Consilience

@nexusoflife wow... this is so incredible... Im so happy for you and grateful I was able to help in some way. This is truly an inspiring read and no lie, brings tears to my eyes. What you describe is pure truth and the insight into suffering is extremely profound. Thank you for taking the time to write this up, and thank you for all the work you’ve done to understand existence and your self at this level. Edit: Last thing I wanted to mention; just selfishly Ive been going through a weird phase on my own path lately but reading this came exactly when it needed to. Being reminded of the totality and infinity of love is a powerful thing. So... more appreciation ???

Thank you for all you do here to help manage this amazing community. I know my life has been improved dramatically by participating here and this participation is only possible because of the work you and the other moderators do ??❤️

The “Understanding Ego Backlash” video. Was a 2018 one but man.... it’s so helpful to rewatch and understand where my laziness, fear, and subtle depressions are stemming from. Like... not only is it okay to feel this way, but it’s to be expected when you’re serious about this work.

Hahahaha this is so good... yet could legitimately be a curriculum

Merely by learning about Tony’s videos and watching them were you on the path. The path never ends, it never began, it leads everywhere, and goes nowhere all at once. There is most certainly a path but it isn’t something an ego can understand, as it’s not a path in the traditional sense of the word. The oscillation of realization and ignorance is a powerful dance.

Thank you for this.

I discussed it on my last trip here: Edit: The link looked ridiculously long on my phone so I edited it out. I basically got the deep sense that the pandemic was completely fine as is, and in fact, was serving a greater good so to speak... very strange mind fucking of an experience that Im still trying to understand.

I appreciate that! I think Ive had just under 20. When i first began tripping I wasn’t journaling and integrating properly, but these last 5 have been way more powerful as a result of proper integration.

So this trip was very unexpected. I had no reason to trip other than a strong intuitive pull that I had to face a heavy dose of mushrooms I’d felt coming off of my last LSD trip. There was no real intention, just my normal setting: alone in my room. What started out as an exploration into the nature of time and Eternity transformed into a deep unraveling of my subconscious mind and into the collective consciousness of humanity, the deep intelligence at play with the COVID-19 situation, and along with a collective awakening of humanity. Themes that emerged: - Eternity - Collective Fear - Deep Intelligence - Collective Awakening - Existential Trust Eternity I began by reading the last chapter from the book, “Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse and by reading the poem, “The Mind of Absolute Trust” by Seng-ts’an. In both texts, the theme of eternity emerged, that in some twisted way all of existence is existing right here in this moment as nothing and this nothing is eternal. Though particular forms are flowing out of this moment, though specific form is this moment, all moments exist within it guiding the transformational process along. It was difficult to accept this reality because it meant that my life as this self was truly over, and that I had to let go of all that I found to be precious. Moreover, this life was never really here at all, but nonetheless this whole time I’d been journeying through lifetime after lifetime, experiencing form in all kinds of ways. I felt how this moment contains within it all possibilities, all possible lives, all possible stories and experience. My life was over before it even had a chance to begin. I shed tears of great sadness. Collective Fear As the effects continued to build, parts of my mind normally unconscious began to bubble into awareness. It was like peeling back in invisible film hiding my subconscious mind from consciousness. As this process continued, a powerful fear began to emerge. I realized I am scared shitless about the coronavirus… Having type 1 diabetes makes me feel extremely vulnerable and weak; this pandemic has affected me more than I realized. Yet more interestingly, this process of facing my own fear of death was just the beginning. As the effects continued to compound, my sense of self began to dissolve into what I can only describe as a collective form of consciousness. This is the 3rd time this has happened on a trip, once previously with mushrooms and once on LSD. My mind became the mind of humanity, I started feeling the lives of thousands and while in this state of suspended collectivity, I felt an enormous almost indescribable dread as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. I feel both privileged and traumatized to have experienced what I felt on these mushrooms. I feel like I carry inside of my soul an energetic understanding of the contemporary state of humanity, yet on the other hand, it was a lot man. There is an immense amount of suffering going on in the world and tapping into a fraction of it on this trip definitely left some sort of mark that I’m still trying to integrate and process. Deep Intelligence As if this collective experience of consciousness wasn’t a hard enough peak, I was still peaking! Eventually, my sense of self dissolved even further into Being, no longer feeling like anyone in particular while feeling like everything at once. I felt a powerful oneness. The fear being experienced didn’t change, yet there was no one to feel suffering anymore. And as this oneness persisted, I remember just face planting a pillow and looking into the void of having no visual field. In this field of emptiness I became conscious of a DEEP intelligence… I don’t really know how to describe what I experienced other than using the word intelligence. I saw that this coronavirus situation, this entire play of humanity, the entire manifestation of existence was being driven by a divine intelligence. Every little detail was infinitely perfect in its precision and role to the greater oneness. I realized I was none other than this oneness, along with the intelligence which creates, manifests, and propels reality. It was all me. I was creating everything. Somehow reality was being driven by destiny in the sense that there were 0 mistakes and there was an overwhelming sense of “do not worry, everything is going exactly as planned.” Somehow my life, and the lives of everyone were being directed by forces they were unconscious of; this is what we may call “destiny.” In other words, shit that happens aint random. Yet I also specifically recall understanding that this insight in no way violated free will. I was so intelligent, that I left open the possibility for freedom, intention, and manifestation in the midst of divine destiny. This intelligence was in everything, everywhere, and running the show utterly and completely. It was God. Collective Awakening Humanity is going through a traumatic growing pain right now. This coronavirus is being created by us, for us, to help us wake up. I saw a vision of vast suffering that would unfold as a result of these events, yet I also saw a beautiful vision of what humanity would become if we embrace our awakening. I’m not sure what the end destination is for this pandemic, but it is the beginning of a new era, a new growth in the timeline of humanity which will result in our eventual, collective awakening. What this awakened species will look like on a societal level, I’m unsure, but the amount of love and light I saw with this vision was truly inspiring. Existential Trust At the end of my trip, I realized I just have to trust myself. Perhaps this body and self will die of coronavirus, perhaps not, but all is one, and I am one with it all. All lives, all suffering, all deaths, all survivors are playing a role in the orchestration of our evolution. Whatever happens, happens. My job is to trust myself and respond to whatever occurs with grace, acceptance, and love, even if it means dying. That being said, still going to be practicing social distancing and taking every step I can to mitigate my body’s survival and the survival of my community. Existentially speaking though, the mushrooms left me with a dep sense of self-trust. Yet this trust is an extremely difficult thing to fully integrate because it means embracing all of my external circumstance and suffering as being totally self-derived. Final Thoughts: I don’t really know when I’ll trip again. It felt like I needed to see what I saw. My last 5 trips in particular have been so powerful, I’m not even sure what other territory there is to cover. It kind of feels like I need a second to catch my breath and just sit with the experiences as a whole. Mushrooms at the beach showing me agape, the LSD letting me traverse the collective regrets of humanity and letting it go, going Super Saiyan on mushrooms, LSD revealing to me the depths of my responsibility, and now this one… Feeling so much pain, but feeling a trust. I don’t even know how to feel about all of this other than extremely fortunate to have received these gifts. But I must admit, there has been a pain associated with having my ego tossed and turned, ripped up, and demolished on these substances. Yes they’ve had beautiful moments, but god damn there have been painful ones too. It’s just a lot. After my last trip I felt energetically prepared to continue my journeying, as if realizing how I am the creator of my state of reality was the knowledge I needed to continue. After this one, I feel exhausted. I feel… sad even. I trust the Universe, Reality, Myself, but one thing I still haven’t understood throughout any of my journeying has been “why?” Why all the pain? Why all the suffering? Why all the ignorance? Why do I have to say goodbye forever? How many times have I had to let go of the lives I love into the sea of impermanence? It’s all here, all now, but it’s all gone and never was as it is always being I guess. Who knows, maybe I’ll be ready to trip in another week lol. But something tells me I need to sit with this stuff for awhile. As much as I’ve journaled about it here, I still don’t understand the full dynamics and lessons that these experiences have given. I need more time. Overall, I take great solace in Seng-ts’an’s opening lines from The Mind of Absolute Trust: “The great way isn't difficult for those who are unattached to their preferences. Let go of longing and aversion, and everything will be perfectly clear.”

Yes thank you @Nahm You are truly an inspiring teacher. Love you man ♥

It's crazy to me how much media coverage Bernie's apparent sexist comment to Warren got, but these sexual abuse accusations are getting 0 coverage. The bias is just so utterly blatant.

I feel ya. Looking at commercials and shows where people aren't worried about social distancing is weird to me now. Strange times we're living in.

@VeganAwake Absolutely see the void of meaning, it’s there... very free, very empty canvas for absolute creation. Nothing matters and everything is perfect as is. If you don’t mind, what do you believe drives you to teach on the forum? Given nothing matters, where is the energy for these posts coming from?

Im not doing psychedelics to chase temporary breakthroughs or reach nirvana. Ive had breakthroughs on 5g of mushrooms and 1.7g. I define a breakthrough as being conscious of who and what you are, not an ego death. In fact, the ego being operational has nothing to do with who you are and thus one could have a “breakthrough” while being dead sober, which “Ive” had as well. That being said, yes I am planning on raising the stakes in the future. Ive found that facing the absolute crumbling of reality as it is known forces unconscious fear, conditioning, and resistance to the surface which is either processed and let go of or at the very least, may be seen. But baby steps, I am in 0 rush. There is a lot of ground one can cover into understanding their conditioning and mind on these lower doses. Ive also found myself becoming more sensitive to psychedelics the more I do them, therefor the 3.5g smacked me a lot harder than what you might typically expect. Like I said, it wasn’t a recreational experience for me at all. Also, Nirvana is right here, right now. Just gotta pay attention. ❤️ Thank you for your feedback and advice.

Sounds like some good ol hearsay. Nothing about the 3.5g was recreational. All paths are distinct, all lead to the same destination. I will pass on your nirvana speed run but thank you.

@Nahm Nah you arent up in the biz. I really appreciate your words, thank you for sharing. I second what @traveler says.

+1 ??? +2 !!

Well what I can say is that when you're with other people while tripping, you are much more open to receiving they're psychological energy and they are much more open to receiving yours. It ultimately boils down to this: are you trying to use these tools for spirituality or for entertainment? I'd say with 5 vs. 1, they're intentions will overpower yours and will most certainly dominant the direction of your trip, of your experience. If you trust them and are open to this, go for it! If not, don't. I'll say this though; take the position that there are no bad trips. Regardless of whether you trip alone, or with your friends, it will be some sort of deep experience worth reflecting on. You'd probably go deeper tripping alone though. Yes most definitely. I'm kind of getting to the point where every time I trip I'm coming face to face with my fear of death in some manor. Very rarely do these substances let me off the hook without death crossing my mind. It's because it's becoming so so so obvious how this is THE underlying fear of all my fears. You're absolutely right though. All knowing gets shattered... and even as I return to sobriety, the lingering actuality of absolute nothing and meaninglessness is there haha. Along with the fear of death, uncertainty and chaos. But I think that's what I appreciate so much about psychedelics, is that they cut straight to the point if you're open to it. The surrendering is hard.. But surrendering is being in the moment fully, openly, acceptingly, and lovingly. Basically I gotta love my fear of death to death

@Nahm Appreciate it man, thank you. Yeah that collective zone is a real trip

Legitimately was hoping you'd respond to my point ? I love this topic and was stick in the determinism pov for awhile. I wish you luck dude.

Thank you I have yes. Ive never entered into such a state no. Sounds wonderful but my doses arent at his level so Im not sure if Id be able to haha.

This.

Go further with your contemplation. Determinism vs. free will is a duality you’ll eventually transcend. The mind fuck is that it is deterministic, free, both, and neither depending on how you’re experiencing reality, absolute truth transcends this. You cannot see this using logic and reason, you must become conscious of this fact. And the fact of the matter is that free will is yours for the taking, but maybe to find true free will you gotta surrender completely

I think the big one is that this “Being” as an individual is actually non existent. That’s what’s so paradoxical about the ego is that the ego isn’t a solid, individual being. The ego, the ‘being surviving’ is a process based within the illusion of space and time. The mind makes objective distinctions like self vs others, object 1 vs object 2, while also making the distinction past vs future. As well as other existential assumptions. Within a field of these fundamental assumptions, the possibility of an individual being arises. Upon closer examination, it can be experienced that this entire mechanism of creation is a function of time, it has to constantly be created in order for the illusion of individuality to be withheld. The individual is self referencing across time in a strange loop like manor, it is both the source of creation and the creation itself, it creates the conditions needed for its own persistence but is always doing so as a function of time. I don’t know how many philosophers have become conscious of this. When one rests their attention into the present moment, realizes they themselves are the moment, realizes the emptiness and infinity of now, the ego is seen to be a facade precisely because the ground it needs to operate (primarily time but also many other existential assumptions) has been taken out from under it. Moreover, many philosophers get stuck with intellectualizing this stuff rather than actually experiencing it directly.

Women intuitively pick up on neediness and it is a BIG turn off. If op is struggling on that front, it can definitely hinder attraction. Even if you dont feel needy, displaying needy behaviors is enough to kill the attraction so learning what behaviors display neediness vs. centeredness is crucial.