Thittato

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. Just surrendering into my life as it is. The mind is getting concentrated, and the center of gravity these days seems to be pulling me back again and again towards this centeredness, instead of towards the fluctuations of the samsaric mind.

So I have been keeping up my daily practice of 45 min meditation per day while the forum has been down, and it has been really nice. Sat for 45 min today as well, the momentum is good, and my mind gets concentrated.

Very awesome start of the day. First 45 min meditation, then 20 min vinyasa flow yoga, and then a good warm shower followed by a good and solid cold shower.

So two evenings in a row I have also done my favorite 20 minute vinyasa flow yoga program, and it has simply been really awesome. For some reason it has been difficult for me to have a daily practice consisting of both yoga and meditation. I usually have to choose one or the other. And I always know that meditation is the most important of them, so I'm very glad that lately I seem to have landed in this 45 min per day daily practice. But I also need some physical practice, and I find yoga really really awesome. So I'm going to see if it will be possible to stick with this morning-practice of 45 min meditation per day, and then see if I can also add some yoga in the evening. Probably that will be the best way for me to integrate both of them into my daily life. And oh my god - the way meditation has been opening up my body lately - it was so awesome to bring that body into a yoga-program again. It was like there had been no pause at all. Actually quite the opposite. So it is very interesting to see to what extent sitting meditation in itself is actually a physical practice, too.

45 min meditation today as well. Very good momentum. Going into concentration-states again. During this session I had a kick on sitting in a very errect, firm and relaxed posture - optimizing the energy-flow in my body. Amazing how the body can open up when the energy-flow is good.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice

1 hour meditation today. Very good momentum today as well. My mind is getting concentrated and that gives me great rest and vitalization, which is really nice after having worked night-shift.

45 min meditation today as well. Going into concentration-states again. Very nice. Things becomes centered, calm, focused, still. There is joy and well-being over the simple fact of beingness. I know people who mastered these states with far less effort than me. But I think we all have different inclinations. I see in my journal here that last time I entered these states was April of 12th. I guess that's my cycles. I build up a momentum, but then something knocks me off again. But I think I have some equanimity with these cycles, in the sense that one isn't supposed to develop attachment to meditative states anyways, but just let them come and go. So these states doesn't come easy to me, but when they do they feel like a great reward and an inspiration to keep on. And at the same time I hope that one day it will be possible to gain more a sense of mastery over these skills.

45 min meditation today. Very nice. Some momentum and some restlessness battling with each other. I was getting into concentration states, but couldn't quite land there as things were getting murky again.

45 min meditation yesterday, and 45 min meditation today. Today is the first time after this cold I get this energized mind that I often get from meditation where I feel recharged, creative and enthuasiastic about life. It is amazing the energy flow that meditation can stimulate. But damn - the temporary depressions that comes from having a cold, they can be pretty heavy. But I find it nice to just surrender into staying in bed mode when having a cold.

45 min meditation today. No meditation friday and saturday. I've been having a pretty bad cold, so I've been in bed for the most part. Interesting what a depressive outlook on life a cold gives me. It is first now that my mind starts to feel a little energized and inspired again. Seems like usually after I've had a cold there is an afterglow when getting well again. Like the mind gets a bit of an extra boost from the down-time.

45 min meditation yesterday and today. Very nice

45 min meditation today as well. No meditation yesterday. Good momentum again today. Lots of gratitude.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. A bit more distracted today, but also a momentum of power and gratitude going parallell with distractedness.

45 min meditation today as well. Today there was more process again. Feelings of grief and vulnerability. But it was really nice to sit with it. There was a sense of peace in surrendering into it.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice. The momenum is getting much stronger now, to the point where I'm starting to go into deeper concentration states where qualities like peace, expansion, contentment, brightness, well-being, unified focus, flow, etc, starts to dominate.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice and grounded meditation.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice flow in my meditation these days.

45 min meditation today as well. The momentum is building, and it is very nice. It is very clear that a lot of stuff has been released from my system during these 3 months in the ashram in Brazil. I've been somewhat distracted by the relationship-issues I've experienced with my girlfriend, and she was part of this whole experience, so it is kind of difficult to sort out what is what, but it seems like our relationship is moving towards its end, and I feel fine about just surrendering into that. I think we are both landing on some realisations that we are inherently incompatible as long-term partners, so I hope we can just round this off gradually and cherish it for what it was. So with this acceptence in mind, and my mind sort of clearing up from these involvements in another person, it seems like my meditation has benefited greatly from these 3 months in the ashram. So I hope I can just ride out whatever residual karma that I still have with her as smoothly as possible.

45 min meditation yesterday, and 1 hour today. Pretty amazing.

45 min meditation today as well. Really sweet.

1 hour meditation today. I came home from work pretty tired and was afraid I would fall asleep this meditation, but instead I got energized. Very nice.

45 min meditation today as well. Really sweet. There wasn't much to process today, so I could go deeper into concentration and calm.

45 min meditation today as well. Super-nice :-) Feels like I'm starting to land a bit more from my travels in Brazil. Not sure what is going to happen with my girlfriend. Feels like we are close to breaking up. Also feels like I'm open to all possibilities and I just want to ride it out and see where it lands without trying to control the process. To me it feels like it is good that whatever co-dependence we have been going into gets some space so that we perhaps can clear out some of the tensions we have been collecting, and somehow enter a new phase in our relationship. It is good to seperate us so that can we feel more into what sort of perhaps unhealthy patterns of clinging and attachment has been gluing us together. It felt like we both temporarily lost track of our missions in life, and maybe now we can learn to both be with each other and at the same time staying focused on our seperate missions. But I have my doubts that she will manage. I'm feeling that she is getting very insecure and frustrated because of this. Or maybe I'm just projecting my own frustrations and insecurities over at her? At the very least there is a very strange energy between us these days, and as I said it feels like we are close to breaking up. But at the same time I feel very happy about being much more focused on my own projects again. So I think my old tendency of losing myself into someone else is not as strong as it used to be. In many ways it is a relief to get some space away from her to return back to myself again.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice :-)