Joshe

I think you're seeing a lot of things clearly, but one thing you might reign in is, it seems like you may have unrealistic standards given your current situation. Because when I posed a hypothetical $50k gig, you immediately asked if it's meaningful, uses your strengths, offers advancement, makes an impact. These are not really fair questions at square 1. At square 1, a good question is: does this get me stable enough to think clearly and slowly advance. You probably have more freedom and latitude than it seems, but we all have to operate within the scope of our situation. The reality is that there are constraints. The way forward is to map those constraints clearly, and then find realistic ways to transcend/remove them, bit by bit. We can't jump from square 1 to 10. We have to intelligently and patiently climb up. For me, "clarity" of knowing how to climb up is my fuel. https://recorder.google.com/e24eb57b-b9ce-4b04-bf98-32481df98027 The path to what you want goes through where you are. We don't get to skip levels.

When you say "I don't feel capable", it feels like you're saying: "I'm not capable". By "capable", I meant something like "sufficient competence". So, it seems like what you meant to say is you don't feel like you have the "capacity", which is about depletion, not capability. You are capable - you do things, but it seems to me it is costing you a lot, mostly because you're fried. Being fried is a state you can escape. The state has nothing to do with who you are. It's just a current constraint imposing severe limitations. So severe that it should be your top priority, IMO.

@trenton Just curious. If someone handed you over a gig that brings in $50k/yr, and you were plenty capable of handling it, would that change your entire outlook or would you still feel stuck?

Thanks @Indra Rachmaditya! I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I forgot all about that book. Seems like I read it about 10 years ago.

Yes, but environment still isn’t sufficient. Distraction and submersion into something else is far superior. Willpower is fleeting and it’s not always available. All it takes is one very unstable day and willpower is nowhere to be found. When the system is stressed, that’s when it wants the addiction the most. So I think the best way out of addiction is energy management, good sleep, get enough vitamin d and magnesium, set environment up to make access to the addiction difficult to reach, and either dive into something deep and/or distract yourself with something for long enough that the addiction loses its power. A hobby or even TV shows can distract. You’ve gotta go through the initial acclimation phase - where the addiction is strongest - then you enter into maintenance where it is a background hum but not as strong. If you make it through acclimation, backsliding usually occurs when energy is chaotic, so energy management becomes crucial. In the interim, be reinforcing ideas that the addiction is not what you want and that it’s harmful. It’s always a messy process and most attempts fail at first but as long as you keep at it, you’ll overcome.

You're right. Sorry about that. My intention was to sketch out how the position might arise. It was my best guess. Feed me data and I'll update. lol

Lol. You tryna pull rank on me bro? Leo rubbing off on you? 😂 Does "additional context" = your pre-existing lens? Here's my read: I think you successfully operationalized courage, Kaizen, tiny actions, mindset shifts, etc., and after ample effort, they worked for you, so you concluded they're universal tools. But they worked because you had the base and circumstances. The tools didn't create your stability, they optimized it. Now, you're trying to give OP optimization tools when they need foundation tools. And when the tools don't fit, you don't question the tools, you question OP (maybe it's chemical, maybe they need a professional). The tools can't be the problem, right? And external reality can't be the problem, right? It MUST BE internal, and if it can't be overcame internally, it must need a professional. If you've never been trapped in serious survival mode, it's hard to grasp how much it dominates your experience. It's not just a stressor, it's THE stressor that makes everything else much harder. The solution is to fix it, not optimize around it. We've had a good joust. Time to pop a bottle and watch some fireworks. Happy New Year! 😁

Clinical support can be useful. But OP's distress appears to map cleanly onto their environment. Not that mental health should be ignored, just that fixing structure appears to be the lowest hanging fruit with the highest potential leverage. It's possible this alone solves the current problems.

That's interesting. Did you believe this before 5meo? I've never done 5meo, so not sure what all it reveals, but I'm not sure how you get to "highest state of consciousness is what happens after death". Why must it be the highest state? Why can't it just be an unknowable transition? Also, does that "highest state" persist forever until it decides it wants another dream? If so, interesting implications here. I'm having a hard time making sense of it but without 5meo experience, maybe I can't.

Yeah, and the cruel irony of it is repeated effort without relief teaches the nervous system effort is dangerous because it leads to dissapointment and depletion. So over time, the brain learns avoidance. The biggest lie of self-help: that internal work is sufficient to change external circumstances. Self-help says: fix the inside and the outside will follow. Reality says: secure the outside first, and the inside will calm down on its own.

@Natasha Tori Maru If this were an inertia problem, how do you explain all the action OP is already taking? Going to work, making spreadsheets, taking courses, and they seem like the type that's already brushing their teeth and taking showers. lol. So, if behavioral inertia isn't the sticking point, what is? Gotta be something else, right? You seem to be resisting the chronic threat part. It's possible to be under so much ongoing threat and anxiety that the only thing that matters is knowing there's a path to safety, and the system can't truly relax until it sees one. The thing is, no perspective shift or behavioral change on their own can solve the threat, and people under these conditions intuit this, which makes them panic even more. Real threats have to be addressed directly, not with some indirect mechanism that requires a major change that may or may not work. Anything else just makes it worse.

@Eskilon Good point! @blankisomeone That's all good to hear. Right track!

If they could solve the structural problems, they may not need anything like a therapist. They need practical, actionable advice to address the most pressing issues. I agree. I'm not anti-action. I'm anti-blind action. What specific action are you suggesting they take? Just something that makes them feel good? It's not that simple. They're already taking action. Going to work everyday, trying to figure out what their blocks are, buying self-help courses. They can't reframe these as positive because sometimes, your structure is so destabilizing that your nervous system won't allow it, literally. When living in precarity, small positive actions that don't address the structure doesn't build momentum. It builds false hope followed by deeper exhaustion when nothing changes. Small wins don't compound, they just delay the crash. I'm saying: act to change your situation. Not: act to change your perception. OP thinks they need to change their perception and everyone here has confirmed that, but it's the wrong order.

There's a level of inference required to see what is going on here. The inability to read between the lines is the whole problem with this thread. Most are responding to OP's language at face-value: lazy, easy, don't want to work hard, without modeling the internal state. "I want things to be easy" from someone in survival mode is a cry for relief, not a philosophical position about effort. OP isn't sitting comfortably in a stable position looking at life and wishing it were easy. There is massive structural instability. And they're being told their cry is a character flaw, and "just push past it", "you don't really want it", "you're a fool to want things to be easy", "just take action and things will get better". All well-meaning and potentially true and applicable from a stable position, but dangerous in this situation. Their latest post basically proves my entire position. It'd be nice if I wasn't the only voice of reason up in this motha fucka.

😂

Yes, that is your right. But my point is related. I processed your content but instead of engaging you there, I wanted to show you a potential structure so you can stop doing this to yourself. It's impossible to be at peace while being hyper-focused on enemies and threats. If/when you're ready to stop hurting yourself and others, come back to what I said - it could potentially be of some value if you want to explore it. We just want you to be at peace, that's all.

You're saying it's too risky to not take the big risk. lol. What if you shoot for the stars and fail spectacularly (as most do), have identity collapse, then become a failed artist, depressed in a closet with a gun in your mouth? Surely, there's a middle way.

One of these would suit you better than retail work. None of them are sexy, but they'd probably work wonders for your stabilization.