Thittato

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing and 2 min and 55 sec in the cold shower today as well. 3rd day of 2 min and 55 sec. 2 more days, and then for the last 5 days it will increase to 3 min and 10 sec. I'm looking forward to that jump. It should be really easy, but I'm looking forward to what those extra 15 sec will do to round off the whole experience. This 20 day cold shower challenge has so far been much easier than the previous one. One of the reasons for that is that I don't obsess about this when I'm not doing the practice, and I'm not doing any extra practice either like doing the breathing several times per day to get extra high etc. In fact I'm not really striving to get high at all anymore. That is not the point. I was too hooked on getting high in the beginning of this project. But I guess that is what seduced me into this in the first place. But I'm more and more coming to a place where I'm totally OK with whichever state I'm in.

Might have landed on doing a 2 week skyjumping course together with one of my best friends before the summer. So I've been writing here every so often, along with details about my meditation-practice, that I have an interest for extreme-sports, and I love to go snowboarding or rollerblading in the skatepark, and I have a huge interest in this inter-connection between flow-states, extreme-sports, meditation-practice, psychedelics, and creativity. Like the extreme-sport enthusiasts , they seem to be people who really "get it." They are really stoked about life. Wim Hof, who I have been deeply inspired by lately, also was into various extreme-sports and is famous for various world records (swimming under ice, longest exposure to ice, etc). I know he was into bungy-jumping, too. So I've been writing here about my experiences snowboarding and rollerblading, and it has helped me a lot sorting out my relationship towards these sports, and I have only gotten a deeper experience with them. Today (now yesterday) I was rollerblading in the skatepark again, and oh my god, it just gets more and more awesome. It is such an awesome feeling when the feeling of control and mastery grows. So I've been looking for a way to further deepen my relationship with extreme sports. Is it enough to just continuen to skate whenever I feel like it? Or do I need something more? Should I look into taking snowboarding further? Or try out a totally new sport. Next winter I'm thinking about taking my ice-bathing further. Perhaps try out Wim Hof´s stunt of swimming under ice. I probably wouldn't make it a very long distance. It seems very dangerous. But perhaps I could start out with digging two wholes in the ice not to far apart, like start out with 5 meters at first just to get a taste of that experience, and maybe prolong it to 10 meters. I also want to focus more on freediving this summer. Freediving seems like an really awesome thing. But anyways, so me and my friend have been talking for one month now about doing this skydiving course, and now it seems we might have finally landed on something. It has been a huge process, and I have been doubting it a lot as well because it seems fucking insanse to jump out of an airplane and I'm still not sure I can get myself to do it, but actually it seems like I'm getting ready for it and that this is sort of like the next thing I need to complete in my life. It will also look pretty awesome on my CV. My job also goes into all these reflections. You have to be somewhat of an adrenaline junkie to how this job that I'm having, and actually my boss is a skyjumper and paraglider, so we have been having some interesting conversations about extreme sports, and it is pretty cool to bond in this way with my boss because I like him very much and he seems to like me as well. So yeah, my relationship with my boss and my job also feeds into this interest a lot. It was a huge hazzle to convince my friend to go to this two-week course, because he wanted to do a one week course on the other side of country where there are beautiful mountains and fjords, and where this two-week course is the landscape is more flat and boring - like in-land stuff without mountains. But the price is equal for these two courses, but in the one-week course you only get 7 jumps, where as in the two-week course you'll get 20 jumps. And in the one week course you go through a progression called an AFF course (Accelerated Freefall) where you go through 7 levels where each jump is a new level and at level 7 you do your first solo jump where there will only be an instructor ready for you in the air should you really need it. In level 8 you are completely without instructors and you are jumping independently. So in this two week course you'll get 13 jumps which are completely independt after you are finished with level 7 in your 7th jump. So it seems a bit rushed to me to go through all these steps in one week and then you are done. When I'm first doing a course like this I would like to really master it, so when I'm an independent jumper I would like to feel that I master that experience before the course is over. So it seems much nicer just to hang out on the dropzone for 2 weeks and really land into the experience and be there for a long time, instead of rusing in and out in only one week. We are going to stay at the dropzone for the entire 2 weeks, and it seems like a nice summer-camp to hang out there. They have a sauna, and I'm sure I'll bring my rollerblades, and we are also going to bring our guitars, our drums, drawing equipment, a Chess-board, and etc, so that we can hang out there and have like a creative retreat at the same time. Almost like a yoga-retreat in a way, just that the thing we are doing is sky-diving instead. Seems totally absolutely awesome! Gosh, there was a lot of processing to land this. It is not completely decided yet, but almost. Both a lot of internal processing inside of me, and a lot of social processing between me and my friend. But this seems like the absolutely most possible awesome thing that we can do now under this boring pandemic period we are in. And it will so much enhance my interest in everything related to this really awesome interconnection between meditation-practice, flow states, creativity and extreme sports.

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing today, and 2 min and 55 sec in the cold shower. So good.

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing today, and first day where the cold shower was increased up to 2 min and 55 sec. Holy schmokes. It totally rocked. At this point it is like crossing a treshold where all rush to get out of the cold water fades and it just feels perfectly normal and relaxing. This point starts to come at about 2 mins, and then I have about a minute to get baked in this total acceptance for the cold water. It is not like it is a kick anymore. It is something deeper, rounder and more stable. Like a deep and very full drone beat of the cold being drilled into the depths of my being. But at the same time something that is very simple and natural.

Thank you for giving me such profound reflections back on my process. It was very profound for me to write those reflections, and it got way more profound when you gave that deep, intelligent and empathic feedback. I wish you absolute success, love, and growth. May we all help and support each others growth on this forum ?????????

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing today as well, and then 2 and a half minute in the cold shower. Halfway through the 20 day cold shower challenge. Tomorrow the time is increasing again, and it will go up to 2 min and 55 sec in the cold shower. I’m excited ??

So maybe this Wim Hof method is like the finishing touch on my own therapeutic process. I finished 3,5 intense years in gestalttherapy (both individual therapy and group-therapy) in the summer of 2019, and after that I have just grown more and more comfortable in my job as a social worker in a psychiatric emergency hospital - a job which I’ve had for 3 years now. It is a very intense job which requires a lot of mental and emotional processing. Now it is starting to feel like I know this job so well that I can relax much more and I don’t need to think so much about it in my spare time. Along with this therapeutic process I’ve had I saw it as very important to just stay for a long time in this job and gain a sense of mastery and stability. Like measuring my own therapeutic success in how well I was able to settle down into and enjoy a career. The last polishing on this process has been to explore the Wim Hof method this winter. It seems like my neuroticism has been going down even further because of this. Like I’m gradually becoming a much more stable and robust person. I was very unstable before, even though I was very good at containing all my emotional fluctuations because this is my 20th year as a dedicated meditator so I’ve had A LOT of training in observerving my shit while it goes on, but now it seems like I don’t have so many fluctations anymore, and the ones I do have are usually within a more natural range (with some exceptions of course). My chronical existential crisis seems close to cured. And now that I once again feel a momentum and deepening, both with the Wim Hof breathing method, and with the cold water exposure, I’m very enthusiastic about continuing this process. Both when I’m in the breath retention and when I’m in the cold water I’m thinking: «Let me be open, receptive and grateful for this healing, and let me allow it to penetrate deeply into the core of my being.»

3 rounds of breathing and 2 and a half minute in the cold shower both yesterday and today. So beautiful. The last 30 sec in the cold shower feels especially beneficial.

3 rounds of breathing today, weight-lifting, and 2 and a half minute in the cold shower. Those 2 and a half minutes feels pretty awesome. I was afraid I had been getting what I could get out of this already, but now it feels like it starts to go even deeper. All the hype is totally gone. I rarly watch any Wim Hof interviews anymore. I don't care about whatever physiological effects this gives that science might have measured. But it feels pretty damn good.

3 rounds of breathing today and 2 and a half minute in the cold shower. It felt pretty awesome. With 2 and a half minute all the hurry is gone, and one just has to take ones time and settle down into the experience. I'm feeling very enthusiastic about taking up this challenge again.

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing and cold shower today as well. I’ve only slept one hour tonight and I had to get up early for work, but the practice was very inspiring again. Tomorrow cold showers are extended to 2 min and 30 sec. 2 min and 15 sec, which I have been doing for 5 days now, already feels pretty long. I’m working it up to 3 min and 10 sec. Will be interesting to see how that goes.

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing and cold shower today as well. My practice was a little bit refreshing, but nothing more. I'm feeling really really fed up with this pandemic.

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing, 15 min of weight-lifting, and then 2 min and 15 sec cold shower. At least for the duration of this 20 day cold shower challenge I think this should be my only "health and wellness routine" - daily cold showers and the Wim Hof breathing method combined with 15 min of weight-lifting 3 times a week.

A new 20 day cold shower challenge (second one). So yesterday I started a new 20 day cold shower challenge on my Wim Hof app. I did 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing before this, and later in the evening I did another 3 rounds together with a friend. Today I did 3 rounds of the breathing, and then the cold shower.

3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing, cold shower, and then 30 min of meditation. Focus in meditation was just rest and surrendering into the effects of the breathing and the cold shower.

Weight-lifting, cold shower, and 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing, today.

I think the underlying issue here is that men also feel deeply hurt by all the different ways that women hurt men. Obviously rape is a very bad and real thing, but with this whole #metoo thing there has been a massive focus in the media on how bad men are towards women, and this feels unbalanced towards many of us, because we have also been deeply hurt by women, and we would like to talk openly about how this dynamic plays out, instead of being shamed into silence and just having to accept the political correct version about how this is. The female shadow can be pretty intimidating, too. I think we all know lots of examples about women who have been very psychologically abusive towards men (and of course the other way around). As men we are generally just told that this is just nature and something that we have to put up with. But if mainstream media is going to constantly drill into our heads how bad men are towards women, well, then I would like to also have a much closer look at the full picture going on here because this abuse is going both ways. But I'm very glad this whole conversation have been opened up - I just hope it can soon bring in a much broader picture. I don't think the so-called "war between the sexes" will end before a much more compassionate, wise and forgiving climate has been established around this whole thing.

Cold shower and 30 min meditation today. Very restless during meditation.

Well. I think we can have balanced and respectful conversation about all aspects of this. A lot of men (and women) think there is more to all of this than what is currently allowed to talk openly about, and I don't think it is fair that only one side is allowed to voice their opinions. Nothing good ever comes out of shaming other perspectives into silence. This conversation is certainly going to continue in our society for a long time, so it needs to be explored from all angles in order for our collective understanding of this problem to evolve into a greater understanding than what we currently have today. This whole thing is a huge generational trauma in all of us, and I don't think the climate in todays mainstream society is particularly helpful in bringing healing to this, BUT at least it is good that the process has started!

Between rape and false rape acusations there is also the landscape where one part think it was rape but the other part doesn't think it was signaled clear enough, or signaled at all, from the other that he/she was no longer interested in participating in the sexual act - a so-called misunderstanding, typically happening when there is alcohol and/or drugs involved and the level of clearity around what is going on is compromised. There seems to be a power-struggle going on here where some people think this is all black and white and consent is either given completely or not given at all, and there is no room for misunderstandings or poor communication, while others want there to be a "grey area" here and have some margin of error. One can typically think that two persons ending up in such a situation that one part will genuinly claim that he/she was raped while the other part will genuinly claim that he/she had no intention of having sex with anyone without consent. I wouldn't exactly call this a false rape acusation but it will probably be experienced like that for the one who didn't think he/she did anything wrong, and it will cause a lot of suffering for both involved. I think some more wisdom and better communication and conflict-resolution around situations like these is something our culture desperately needs.

Weight-lifting, cold shower, and 30 min meditation. Feels like I'm about to really nail these three really powerful tools, in the sense that they are becoming integrated parts of my routine.

30 min meditation, and then a cold shower, this morning. It is a little bit hard to let go of the Wim Hof breathing method, but letting go of my regular meditation would have been hard too, and I don't feel I have the capacity to do both on a daily basis, but maybe I can continue to switch back and forth a little bit since I like both so much. Probably 30 min of meditation per day will be my base, but on some days when I want to spice things up or go deeper I can also add the Wim Hof breathing.

Weight-lifting, 30 min meditation, and cold shower, today. I only managed to do 10 min of meditation before working day-shift today, and when I came home from work I was pretty tired, but after some weight-lifting, the remaining 20 min of meditation, and a cold shower, I now feel super-fresh. These tools are like having access to my own little spa here in my home. The weight-lifting routine is so awesome. It only takes 15 min, but it consists of some really powerful full-body exercises, so it feels like it gives me the absolutely most bang for the bucks I can get. And this routine also feels very sustainable, so I think I can do this routine 3 times a week. I've dabbled in a little bit of weight-lifting for 2-3 years now in combination with yoga, but I have never settled into any stable routine with it, but now I think I've found one that I can establish and then start to build on it. When the gym opens up again I think I will start to do traditional weight-lifting with a barbell. In my home I'm using dumbells. I was also using kettlebells before but they got stolen when I left them down in my basement. The cold shower also felt totally awesome today. The water is getting a little bit warmer I can now notice. I'm pretty glad about that because there is an element of stamina in this, and now I've successfully been riding out the winter into a milder landscape.

30 min meditation, 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing, and cold shower, today.

45th cold-bath this season So today has been a really nice day. I went for a long walk in the forest together with a friend, and when we came home to his place we did 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing together, and it was pretty awesome to do it together like that after a good long walk, and then we played Chess, made food, played guitar, and I went home, and when I came home I felt so happy I did 3 more rounds of Wim Hof breathing, and then I played more guitar again for quite a while and sang mantras, and then I went down to the beach and did my cold-bath. Not exactly sure what is going on regarding the structure I have around these things - these days it seems like it lives its own life, which is nice for now. I guess I will just have to see where it is going to land this time as it is a bit up in the air regarding what my meditative/spiritual needs are these days. Some more back and forth between the Wim Hof method and my regular vipassana meditation practice is expected. Maybe I find a way to juggle both approaches. I think it will just need to sort itself out somehow by me not trying to control the process too much right now. I feel very generous with myself right now. I allow myself to just rest and live and see how things will turn out. That is going to be my affirmation for today - "I allow myself to rest." And also: "I allow myself to be good and kind with myself."