flowboy

@LastThursday

It is never a good idea to explore that if you're not ready. And don't worry, it's not a necessary step. Being open can be a tool for self development and working through jealousy and insecurities. But against your will, it will just be traumatizing. Be open minded. Research it, get to know the people, and understand it. Doesn't mean you have to do it

@LastThursday You're speaking my language!! Thank you my man. I feel like I must try some of these out.

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you sir for the kind words! I too believe that I can do this. I don't feel like I ever really seriously started again. It's just a matter of focus for a few more weeks.

Meaning what, exactly?

Wow, that's how it feels for me as well, thank you for wording it so clearly! This will be very useful to me I think. As always, you've given me a lot to think about. Thank you.

Last week 33% of my schedule got done, and most of that was because of fixed appointments. Factors: RSD workshop triggered me and caused huge ego backlash Working on something for a friend I felt a lot of pressure, and procrastinated for two whole days, watching TV. Finally, I skipped the entire night of sleep, only to work on it for 2 hours. I have a problem. I'm thinking maybe I should get to the root of these procrastination habits. I really went into a mode where I didn't wash myself, have contact with anyone, eat healthy, brush my teeth, or sleep properly until my task was done. But I didn't do my task, I couldn't bring myself to stop watching TV. Considering a 30 day no-procrastination challenge next. No Smoking Day 11 It's going pretty good. The fact that I made a commitment in front of the circle of men is helping a lot.

@Knock I'm impressed!

@Inliytened1 Thank you for the positive outlook. Actually I used to meditate, but I'm not at the moment. I want to work it back in.

I'm entertaining the thought that this is more about attention (acknowledgement) than approval. It would be a nice symmetry, because I've also gotten the feedback that I don't acknowledge people in conversation. Which is true. I don't naturally care a lot about what people say back to me, when I'm just getting to know them. I just want them to respond favorably and like me. My listening skills are reserved for friends only.

@Ampresus Oh yeah that's far from me. But you can look for RSD inner circles in your area to help you! (ask in RSD facebook group)

And what's your progress on that so far? I ask because you seem to have not emptied your cup.

Commas. Use them. Why would you think laws of physics apply to nonphysical concepts? Can you also calculate the friction coefficient of the ego on a flat surface, when it's decelerating with 1.26 m/s2 ?

Here is a clip that inspired my thinking:

@mandyjw Good advice probably, thank you. Bringing awareness to it is definitely one thing I must do. I also understand that desire for connection and being understood is not a bad thing. I'm just thinking about how much is acceptable. How strong the need is supposed to be, and whether that is a weakness. Indeed I'm thinking about how to channel this. Journaling is one. And for most things, there are friends who'd want to hear about it. Still, my need to tell seems not easily satisfied.

I really appreciate your feedback, guys. I've never really talked about this and my friends accept my need for attention, so it's always been a thing in the background. Now I'm thinking that me being an only child, raised as a mommy's boy, had something to do with it. My mom and I would have this pattern since always where I would ramble about whatever was on my mind and she would listen every day with infinite patience.

@Shin So, keep my insights to myself and inhibit the impulse to tell people what's on my mind, unless it's clear that they can benefit, of course. The thing is, nobody really is dying to know that I did a little work on myself here, or had some musings about my entrepreneurial ambitions there, anyway. Seems like it would be handy to be okay without having to share.

@Shin Such as what, specifically? My idea was to try an outside-in approach, starting with behaviours, to get me more triggered and the motivations more clear. I take it you don't think that will work?

@Flatworld Crusades Alright: Any discussion or debate, online or in real life, where I make an effort to make someone agree with me, and where this serves no clear purpose besides the satisfaction of being right, or the safety of sharing a viewpoint This feels like it's about controlling people. Needing them to see it my way. And that's because agreement feels safe to us, and disagreement feels unsafe, I think. Anytime I hear or read that someone is stating things that go against my opinion, may even be offensive to me, and I'd normally want to jump in and correct people Same. Controlling that they understand my view Anytime I've had an insight about myself, during journaling, therapy or meditation, and I feel the need to share it with a friend or parent Need for validation. Attention seeking. Anytime I've accomplished something that I'm proud of and I can't wait to tell friends (approval!) Need for validation. Attention seeking. When I've made a new plan or resolution for my life, and I want to tell people Need for validation. Attention seeking. When someone asks me about my views/thoughts on something without really being invested in understanding it, and I'm prepared to give the serious complicated answer and lay it all on the table. For example, they don't want to get or give advice, but just satisfy curiosity Need for validation. Attention seeking. When talking to a girl, trying to be more fun than my normal self Need for validation and traumatic past experience with first love

@Gili Trawangan If you conflate the two levels of approval, yes. I'll be more specific: it was pointed out to me, that when under pressure (or feeling judged/evaluated) I tend to speak with mannerisms that clearly indicate I want the other person to like what I say. I want to change this, so that the other person can trust what I say.

I wouldn't say "only" reason, that's too simplistic. I see sex as one of the few hedonistic pleasures that have no ill health effects if done right, and I value it like I value being able to play and enjoy life in other ways. Also not a lot of effort is going into chasing these days, I'm just meeting women and making time for them. And then there's the aspect of the unpopular bullied kid that still can't believe women like him now. Sometimes, he makes me do things to prove that I can.

@Flatworld Crusades It feels like it's an important part of the fun, yes. Actually, I stopped most of my sharing of sexual encounters, and I feel like I have all this built-up sharing energy that can go nowhere. It's actually not different from having been on a really cool vacation and really wanting/needing to share the story

I feel like part of this is pretty common among people (wanting to share)

@Flatworld Crusades Good question. I suppose it feels like if nobody knows about it, it didn't count/happen/matter. Hmm... Makes me wonder whether I would prioritize things differently if I was not allowed to tell anyway. The sex thing has to do with overcompensating for some bullying in high school. For new insights, it doesn't, but I just really really want to share them and have them validated by someone. Otherwise it's just me thinking up crazy stuff, doesn't feel as real

Some more reasons: I want to be an entrepreneur. An entrepreneur is a leader. A leader doesn't react to contradicting viewpoints and wastes no energy on them. To be a pioneer, I must dare to be alone. To keep faith in the plan even though everyone disapproves and loses faith I notice that I compulsively brag to friends everytime I have sex with a new person or gain a new insight. I noticed I am the only person I know who does that.