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Everything posted by Leonid

  1. Hello Liris, I also have had a strong social anxiety, inferiority complex, shyness and all that. But now I'm constantly putting myself out there, being social, meeting people, going to different events and so on, and it's becoming better. But it takes a lot of courage and fearlessness on my side, especially considering I don't drink alcohol. But I really wish you luck, I think you can visit way more social events in Finland than I am in Russia ( not moscow)
  2. Hello everyone! I have 170 ug of LSD, and a couple weeks ahead of the next trip. Backstory - I tried half of that couple days before, and was able to almost sustain that blissful and aware state that LSD provides, by meditating 40+ minutes a day. I have had a non-dual experience when sober, and am now able to sustain thought-free state almost 50% of the day. I would say I'm in 580 LOC according to Ramaji's book, which means I'm not in non-duality, but may be there if I would be able to sustain thought-free state all day and surrender the ego. So, the question is, will 170 ug of high quality LSD be enought to put me through a couple levels of consciousness until I can actually reach 600+ and feel non-dual state of awareness for extended periods of time? Maybe even try to stabilize there If yes, what should I do before the trip to achieve that? Meditate for 2 hours a day? For 4 hours a day? Read books about non-duality before the trip? Any help or advice from psychonauts or spiritually advanced people would be greately appreciated, thanks.
  3. @ElvisN Yeah thanks for the advice. Although cannabis with lsd is associated with high chance of bad trip
  4. @OctagonOctopus that's a good point. I mean, I've kinda tried to do it when I was reading Thomas Campbell's 'My big TOE', but it went well over my head unfortunately. I think I'm ready for the experience, cause I mean, you either develop your consciousness or you stagnate. I don't want to be stuck on that level as I intuitively feel there is just SO much more. Been interested in this stuff from age 8-9 I believe.
  5. @OctagonOctopus oh thanks bro, yeah I mean, but there is this stigma about non-duality, being sober we cannot really ever accept even the idea that we are not our body. It almost feels like wishy-washy thinking from ego perspective, and that's what scared the shit out of me when I experienced it for the first time, because I just could not accept the idea that I'm every person I see, and every non-living object I see, so radical of idea it is. Takes enormous open-mindedness. Thanks for reply tho, I thought about analysing my belief system, but IMO to really see through it takes a lot of awareness
  6. Hello everyone ? This is my journal to keep me accountable. I am an 8 year porn addict. I've started when I was like 12 back at school, then got the internet on the computer, then it was slowly escalating, I was having problems at school, low self-esteem, anxiety problems and so on. I never knew it was due to watching porn. Was blaming anything but my porn addiction. Couple of months ago I was jerking off 2 times a day, often in the evening and in the morning. I started to realise it was a big problem for me about 6 months ago, cause it became so compulsive, like literally i cannot stop it even if I really want. It is draining your life energy, it makes you anxious all the time, bad at social interactions and so on. I remember 3 years ago I was a different person, was able to hang up with the girl I liked, touch her etc. Not the case now at all. So, I am dead-set to deal with that addiction. If I won't, it'll consume me. So, in this journal I will be posting: °Day-to-day updates with my progress °transmuting sexual energy into something useful °anything whatsoever what will make it easier or help to drop that addiction °dealing with emptiness that comes from dropping addictions °share books about addiction recovery, porn addicts and so on °how to deal with procrastination and so on. So guys, I need to get started. I know I am not alone. Many people have porn addiction, including people I know personally. My longest streak was like 13 or 15 days, now I am on my third day. I do realise that without the significant lifestyle change I won't be able to pull it off. So, anything connected with lifestyle changes I'm going to post here. P.S. Sorry for my English tho, it's my second. Wish luck to all the people who are on that journey with me.
  7. Day 15. My record. Man it's getting harder. I fucked up my schedule a little bit. Porn addiction is truly one of the hardest in the world to drop.
  8. @youngshinzen I would want to become a functional human being again Think I'd concentrate on making a bunch of money to keep me busy. But in general to get rid of awful consequences of porn addiction, brain fog, lack of concentration and so on.
  9. @Sahil Pandit Wow that's great. I certainly don't have that much energy on my 14th
  10. @youngshinzen Hey how you feel yourself? Anything in energy/awareness/laziness changed? I'm on my 14th, feel a little bit better, but certainly not a super-human
  11. Great man @TheAvatarState keep it up. I'm on my 14th day. Way more aware when I used to, but certainly not a Super-Human. More energy, do sport every day, but it's not like all my problems melted away when I stopped masturbating
  12. Day 14 Got to sleep in time Read Terence's book. Gonna concentrate on predicting my relapse patterns and try to change the obstacles. Watched how woman masturbate, did not relapse. But won't do it again. My mind tricked me into it.
  13. Day 13 Finally managed to get to sleep in time Reading book by Terence Gorski, 'Staying sober', which I find extremely relevant to porn addiction. Feel a lot of energy, meditated 30 mins today.
  14. @TheAvatarState Man I would recommend you to read the book by Terence Gorski, 'Staying sober'. It really opened my eyes on Post-Abstinential syndrome and how to cope with it (which we does when NoFap)
  15. Day 12 Almost no urges, a lot of energy. Starting to think that I certainly need to buy a book about sexual energy transmutation.
  16. Day 11 I've made a mistake. I played till late evening and then it was very hard to not relapse and just go to sleep. But that's what I did. I certainly would not risk next time
  17. @Sahil Pandit yeah man the energy is here. Even after a day of work or studying I would want to do some sports. Back in the day I would not even start studying!
  18. @Ampresus Man I would not recommend doing any of that. Porn is sure an addiction. But thinking thoughts and masturbating on them is almost the same thing. Try NoFap. I have a journal here, 10th day already. After 8 years of addiction.
  19. Man my condolences! What was the reason behind relapse?
  20. Day 8, 9 and 10 Also almost no urges. Maybe just a little bit. No desire to go back to porn. It was just so time-consuming and was just really a way to ignore reality and procrastinate. But I think I'm ready to face it. Reading a lot of books about finances and consciousness
  21. Wow that's pretty much like swings. Some days are easy and some are 8/10 I'm on my 7th day, still pretty easy. Wish you good luck man ?
  22. Hi man keep it up! What started to happening after 7 nofap days? Were the urges becoming stronger? I'm on my 7th and pretty much does not feel any urges nor desire to watch porn or masturbate.
  23. Also Happy New Year everyone! In Russia this holiday is more celebrated than Christmas, we come and give presents to each other and so on. I'm going on holidays with my parents for a couple days, so I won't post any updates. I'll leave my phone at home so I won't possibly have any access to porn and pictures.
  24. Day 7. No urges Here's the 7th day! Benefits start to kick in. Skied yesterday, and I have to say man, I greatly underestimated sports. I really felt like more energised and more aware, in a way. It's because I was skiing in the forest, and the sun was shining, and I've meditated in yesterday's morning, and I felt the beauty of it. The cool thing about meditation is when you meditated a couple of years even 20 mins can get you really high in terms of awareness. Even if you behaved like a degenerate for weeks.