aklacor727

One of my clients that I see every few weeks grows them and I trade my service for them. So I do feel lucky about that! Lol. Well eventually I am excited for you to try them out

Look up comfortable headphones, I got one that's like a soft headband because I sleep to my side too

Michael Sealey on YouTube is great. Alot of them are sleep hypnosis videos. I got a pair of comfy sleep headphones to do these with

For the best life align your actions with Truth to the best of your ability. This is why I like actualized.org so much...part of the purpose of his work was to discover truth and teach it. Therefore I take leo's advice on how to ace life, lol and different philosophical questions like that But what each person needs is a completely relative to many things. Many peoples idea of "best life" could be utterly completely different from Leo's version. To discover whats true for you, because your truth will drive your actions and the next steps to take, get in touch with your feelings and you will know what to do

Pondering what a healthy way to go about conflicting needs in a relationship. You desire and need one thing. Your partners desire/need directly conflict with that. How can both people be authentic/true to themselves about their feelings when this occurs? It seems to me the only way is if one of the people need to be willing to have acceptance and let go of that need, at least temporarily until the other person gets to the same place. What I don't want to do is cause my partner to suppress or repress their need having it become part of their shadow. Or would you say temporary suppression is ok/healthy/normal? Just looking for some insight further into this. Has anyone dealt with this?

@flowboy A combination of both. I can understand why you would say that and I ask myself the same question sometimes and think it may be easier to just start fresh with someone else. I think the main reason why I am giving it a chance is because in the past he failed to self reflect and didn't have the desire to grow and better himself as a person which in turn would have bettered our relationship. Throughout our time apart he very much did that, and I feel like the foundation of our relationship now is a healthy one, though it is definitely not perfect. There are other positive now that werent there before either. So in a way I feel as though I am practicing self love by giving the relationship the chance that I otherwise may have regretted. But I also need to make sure to keep in touch with my emotions and be aware of how they progress or fail to progress, in a way that I need in order to have a happy sustainable future with this person.. We will see as time goes by. I know this is not the typical happy romantic love story, where everything is just perfect from the get go but as of now I am willing to see how things progress - on both our ends because I dont know how his patience will be throughout this. That has been a bit of a struggle recently. As far as our conflicting needs that I talked about in the beginning

I've been reading "the body keeps the score" - brain mind and body on the healing of trauma. Very in depth book, I recommend ?

@Farnaby that is true, thank you it's always helpful to hear from another perspective especially from someone that's gone through it. It's a nice reminder to hear that I can't control his reactions, because through all of this I know what's best for me but I've been wanting to make sure I do my best by him too. I'll just have to be sure to continue to be open with my communication. I'm really hoping this book helps. I also discovered something called bioenergetics, body exercises to help the body release trauma. Therapy even if only just for myself would definitely not hurt. I have been without health insurance but finally got it for this upcoming year, so I feel good about that

This is important and what I think I need to figure out how to make him feel secure but in an authentic way to how I'm feeling. The truth is I care for him but he caused alot of trauma in my past and while I have forgiven him on a mental level, trauma gets stored in the body and I am reading a book on different techniques to move the trauma through physically. I am hoping eventually this takes away the guard that I feel is up towards him. He is supportive and asks about what I'm learning in the book, etc. Luckily our communication through all this is open and honest. But right now when he asks if I think it will work I said I don't know I will have to see. The damage may be done. It is honestly how I feel but at the same time i can see how it could cause him to feel as @Eph75 said, a bystander waiting for the unknown. But at the same time I'm open with about what he can do on his end to help me get there including not pressuring sex, and keep doing what hes doing in regards to continue showing me the growth hes made since the past when our relationship was traumatic. We were in an on/off relationship for a long time and were off this past time for almost 3 years until reconnecting 7 months ago. He has truly come a long long way. I am seeing if I can get there again emotionally but it is taking a long time.

@Eph75 @SamC @Farnaby@aurum Thank you for responding. My need is to have space and not feel pressure whatsoever regards to sex until I get to a certain place emotionally. To feel authentic in my actions and not ignore my feelings. His desires conflict with that. I understand of course that sex is a fundamental need and I want to be able to get to that place. He has been somewhat accepting and patient but it affects him. We have a complicated past, but without going into the nuances of all of that, I need this time to be able to get to a certain place emotionally to where we can have a sustainable long term future. My hopes is that I can there but in the meantime I want to handle things in the best way in regards to his side of things.

@andyjohnsonman I very much relate! It's so hard to come to decisions because of how many perspectives each situation can be looked at from. I'll come to a decision based on one, but then other perspectives still tend to come up in my mind. I've been confused too. I'm leaning towards just trying to follow my intuition and trust that, unless anyone else has better advice?

Do you think that if in a state of flow, your subconscious mind is more influenced and able to absorb information because of the relaxed state you are in, like with hypnosis and meditation? Been in the flow with some crafts ive been doing to pass time in quarantine. The thought crossed my mind that I could be using that to my advantage with things like binaural beats with subliminal messages, affirmations, etc.

I realized I was actually doing affirmations with the words I was embroidering anyway lol. I'm sure it has made impressions on my subconscious spending so much time making this. Didn't even think about the benefits of that. Though I live by truth n kindness and don't necessarily need those affirmations, still a cool realization for something I can do in the future with statements I need more

@Godhead it could've started as a coping mechanism, but the more you coped with things in that way, could it be that you eventually you came to identify as being this care free, laid back, doesnt care, type of person? Identity is a huge part of what drives the behavior in a person.. If you want to change your behavior change your self image. Psychocybernetics is a book that has alot of information on how to approach that. Maybe what you need is to see yourself as the ambitious go getter type of person first, before you are able to get to the point of having a strong compelling vision ?

He mentioned in a recent video it is coming ??? ? can't wait

What is your biggest regret? Does your life get lonely? What do you feel are the downfalls of having such a deep theoretical understanding of reality and humans? If you could accomplish ANYTHING in this world, what would you choose?

Understanding ego backlash was a video I remember being very thankful for, I can be hard on myself and it helped to give myself empathy and understanding for ups and downs of the self actualization process. As far as deeper metaphysical theoretical videos, quantum mechanics debunks materialism was profound and eye opening, def one of my favs

Ken Wilber is probably my current favorite. I like the big picture aspect of his thinking, also because of how much developmental psychology interests me, and how he incorporates that into his philosophies

I originally posted this in the dating/relationship/sexuality subforum but I think this is probably better here: Been doing some root chakra work lately to help deal with and heal certain sexual aspects... I got a tigers eye jasper stone which is supposed to help with sexual repression. I've been skeptical about the healing aspects of stones n crystals but figured it doesn't hurt to try it so I use those while listening to binaural beats. While I was listening to the one for root chakra activation, with the jasper stone I am very relaxed and begin to fall asleep. A gorilla appeared in my dream (though I'm only half asleep) and I made sure to remember that because I like to look up the meanings of dreams. This is what it said about dreaming of a gorilla I think this has to be more than coincidence... ? and I'm more convinced now lol

Leo mentioned in the part 3 ego development video he just released that dating someone that is in a different stage than you will never work out. What are your thoughts on this? I feel as long as theres compromise and making the others perspective feel heard and understood is what's going to make the difference. Unless the two peoples points of views differ SO much to where there are instances when both people feel very strongly about something that those two perspectives directly clash with eachother in regards to the future you are wanting to create for yourself. I understand why he would say that...it definitely would make the relationship easier and more fulfilling having those similarities. But at the same time differences and being able to talk those out makes a relationship interesting as well. Another thought, people are always evolving and growing. Why find a relationship at all then, with someone in the same stage as you. If you are just going to evolve and grow out of that eventually anyway. (At least people like us that are interested in self actualization). Anyway. I am currently in a relationship where we are very much different on this ego development level (him conventional, myself post conventional). So this is something I am considering and pondering. Would love to hear other peoples thoughts:)

@Martin123 I remember him saying before that the relationship you end up in is usually the relationship you are willing to settle for(or something along those lines) and same with all other areas of life.. Also I saw him comment once saying he wouldnt touch 99% of women with a 10 foot pole. Lol. He definitely has very high standards. Nothing wrong with waiting for that if that's what he wants, but yeah I dont think that is an ideal most people should wait for and seek out. Just thinking about relationships and finding that happiness and those feelings for someone there are SO many factors that contribute to that dynamic. Being in the same stage would definitely be an added bonus but not a make or break to me. As far as these stages when it comes to relationships, I think the main benefit is just being able to understand where your partner is coming from in their views. We got into a tad bit of an argument a few weeks ago, because we got into talking about the business he is going to be starting and he was going into the huge house he planned on eventually getting, boat, maybe even a maid, things like that. I responded in a way that those things wouldnt be what made me happy, and that just that he will have money and nice things that doesn't necessarily mean he will be happy. He was upset that I wasnt being supportive and excited about our possible future. I was upset that he was getting defensive and not making my point of view feel understood. The next day I reflected and remembered that's just the point of development he is at, and I was at that point before too. I realized when he gets excited about those things i should and will be supportive. Nothing wrong with wanting those things, and of course he wants those things. He HAS to go through this stage to ultimately grow further. Just an example of how these different stages have clashed in my personal relationship. But the understanding and reflection of it helped me to feel peace about our different points of views with it, and that is what I feel will make the difference..

@electroBeam I've never really minded being single @Martin123 I think you've misunderstood my post. Leo stated this in the beginning of the part 3 video, that a relationship will never work out if you are in a different stage. I was disagreeing/challenging that saying that compromise and making eachothers perspective feel heard, etc is what's going to matter whether there are differences or not. I was just wondering if others agreed with leo and their thoughts on why. Seems you do not though I think it is perfectionism and being very idealistic to only seek out relationships in the same stage as you. Like I said above though, I do see how it could make things easier.

What parts of self actualization are most important and inspiring to you? Think about what you would put on a vision board/top values/aspirations for yourself. And then think about what images/symbols could represent that and end up being something you would love to have on your body. For example, I love the concept of Mastery. Those half circle designs George Leonard has on his book cover could be a tattoo. Its nothing crazy or super out there but it would have meaning for me

I feel like I do alot of thinking and am good at figuring out what past situations lead to present struggles i face. Shadow material, traumas, etc. Just unsure of what exactly is the best way to move forward from that awareness I suppose...to create further changes and growth in myself, integrate the shadow material, etc. Specific ways to do that. How do you work towards integrating your shadow and healing traumas once you become aware of them?

@Farnaby thank u so much. Yeah I learned along time ago you can't change someone. Ive already accepted that he may be stuck in this his entire life. Would be unfortunate but I know all I can do is change myself and do what I have in my power to help if he is willing to, not have any regrets in that aspect.. I'm glad I posted this question, talking this through has really helped me