VioletFlame

Hi everybody, I am currently on an 8 hr road trip from PA to Rhode Island to see my 96 yr old nana who is dying and in hospice now :'( she only has about a week left to live. I am hoping to spend as much time as possible with her during her final days. My nana was an enormous part of my childhood and my life. We did everything together. She taught me everything about good values and morals without even having to explain them, she simply demonstrated them to me consistently. I was so blessed and lucky to have her in my life. She was so special to me and they don't make them like her anymore. Idk what I would've done without her growing up and i'm going to miss her so, so much. I'm going to miss her company and our conversations so much. She represents a part of my childhood which was actually normal & healthy. She always encouraged me to be the best person I could be and to reach my fullest potential. I don't think I would have grown into the kind-hearted, loving, caring woman I believe myself to be without her and her influence. I am truly devastated and life won't be the same without her. I have a long trip ahead of me as the passenger, and it is currently snowing. I am hoping for safe travels. Please feel free to strike a convo, it would help a lot to feel connected to the community at this time or just to get this off my mind, even though that's virtually impossible. Thank you, everyone.

TRIGGER WARNING: Hi guys, I recently commented on a post from a user @HopefulMan who opened up about their experience with SA. To which I felt called to comment and hopefully help provide some insight or guidance for the individual, as someone who has experienced & overcame extreme trauma from childhood SA. However, it wasn't until AFTER I posted this comment to the user when it hit me: I realized just how far I have come on my personal development, spiritual, and self-actualization journey and I am so proud of myself for that. In addition, I feel in my heart that someone out there may need to read this. I would like to share something very personal with you all with the hopes that it will teach someone something, or more specifically, to help those who have battled similar traumas see the light in it. Thank you for taking the time to read this. FULL DISCLOSURE: I am not a mental health professional, and any advice shared in this post is simply expressing what has helped me and how I have learned to cope over the years as a trauma survivor. Between the ages of 4 and 8 yrs old I was SA and more explicitly, I was r*ped and sodomized by an immediate family member; my older brother. My innocence was stolen and my childhood ruined. It was by far the worst season of my life, the most significant chapter in my life, the most horrific aspect of my life, and it completely set the course for all the years following. I am now 28 years old and I will, of course, never forget it and I still carry those horrific memories, and all the immense pain that comes with it. However, I have learned to take that pain and channel it in ways which have been incredibly enlightening, profound, & healing. One thing that helped me immensely on my PTSD recovery journey was developing grace. If you can look around, notice that all people in life are suffering in their own ways, just like you, (even if it's not on the surface, always ASSUME that they are, because nothing is ever as it seems) and if you can choose kindness, humility, & empathy over anything else, you will be free, you will be liberated, and you will feel more at peace. Embodying grace as a traumatized individual is one of the most profound, spiritually enlightening choices you can make in life. You are saying no matter what happened to me, I'M going to be the better person, the stronger person, the kinder person, no matter what. Unlike my abuser, *I* will choose empathy, *I* will choose kindness and *I* will treat others with dignity and respect (how I wish to be treated). It is extremely empowering and has saved me many, many years of grief, misery, bitterness, resentment, turmoil, & apathy. Please remember and tell yourself that you DESERVE to feel JOY, love, kindness, respect, and every good thing in life. ESPECIALLY if you have experienced one of the greatest evils in this world any living soul could possibly experience, or even imagine, let alone endure. Be a humble superhero. Most superheroes have endured great traumas which is HOW most of them even developed their abilities, and transformed into heroes, from overcoming trauma or some kind of great adversity. That can be very inspiring. Are they walking around hating the world and everyone in it? Are they walking around as the villain? No, they're striving to heal, help, and save others. That is the ultimate goal of someone who has truly suffered from any type of trauma or adversity, you are meant to take that wisdom and use it to help mankind; to become a healer. That is the purpose of suffering sometimes, to master empathy, to see it as one of your gifts, and become a natural healer. Find the strengths in your trauma, because trust me, there is a lot. Trauma is a powerful motivator for self-discovery and transformation. Realizing the strength & wisdom it has given you will absolutely empower you. Find your passion & what gives you joy Despite growing into a dysfunctional family/household, both my parents, and all my grandparents were professional musicians and I was blessed with the gift of singing & writing music. After the trauma, I literally lost my ability to speak, but somehow, I could sing. It was singing that gave me my voice back. At just the ripe age of 11, I was already performing live shows and singing to crowds of people. If there's anything that saved my life and saved me from eternal hell, it was music and the ability to write, perform, play & discover myself through music. And now, look where I am: I am currently pursuing Music Therapy as a profession. I am here to tell you there is so much hope. And if you can find your passion, your calling, and your gift, then it is all uphill from there. It took me years of self-reflection, personal growth work, and spiritual work to reframe my thought processing, my narratives, and my poor conditioning from the abuse. For years, mainly throughout my adolescent years, I was self-destructive and incredibly insecure, and I naturally, struggled with self-worth and self-esteem. It took time and years of practice, grit, and perseverance to re-program my mind and to re-develop feelings of self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, etc. But once I finally did, they became deeper than ever, as if I am loving myself like I would love my daughter. Mother yourself. Look into re-parentification and inner-child work (Carl Jung), those concepts absolutely changed my life and my outlook on my traumatic experiences in the most beautiful way possible. If you can flip your perspective on the trauma, and recognize the strength and wisdom it has given you, because it does, it truly does, then you can start to see it in a new light, you can start to actually "see the light in the darkness" when you can switch your perspective on it. I'm not here to say it's easy, because it's not, especially if you have endured years of abuse like I have, and all the subsequent years of pain, but I am here to tell you that it IS possible. I am a living, breathing, walking testimony of someone who has healed themselves, all on their own, from severe PTSD. My abuser never even reaped ANY consequences because I didn't disclose the abuse until I was 14 and it was already over. He now has a son, my nephew, and I sometimes have to be in the same room as my abuser. I chose not to put him behind bars at just 14 yrs old, despite being given the choice to do so. I dismissed bitterness and revenge and chose grace and empathy. And to this day, I choose to walk around smiling at everyone in the world and treat everyone with equal kindness & respect, despite the horrors I endured. And that is a necessity to me, that is integrity, and it is my will as a human being; my moral responsibility. I always assume others are going through something or dealing with something, even if they too, are smiling. Yes, I have tried therapy and all sorts of things but at the end of the day, it was me who did 99% of the work, in solitude, when no one was around. And unfortunately when you truly suffer, you are doing all the work. You're cleaning up a mess you didn't even make. You're picking up the pieces of someone else's trash that they left in your life. At the end of the day, in times of solitude and when you're all alone, you are sitting with those feelings, you're remembering, you're suffering again, and you are left with no other choice BUT to heal and reframe your thought-processing, otherwise you fall into an eternal loop of pain, despair, & turmoil, and well, who wants that? If you've gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and for stepping into my shoes. Living with PTSD is hard, but it is very treatable and neuroplasticity is real. All I can say is I hope you have gotten something out of this and I sincerely hope this could help someone in some way. I am wishing you all well and wishing you all the healing, joy, contentment, & peace. You are loved, you are seen, you are heard, and you are understood. Thank you for hearing me.🙏

@LordFall Oh I already know she is afraid of death, as we discussed the topic many times. And knowing that fact alone breaks my heart and worries me because I just want her to go with peace in her heart. Also, I'm sorry for your loss.

Reading back on this old post, it's got me feeling sentimental haha! I still very much enjoy these moments.

So I've been partaking in something rather fulfilling for years but especially more recently and I thought I'd share this with my fellow self-actualizers. ❤️ One of my most favorite things to do in life is to look out the window of a moving car or vehicle and study the world. Does anyone else here like to do this? I absolutely love just sitting alone on a bus, traveling somewhere long distance or leading to nowhere (not always necessarily knowing where I am heading) and just scanning every erratic thing that passes by, every fleeting moment, just quietly witnessing these random ephemeral scenarios in real time, contemplating and excitedly embracing the exquisite evanescence of life. It's one of my most sacred things to do for myself really because it's so meditative and always leaves me feeling so rejuvenated either through tears or jaw-aching smiles with fresh momentum and exhilaration towards life and all of its perpetual possibilities and wonderful opportunities for more and more insight. By the time I get off the bus I'm telling you I'm as high as a kite. I find myself receiving some of my most profound realizations, insights and synchronicities when I'm simply just looking out of a window, through calm observance and internal guidance. When I am not worried about a map or a clock or "finding my way" or searching for a hidden answer/message to something, but instead just consciously noticing everything occurring as it is out of mere curiosity and love for everything (seen and unseen), I then undoubtedly receive these unavoidable signs as they miraculously and naturally appear. I believe there to be many of winks from the Universe (or inner cosmos, if you will) constantly twinkling around us (or within us) or tapping us on the shoulder, so to speak. But not too many people pay enough attention so instead they choose to remain confused or doubtful or cynical when they can't solve their life's greatest questions or when things aren't going their way. Instead to them what occurs through their peripheral vision or beyond their imagination is only to be underestimated as "illusion". I can't stress enough how important and helpful I've found it is to simply look around you, and you will see. I think there's something truly powerful about the combination of experiencing kinetic energy whilst remaining still, and also being actively present and lucid of what's spontaneously happening around us, so kind of like a method of public open eye meditation. Sometimes I get so lost and enthralled in simply focusing on what's occurring outside of the window that I don't even want to stop anywhere. . .I don't even want to approach my destination because I'd rather it be like this unlimited, never-ending ride and just remain comfortably lost in this observant trance-like state of mind, perception, thought and curiosity, with no exact, over-arching explanation. I find there to be a massive sense of arrival in the act of departure itself. But then again, before the cord is pulled and the bus stops I must remind myself that now I must escape my momentary inner-Utopian space and bravely confront the outside world, behind the glass. I must also remind myself that indeed nothing is permanent and this is exactly what I admire, the transportation of continuous greetings and goodbyes.

Spielberg absolutely crushed the Back to the Future trilogy, and more. I have faith in him.

Yes it's all superstitious & mythical thinking. Scientologists, for example, practically have the mental processing/mind of a schizophrenic.

Oh heck yes, I LOVE this book, excellent recommendation!!! Very much based on Jungian principles & concepts.

Yep. And hitting a weed pen in between arguments or "making a point". @Leo Gura

Excessive use of pretty much anything results in negative consequences to the body & mind. Awareness of this can help you predict that there's a strong possibility or indication that something may backfire.

Thank you so much. 🙏 Yes, this is correct. I had my fair share of therapists over the years, and the majority of them were ineffective & unproductive, which only made me feel more hopeless at the time. I think I just got unlucky with that, because I do believe there to be plenty of great therapists out there, you just have to find the one that really resonates, and works and clicks with you. But it wasn't until I did the deep inner-work, self-inquiry, inner-child work, spiritual work, personal development work, etc when I truly started to see the results I've been hoping for. Once you truly learn yourself and truly know who you are, only you can really help yourself I think, at least in the way that is truly effective. No one knows yourself better than you do. And I mean, even a therapeutic dynamic requires interpersonal effort. It's not JUST the therapist doing the work, it's you too. If you can learn to do the work on your own, it gets easier over time, and more natural, the more you do it. You can rely and depend on yourself when times get tough. Yes, it's important to have supportive people in your life, as well, 100%. But I think the true healing comes from within and from doing most of the work yourself. 🩷 You're not alone, always remember that, but sometimes you have to be alone, and be in solitude to really truly listen to yourself and understand who you are and what you need from yourself to heal.

Lol! Who woulda thunk, his alter ego is just a woke feminist with blue hair and nose ring. That would be an interesting demonstration of parts work. Tell it to AI, I'm sure it will generate a rather "extraordinary" interpretation of this.

@Lila9 Yes, I agree that most people do not do trauma work. For one reason is because it is incredibly challenging work and very difficult. It is true that many traumatized people give up easily because they feel helpless, hopeless, and resort to self-destruction (i.e.; drugs, promiscuity, crime, etc.) However, I did not want to be one of those people. So I chose otherwise. I decided to the hard work until I could finally get myself to a place of deep inner-peace, acceptance, & grace. I am sorry to hear you also went through trauma, please feel free to message me anytime if you need to vent. 🩷 I am an assistant counselor. I work 1 on 1 with children with Autism, in addition to pursuing a degree in Music Therapy, that is the profession I am currently working towards. In addition to that, I am a performing musician & singer/songwriter. As traumatized individuals, one of our greatest gifts is empathy and we our natural healers. One of our missions is to help others too. Look into the "wounded healer" archetype. From my post: Be a humble superhero. Most superheroes have endured great traumas which is HOW most of them even developed their abilities, and transformed into heroes, from overcoming trauma or some kind of great adversity. That can be very inspiring. Are they walking around hating the world and everyone in it? Are they walking around as the villain? No, they're striving to heal, help, and save others. That is the ultimate goal of someone who has truly suffered from any type of trauma or adversity, you are meant to take that wisdom and use it to help mankind; to become a healer. That is the purpose of suffering sometimes, to master empathy, to see it as one of your gifts, and become a natural healer. Find the strengths in your trauma, because trust me, there is a lot. Trauma is a powerful motivator for self-discovery and transformation. Realizing the strength & wisdom it has given you will absolutely empower you. I dismissed bitterness and vengefulness and chose grace and empathy. And to this day, I choose to walk around smiling at everyone in the world and make sure to treat everyone with equal kindness & respect, despite the horrors I endured. And that is a necessity to me, that is integrity, and it is my will as a human being; my moral responsibility. If you can look around, notice that all people in life are suffering in their own ways, just like you, (even if it's not on the surface, always ASSUME that they are, because nothing is ever as it seems) and if you can choose kindness, humility, & empathy over anything else, you will be free, you will be liberated, and you will feel more at peace. Embodying grace as a traumatized individual is one of the most profound, spiritually enlightening choices you can make in life

As a survivor of trauma, this is a gross over-generalization. Many, many people can heal themselves from the trauma and go on to live happy, successful lives and raise healthy children. In fact, many people who experienced trauma, often feel more motivated to create a fulfilling life and to become better parents than how they were raised. There's a desire to turn the tables, flip the script, break the cycle of trauma, and create a beautiful life for themselves. I personally know plenty of people who had a difficult childhood/upbringing, but have created amazing lives for themselves. The goal is to heal childhood wounds and to give yourself and your children everything you wanted and were deprived of. Please read my story.

Magic is consciousness itself. The fact that we have consciousness is magical. Existence itself is magic.

This is so creepy, lol. If JP saw this, he would be appalled, lol. He stated in a video that people are using AI to simulate his voice and spread misinformation and knowledge he doesn't even speak of or believe in. That is criminal. Are people that devoid of creativity & original thought that they have to use AI to simulate/drastically modify other people's teachings? They really couldn't come up with something more original than that?

Lol I don't, but if you connect the dots... he owns his own successful business, which I'm pretty sure brings in quite a bit of loot. My point is, he still chooses to live modestly, which is a rare, noble and honorary choice, in my opinion. Especially in this day and age; in this hyper-materialistic, overtly hedonistic age.

I think there's a great degree of humility with @Leo Gura. He's got money, but still chooses to live in a modest home, from what I heard him say somewhere. He has a modest, simple wardrobe. Also, he seems fairly introverted, like most spiritually awakened people, understandably, because think about it, it is incredibly difficult to find like-minded people, especially who have that degree of awareness, "wokeness" & spiritual understanding. It's difficult to find people to even have a conversation with about these deep topics. It can actually feel pretty lonely, I know this because I often struggle with this too. Many people in the real world aren't even "intellectuals". Or even interested in knowledge as a pursuit. They'd rather cut corners, and have others teach them knowledge, instead of learning for themselves. And most people are taught information which is often biased, or blatantly false, to which no one questions for themselves, they just blindly follow what they are told. Also, I think if he was really "arrogant" like some people claim, he would think he was "too good for us" and not even bother to take his time educating us or engaging with us on the forum. Most people with a certain degree of public knownness of fame do not engage with their fans or audience, so the fact that he does that, he doesn't have to, but he does, is a pretty good sign.

Would you ask the same question to Buddha, or Christ, or Ghandi, or any other enlightened spiritual leader who's purpose was to help awaken us all? Would you ask if they were "aliens"? Of course not. Because that's absurd. They were human beings, just like us, including Leo. They are just more deeply & profoundly awakened and enlightened than the average human.

Plot twist: Magic is life, being, & existence itself.

Many people who wear brand name clothing are merely doing it for status & conformity. To appear wealthy, "important", & prestigious to the public eye. In behavioral economics, it is called conspicuous consumption.

Anything not used in moderation is damaging. Over-consumption is dangerous. So is over-indulgence. You have to learn when to step away from a delicious cake if you're already full.

Thank you @Leo Gura I believe part of my calling is to emphasize Love, embody/demonstrate grace as a virtue, teach others how to switch perspective on the trauma & how to channel the pain in a healthy way to help others heal and learn what I've learned from similar experiences. It's my moral responsibility. It's saved me, so I know it can save others too. They just need a little hope, guidance, redirection, & a willingness to change and improve their quality of life. Many people give up too easily, and choose a path of misery & self-destruction. That's when it gets really sad. People give up easily because it is very difficult to do, but far from impossible. Humans are an incredibly resilient species. Trauma survivors are a prime example.

Haha I always say we are living in the days of Idiocracy. The writer/director of this movie, Richard Linklater, is a pure genius. He also wrote and directed one of my favorite philosophical/metaphysical movies of all time, Waking Life. Highly recommend to everyone on this forum. @Leo Gura did you ever see Waking Life? 😄 Would be cool to hear you review the concepts & specific epistimelogical/ontological conversations discussed in that movie. Many principles rooted in Existentialism, Taoism, and the nature of consciousness and reality. Way up your alley, lol. But probably most people on this forum would dig it.

Aw thank you @Leo Gura It is my pleasure sharing this. Feel free to use me as an example haha, it might just work. Sometimes it can be more powerful and eye-opening for someone to hear when it's coming from the person with direct experience; from the victims/survivors themselves.