Shadowraix

Seems to be more of a personal development problem than any sex/gender issue.

Yesterday I had my first experience with salvia. And oh man, was this a wild ride. Definitely not for the faint of heart, It is an intense mind fucking confusing experience only to leave you in hysterical laughter post trip at the pure 'wtf' feeling of the substance. I took a pretty light hit of 20x concentration and that was enough for me to really start feeling this substance. What I do remember, I had felt like I was living another life like my life was just a story in a book in which I felt myself literally folding on on myself as if I was a book turning a page. My perception of what I was seeing was super whacky. Almost indescribable. As I peaked, I started wondering what I was doing. I wanted to go out and do things, live out my story to which I found the effort to get up, I walked to my friends ready to say something then it hit me that im not feeling like how I usually do which prompted me to go and lay back down. But this perception of the world i was in was fully believable at the peak. No doubts about it. I know if I had smoked more I would have dissolved into the infiniteness and experience some alternate reality as something else. It was an experience that I think can give insight to whats out there and what you are beyond this body and ego identity. I definitely intend to try it again with full spiritual intent.

Independence is great, being able to be on your own. Its going to help you a lot flow with reality when people leave your life. A key word here is a strong need which I question what you mean by this. Desire? Necessity? I definitely desire building relationships for others simply because I enjoy it and they help me grow. If there ever comes a point they leave my life, so be it. Desiring something and feeling like you need it to thrive or the world will end seems to be different feelings. The value of something is whatever value you assign to it. If there is less value for it to you, then thats fine. The key thing to me here is that you aren't suffering from a lack of interpersonal relationships. Although you may find it valuable to know how to build them when you do want them for whatever purpose and not worry so much about all the shit you learn in psychology.

Attraction isn't that simple from my experience. I've met girls and initially found them unattractive and through getting to know them I actually start finding their physical features attractive. Its like connection building can reprogram your attraction to them.

Sounds like your realization is some personification of karma.

I think the ego likes to build attachment to things to keep you trying to preserve it. A survival mechanism. When that attachment is broken the reaction can be huge and explosive resisting what happened which again cycles back to keep you trying to preserve it.

Try to not take Leo too literally all the time and look at where his words point to. When teaching something a new trick you start simple.

Just taking a best guess, I think it mostly comes from people seeing other cultures as weird and a sense of tribalism. People may often think you should conform with the culture you are born in and getting into other cultures is being what you are not. Which they tend to shun those that don't act or behave like them.

Limited intelligence. Infinite intelligence I would think wouldn't need memory to for example do trial and error. It would already be perfect. But on an absolute the universe does have memory but its not necessary for intelligence. I'm just talking out of my ass contemplating I haven't actually figured this out though.

From my experience, People tend to look down on the poor because they perceive them as lazy or not applying themselves. Settling for the bottom barrel. The poor don't like the rich because they feel like they are greedy and corrupt. Money driven over sustaining life. But i'd say a lot of the poor only feel that way because they are so low in the wealth scale. You want fairness more when it benefits you. The rich funny enough though depend on the poor to be poor in order to be rich. Not everybody can be rich. At least in a capitalistic society.

You are assuming that and even if they did it doesn't matter. I've only been approached a handful of times since I was in middle school. I am 20 now. I don't find my value or attractiveness in how many other people desire me. I find it within me. Your problem is from within not outside. How many people do you meet in your whole life compared to all of the people in the world. Just think about that. Everybody you meet in your life could find you ugly and it still wouldn't be enough to even make a statistical estimation. It would be such a small % of the population. So no guys approaching you in the area you are in isn't saying much and not even worth making a generalization over.

Basically sums it up. Our words won't instantly fix your problems. We can tell you how we improved ourselves but beyond that its all in your hands to improve yourself. I don't care if its 1 or 100 people that say you are hideous it does not mean you are factually hideous. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Its relative. You find yourself hideous and because of that you will always think anybody who finds you attractive will be lying. The problem is not what others think of you, its what you think of yourself.

I had a friend recommend modafinil to me and ive been interested in it since. Leo recommending it makes me even more interested. My friend told me he learned how to focus from modafinil and after some point doesn't depend on it anymore. I'm hoping this is feasible for me as well.

Does intelligence come before memory or after? Thinking of the human brain or computers etc memory seems to be the preservation of certain states things are in. And given the degree of infinity, every state is occurring and also not occurring. Thinking of the above I would say intelligence is not the same as memory. Intelligence does not depend on memory at all to function. Our initial limited access to intelligence is probably why we have memory, it helps us learn how to use it.

Thats only part of the problem because for someone to even get angry it takes said person to be in a conscious state where such situations illicit anger. When you tiptoe around people to cater to their levels of development, you may stumble into a degree of inauthenticity. This is why ideally you would be around those who are on the same page so you can be authentic. It won't be good for you if you have to suppress things you want to say. Highly developed people like Rumi I imagine are far better at tackling word games for the lower consciousness people whereas a lot of us on here probably aren't there yet. There's also considering what state of development his father is in during such conversations. Some are more receptive and open than others.

Of course there are people like you. The ending of suffering is just an added bonus. At the end of the day you are just following your desires. Thats where you find this path.

The fact you are getting antsy and worried shows that you aren't doing it enough. Meditation isn't a complicated practice. With this kind of work you often come in expecting complicated intensive stuff and then it ends up being as simple as can be. Techniques are techniques. Any one of them will get you where you want to go.

Also taken 1500ug. Although I don't plan to even do 1000ug again. The body load and intensity is rough. I could but it was so heavily distorted it might as well been a different reality. I remember watching my friend smoke pot while on the floor and as he inhaled afterimages of him would grow and shrink when he exhaled.

500ug LSD + 300mg DXM My mind had spun out into the sea of consciousness and yet back to back my mind was telling me fundamental truths that made so much sense. I saw the universe being built from nothing up to how I perceive it every day. I was shown Leo's channel during that trip as well. By the end of it I was so mind fucked because it had broken everything I ever thought. 500ug LSD + 200mg MDMA + weed This was one just pure visual orgasm. I had my first thought loop on this combo because I found myself following an aspect of reality thats paradoxical in nature but the weed chilled me out. Music was playing with me instead of me listening to it. Made my brain feel like it was being slung like a yoyo. And the colors. It was just bursting colors everywhere, everything was spinning, it was glorious. 300ug LSD I was on top of a mountain and watched a sunset. Absolutely fucking beautiful. 1000ug LSD Hard to remember this one, I was seeing monks meditating in the back of my eyelids, I saw time and on the come down everything just clicked like a lightbulb "All is one!" it was the roughest night of my life being stuck on the floor but it was great. This is more than one but all simply blew my mind.

I'm a male and am not subject to the degrees of this issue as women, so take this post as me contemplating. I have experienced sexual harassment at least once though. I've always wondered, our society holds sexuality/sexual contact as this super precious thing that must be protected. Its a very delicate intimate thing. A vulnerable thing. How much of this view from those around us does this affect how we treat sexual harassment and so on? What if sex (protected) was seen as a normal things friends do? Like how friends hug. You hug a friend without asking and they likely won't care, sex would be an entirely different story obviously, but would it be the same if everybody viewed it as such. Does this sacredness to sex contribute to the trauma of the act? On another note I imagine when trauma occurs due to the influence one person has on you, you might tend to get "triggered" by the sight of those who represent anything like them. I've seen dogs who have gotten physically abused become really hostile to the same sex of the abuser. Perhaps its our pattern recognition to look out for danger.

You don't. You just let it do its thing. The ego will persistently fight you to not go any further. Some ease their selves into the dissolution, others do it all in one go. Observe the feeling. Let it be. Let it pass.

When you have a massive realization it feels so obvious yet you were oblivious to it this whole time. The laughter for me often comes from that dumbfounded "ah-ha!" moment.

Thanks for these recommendations. Also going to pass them on to my partner to read as well.

Gives me a larger set of information of different perspectives to weigh out. While I do take high regard for the content Leo makes, I don't act solely on what he says. I take in information beyond what he says. Watching something then immediately applying it with no consideration of alternate perspectives or recommendation is being hasty. If you don't have any other resources to provide for me to look into then you have done what I asked of you. Your contribution is much appreciated. I will take it upon myself to apply the information.

This is probably one of the biggest hurdles I have right now. I work online and I do quite a bit of programming as a long term career. When it comes to programming I can have bursts of focus where ill work on a project for 5 hours straight. But most of the time ill try and work on something then I feel this weird of discomfort as if I need to get up away from the computer and do something else. Its hard to explain but especially when im trying to figure out how to go about coding something this really gets in the way. I've had people recommend nootropics for this issue but I particularly don't want to depend on a substance to fix the issue. A temporary solution until long term is implemented at best.