seeking_brilliance

@Matt8800 thank you, I will check out those links after work

@Telepresent Yeah it's just the process of doing autolysis that seems to confuse me. I had to look all over the internet for proper ways to go about it but there really wasn't much info that I found. I don't particularly think there's a wrong way to do it but I don't want to be spinning wheels if perhaps there is a more simplified way to do it.

@Telepresent thank you, that is clarifying a bit. Could you take a look at my journal and see if I am doing autolysis correctly or if I should go in a different direction? As you can see in my journal I am combining autolysis with shadow work but not sure if I should continue doing that

@Roman Edouard yes it would look quite strange... Although not impossible if there were retainer walls built up high enough to hold the water in ? obviously we would notice those walls though if we flew close enough to the "edges" of the earth.

@who chit oh trust me, I have... And will continue to come back to it until there is satisfaction. But last night I was wanting to try something different and I remembered the question that was posed in "the book knowing". @Leo Gura funny, I was contemplating after I asked that question, and I figured you would tell me to be the marble and find out for myself. Ha.

@Leo Gura now here's my counter argument : if I were to hold a marble in my hand, could I have direct experience that it is round?

@Leo Gura thank you, that's what I was looking for

@p1xelmonk @Telepresent thank you guys for the information... As I said I don't really care if the earth is round. There's enough strong evidence for it that I believe it is. But for autolysis, I have to write something i know to be true. And if I can't even do that for something as simple as whether the earth is round, how the hell am I supposed to figure out what I am? Or perhaps that's the answer : what I am is the only thing I can truly directly experience. Any direct experience using a sense such as sight or touch can not be trusted because senses can not be trusted.

@Leo Gura interesting.... I'll check my bank account ? So once I do this, i can confidently say that I know the earth is round? Or is it then a matter of does the earth even exist at all? I'm saying this for autolysis purposes. Trying to come to a "true" statement. I have to admit that the way this is presented in "The Damdest Thing" is a bit obscure and confusing...

@Colin wasn't that cool? By the way I'm not denying that the earth is round. I'm denying that I could possibly know this for sure, from direct experience. I can visibly see in the video that you shared that the earth is very convincingly round. But how can I know if seeing can be trusted? What is seeing? Who or what sees?

More autolysis ----------------------------------------------- 9-26-18 Something I know to be true : "I can often get cranky at work" I - don't get "me" started on this loaded word. Can - I don't know that "I" can do anything. Can supposedly means able to. What is able to? Who? What's a who? And whats a what? Can/able to does not have a limitless tonality to it. It implies that one is not always able to. Perhaps for now we consider anything that does not imply an infinite tonality to it to be untrue. Words like always, is, everlasting, limitless, etc. have a tonality of infinite. They are not infinite in themselves, but are used to describe that thing which we call Infinity. For now we will set them aside as true or "true enough". Eventually they will have to be let go. Often - what is often? It does not imply infinite. Therefore not true? What does it imply? It implies a relationship to none. It is neither none, nor infinite, but considered closer to infinity as compared to "seldom". In truth, I don't know that often is at all. Get - who can get? What can be gotten? Cranky - "I " hate(s) this feeling. It's miserable to be in it, and miserable afterwards when the guilt arrives. But what is this feeling? Who or what can be cranky? Why must it be a hateable thing? Is it? Who or what hates? Where does it end? At- implies direction. Direction does not imply infinite. "any direction" is closer. "at" means a specific point in a certain direction. Does not imply Infinity. It is within, but not wholly. Work - my career. Incredibly stressful in a way that I would never expect another person to understand unless they were in a similar situation. But what is stressful? What is stress? It's completely possible that I don't even know a tenth of the meaning. So I carry on. Sometimes I really even want to. I often get cranky at work. Why do I do this? Who or what does it? Stood I could say that I get cranky because I'm stressed. And because of anxiety. I have not yet proven that either of those exist. Yet they seem to make good excuses. Deconstruction : I can often get cranky at work.. . There is often crankiness at work.. . There is crankiness at work... Crankiness at work... At... ... There's no "true" way to say it.

I don't know anything...

You know what's better than a girlfriend? Adopt a child and tell me you are still lonely and don't have a family.

More autolysis. This one more organized. I realized i asked more questions than writing what I know to be true, but I don't think theres many wrong ways to do this. ----------------------------------------------------- Journal entry 9-25-18 Everything I do is a matter of expressing myself. So, there's no way the ego can know the depths of "everything". Everything has a limitless sense to it, yet I don't think I always realize that when I use the word. How do I know that "I do" anything? Sidenote: anything also has an infinite tonality to it, but is rarely used in that way because I don't know what infinite is. I only know descriptions of it. What is "a matter" ? Is it a manifestation? What is a manifestation? What does "a matter of" techniquly mean? Is it talking about manifestations of ideas? Is it also referring to what we call matter, aka the stuff i think i touch(sensation) with my fingers which are also made of matter? Is this just another manifestation? What is expressing? What is an expression? What expresses? What does expression mean? To exert an energy to manifest thought? What is exertion? What is an energy? What is a thought? I don't have a clue! What is myself? That seems like a motherload question, having to break down "my" and "self" in one go, when I don't even know what either of those things are!? I suppose you could say that myself refers to the self that identifies with "me". Or by its other name, I. Self perhaps is the idea of who we are, whereas me or I are the containers for the idea. Then I look to find the containers are empty, and in fact there were never any containers at all. Deconstruction : Everthing I do is a matter of expressing myself.... Everything I do expresseses myself.... I express myself.... I myself.... .... There's no way to say it. To do so would make it false. It will also trick ego into accepting it as true, further perpetuateing ego self. Almost as if language itself is the root of all deception.

Truth is. Is is. But is it true?

@PsiloPutty I think they are asking if this is the first time they are living this life. I've been through that too... never came to a conclusion, and I see no reason the dream couldn't repeat itself. Would definitely explain deja vu though.

@Leo Gura Would the question, "what is not reality" be a valid one? I suppose the answer is: nothing. But what is a nothing? The moment you ask that question, you can no longer be asking about nothing, because it would be a something. And a something can only be in reality.

@here-now good one ? @FrgttnDeer good question!

Everything I do is a matter of expressing myself. Literally everything. And the more I express myself, the more I perpetuate this idea that there is a "Samuel" . But Samuel doesn't exist, because he was never born. He/it is an idea. And an idea never quite has a beginning, because it blends perfectly together with what came before it. The Idea of Samuel came about long before the body it mistakes itself for was conceived. The body in which it hitchhikes. A body that was going to exist with or without Sam's presence. Yet Sam mistakes himself to be this body-this body which has no name. Even the body itself is an illusion, but it is closer to truth than Sam will ever be. His parents had already decided before they were even aware of it: what a son should be and act like and do. This they learned from their parents, who learned it from their parents. Therefore Samuel's parents are also ideas. Sam is an idea of an idea of an idea. And he's out of ideas. But what is there without Sam? If he were stripped away? And why do I feel addicted to expressing myself as Sam? "I" is a concept, and can't be true. So who/what is addicted to expressing Sam's identity? Is it self aware? Or merely a program running on autopilot?

@FrgttnDeer @FrgttnDeer I get what you are saying as well. Samueling does not want to be still though! Perhaps it's a defense mechanism ?

@Serotoninluv thanks! Too bad the name wasn't something odd like "simulate". Then i could go around shouting "I'm simulating! I'm simulating!" Ok,that was corny, even for Samueling... Oh wait, I used it as a noun. I was just Samueling, that's all.

Thank you, that was very direct exactly where I needed it. I am still green with self inquiry and being still, but as I said to@FrgttnDeer I need to be still and see what is. Of course "seeing" in a visual context would be obsolete at that point. I absolutely need to have that deep realization. It will come. I will do the work. Thank you. At this point in my search, I don't disagree with you. One day perhaps, I'll look back and laugh at saying that. But I actually treasure and adore indiviuallity! I think it is one of the best miracles to come out of all of "this". This Sam doesn't exist, yet he does. I believe the idea that has been named Sam has become self aware. And is asking questions. Now, the body is typing these questions and ideas on the keyboard, so that they end up on this forum for discussion. But as of right now, I don't know if it's this self aware Sam (self aware idea) who decided to do this, or if it only influences "my" thoughts. And if I am not Sam, then who am I? That's what I will be searching for in inquiry. At the same time, I love the hell out of Sam, and thank him for being such a miracle. So perhaps saying that I'm addicted to self expression is not the right way to put it. It's more of an attachment, I guess. But they say all attachments must be let go.

Placebo, or physical exertion, or whatever.... As long as it works or helps is all that matters. Yes it should increase effect with practice. Not that I have any experience with it, but that's just how these things work, ha. Placebo or not.

I needed to hear that, thanks. Yep!

Yes there must be something there, right? But it's not Sam because Sam is an idea. I am still seeking what is there without Sam. If I find it I will share what I can. ? My addiction is not to being (or is it?). It is to expressing myself. As Sam... Not as Sam.... Doesn't matter. As long as there is self-expression, I exist. But I want to see if there is anything between expressions. I need to be still and see what is.