Consilience

After enough inner work you’ll get to a point where your sober state produces more pleasure than alcohol, and even a buzz detracts from this pleasure more than it gives.

Beautiful

Day 10 - Today was such a beautiful day. I ended smoking a little weed, and working a video outline for my next YouTube video. Even though I've generally been trying to just not do any drugs, today was too good of a day. Sometimes when I smoke weed it feels very grounding and radiant, it feels like magic. There's a distinction between smoking to just chase pleasure and smoking to feel connected. Today it felt like I was connecting, and I feel very grateful for it. However, I went on ahead and threw out the rest of my weed. I realized I'm really feeling done with the stuff. With COVID going on I really have no desire to enter into dispensaries and now that I have literally no more weed, there won't be anything left to smoke. I can tell I'm taking this PMO stuff way more seriously this time. I feel it. I feel the ego reacting more than it ever has, almost like a squirming energy that really wants to self sabotage in anyway it can. But I love that it's a challenge. The openness and social pressure is extremely powerful. I'm grateful I've been journaling this process and I'm grateful for anyone who happens to read. I hope you can gain some value from it on your own path to mastering the masculine energy inside of you. Nightly Intentions for tomorrow: Cold shower Meditate 1 hour Hatha yoga youtube video Fold clothes Workout Drink 80oz of water 1+ hour life purpose work

@herghly Thank you

You don’t actually know Buddhism. You’d need to live and breath monastic life for a solid amount of time to understand it. All anyone on this forum has of buddhism is more accurately an interpretation of what thousands and thousands of hours of meditation does to the mind or one’s understanding of reality.

Day 9 - Really starting to feel the positive effects. My work ethic was crazy high today even though I felt like dog shit upon waking up. I didn't even get out of bed until 11am. Yet then I saw how I was operating from a specific negative context and generating my negative emotions out of a lack of patience and compassion for where my life is at. Once I was able to see clearly how much I was resisting my present situation, I dropped this unconscious seeking via surrender, upon which I was able to really tap into positive emotions. Within a very short time frame, I was able to totally transform my state into positivity and begin doing very productive work. My confidence levels and focus are really sharp right now too, which I attribute to the semen retention. Victories today: 1 hour of meditation Hatha yoga Cold shower 1.5 hours of life purpose work Laundry Cleaned my living space 1.5 hour workout Filed my taxes (been way procrastinating that one lol) No weed No caffeine (the pull felt strong today I assume because I felt so awful after waking up) I was also really ruminating about my last LSD trip. I listened to this mix during the peak: During this phase of the trip I had entered into infant consciousness. A state of literal not knowing of anything. The world felt faint, and distant, almost like an unfamiliar echo. I remember feeling quite melancholy though, like I knew that I'd forgotten my life, my loved ones and that they weren't ever coming back. I wonder if this is what death is like? I mean, how many friendships, memories and moments has The Self experienced and totally and utterly forgotten? In this state I'm in right now those lifetimes and moments are not real whatsoever. I remember feeling like I wanted a mother figure during this phase of the trip, but there was no one at all, my mind completely blank, empty, and open. And then I met my soul and saw the future. It was fucking nuts.

The deepest states I've entered on psychedelics have involved me unlearning pretty much all of my human knowledge, thus language and thus writing. There is a divine "not knowing" that takes place and I'm left with pure present moment being and experience. Trying to write from such a state is utterly impossible, I'm too present, time is no longer even real. And since writing and language require a past and future (sentences operate with a beginning and end, as well as words) no writing is possible. I honestly don't know what Leo means by omniscience.

Day 8 - No real urges today at all and honestly not a whole lot to report! Today was a good restful day. Beautiful weather, I had a really solid meditation session, life felt good.

@Jai @wesyasz Thank you both, I really appreciate it. Jai that's really impressive, and inspiring to hear a success from someone on the other side.

Day 7 - Had more sex dreams last night, but the intensity was less extreme. Overall pretty basic day tbh. I ended up not microdosing though as when I woke up, I honestly didn't feel too shitty or depleted. It's like now that I got the backlash energy out, I was good. Overall though I'm feeling pretty tired from the work week. I did a little bit of work on life purpose, but not as much as I have been. I don't have too much left to say other than I'm feeling pretty decent about the first week being done. I can only guess I'll continue to have surges and regressions as the sexual energy builds, but so far I haven't faced anything new. The journey continues.

The journey changes you. What is the point of traveling across the world if you’re just going to return home?

Day 6 - I had absurdly intense and vivid sexual dreams last night... I had a super hot shower. I skipped my morning meditation to sleep an extra hour. Meditated for 13 minutes on a break. After work I took my vape pen out and got high. It was a lower body day with kettle bells, which was harder than normal. All day I've absolutely craved high dopamine, high pleasure stimulus. I also worked over an hour on Life Purpose and had a lot of creative insights. Immediately after the first hit I realized something about myself, and this pmo habit. This habit is literally at the bedrock of my subconscious mind. I don't think I've ever truly decided to quit until I opened up on this journal about it. It's like as long as I didn't have to admit I was a porn addict to anyone else, it was okay. Yet on some level, I'm still that 12 year old boy who discovered porn for the first time and had the most intense orgasm of his life. This addiction has vicious routes. Experientially, it's almost like by pressing down on the throttle on an issue so deeply rooted in the subconscious mind, I'm leaking willpower and motivation away from the other habits I've built. I'm also going to probably take a microdose of mushrooms tomorrow, just for health purposes. I find they can be quite healing after an aggressive backlash. Overall this backlash feels like a really good sign. A sign that things are truly shifting in the mind. I will continue to march forward with keeping my already built habits and lack of drug use as the storm of this thing builds. Ancillary insight I had as well - Progress in the coming century is not going to be a function of how much information we know as a species, or the accelerating pace of technological advancement. Instead, it will be a function of how deeply we know ourselves collectively, individually, and eventually, metaphysically.

Day 5 - Victories: 1 hour of meditation Cold shower Nutrition was on point Took a walk 1 hour of life purpose work No caffeine No weed Drank 80 oz water I am very much looking forward to when this lockdown ends. One of my biggest goals is to improve with approaching and attracting women in person, not online. I personally feel that online dating is bullshit if you're a guy. As men, we are cursed and given the opportunity of approaching women. On the one hand, it sucks having to be the one to always be approaching and initiating the interaction. On the other hand, if we can overcome this fear, pretty much the entire world becomes an opportunity to meet a lover, and that is a world FULL of abundance. As a woman, you kind of are just stuck with what men either approach you, or gambling with online dating which in my opinion already creates a dynamic of men chasing women since women have nearly all the power in the online dating arena (chasing women never works). Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of men are too scared to approach beautiful women in person, myself included which means that if you can man the Fuck up, you've already set yourself apart from like 95% of men out there. A recent insight I had was that my fear of approaching women is rooted in the existential fear of "I am not enough." It's a fear that my existence at all is just not good enough and I will never live up to my own expectations or the expectations of others. Of course all of this is total bullshit, but the inner child wrestles with these emotions. As long as my emotional mind is framed in this belief structure, there will be a massive fear of approaching women. Unfortunately, having this insight is not enough to overcome it, meaning the next time I approach a beautiful woman there will still be fear. Yet, understanding the root of these thought stories is a powerful step towards overcoming and transcending this fear. I'm also seeing that insight into one's true nature is merely scratching the surface of the fear one holds. I've had God moments on psychedelics yet still get a fear based response from the mere idea of approaching a gorgeous woman. I think a good litmus test for how awake someone is is how much do they fear? Suffering is another good litmus test, but fear is an interesting one. As long as there is fear, there are false existential assumptions generating these stories. Having insight into the root of these fears is an important step, but I believe facing them face on is another effective tool for seeing their illusory nature. In this way, approaching women, approaching women you don't think you have any shot with at all, has the potential to be an extremely powerful spiritual practice. During the lockdown, I'm not worrying about this though. I live with an immunocompromised family member so the risks of COVID are quite large. So for now, more theory, more contemplation. When the lockdown lifts, its fucking game time though. In terms of the no pmo journey - Today during meditation I had more sexual fantasies than normal, and started fantasizing about masturbating. I can tell I'm starting to enter into the phase where more and more fantasies will be popping up. If it follows the previous patterns though, the urges will peak over the next 3-4 days, but I should then hit a flatline at about day 12 until about day 20. So far the journaling has been helping. The social pressure and pride of being able to succeed is a motivator, for better or worse. The social shame of failure is also motivating. Yet the vision of living a porn free life feels... unreal at this current stage. I cannot imagine what it must be like to spend a whole month not fantasizing about watching porn, not afraid of relapsing, and that is a genuinely deep motivator. Gonna go do some yoga and go to bed.

Thank you for such a positive and supportive message; it really speaks to me... Yes exactly. It's not about this habit being morally bad, just like playing video games isn't morally bad. But the vision of a life where we're not caught in a cycle of addiction and essentially becoming who we authentically want to be. This perspective on clarity is extremely important to remember as well. I really appreciate the support. I'm with you as well. <3

Day 4 - Today was odd. I felt particularly depressed and low energy. I REALLY wanted to smoke weed, which is odd. It felt like my mind was being starved of pleasure and was seeking any type of stimulus that would grant it dopamine. Happy to report I did not in fact smoke weed haha. However, I did drink a tiny amount of caffeine this morning which I was hyper mindful of, and how it could be my ego trying to justify repeating conditioned behavior, and perhaps in a sense that was what was happening, yet today it genuinely felt needed. I haven't felt this off in a while, but sometimes we all wake up and feel like absolute trash. It was around 1/4 the amount of a mug of coffee, this rest decaf. I've noticed that if I play into old behaviors such as drinking caffeine, playing video games, watching porn, smoking weed, the urge to do other high dopamine activities arises more strongly, as if they're all linked to the same neurological pathway of the mind. I'm going to remain hyper vigilant of the urge to drink caffeine for the reminder of this work week (weekends are easy not to feel a need) since the floodgate was mildly cracked. On the topic of pmo, still no big sexual impulses, which is typically how this timeline plays out. If this pattern follows I won't be hit with any major sexual urges until this day 6/7, and then from day 14 onward it will be a REAL struggle. If I've learned anything about this addiction it is that the ego is to never be underestimated.

Thank you for this perspective. Very insightful ??

Day 3 - Honestly not much I feel like reporting on today other than I was so distracted doing shit the thought of pmo'ing wasn't present at all. But day 3 is child's play. The climb continues.

Day 2 - Rules I didn't specify in above post: No normal masterbation and no porn without masterbation. Things I'm proud of myself for accomplishing today: Made my bed 1 hour of meditation Hatha Yoga outside in the sun Cold shower Ate adequate protein Did a microdosing workshop with my cities local Psychedelic Society Spent 4.5 hours on life purpose work I've been taking a break from making youtube videos recently in an attempt to really manifest another level of quality. Like a massive exponitial jump in quality. Ive been spending a large amount of time introspecting and researching on what kind of videos I want to create. It feels like my muse is being stoked and slowly building. Time will tell what it turns into.

They’re all just different flavors of experience, some of which require a more contracted ego/mind/body state than others. For example, fear requires more contraction than love. Ive found that the emotions lower on these various scales feel more dense, the “higher” the emotion, the more free and light the emotion feels. Another example - true peace, equanimity we may call it, feels like the reciprocal of apathy. Both have a “whatever happens, happens” orientation, yet one is lighter, more free, and connected with actuality. The other is self oriented, disconnected and heavy. The “pseudo science” emotions are just different distinctions in experience mainstream science may or may not study. The truly scientific mind would examine their direct experience and begin their contemplation there. Ive personally learned far more about emotions watching them directly in action than reading books or studying science, but study can be an important piece of the puzzle.

@LfcCharlie4 Im curious what pathogens you’re referring to? What chemical structure in eggs specifically “feeds every virus?” Moreover, what type of research or evidence is this doctor pulling from? Is it possible some bodies process nutrition differently? For example, some bodies respond EXTREMELY well to resistance training. Some guys can half ass it at the gym 3x per week and become JACKED whereas others can bust it 5x per week or more for mediocre results. The stimulus and outcomes are obviously in a different domain than nutrition but my point is that in this case, the same physiological stimulus (resistance training) is giving a radically different output (muscle growth) depending on the individual physiology. Could eggs fall into this category? Could meat? Could fat? Could carbs? Im not trying to defend eggs at all. In fact Im against factory farming and will only consider eating them from ethical sources. But in terms of health, I just have never found targeting and demonizing specific foods as a holistic viewpoint. Some things like candy, soda, cookies, yeah its hard not to directly bash, but eggs? Just seems strange. Even stranger when I consider my own anecdote, feeling noticeably more energetic and stronger after eating them. Im open to this being in spite of potentially negative consequences though.

Start a 1 hour meditation practice and start spending dedicated time every day self reflecting. Consider buying Leo’s life purpose course.

@VeganAwake He also has an entire section in his book "The Book of Not Knowing" describing how the nature of nothing and the nature of infinity are identical

Interesting to read that about the eggs. I recently started eating eggs again because of an intense craving my body had. Every time I eat them, my body feels GREAT. I have a degree in nutrition and have studied this stuff for a long time now and one of the biggest principles Ive learned is to be skeptical of absolutest claims. Different bodies, different microbiota, and different minds respond differently to food. There are a few good principles pretty much everyone can follow, for example low sugar diet. But even with sugar, a bodybuilder with a low bf literally will handle sugar differently than a 15% bf male without much muscle. Nutrition partitioning is POWERFUL. Another example is caffeine. I have a marathon runner coworker who drinks coffee 1-3x a day, has no crashes and shitloads of energy, more energy than me and needs less sleep. Perhaps he could optimize this more without caffeine but his body definitely handles caffeine differently than mine Im guessing because of all the running he does. When it comes to nutrition, think holistically and listen to your body. For me, reintroducing eggs has really made a positive impact on how I feel. As woo woo as it sounds, my body literally just feels better eating them than not and over the years Ive learned to trust that feeling. This dude’s work sounds really interesting though! Seems like it’s worth exploring and finding what works for you

2nd this. Bodybuilding is like the fountain of youth. As well as all the benefits listed above, higher bone density, balance, joint mobility, joint’s soft tissue health, strength. Dont have to become a competitive bodybuilder or start obsessing over your muscle size but training like one is very powerful.

@LfcCharlie4 His work has helped me immensely so... idk what to tell you. Kinda like when someone tells me Leo is arrogant and full of shit. Alright? Doesnt change the fact that he’s helped me immensely. Plenty of anecdotes of his teachings working successfully and he also gives all of it away for free, unlike other coaches.