons. In this state his charge is neutral, making him unable to form ion bonds (a deep connection). Now an experience somewhat challenging to his ego, may knock some of his electrons out of his shell - or make him absorb extra ones. This gives him a positive or negative charge, making him attract others with an opposite charge. With those he may form deep connections - an ionic bond. Leaving this metaphore behind, you will form deeper bonds with people when you and them are being challenged and out of your comfort zone, forced to adapt and grow. This is why people make friends in college, but less so at work. In college, everyone is going through the same process of growth together, but when joining some type of work force, most people are already settled in to what they are doing and have adapted to it. For the same reason, going through a challenging or somewhat scary and transformative process together, like joining Toastmasters or a transformative retreat, or some type of volunteering in a foreign country, is far more likely to bond people, than comfort zone activities like going out drinking or yoga classes. In my experience, friends are found at the edge of your interests and your fears.

Must I put this in serious terms? You are trying to teach something you do not master in the slightest. I object to that.

Teach me Sensei. stop, you are making me laugh too hard.

I would say so. I'm basing that on my experience that I found it more disgusting and repulsive in a time where I was much more in the matrix of conditioning - where homosexuality at the time was being mocked and looked down upon by guys who valued "masculinity". When I got out of that matrix, I stopped finding it disgusting at all and even got in touch with some bisexual thoughts and feelings. Which I don't consider myself a bisexual - I just think that most people have some of those feelings - and the degree to which they repress these (because conditioning tells them it's wrong, so it would lead to unacceptance to become conscious of those feelings or thoughts) becomes the degree to which they consciously experience disgust or repulsion instead.

That actually happened. Whilst it's a slightly cringy memory to me now, it's in this context an appropriate example of being yourself towards others. I also struggled to socialize in kindergarten. Also in high school. Lots of bullying and ostracization. I know how to work through it but it's a deep process. Being yourself is a natural born need. Early bad experiences can teach you to suppress that. I had many of those. I learnt to not be myself at all. One becomes a "false self" in order to survive. That false self needs to be destroyed systematically in order to become an attractive non-neurotic adult. It's not an easy process, goes deeper than you would hope, but attractive behaviors come quite naturally as a result.

Am I to understand that you've never had sex, yet you're here proactively spewing advice? I hope that's a joke Thank you for entertaining me.

Imagine an obese girl who doesn't shower or shave, smells bad and wears men's clothes with holes in them, cheeto crumbs on her chin, long hairs growing out of her nose, saying that to her friend whilst pining over YOU. That's you. You're being that girl right now. What would you say to her? How about before expecting guys to fall in love with you and want deep intimacy with you, cleaning yourself up and acting like a woman? That's right. You're not acting like a man (expressing your desire unapologetically), therefore to her you're just as attractive as the cheeto girl. Does being nice and caring really make a difference then, if you're not a man to her? I know, your nice guy behavior is based on a fear that is really hard to overcome, and you're looking for alternate ways to still get what you want. I was the same. Or should I say, I still do that at times if I don't catch myself. But I have taught to express my desires honestly, whether I'm scared or not. And it works. Life is beautifully designed in that in order to get what you want the most, you have to face your worst fear. Go do it.

Rather my point is that too much suffering can lead people to believe that they must find a way out of suffering, that suffering is bad and it is a problem that must be solved, which I think is an understandable misconception. People who experience tolerable levels of suffering tend to appreciate and learn from it. People who suffer more than they can tolerate, can get fixated on 'eliminating suffering' which is an overcorrection, a swing too far in the other direction.

My apologies, didn't mean to steal your teaching thunder with my advanced stuff that really works. Don't mind me. Continue with your simple hacks, please

To me it appears like you're intellectualizing a fear of feeling unaccepted (or whatever the particular feeling tone is for you) by spinning theories around it. These theories are a distraction from a feeling of rejection or unacceptance, which is the core thing to work with. I don't care what scenarios you can think of where acting through your authentic desires can get you in trouble. I can come up with those too. You're acting out of fear, and the women you date will sense that. Stop it

@Someone here You think that suffering has to be overcome. I think that's a mistake rooted in suffering

Did you fit in in primary school and high school? Any bad experiences there? Wild guess because I used to feel like a creep, and it was definitely rooted in bad experiences of not fitting in and being ostracized as a child and adolescent. I did some trauma release on that and it's a lot better now.

The TYPICAL MISTAKE when trying to solve porn addiction, is to think that the porn is the problem. The pornography is just what you chose as a symbolic fulfillment of an unconscious unmet need. You can focus on porn all you want, trying to cut it out, trying to stop masturbating, rewarding yourself, blocking websites, nofap, all that bullshit is just a waste of precious energy. You can quit, but then you still have the root of your addiction. Just that now it's without an outlet. Something is lacking, something is empty inside yourself. An emptiness that you tried to fill with porn. Now needs to be filled with sugar? Or an addiction to working out? Or eating extremely healthy and having to talk about it incessantly on forums? It's all the same. Don't think you're being healthy if you are still addicted to something, trying to fill a deep lack of something. Your porn (or whatever) addiction is a beautiful, perfect window into what needs to be healed inside you. A portal for true healing, IF you have the wisdom to use it as such. Want proof? Or a hint of where to start? Start when you feel the urge. Then meditate and introspect on what you are actually feeling. What is the feeling you have to quench? Then do some shamanic breathing, with the intention of finding out more about what you need and where this sense of lack is coming from. If you have the balls and the follow-through to do THAT, NOW you have an entry point to some real change. If you get there, now the next step to healing will be revealed to you, because feelings will surface that you had no idea were bothering you. Then, all you have to do to really solve it, is to CHOOSE to rather feel those feelings, than do your destructive habit. Messing around with behaviour change and habits/rewards is child's play. Once you've made that decision, to rather feel that which you've uncovered, than do the habit, now you've taken the power back. You don't have to run away anymore, which means you don't need porn anymore, OR video games, OR attention, OR anything else which you could get addicted to next.

Question that belief. I had posters from porn magazines plastered all over my room when I was in a relationship as a 24 year old. It's just what I enjoyed at that time. Later I added pictures of my actual naked girlfriend too, for completeness. I don't do that anymore, I'm currently in a phase where I find pornography or any arousing imagery distracting. But it was what was authentic to me at that time. To the extent you are willing to compromise what you privately do in order to be accepted by your girl, she will feel weakness from you and not respect you as much and give you more shit. It's a direct correlation. Because it is weak. She wants you to be strong. You are supposed to do some things that she doesn't like. If she can push you over like that and make you change your behavior in order to be liked, you are basically useless to her as a man. I still have my own issues with this though, I'm not perfect in this area. Sometimes I find myself still having to actively fight some learned shame and guilt in order to be more myself, instead of a nice guy who aims to please.

To me it's kind of silly to want to do all these things to manipulate your trip. Trying to be smarter than the drug you've committed to. The medicine knows best. Trust that it will give you what you need. What you need is not something your mind can predict beforehand, otherwise you wouldn't have to take the medicine. With a low dose, an intention will sometimes be useful and answered. On a moderate to higher dose, your intention doesn't even matter. I also have a higher tolerance for LSD type things. It doesn't really get deep below 2-3 tabs. Just be in a safe calm space physically and mentally, and provide for your basic needs. Practice letting go and trusting what comes up in the days before already, by not trying to micro-manage the experience through making lists of things to contemplate and activities to do and whatnot. This will give you the right set to go into it and receive what you need. Relax, take it easy, but take it! - Terence McKenna

Life is suffering, yes, but trying to overcome your suffering is both your divine purpose and a futile mistake. If life is suffering, overcoming suffering is overcoming aliveness.

It wouldn't be a fun game if everyone made it, would it? That said, what you call awakening is only one outcome of the game. It's what you value, therefore you project it to be the best outcome for everyone. That's your bias. The game is multi-dimensional. Infinitely so. Everyone is moving towards their own divine purpose.

For starters, you're asking her to touch your dick at a park.

Why do you need internet people to tell you what's a waste of time for you? Go explore if you're curious. Do what feels right. Brian Weiss has good regression meditations on youtube.

@integral Ask her about a moment in childhood where she has had difficulty breathing. Maybe she was in the hospital, maybe she was sick for a while. Maybe when she was born she had trouble breathing (umbilical cord around her neck, fluid in lungs, had to be ventilated, was given medications that she had a bad reaction to, anything like that). Also have her ask her mother whether she had health problems or smoked, or any negative event happened or emotional state, that could have led to the foetus getting less oxygen, when she was in the womb. I am willing to bet that you'd find something (if her mother is willing to tell her) The body remembers trauma like that in every cell, and when it is triggered, not just the feelings (in the form of nightmares) but also the physical symptoms come rushing back. Of course, if you ask her, she probably won't remember. But maybe she knows a clue. The 4-ACO-DMT could have reminded her system of an early trauma. Also, psychedelics weaken the gates that keep that trauma repressed, so any psychedelic could have caused this to happen. I'm bringing this up because you mentioned vivid nightmares. Nightmares are signs of trauma that originated in the womb, or in the first 6 months after being born. Traumatic pain after the first 6 months usually comes to the surface in the form of bad dreams, not nightmares. The feeling behind the nightmares will be another important clue of what happened. Ask her what the feeling of the nightmares is. (the content is usually heavily distorted but the feeling is the same as the original trauma) From there, my advice is to let her stabilize and then see if she wants to work with a therapist who can help her uncover and relive her trauma. If she doesn't stabilize, I may know one person who would know what to do but that's outside the scope of this response, send me a message in that case.