flowboy

I usually take a couple 5-htp, go running, avoid interacting with strangers and take it easy. Stay mindful of your emotions and try to disidentify with them. Maybe write about them. Hypothetically. I never do drugs.

This is the only legitimate reason to break up you named. The rest is unimportant nonsense and you will see it soon enough. Not trying to be harsh, sorry if it seems like that. And even here: YOU don't know whether you want marriage or children. I know you think you do, but from what you wrote I gather that your values are still way too intertwined with your parents' opinion. Trust me when I say you are going to go through another puberty-like phase where you truly separate your value system from your parents' and fully realise that they are just people, and you love them, but they don't know better than you. A good rule for life is to only adopt the belief systems of those who are living the life you want.

Your parents will die. How old do you think you'll be when that happens? It's not important what they think. No, it's not. Who told you that? People are responsible for their own sexual pleasure. Some girls come all the time, some hardly ever. That's for her to work on.

Good morning journal! What went well today: I automatically grabbed my phone in bed but then decided to NOT respond to messages until after meditation Today is day 3 of not drinking coffee (except decaf) I'm feeling still quite lazy and low-energy. I blame lack of sleep and the fact that I've been cumming left and right. But, I'm taking action on the sleep issues by quitting alcohol and caffeine again. After a week of that I intend to start a new no peak orgasm streak. I'm separating porn and peak orgasm again, because I actually haven't watched porn in more than three weeks (I just counted by reading back) and this is not hard for me. But still an accomplishment. What's hard is to retain semen. Especially with a new girl. I just get too excited. But a part of this is discipline. Got up at : 8:15 Days in a row with morning routine : 1 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 65 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 2 TV : 0 grains : 13 sugar : 3 dairy : 19 peak orgasm : 1 porn : 22

Got up at : 13:00 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h40 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 64 alcohol : 1 caffeine except tea : 1 TV : 0 grains : 12 sugar : 2 dairy : 18 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 0 This is going to be an unstructured rant. I'm feeling extremely sleepy, excited, horny and unfocused. Last night the girl who I was so enthusiastic about three weeks ago came over again, and we had an amazing time. She's so spontaneous and I like her a lot. I just want to fuck her all night and feed her strawberries. I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to hold conversation well, because of quitting caffeine that day, but that worry disappeared quickly when I felt how much energy I'm getting from talking to her! The green tea may have helped too. I will quickly describe the state I'm in. My focus is completely shot. Has been all week. I compulsively check Tinder during everything I do. Even in the middle of thoughts. Or reading a book. Or working out. It's gotten really bad. I've been with 3 amazing women this week. It's brought me a lot of bliss and contentment, but also cost me quite some sleep and health (drinking). And I'm still craving more, more, more!! Automatically, compulsively swiping girls on Tinder, getting their numbers, trying to set dates. For last night I even had a backup girl. The only reason I have time to write this now is because my date for today cancelled. And I'm still so. Fucking. Horny. So one thing is clear: if my dick got its way, I would get nothing done at work, would get nothing done on my own projects, and would live in a constant daze of dating girl after girl. While my life falls apart. And I'm not even sure I would care. Okay of course I care, but there's something about getting laid that really takes away a lot of motivation for other things. Like your lizard brain is saying: "keep doing what you're doing, bro! Don't change a thing!" I need to become the master of my own dick. It occurred to me that dating women has simply replaced watching TV series as a pleasurable distraction that I can lose myself in endlessly to get away from my responsibilities and grown up plans and life purpose. I found a new addiction. Okay and I think it's a lot better than being a TV addict. But it's still addiction. I value the richness and color it brings to my life. But it doesn't bring me much else. On the contrary, It takes away motivation to change It costs me a lot of time It costs me a lot of focus (addicted to phone) It costs me a lot of sleep It makes me feel so good that I don't even care if I would smoke or drink. So, in conclusion, It feels like a good idea to spend a lot of time being a manwhore, but my feelings are wrong. More things are falling apart. I did go to the gym 3 times this weekend, but halfheartedly and I skipped a lot of exercises. I am trying out high intensity training as a timesaver, but I freakin' hate it. Probably won't keep that. Haven't done two days with morning routine in a row in a while. This is quite terrible. I would feel bad and guilty about it but my brain is being hijacked by evolution. I'll drag myself out of this hedonistic stupor guys. Gimme a sec.

Your mistake here is to think that you can think your way out of this. A problem cannot be solved from the paradigm within which it was created. You need to have a direct experience of being rejected by a woman and still being alive afterwards. Smiling pretty quickly again afterwards even. Nothing but direct experience will fix this.

@tsuki Interesting question. I don't know yet! I also have heard and believed this for quite some time already, but indeed that doesn't stop the mind from fantasizing and craving more, more more. I guess it's one of those where you have to periodically remind yourself. And direct experiences help. "I wish that everybody could get rich and famous, so they can see that it is not the answer" - Jim Carrey

@LoveandPurpose Couple things you can do: (heavy) Exercises that involve the glutes. Squats, hip thrust, deadlifts. Find a professional (tantric) bodyworker in your neighbourhood and schedule a de-armouring session, or a deep tissue massage Dip your balls in cold water for awhile if it gets really bad Learn to play with the ass. This is where men usually have blockages that prevent the sexual energy from flowing freely through the body

I get that. I get turned off by pressure too. Which is why I didn't want to try out online dating for a long time, because of the pressure to say something interesting. Now this, I can not relate to. You seem to be of the opinion that there is something 'unenlightened' about sex. Like it is sinful. I'm curious where that value comes from? Is it truly your own? Often we unconsciously inherit shame and judgment about sex from our parents, without ever realising it, is why I'm asking. I'm very different in that regard, I practice tantra and value sexual connection as contributing to enlightenment. Good non-goal oriented sex can be very meditative. David Deida recommends this and I like his teachings. @JohnnyBravo Well I learned about this when I got into the pickup stuff by RSD, but that's just the idea. The 'aha' moment where I had a direct experience of it, was a few days ago. A girl I met on Tinder took initiative, without much chatting asked to meet up and came directly to my house. It was clear that although she liked me, she didn't need a lot of small talk then and was good to go. We had amazing deep conversations afterwards though. And after that night she basically texts me "what are you doing tonight", I text her a time to come over, and afterwards she's not cuddly but is more like 'thanks, bro, now I can sleep '. And to hammer it in another woman also spontaneously started sharing how sex was an important activity to her and asking me what I liked. Very free and unashamed. These experiences changed how I feel towards women in general: before I felt like still a bit of a taker, a man who has his charming moments where he can 'get' girls to have sex with him. Now, I feel more like it's truly equal, win-win, and me and women are 'friends'. Buddies, who want the same thing. I feel more connected to the opposite sex. Like a barrier has been broken down.

Alcohol is the explanation for these bags under my eyes, or why I only got up at 12:15 today, or why I feel less motivated to work out today. I'm even in bed typing this. I've been drinking several glasses of wine every day for over a week. Something is telling me I'm not getting the full benefits of a clean diet this way. Interestingly, I did not wake up with any anxiety. Just apathy. Today I give up drinking. I rationalised it to myself by thinking that it would make my date feel awkward if I don't drink with her. Well guess what, she can drink tea with me! Most of the time wine was my idea anyway. Also I figured: no drinking during pickup, but I didn't say anything about during dates! Well my thoughts aren't as clear thanks to this regimen. It needs to stop now. Got up at : 12:15 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h20 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 62 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 1 TV : 2 grains : 10 sugar : 0 dairy : 16 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 0 @ZenDancer Good luck, Lucas! Thank you for your thoughtful words. Do you have a journal here?

@luqqzr You are still in the frame of mind that this was more to your advantage than hers. Because of outdated social conditioning that says that women don't enjoy spontaneous sex. Drop this guilt. Face it. You didn't only use her. She used you. You used each other. Women want sex just as badly. So this is perfectly fine. Congratulations, actually! Now I recommend doing the same with an interesting girl you have a genuine connection with. Respect yourself and only choose women that you like. And don't fall into the trap of thinking that when there is a real connection, the sex has to wait. This is nonsense.

@ZenDancer So I was doing pretty well with reading instead of TV, but then I went on a sort of hedonistic streak because of some dating related distractions. This is my second day. I cancelled Netflix for the umpteenth time. I still watch youtube videos for the information, and for the music but no longer for entertainment. When I'm at the gym and I see the TV screen, I look away. I don't have cable or own a TV. I periodically get sucked into a Netflix show, but recently I'm kind of seeing through that pattern in a way, getting kind of bored with artificial storylines distracting me from life. My working theory is that if you make an effort to make your life interesting, TV is no longer desirable. The hardest currently is what to do during meals.

Observation: the 'addicted' dopamine-depleted state that I'm in because of all the cumming, is apparently causing me to seek dopamine hits in the form of having discussions on this forum. I remember being in a state of acceptance when I'm reading a topic and someone's answer I don't agree with. I would just think: "I will say once what I think in case it is helpful, and then shut up" Now, I just have to voice my opinion and keep arguing it. Because it's more exciting than reality apparently.

So yesterday I woke up next to one girl, had sex with her, and that night slept with the other girl. I am on peak orgasm again, so this is making me feel quite empty. I'm painfully aware now that sex is not as big a deal as I thought it was. And how my unsatisfied cravings have festered and made it seem so all-important and worth striving for. I'm reading my vision statement, and half of it is about striving for abundance in sexual options, becoming better at picking up girls, living in a sex-positive commune even. All good things, but written from the perspective that having sex is a good way to spend almost all my time. It's a classic case of the excessive fantasies that arise from a craving before it is satisfied. Hungry, at a buffet: I'm going to eat SO MUCH of EVERY kind of this food! A little later: nope, full. Horny, watching porn: This is so good, I'm going to fap 4 times to this! One fap later: nah, that's enough of that. Poor as a student: I want to strive all my life to be FILTHY RICH!! Me, until a few days ago: Sex is so awesome that I want to dedicate a huge chunk of time to meeting and fucking as many girls as I can! Two fucks later: hmm, cravings are gone, what else could I be doing? These are my expectations: After the initial excitement, I will feel exactly the same when there's 10 girls in my rotation instead of 2. After the initial excitement, I will feel exactly the same when theres a million in my bank account instead of a thousand. After the initial excitement, I will feel exactly the same when all my time is free time instead of only 70% of it. I'm a pretty happy guy these days, and there is no 'extra' permanent happiness to be gained from achievements. I don't want to become a pleasure rat, just putting his dick in and out warm holes because it's his only source of bliss. Money and sex seem to be worth striving for having enough that the lack of it doesn't distract you from your purpose, and once you have that, it becomes an empty pursuit and it's best not to chase it further. I'm thinking about bankers working themselves to death. About CEO's of huge enterprises that they built themselves, who continue to expand it even though they would be better served spending less time on it and more on being with their family, or spirituality / just being. At some point people apparently forget that their pursuit started to fulfill a need, and now that the original need is gone they confuse their pursuit with meaning. Get a bit of wealth? Great! Hmm, but now I feel the same. Get MORE wealth, that'll do it for me! Then I can feel like I am spending my time well, and basically only then can I have permission to feel good for eternity. Studies have shown that regular cocaine users get their dopamine rush right before they snort it. In other words, the pleasure is in the anticipation, it's not even because of the drug anymore. Just like lifelong gamblers are addicted to anticipation. It feels good the first couple times, and then you get addicted to the anticipation of how good you think you will feel. Which doesn't pan out. I expect you can addict yourself to making money like that. Oh and I also noticed that fucking a hot girl is nowhere near as good as the anticipation of it. There are blissful moments, sure, but if I'm honest, I can feel just as good masturbating and fantasizing. So how frequently do I want to have sex for it to be enough? No idea. Probably best to just get good at pickup, so I can go meet a woman whenever I feel that it's time. And then I don't have to worry about it anymore. The lack of pickup skills won't distract me anymore. That's valuable, I think. I feel a desire to spend more time on concentration exercises and meditation.

In my last relationship, I said it in the most true way I could: "I love you in this moment." This was on the night we met This is what I felt, and I explained that saying you love someone tends to imply that you will also love the future person they will become and love what they have been and everything you haven't seen. And it doesn't make sense to me because we're a different person at any moment anyhow. So how can you truly mean a statement like that. Instead I said what I knew to be true, that in that moment, as she laid in my arms, I loved her. It took this impossible pressure off, so she said it back right away. So I would advise to say it when you feel it, and don't make it into more than it is, expressing a feeling.

Yes Oh and don't expect the fear to go away, rather learn to enjoy it as a little adrenaline burst to kick you into gear when it matters.

Today I quit coffee again, so I'm drinking my matcha. Feeling a healthy amount of resistance (really? I have to give it up?) Woke up at a girl's place and still did my cold shower, yoga and meditation. I'm very proud of this, since my default used to be to after sex go out unshowered, find cigarettes and coffee as quickly as possible and basically be a slob the rest of the day. Got up at : 9:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 1 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h20 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 61 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 0 TV : 1 grains : 9 sugar : 0 dairy : 15 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 0

This. Don't stray from your path for a girl bro, just do your thing. Also you should have kissed her

Nope, I'm with @Hellspeed . What he shared makes sense. You, on the other hand, are misbehaving by attacking people for having a different opinion. Shame on you, sir.

@Nervtine After which you go on to make a dogmatic statement: Which is... your personal opinion I guess? You just like veganism for ideological reasons, I suppose. Good quality meat is healing.

LOL Hilarious but accurate, yes. Well put.

I don't get why people insist on those. It just feeds into the paradigm that you're depriving yourself. Counterproductive in my opinion. Create a diet that you love and you won't want a cheat meal.

I would add pasture-raised eggs and healthy saturated fats (coconut oil, animal fat) back in, and subtract WHEAT. Bread, pasta, cookies et cetera. Personally I don't eat any grains anymore, not even rice or quinoa. But you don't have to take it that far. @Alexander Goffrier I have a detailed summary of Leo's 'how to shop for healthy food' video, PM me if you're interested.

Followed! Very relatable and same as what I'm going through currently @jerrypua Props for choosing to go out alone, I have much respect for your motivations