Thittato

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice concentration. I also did a very intense session of sauna and cold baths yesterday - it helped a lot in processing out a lot of the stuff that was put into motion during last ayahusca retreat.

45 min meditation today. Very nice. No meditation yesterday. Lots of resistance.

45 min meditation today. Skipped meditation on friday and saturday somehow. Today my concentration went very deep. I'm continuing with my experiments with magnesium and melatonin, and it seems to make me very tired and sleep suddenly seems very accessible. For years I've been going on overdrive, having difficulties falling asleep, constantly seeking overstimulation, prone to lighter hypermania, etc, and it seems like maybe I've found a way to finally bring my system to full rest now. Interestingly, thanks to meditation and my other wellness practices I've had quite some resilience in the face of very poor sleep quality, but it was getting increasingly uncomfortable, and it seems like now I'm crashing completely (in a good way), so it is pajamas and wool blankets atmoshpere here at home.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice and strong concentration. Feels so efficient to use meditation to integrate and land all the processes from last weekend.

45 min meditation today as well. Very tired, but I got through it without falling a sleep, and it was a nice way of settling down more after this busy weekend.

45 min meditation today as well. Yesterday I came home from an ayahuasca retreat that lasted from friday to monday. The ceremonies were on saturday and sunday, but we were a group of 5 friends who had rented a cabin together nearby from friday to monday. The 5 of us made up the kitchen team for this weekend, so it was a very intense and rewarding experience of doing ceremonies, taking responsebility in the kitchen, and staying in this cabin together as a group. I cannot possibly imagine a more full and intense weekend. Fortunately I can rest today and tomorrow before I start working again doing two night shifts from wednesday to thursday, and from thursday to friday. Looking forward to do a lot of integration and landing now, and also to use this afterglow and inspiration to play a lot of guitar.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice and deep concentration. Finally I've started to look into how I can improve my sleep. Thanks to the night-shifts I'm working, and also being slightly manic easily in the evenings, and being a sensitive person who easily gets overstimulated, and seeks to become high and overstimulated through my creative and intellectual interests to get into a flow state, my sleep has been utterly trash for many many years, but through the surrender and acceptance I've developed through meditation, ice-baths, yoga, etc, I've managed to just ignore it and push on through, but it is actually quite terrible, and these last days I've experimented with magnesium and melatonin supplements, and oh my gosh, I've been sleeping like a baby. It seems like magnesium in particular is really helpful when it comes to overstimulation and sensitivity.

45 min meditation again this morning. Going deeper into concentration again.

45 min meditation today as well. Very rejuvenating 😊🙌

Thank you 😊❤️💫🙌🙌

1 hour meditation this morning. Very nice.

45 min meditation today as well. Very nice and revigorating.

45 min meditation today. Really beautiful. There has been yet another pause in my formal meditation practice, but I do other types of practice, especially devotional singing, but oh my gosh what a strong effect meditation can have. I'm somehow very lazy about my meditation these days, and it is related to the low levels of existential suffering I'm having these days, so I'm not compelled by my suffering to push on for further meditative development, but ideally I should be able to meditate even through this laziness, especially when I see the profound effect it gives me. Why do I want to walk around with a foggy awareness, when I can walk around with a crystal clear one? There are some interesting paradoxes at play here. Do I really need a crystal clear awareness when I can fully accept and embrace a foggy one? But still I seem to suffer less and be more energized when I clear my mind and body through meditation. Aaaah, all these cycles. And then one eventually always return to the perfection of knowing everything is exactly as it is supposed to be and it couldn't have been any other way. But can I abide for longer periods in this clearity, or should I just allow myself to lazily drift in and out of whatever way the nature of experience presents itself? And fundamentally, do I even have a choice one way or the other? Let us see how things develop. I guess I can only try to stay open for the ride.

❤️🙏

45 min meditation today. Centered and powerful energy.

Did an ayahuasca ceremony this weekend. It was really great, but I came down with a cold and spent sunday and monday in bed. Today I was well again in this felt like my big integration day. I played a lot of guitar and sang the hymns, did weigh-lifting, cold shower, two good forest walks, and 30 min yoga and 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing in the evening.

45 min meditation yesterday, and 45 min meditation today. Very nice and energizing.

45 min meditation today. Very nice. Powerful and deep. Concentration still hasn't established itself fully, but it is on the doorsteps. Lots of process stil that I have to breathe into and ground by focusing on the bodily sensations they create, and thereby counter-acting the tendency to spinn around in the mind.

45 min meditation this morning. Going into deeper concentration again, or the at the least to the entrence of it. Much of the noise in my mind is starting to quiet down, and there is more energy and focus on the object of meditation. On the remaining "noise," I welcome and open up to whatever suffering is there that I'm resistant against - feeling how the sensations manifest in my body, while staying with the breath simoultanously.

8th session of ice-bathing this winter 45 min meditation this morning, and then 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing and an ice-bath down by the beach when I came home from work. An amazing warm shower after this, ended by a solid cold shower. I'm getting to point where I can just shower in cold water again without thinking about it being cold and me feeling like I have to endure it. The ice-bath was amazing. So empowering. Wow.

7th session of ice-bathing this winter 1 hour meditation this morning, and then in the evening after my job 3 rounds of Wim Hof breathing before going down to the beach to do an ice-bath. Then returning home and taking a warm shower and ending it with a solid cold shower. Wow so nice. What I'm working on related to this these days is when I go down to the beach, to walk really mindfully, undress mindfully, and enter the water mindfully, and return home mindfully. There is this element of both excitement and resistance that plays into the emotional rollercoaster of ice-bathing, and I want to work on smoothing out both of these elements so that it just becomes a really mindfull and calm experience. Maybe there is a possibility I can move into a much more mature phase of my ice-bathing chapter. This is the 5th or 6th year I'm doing this, so I should have some experience now.

6th session of ice-bathing this winter Wow. So nice and refreshing. I live close to the beach. It is like I have my own little spa here in my home when I can just walk down to the beach, and then come home and do a warm shower and end it with a cold shower again.

5th session of ice-bathing this winter Then a warm shower back home that I ended with a solid cold shower again. Wow. So nice. I've actually trained pretty well for this this winter - both with cold showers, but especially with frequent visits to the nearby spa where they have saunas and a cold bath.

3 solid cold-baths today in the nearby spa together with sauna and warm baths.

4th session of ice-bathing this winter Wow. How extremly nice. It is so magical to go out into the sea late in the evening and experience how still the mind becomes and how deeply connected with nature I feel in that moment. Even though I haven't been ice-bathing so much this winter, I've been keeping up with the cold exposure training with taking cold showers and going to the spa nearby where they have saunas and cold-bath.