Vagos

I'm in a very calm mindset now with the ssri though. I could do questioning for 3 days a week and not thinking for 4 days a week or something along those lines. Anyway, thanks a lot!

@Leo Gura Thanks for your answer Leo! Does that also mean I should stop thinking about the questions you have on your practical guide to enlightenment (Who is the observer? etc..) during meditation and instead try to not think at all ? I do this one hour every day

@Keyhole I have been on them for 4 months, no weight gain, no sexual side effects, I overall feel a lot healthier. The only side effect is they make me sleepy a lot for the first half of the day but it's much easier to battle sleepiness than panic attacks

Thanks man I was just worried if they block certain thought processes that have to do with the happening of awakening. For example if a person is constantly on xanax or other depressants their brain might be very suppressed for awakening to happen. I'm just speculating

I have serious panic disorder based on hypochondria and the fear of death. My plan for ultimately getting off them is firstly in depth psychoanalysis and simultaneously doing consciousness work, meditation, self inquiry and yoga in order to ultimately reach enlightenment, go through the experience of being absolute infinity, realize I'm not the same as this body so I don't have to obsess over defending its existence. Edit: My pursuit of enlightenment though is different, it starts from curiosity more than a need to heal. Honestly ssri's are doing a wonderful job at the moment with zero to little side effects and I am back to an almost fully functional state, so in a sense they solve the problem. I could go on SSRI's and never have another panic attack. I want to pursuit the truth, being healed from my trauma is for me something a little more secondary.

Has enlightenment happened*

Have you actually experienced it while on an SSRI. I'm not looking for an excuse at all!! I'm worried that I might not be able to get enlightened because I'm on an SSRI. But if you have been there while on an SSRI then that's a nugget of hope for me!

Not sleeping for an extended time period can put a lot of stress to your body and can be pretty dangerous if left untreated. I do not realize why you haven't taken xanax already since you have access to it. You can always take more 5m next week.

Hi people. I have a friend that is going through an enlightenment procedure and has existential panic attacks and I want to find that video where Leo explains that if enlightenment is happening properly you will be actually having a panic attack, your heart will start racing etc. I've watched it in the past but I don't remember which video it is. If anyone could add a timestamp I would be forever greatful Thank you!

Can you please make a video about synchronicities? Is this a valid thing? It confuses me a lot as a subject. Thank you.

@ajasatya Well it's easy to say... Problem is I don't have the guts to do it. And about the other thing, there is nothing that can prove that it is NOT true.

Hey guys, I basically feel like my whole life has been leading me up to the moment of smoking DMT. I am fascinated by this substance, never done it. I have a panic attack disorder around having a heart attack and that has prevent me from trying DMT. I'm afraid that (even though I know that it's not cardiotoxic) if I try DMT I'm somehow going to have my heart explode. A lot of synchronicities have led me to believe that it is somehow my life purpose. Everything is pointing to that substance. Not enlightenment per se, not LSD or mushrooms, but everything is pointing towards DMT. Crazy question: Could this be an extradimensional call from another plane of being? Could this be a different type of civilization "paging" me in that way ? Does someone outside of this realm really want me to smoke DMT for whatever reason ? I know it sounds crazy but it is a serious question. Thank you.

@Rigel Right, but what I also fear is that this reality as I know it is going to end forever, and I am going to wake up somewhere else as a completely different being, forever. Not that just one chapter will end but I am now in something like a game simulation that has this as its ending scene.

Spine completely straight is number one defense against sleeping, also make sure that you are not using an object to keep it straight (a wall for instance) It has to be kept straight by your own muscles. Hold an object that helps you do a repetitive motion like rolling a fidget spinner or stretching a piece of thread or crushing a piece of play doh and concentrate completely on that motion being thought-empty

This has been very supportive, thank you very much! <3 Yoga is a huge chapter that I haven't really touched yet. It's definitely in my plans for the future, not necessarily as a solution to this problem but also as a means of further personal development. Thank you for your recommendations! <3

This is going to be long (it unfortunately has to be) and thank you very much in advance if you read it. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and would like things to change fast and put an end to my mental illness. I seek your help, literally any suggestions are welcome. Here's my story: I'm 29, self employed online, polyamorous, and I've struggled with panic attacks for the past 6 years of my life. The whole situation is based on a fear of physical illness or a fear of death. In the beginning (first 2 years) I was persuading myself I had all sort of possible medical problems, cancers, MS, etc and was going from doctor to doctor having all sorts of tests. Every test came out clean. The past 4 years though this fear has centered around my heart. This has the problem become self-referring since my fear is actually the panic attack itself. I am worried that I am going to have a panic attack that is going to result in my heart failing or a fatal arrhythmia. Moreover, every time I have a panic attack I also connect the place/activity that I had it in with a very negative connotation and am afraid to go there or do that again. So I basically build trauma on the panic attacks themselves. Sometimes I have managed to heal that by being exposed again to that location or that thing but other times it hasn't gone that well. This problem is butchering my entire life in many different ways. Hobbies, relationships, social life, dignity My relationship with spirituality: I value spirituality very high in my life and I believe that it is my life purpose. I immensely enjoy teaching people about nonduality, alternative ways of thinking, oneness, helping people that have mental problems, helping people self develop and reach higher levels of understanding reality. I am very pro-psychedelic and have also written a small book on these tools and also made presentations about them in psychology meetings. I am mainly in stage turqoise of spiral dynamics with some yellow in there as well bu t I am not enlightened by any stretch of the word. I have a very well founded, really concrete academical understanding of nonduality, what God is, holistic thinking, integrating systems into other systems, fractal perception and various mapping models of the human psyche but I have never experienced God, I have had only brief half ass enlightenment experiences and have never merged with Absolute Infinity. The concepts above make perfect sense to me on an academic, logical level (even though logic self-undoes itself eventually) and I see how every approach on every subject eventually leads towards nonduality but I have never had a first hand experience. I have guilted myself over the quote "who doesn't do, teaches" but since a lot of people are helped by this I have decided to continue teaching and grounding people that have had a spiritual experience through psychedelics or other means, help them integrate it, tripsit others with love and respect, and help people heal by reconstructing concepts in their way of perception. People in my social circle think I'm really smart, fun to be around, easy-going, good-looking and helpful but all this doesn't make me happy, not while I have my mental illness. What I know: I know that my mental illness has at least somewhat to do with my mother. First, she has an immense fear of illnesses and death herself and thus it is very likely that I copied that behavior when I was little (mommy doesn't trust her body, we shouldn't trust our bodies), secondly when I was little she kept freaking out when I was sick with the flu and was always trying to somehow protect my health, and thirdly (and most importantly) I have many times heard her say things like "You're the only thing that matters to me" or "I would die if you died" etc, which on a subconscious level makes me feel very guilty towards death and feel I have to be extremely cautious with preserving my life. The other thing I know is that my situation also has to do with suppressed feelings. I always found it difficult to be emotional, back in time I even found it weak (I was a positivist crusader of logic back then). What has me thinking this is a major cause of my issues is one time during meditation I started crying a lot and taking all my feelings out and after that it was like my anxiety never even existed, never felt that before under any other circumstances. So emotional blockage definitely has to do with it somehow. What I've tried already: Psychedelics: Only small dosages, in the beginning it was fine but after 3-4 trips I started having horrific experiences thinking that I'm dying of a heart issue and getting extremely anxious of doing something in public that would ridicule me. I absolutely love them but haven't touched them in a year. The worst day of my life was on psychedelics where I literally had a 12 hour panic attack. Traditional medication: Currently on ssri (zoloft), it was great in the beginning but it started losing potency, doubled the dose, now starting to lose potency again. Xanax only during attacks, it's very addictive and I don't wanna take it often. CBD and THC: CBD is very mild, THC gives me attacks same as psychedelics if not worse. Other tinctures and herbs: Lavender doesn't work, saffron works amazingly but I can't take it for too long because it causes some blood deficiencies. Psychotherapy: Been to various psychiatrists, none of them helped. I currently started psychoanalysis with a trusted individual that is also an anarchist and very well educated on the subject. Meditation: Works a little bit but doesn't really solve the problem. Hypnotherapy: I couldn't go into trance very easily, I was only in there for 10 minutes. Very calm afterwards but only lasted for a day or two. Accupuncture: Didn't work at all Running: Works a lot but I'm afraid to run because it makes my heart beat fast and it freaks me out. If you reached here THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH for reading and trying to help! Any suggestions would be very welcome and also feel free to pm me. Peace

@Arcangelo @ThermalTide I have already made tons of research around the substance, spent at least a year trying to find it, tested it, have listened to hundreds of talks from McKenna and Hannock, even translated some, watched every video of PsychedSubstance, TheDrugsLab, Neurosoup and TheDrugsClassroom, have read tens of written reports on shroomery and dmtnexus, have read the spirit molecule from Strassman, have watched the documentary and also every documentary that is online and has remotely anything to do with it and have tripsitted multiple people that smoked it. @Rigel I just really fear that I'm going to physically die from it if I smoke it or that somehow, since I have a strong feeling that all my life has been circling around this from when I was in middle school, this reality is going to reach its end when I smoke it, like reaching the end in some cutting edge technology VR game. Like this is going to be the final act of the game, the final boss.

Fear of death

Thanks for your answer. I'm not sure if I understand you but if this was never recreated I would be a much happier person, travelling a lot more, being more able to focus on healing others, starting sports that I now can't do and probably picking up other hobbies too. I am 100% willing to surrender victim identity. I have a lot of self confidence and I never felt I was a victim ever in my life really. Your suggestion is interesting though, so what you're saying if I'm not mistaken is that I need these thought stories to self identify?

Gold

I would be interested to know what Leo has to say about the Salvia experience. It is a very distinct and rather different experience than traditional psychedelics and I would like to know how he would interpret it in terms of ontology and what really happens from an existential perspective during a Salvia trip.

Hey Leo. So the question is, what is something that you think you do not understand, is there a concept about self actualization that you don't grasp yet? A missing piece of the puzzle? In other words, if you had any spiritual master that you personally consider more advanced than yourself, what concept would you require help with and what would you want him to make clearer in your mind?

Inappropriate storing deteriorates psilocybin. Mushrooms have to be airtight sealed and stored in a dark and cool place and even then psilocybin deteriorates greatly within 1 year. And that is obviously gradual. After 6 months of perfect storing they are not going to be as potent as the first day of storing them. Never keep mushrooms in very high or very low temperatures (psilocybin deteriorates very fast when frozen). Making a tea out of the mushrooms is not going to make them any more potent, just more palatable. Boiling psilocybin will also very slightly degrade it but a mere 4-5 minutes of boiling should not make a difference big enough for you to notice. Your brain adapts extremely fast to psilocybin and builds a huge tolerance towards it after it's being consumed. The tolerance lasts for at least 7 days, some people have experienced tolerance even for 3 weeks after first time of consumption. If the mushrooms were improperly stored like you suspect the first time you ate them, you might have ingested a small amount of psilocybin there that made your brain start the tolerance building procedures. The second time you ate them, (even if they were legit and potent) they were easily tolerated by your brain. According to Rick Strassman's research 5% of the population have full immunity to dmt. Since psilocybin has a very similar molecular structure, there might be something similar taking place with psilocybin as well, even though I highly doubt it since it is acting on completely different receptors than dmt and I have never personally met anyone that is immune to psilocybin. Curious to find how your experimentation develops. Take care

This is a serious question. Is there any serious argument about why you shouldn't suicide?