seeking_brilliance

Do you smoke daily? There's something extremely special about Marijuana because it absolutely changes people's lives (for better and for worse) . But it's a two edged sword, because if used often it does things to your working memory that causes strange actions and loss of words. Then again, I've always been the kind of person that can't think of what to say in the moment, but can always come up with an awesome comeback later when it's too late. Marijuana seems to increase that habit about me. I have found that being mindful, even when having hangover fog, helps to bring you feeling back to normal. (by the way, in my experience, weed may help anxiety in the moment, but perpetuates it when withdrawing, causing the desire to smoke more. Kava kava will help with the day after jitters. Try to find a good extract in pill form. ) I understand the feeling a need to integrate your old personality with the current one, but my suggestion is to forget about your old personality. There may be things you want to change about this current one, but it's you. You can't go back. Doing this work can become a lonely life. Doesn't mean you can't have friends but I'm just saying don't pine for the old days. Accept what is. If you want to be more social, be more social. Put the work aside for a bit and enjoy being social. The work will be there when you get back.

Gosh it gets lonely in here... Someone stop in and say hi... Or debate me... Or something ☺️

I'm tired of resisting. I feel like all of my addictive behaviors and shying away is a complete lack of wanting to face my (Samuel's?) reality. Like I'm hiding from the truth. Restisting the now. And funny thing is, that's actually where I want to be, right there, loving the present moment and content with everything. And I have so many opportunities to do that, and instead i find something to do to fill the void. The void of time, whatever that is. And it's usually something to make me feel better, even though some of them never truly achieve that... Is it weird that im starting to see my body as a kind of pet? Like one that I love and take care of just as much as my (it's?) two beautiful huskies? Someone please slap some sense into me. It has just been on my mind lately, possibly after leo's latest video of the difference (or non - difference) between the awareness that experiences everything, and the individual experiences. So from the awareness' (god, source, reality, whatever) point of view, It is not (only) the body. (the body is a portion of its whole.) And whoever this "I" is that loves my pet dogs, has seen some similarities between my furry friends and this body that most people call Samuel. Both are animals. They both love to eat and require water to live. It's my (whose??) responsibility to provide these things to my dogs and to the body. My dogs heal when they are cut. This body does the same, without any input at all from whatever "I" could give it. I often wonder what animates this body : a user, aka "I", or is it all being played out by an unending chain of cause and effect, like a perfect screenplay(in other words, natural order). I feel this is easy to say about the dogs, but there's a reason they call us intelligent animals, right? We have the ability to think, and reason, right? So what's the truth? Do we think for ourselves, or do we only believe that we do? If the screenplay is perfect, it would be indistinguishable from reality, wouldn't it? Almost too believeable.

Another list of (Samuel's) wants. The current state of mind ( or whatever the hell that means ?) What I want. I want to live life lucidly. To fully feel emotions and enjoy them, not hide from them. I want to be on top of anxiety. I want to feel good. I want to continue to have mystical experiences, which excite me, and introduced me to self. To the idea of self. I want to understand what the body is. I want to understand what the mind is. I want to know if there is a link between body and mind. If perhaps "Samuel" is some kind of hybrid of the two. I want to understand what choice is. I want to feel special. (very superficial egoic want, but oh well) I want to experience many amazing, incredible things - like the pure fucking awesomeness I have experienced in dreams, but can only remember the feeling, the impression of them... a few colors... A quick impression of the setting. These experiences were so incredibly awesome, like what I assume an lsd trip or dmt would be like. And I can't recall one in particular, but snippets.. Fractions of seconds of these experiences long forgotten have been popping up randomly the last few days. And when it does, i just know. Something stirs in my heart, with even just the faintest impression of these seriously fucking awesome dreams. I can feel it now just thinking about recalling these snippets. I want to be liked. By everyone. I seriously do. I know people who don't care what certain others think about them, but I've never been able to understand that mentality. I want to feel a connection. And I know this to be a true heart felt desire, but funny thing is, I'm also socially awkward and shy away from (hide from) connections. Who wants the connection, and who is awkward? Truth and ego, right? Or perhaps it's the fault of the human body itself, whose brain does have some bearing on the mind, which I currently take (believe) to consist of the human brain but possibly more than that. They still can not tell us where data is stored. Perhaps it's not physical. Therefore the mind is not the brain (only), it contains the brain in its complex. I can't wait to find out someday how much of that explanation was built on assumptions! I want to finish this list of wants, but it's late and I've already given myself a lot to chew. Signing off for now... P. S. Luna says goodnight

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0By9X7CaHqt8Nc3otWU5nMkI2UHM/view This is a safe link, from the free ebook: butterflies are free to fly, by Stephen Davis. Its a bbc documentary about brain researchers who have found that they can predict the person's decision 6 seconds before the decision is made, based on a certain way the brain will light up 6 seconds before the study decides to push a right button or left. In other words, it brings question to when exactly are decisions made, and who or what is making them. Let me know if you can't access the link, I will try to find a YouTube equivalent. The ebook is free on Kindle and so far a good read. It goes into quantum physics early on, but in a layman's terms as possible. Let me know how you like it, it's fairly long and I haven't gotten far yet.

this one wasn't made to scale by scientists or anything, but I love the concept

An example of whacky answer from DC's: I suddenly became lucid while in some kind of business office with multiple receptionists. I pick a receptionist to talk to, and at first she acts very shy and doesn't want to talk. But before long she starts telling me that I need to watch out for one of my employees, Michelle, because she has several spy cams set up around the workplace, and may be reporting to someone else. This is also an example of being semi - lucid, because although I felt lucid and in control of the conversation, her answer was obviously absurd, but while in the dream I believed what she was saying.

Ok, this one happened not too long ago. I had a false obe, but oh well, it launched into a pretty interesting lucid dream. I got out of bed and melted myself through the back wall and into back yard. A peice of my fence was missing, but I was not fully lucid and it didn't occur to me at first that anything was missing. However, there were some dream characters (DCs) sitting around a fire by the house directly behind mine, so I decide to go up to them and engage. I had previously decided that I wanted to ask my DCs what is a dream to them. Their individual ideas of a dream. I walked up to the closet one and asked my question. He just stared at me and stuttered an incoherent answer. I decided to leave and go to the other side of the house, where an outdoor shopping plaza has apparently sprung up in the middle of my neighborhood. A line of women was wrapping around the back end of the house directly next to mine. I went up to one lady and asked her my question. The answer did not seem incoherent, but I could still not understand (a common problem for me in lucid dreaming). Soon after we were at the checkout counter, and I ask the same lady if I could have an audience with "myself". (another preselected question I was interested in) She began to answer, but the lady at the register slapped her and said "you know we're not supposed to talk about that!"

Found these while searching for something similar to the double helix (serpent) image, so basically the rod of hermes, or caduceus. Is there some kind of formula to decrypt in the image or is it more a symbol/reminder of something.

@Hellspeed ok, it seems like a rewording of the formula you have in your signature. Will practicing spinal breathing help with 4th into 1st with 2nd and 3rd, (and so on), or do you have another suggestion? I need to feel these chakras together and... Do what? ------------------ So that's me interpreting your cryptic messages based off of assumptions and things I have run across on this journey. I'm probably completely mucking it up, but that's all I can do when the only hint is to research it. I have tried several combinations of phrases from your first post in Google, and nothing came up that gave me an idea of what you are talking about. Do you have any sources or websites you can recommend?

What do I do this this information?

@Sahil Pandit Well then, kudos on your excellent dream recall! I have been wanting to astral project for so long now. Do you have a method for inducing them, or do they happen randomly for you? I have had several "false" projections/obe, which turn out to be dreams and have false memories, not fully lucid, ect. I used to get sleep paralysis in the night and it would scare me to death so they finally stopped, only to find out they are a great way to jump start astral projection. So I have tried methods of falling asleep consciously. I can't get my body to relax enough while maintaining awareness, and can't reach the so-called vibrational stage. Does anyone have tips for this? Also, @Sahil Pandit, when you saw the ghouls, were you scared? In projection, did you have your full wits about you?

@Elysian @Sahil Pandit Do you guys ever talk to dream characters? I love doing this while lucid. Sometimes it's just out of curiosity of whatever random thing might come out of their mouths, and sometimes I like to ask questions and compare answers between a number of dream characters. A fun question is: if they are real. 9 times out of ten, the character completely believes in its existence. Every now and then there appears one that will admit this is all a dream and not get offended if I point out the illusion to them. I have also noticed that some dream characters respond with very basic, drone like answers, and some that seem to be able to carry an intelligent conversation. I would love to experiment with this more. My lucidity is still at random and I have been learning to prolong it. I'm interested in anyone's experience with interacting with dream characters, and if any interesting reactions has come from it.

Why?

What is the mind? Well first off, disclaimer : I have no idea and for now and can only speak about it in terms of direct experience and assumptions I've heard from others. (other disclaimer: I have not had a nondual experience, but I intellectually understand "others" to be an invalid term, as there is only one. Still, they can be quite helpful when needed.) What I have assumed for the majority of my lifetime the mind to be: The brain. Limited. Basically me. Separate than soul. Possibly part of our separate than body. Separate from God. Sinful. But to sum it all up, I assumed the mind to be the brain. Currently I assume nothing. (on that topic) I've heard that the gut is also a mind. Whether a part of the one I identify with, or its own separate one, I haven't a clue. Either way, it has a large impact on the so-called mind, affecting mood, sleep regulation, Etc. So now I've just brought up the question on whether there is at least two minds in the body. Probably a good example of accidental assumptions. I probably should not speak further on it without a quick look up to refresh my memory of this. Ok, back. Turned out that thinking I had read somewhere that the gut is considered a separate mind was an accidental assumption, based on most likely misinterpreting the term- "second brain." Well, that's how it works, this (lack of better word) mind. Embarrassing false assumptions. Hilarious false assumptions. (Just heard an inner voice say "dang it!", with the feeling of throwing my right arm in a defeated way, and an emotion of messing up.) Ok, to explain what just happened above is a great way to explain direct experience of this (or whatever) mind. I did have a small amount of Marijuana, and sometimes when high I can hear voices in my head that are separate than my usual thinking voice, with "intentions" sometimes accompanying them. I used to take them as possible messages from spirit guides, (I used to be into all of that), but now I just see them as the mind having a little extra flair, if not somehow commucating with "me". Or with itself. Haven't worked that one out. Another way to describe it is its the kind of voices or sounds you hear during hypnogogic state. For me, pot puts me into some kind of waking hypnogogic state and I've enjoyed exploring the mind with this method, and it's always fun to see what will pop up. Many times it is fucking hilarious what I see or hear. Sometimes the voices say seemingly random things, sometimes they seem to be adding commentary to whichever steam of thoughts is occurring - usually while writing. From now on, I will be including any voices I hear because I would like to analyze this phenomenon. I usually hear voices when my eyes are open and engaged in a word type activity like writing. With eyes closed and still, I see pictures and have small dreamlets that last anywhere from 1-5 seconds. But usually just pictures. Beautiful pictures. Whacky, out of left field type pictures. Landscapes, faces, all kinds of random images. This is all of course while high, so you can think I'm crazy or not but these voices do not occur while sober, unless in the hypnogogic state. This phenomenon does intrigue me, and has fueled my passion for exploring the mind. Yes, the mind that I don't know anything about. But it doesn't make it less fun to explore. I taught myself to lucid dream and began exploring that way as well. I am willing to admit that there may or may not be any spiritual benefit in exploring the mind, but it's really fun. Those who haven't tried it may find it silly to be that interested in what goes on in imagination, but those who have explored their own (or whoever 's) imagination know there's something intriguing there. Even if it's just to see what might come up next, and the pride (possibly misplaced) of owning this unique, amazing imagination. Those who explore dreams know what I'm talking about. Being able to experience seemingly endless possibilities. It's an amazing feeling. Ok, so I got a bit off track, but honestly much of what I get sidetracked by is most likely descring the mind. So it's all good. It would be impossible to unravel the mind in one sitting, or even the night, so I'll sign off for now and mull over some things. If anyone reads this feel free to ask me any questions that I can inqure into.

Are you looking for love or are you looking for a boyfriend? Do you know what you want or do you only assume you know what you want?

If a girl thought you are beautiful and wanted to love you and give you the world, would you consider it?

Oops she sent a picture to me, but unfortunately I'm gay haha and I kind of thought it was a joke or something because I hadn't read this thread... But the picture is of a healthy (outside at least) nice looking lady. Thinking it was a joke, I just responded with, why would you want a boyfriend? Sorry @TheBeachBionic!

@non_nothing if you were born deaf, would there still be a voice in the head? I wonder how deaf people think and if mind chatter is a problem for them.

@SoonHei @non_nothing Haha, so question is, did the parallel universe with the telepathic farting unicorn exist before or after I made my post. Yeah yeah, I've heard time is an illusion ?

@non_nothing oh ok, here it is simple: the voice is an invisible unicorn that farts rainbows and lives in a parallel universe and communicates telepathically telling you all its wants and desires.

@non_nothing@non_nothing how can there be two separate entities if all of one? Perhaps it's better to say you don't cease to exist if the voice ceases.

This is to complete a though experiment proposed by @non_nothing , in one of "his/hers" thread. What is emotional pain? When I feel emotional pain, I feel it in my heart center. Such a heaviness. Or a sharp pain. It's weird because it's kind of indescribable, or perhaps trying to describe it from memory is hard to do. But I'm definitely not asking to experience it anytime soon, no thank you. I'll just enjoy not being able to describe emotional pain from memory very well. One thing it does include is racing irrational thoughts, and this is perhaps the worst: " oh my God, this sucks!" " oh my God, I want it to end." "I don't ever want to feel this way again!" " If I could just go back in time and change this or that, this would have never happened." " everything sucks right now." "oh my God, I just want to die." But it always gets better. Wow, everything I said above about not feeling emotional pain lately was untrue. I feel it nearly every day. Whether it's with an upset customer, a spat with the hubby, or getting my feelings hurt. I actually do feel emotional pain quite often. Also when I fuck up, which happens way too often. There is a tightness in the chest, I'm able to feel it now. Even the top of the stomach area twists up in knots. But I still would say the racing thoughts and narrow mind are the worst culprits. The physical feeling sucks, but it's actually not excruciating. It's the alteration of consciousness that truly sucks ass, and honestly I think that's pretty unecessary to put us(ourselves) through this. For whatever evolutionary need that was to firewall the mind when experiencing emotional trauma or anxiety, I truly hope the body starts dropping that trait soon. There's no need to inhibit clear thinking, when experiencing these things. If anything, thinking should be enhanced. An opening of the mind should occur, not a closing. Soon I will inquire into what is a mind. Not sure how long it will take to unravel that one, but I better get started.

@Shakazulu hmm well I dunno. You hear things like theres really no such thing as gender outside of physical universe, but you have to wonder why not even animals, but plants as well evolved into male and female. As above, so below, they say. I had been tinkering with the idea of when did gender evolve sometime past the one cell organism, but haven't looked into it and am not sure if it's provable. Id be interested to hear anything you find regarding your question

@Shakazulu you have to also consider culture, because being a man may have different meaning in united states, compared to the Middle East or a country like Japan.