Thittato

Getting a tiny little bit more familiar with this 5th song. Lots of resistance, but I think I'll soon be over the top of the hill. Been drawing a lot lately again, and wonder if I should include my drawing and painting process in this journal. Perhaps the guitar is more like a support for my drawing process, because that is certainly the art-form I've identified the most with and spent the most time with in my life. But it is good to have this discipline going with something since my drawing process is much more intuitive and improvised. It feels like I can more easily indulge in improvised stuff when I get the energy and good feeling that comes from doing something structured as well. Perhaps that's a good lesson to bring with me to all things in general. Like I should always do a combination of both structured and improvised stuff. If I only do structured stuff then I'll kill the joy, but if I only do improvised stuff it usually quickly feels like I get stuck in a rut of just repeating myself without giving myself important challenges to conquer and grow from.

Also I used to get pretty stressed out because I have so many creative impulses in all kind of directions, but I believe now that I can trust the process. There is nothing wrong with me just because I want to do EVERYTHING. As long as I have the discipline to stick with one project for an extended period of time. Doesn't mean I have to stick with guitar for ever either, just until I get to the next level that I crave. Then I can follow the flow wherever it leads me. I believe this is all moving towards a balanced and integrated wholeness that I can now only see parts of, so it is important to just trust the process.

A bit of an effort getting familiar with the 5th song, but it is getting better. I can sense a new very creative period is on its way, and then it is very important for me to also be rooted in a discipline, so that I don't get carried away by all the inspiration and all the people who are drawn to me in these periods, so that makes this guitar-project a very good project to have.

Back to learning the 5th song.

Been looking a bit more into how the major and minor scale is built up, and also been playing around a lot more with these pentatonic scale shapes, and I've improvised some melodies and even a improvised song. I understand better now how melodies are made out of scales, and perhaps that was the major thing that I needed to understand regarding music theory, but of course there is a lot more to learn. It took me 3 weeks to get fully back to myself after the ayahuasca ceremony, and 2 weeks after the peyote ceremony, and it kind of makes me think psychedelics are overrated as a self-development tool, but everybody has their own path and journey with different tools. I used to be really obsessed with psychedelics before, but now I think my time is better spent working with the things I want to improve on on a daily basis and not thinking that some kind of psychedelic break-through somehow will improve everything for me. I guess that was like almost a religious belief I had before. Also I'm starting to get well-established in this guitar-learning-process, and I have a tendency to thing that I should quit everything else that I consider important just to find this one thing that I want to become really good at, and perhaps that was necessary for a limited period to get better establised in this learning-process, but now I think I can start to open up to all these other things that I also want to pursue, especially drawing and painting.

Ok, so to get to where I want to get, in order to really understand what guitar-playing is, I will have to learn scales and music theory. That will be the next thing I launch into after I'm done memorizing the 5th song.

Insanely cool! Those pentatonic scale shapes are already down, and now I can improvise all over the fretboards and jump back and forth between all these scale shapes. My barre chords are also getting much stronger already. The cool things about learning these new things is that it takes a bit of effort to get it down, but once it is down, it just becomes part of my vocabulary and I just need to run through it quickly daily and then it just grows naturally into next level of confidence and skill and running through stuff like that on a daily basis really keeps my fingers in good shape and makes everything about guitar-playing much easier.

Going to add something more to my practice routine. I already know 5 barre chords, but they are far from tight, so I found an excellent exercise to boost them up and that is to alternate between playing the E major barre chord shape and the A minor barre chord shape in every fret from bottom to top. Also I'm going to learn 5 Pentatonic scales from Guitarhabits.com article "The 5 Pentatonic Scale Shapes You Must Know" just to get more juice going in the scale department. Practicing scales is a really great way to warm up. Also I'm going to work on putting together some kind of Action Plan in order to get where I want to get. I don't know yet where I want to go, but at least part of it is being able to tie this all together into one unified whole. How can classical solo's, simple mantra-songs with open chords and strumming, fingerpicking, playing melodies out of scales, improvisation out of scales, barre chords, songwriting and etc, become integrated into something whole? I don't know yet, but I'm going to figure out. Especially I'm going to figure out what is the relationship between chords and scales, and how can strumming simple chords become spiced up some more with using the scales. Probably music theory is important in figuring this out. First edition of this Action Plan is: - continue to work on the 5 classical solo's I'm committing to memory - continue to work on my barre chords - learn 5 pentatonic scales - continue to read on Guitarhabits.com to get a better overview over what guitar playing actually consists of technically speaking

First time of playing through song nr. 4 purely from memory. Love/hate relationship towards psychedelics still active. I guess the important thing here is that I love creativity for its own sake regardless of the inspiration I have been getting from the psychedelics, and I still need to translate my inspiration into a daily practice routine (which has been happening lately). Also, keeping my apartment tidy and clean is very important to keeping inspiration and motivation going. Much easier to sit down to practice when this place feels like a good place to be.

So yesterday I meditated for 45 minutes really feeling this resistance towards psychedelic experience in my body, and gosh it was such a relief. I've noticed this type of resistance before, especially with my art-making process. It happens when I get really manic about something and really milk it for all that it is worth and then I get sort of a backlash when all the inspiration has been sucked dry and I get much aversion about the same subject because it has been sucked dry. So it was such a relief to identify this same pattern when it applies to psychedelics, and also meditate on all that congestion and lack of flow that that created in my body and identifying and meditation on it was enough to open up the flow again. So for the whole of today I've felt really back in my center again and no regrets about these two psychedelic experiences. Been practicing the 4th song today and I get even a better grip on it and now it only remains to commit it to memory. Also I've added a 5th song to what I'm practicing on, so altogether 5 simple classical solo's now and it starts to feel like this is getting serious, and holy crap, these songs are really steroids to my fingers.

Ok, played the guitar for 30 min and I'm starting to get a good grip on this new song. Felt like such a relief to be back with my original plan about building up a good guitar practice. I guess that's my biggest ambivalence about psychedelics - they take me far out and far in into a really powerful and inspiring experience but getting back into the tracks of daily life is quite some work, and sometimes I'm not sure if it is worth all this work or if I should just have continued to work on all these things I want to work on related to my daily life without having this strong process blowing to whole thing up into the air for a while. But at the same time I was really desiring some really strong and powerful psychedelic experiences, so I got what I asked for, and now I just have to accept that I will have to do the necessary work of integration. I will also spend some time to meditate on this resistance I feel towards this integration-process, just to see if that can dissolve some of the resistance or bring some clearer understanding about what that is about.

Gosh, learning the circular breathing technique is so difficult, and it derails me from my original wish to go deeper with the guitar. I will let it go for now, and go back to focusing on the guitar again. It was pretty cool to experience both the djembe and the didjeridoo while on the peyote entheogen, but I feel I should go back to my original plan here. Also this ambivalence I have towards psychedelics is coming up again, so I think I should allow for some skeptical thoughts as well. That is more honest. Psychedelics are not some kind of magical pills to gives me superpowers, which sometimes I would have liked to believe. Sure they give me lots of inspiration and new perspectives, but I usually feel pretty drained and a bit like a shadow of myself for a while after a trip. Felt like it took me 3 weeks to really get fully back to myself after the ayahuasca ceremony, and now it has been 5 days since the peyote ceremony and I'm still very much in the after-effects of it in a way that doesn't feel fully landed and I feel quite drained. One reason why I have this after-effect that is a bit stressful could be that the trip kicks up so much psychological process that it takes a while to get all this landed again. Now the cool side of this is that I always wanted to write trip-reports, but never did, while I had my more intense psychedelic period, and now it is interesting to write on how these two psychedelics are interfering with my music-process. Since I had the urge to do psychedelics again, it was pretty cool to first do ayahuasca which is sometimes called "The Queen" and is said to have a lot of feminine qualites, while the Peyote is said to contain a lot of masculine qualities and is often referred to as "Grandfather Peyote." These two psychedelics are said to complement each other very well, and they both come from old and respected shamanistic traditions. Don't think I will do psychedelics again in quite a while because there is too much stuff that needs to get integrated and landed now, and to kick up a new and demanding process like that again in the near future, well, I will have to take deeply into consideration how much work it actually requires. As for the guitar, I will now learn a short little classical solo which is only half a page long called "Pastorale" by Joseph Küffner (1776-1856).

So the need for focusing more on music again, and writing this journal, was triggered by an ayahuasca ceremony I did 1 month ago. As mentioned in the first post joining this ayahuasca circle 8 years ago gave me the inspiration to start playing the guitar in the first place. I have not done any entheogen in 3 years, because I felt I needed a long break to integrate and process all the psychedelic experiences I've had had so far. So now it is pretty cool that first the ayahuasca ceremony I did 1 month ago gave me a lot of inspiration to play guitar again, and now the peyote ceremony (and this was a solo ceremony only by myself, the ayahuasca ceremony was with a big group and professional guides) really took my relationship with both the guitar, the didjeridoo and the djembe much, much deeper. So now my next goal will be to learn the circular breathing technique with the didjeridoo. What I've learned from my previous experiences with psychedelics is that it is very important to put the inspiration I get from them into action, ie to learn real life skills. It is sort of a job or a responsibility I get in order to integrate and process these experiences well. Also since I've opened up the doors to the world of the psychedelics again, I have to remember to take the necessary time in between each trip to really integrate and process these things well. For now I'm really satisfied with having experienced both the ayahuasca and the peyote again, and my main responsibility in life to integrate these experiences well will be to focus on doing my social work job well, meditate every day, and continue to improve these musical skills that I so much desire. I will go into more detail about how I break down the process of learning circular breathing as I go about that process.

Peyote ceremony Yesterday I had a psychedelic session with the Peyote entheogen. It was really amazing, and I spent a lot of time playing guitar and singing. But perhaps the biggest breakthrough was with the didjeridoo and the djembe. It was totally amazing to play the djembe on this trip, and even better it was to combine playing the djembe with the didjeridoo. I didn't know I could multitask like that, and it was really mind-blowing. Even though I still haven't cracked the code when it comes to circular breathing with the didjeridoo (in order to have one long continuous tone going), I still have a lot of other really cool tricks, and when I stop the tone because of my lungs being empty and to inhale more air, I do so in a rhythmic style, so that the stopping has a rhythm to it which makes the complete musical picture with the drumming into one continuous experience. However, I really do want to learn the circular breathing, because that would have really made me into a serious didjeridoo player and it is only a few steps away. I will investigate it further what it takes, and start to play more didjeridoo on a steady basis, while continuing to play the guitar on a daily basis as I have been doing for a while now. Also I will spend some good time to really reflect on and process this psychedelic experience, and what it meant to me and what I learned. It is one of the most powerful musical experiences I've ever had, and it felt like a deeper initiation into my own musicianship. So much gratitude. It is about time to take myself seriously with this interest. It is not just a random superficial interest I have, it is a very deep passion coming from the very core of my own being.

Hurrah! First time I managed to play through the whole song from memory. No I just need to make it stick, and then I will play all three together with the professional recordings of them, so I will totally get them in tune with how they are supposed to be.

The song is interestingly enough called Study and is by Dionisio Agaudo (1784-1849). I have half the song down by memory already, and today I've practiced specifically on the two most difficult chords and can now change back and forth between them smoothly in rhythm. The goal for tomorrow will be to be able to play the other half by memory (I've already practiced it alot), and then in the coming days to put both parts together. Been wanting to do this for years as I learned the other two ones 4-5 years ago and created this idea in my head that when I got 3 of these simple solos down that would be the marker of some kind of cute little milestone in my guitar-playing, and now I'm really close and I'm fantasizing about how I can improvise around these three songs once I get them down, and also putting together a cute little concert program for friends and family combining these songs with a few mantra-songs. Just a 10 min program to start with or something... :-)