flowboy

So the ideal situation is not pretending to have boundaries, but ACTUALLY having them. This way you can just be honest. You still need to express that, though, which I named examples of. Honestly expressing your neediness will get you nowhere. Trust me I've tried.

Honest, but way too needy. There is some etiquette to the dating game, that you have to respect at least in the beginning. Good way to scare her off, unless she thinks you're a rockstar already.

@LoveandPurpose I forgot to mention that I forgot the one thing without which I wouldn't have gotten nearly as much momentum: keeping this journal. Something about writing down your process, comparing notes, knowing that others could read it, that's really powerful. If you start one right now I'll follow it

@SageModeAustin haha, thank you. We all have our moments I suppose

Got up at : 10:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 59 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 0 TV : 0 grains : 7 sugar : 6 dairy : 13 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 1 I've been feeling guilty about not posting and putting it off. The reason is that so much happened last weekend that it seemed like such a task to write it all down. Basically, I discovered online dating, got laid a couple times, and now I am in danger of being addicted. Many paradigms are shattering. If getting laid is easy, then how much importance should I give it? I have 4 dates scheduled for this week already. Is that too much? It probably is. I never saw it coming that I would have this problem

@LoveandPurpose Thank you so much for reading, and expressing your kind words! This is the kind of thing that helps me keep going So I haven't completely figured it out yet, but this is what I've been doing so far: Write down all habits I would have if I completely had my shit together. What is needed to feel great about myself. Make them specific Try to implement all of them at once, or however much I think is realistically possible Tire myself out and maybe have some ego backlash. Stay mindful, stay engaged, and notice that the lowest point I backslide to is now higher Learn some lessons about what is and isn't possible. Tweak my plans for my 'ideal' lifestyle. Remove some stuff, add some stuff. Rinse, repeat. If you're like me, you won't be motivated by just doing a single habit at a time. But you also don't want to crash and never get back up. I had a fear of going too hard and losing motivation forever. That fear is gone now, after having some ego backlash phases and still being on my path. This is how I am learning to trust my ability to change.

It comes down to what you authentically are willing to do for a girl that's not too important to you (yet) This changing plans stuff is a test to see whether you have boundaries. So, make sure you give off the vibe that you would be totally cool with cancelling the date if she becomes too much trouble. Then be as accommodating as authentically makes sense for you. This showing that you have boundaries while being accommodating, can be achieved by adding a condition to your sentences. Real life example: I had a date last Thursday. She was supposed to show up at 9. But then she had to help her roommate. And then she broke her bike or something. Since she was very apologetic about it, I said every time: "Don't worry about it, just come over if you can make it before 11" "Should I still come? I fixed my bike but now my phone's dying" > "If you can make it before 11". Truth is I wouldn't have cared if she was 4 hours late and came over and fucked me at 1AM. But I needed to show that I had boundaries. While still being reasonably accommodating. Condition can be anything. If you wear something nice so we match If you promise to behave If you bring a bottle opener If you promise not to rob me If you make sure you're fresh and not still stoned from your party All the above I have used. Come to think of it, I use this stuff a lot

@SageModeAustin Well yes, you can't win if you're not willing to lose. But would that help you? Can you just decide to be vulnerable from now on? If so, great, problem solved. If not, answer my question

Yeah, it's helping me in subtle ways every day

@Alex14 Congratulations, it took you three forum topics but you finally asked her out Will you let us know how it went at least?

Is that really the thing you're afraid of, heartbreak? If so I would expect there to be some traumatizing heartbreak experience in your past. Children grow up without a concept of rejection. Then shit happens. For example I was cyber bullied and humiliated by my first serious crush. Stuff like that, dig it up. What is it?

@bejapuskas Yes, it's a great personality trait and very useful for friendships. I'm just saying that trying to entertain is not the best mindset to try for people who already are stifled. I get how you mean it and why it works for you.

This advice is golden! I second this. Follow this, forget the rest I would say. No, you're still trying then. That is being a pleaser and will be off-putting to women. This is a bad idea.

@luqqzrThis is good! Now try doing that without caring so much whether it will work. This is the next step, necessary so you can express yourself more freely. I'm pretty new to this shit too. What I found so far is that what works is that you're saying stuff to entertain yourself instead of her. Get out of that pleasing frame. You can only get a woman if you're willing to lose her

@JohnnyBravo Totally agree that if it isn't your thing, don't do it. Also I do feel you, or have felt the same for a long time. Meeting in real life yes, all the dating apps and wasted time texting people, it creeped me out and I didn't want to accept it or start taking it seriously. Also you don't feel any vibe off a person over text, so trying to get to know someone like that is a waste of time. My current view is that it's just another way for people to meet. I try to not text endlessly but meet up quickly. And from that point you can feel the vibe and try to connect, and from that moment it doesn't matter anymore how you met, isn't it?

Read it it's one of my favourite teachings

But you are right that I was overthinking. I left her alone for a week, then we started casually talking again and actually we'll meet this Saturday. Only thing is, she wants to be exclusive and I can't do that

That's not because of the pickup. They get into it because of the desperation, and to improve and grow out of that. Why would you shame them?

Since you don't seem willing to explain this with arguments, which is fine, let's just agree to disagree then I guess.

Go take up a new hobby and join a public class. Preferably something that inherently involves communication and gets you loose and out of your comfort zone, anyway. Examples: improv, acting for beginners, storytelling, public speaking. Sports will also work, if you're into that. Another thing you can do just to practise is go to music festivals (with chill vibes) by yourself. Everyone is open and in a good mood, guaranteed success.

Amen to that!

Creativity is not something you do. You let go and then it happens. How do you let go? Practise it. I recommend improv classes. You need to get yourself to a stage where you don't give a fuck anymore whether what you say will offend her, and you are just saying shit to entertain yourself. That's where the magic will happen.

False. I have known many successful couples who are still together, who found each other on Tinder. Now that the stigma is lifted, many couples admit they met via Tinder. It doesn't matter how you meet.

I don't want to start an argument, but I just want to go on record to state that this is very bad advice in my opinion. Especially harmful for a guy at this stage, still thinking about what to say et cetera. At that stage you need to take action or nothing happens. I feel qualified to say this because I banged 2 new girls over the weekend, so I'm 'in the zone' right now. If @JohnnyBravo's recent results are better, I will shut up and take back my words. This is not meant to brag. I'm still a socially awkward loser with social anxiety most of the time. I'm just saying, listen to people who get some kind of results that you want

@Alex14 You're quite right. The "letting things happen by themselves" viewpoint is a great way to get nowhere with your girl and feel very zen about it. You need practical tips. Basically do whatever the fuck you want. What you honestly want. This is what's attractive to a woman, that you feel free enough to do what you authentically want. Do you want to make out with her? Do it. See how this escalates things "by themselves" as long as you don't hold back your authentic desires? So just be mindful of what you really want. Get a boner? Time to make a move. Boner goes away and random funny thoughts appear? Share the random funny thoughts. Simple but takes balls Oh and do it reasonably soon. Chances are she's waiting for you to make a move. If you do (badly executed or not) she will be grateful. If you wait too long she will lose interest and deem you to be a pussy. This can happen rather quickly (within a week) and there's no recovering from that. You could keep seeing her but you will be stuck forever as a friend that she doesn't respect, and you will have to watch her date other guys. Ask yourself, are you willing to tolerate some awkwardness right now to avoid this fate. So it doesn't matter what you do to escalate things, it matters that you do SOMETHING. Could be awkward as fuck and still work. I've had threesomes doing really awkward shit trying to escalate. It will still work if she's game.