Wisebaxter

Yeah good call on the Tim front. She must actually crave love and affection, or normality, surely. She's only 25 so she probably hasn't even stopped to think about it. She's just led this fucked up life and this is how she's turned out. Drives that settled, 'normal' people have might be buried for her. She's attractive in a certain text book sense, but for some reason I find her supremely ugly, obviously much more so now after all the drama. I did have the thought of sleeping with her as it's natural to go through that, but it was passing. Aside from the fact that yeah I like bigger women for the most part, the fact that she's been fucked so many times just puts me off. If it's not a challenge I really lose interest. Plus I didn't want to risk being rejected by someone like that when I have self esteem issues as it is.

@Jannes @Butters Ok if you want an update I have more for you. Boy do I have more So as I said I did what @universe said was a healthy thing and cut contact with her, but unfortunately I have a weed addiction that causes me to behave in ways that are against my best interest.... So, I bump into her in the corridor and it's awkward so I make friendly chit chat. Once or twice I'd thought about contacting her again as my weed had run dry and I use it for creative work on my postgrad. So she asks me if I wanna smoke and I say sure - BAD IDEA. Everything is fine at first, we sit in the park, have a laugh, she even holds my hand briefly as a gesture of affection. I notice now how absolutely self absorbed she is. She's incapable of engaging with anything I say about my own life or really about anything that doesn't involve her looks, which she still talks about constantly. 'Do you think I'm the hottest girl on campus?' 'Well, I say, I can't really comment as I haven's seen them all.' I could think of many girls that were. Tim the pussy eating hero has now quit his job as her personal muff muncher and she's realised he's not that into her. So this time around I'm a bit more honest with her. 'I really think that when we're obsessed with our looks it's because we feel we're missing something on the inside...' 'I'm not obsessed, she remarks. She then tells me that she's so lonely and bored most of the time that she wants to die. 'Oh, I Say, that bad huh? I know how it feels to be alone and my art keeps me sane. Do you have any hobbies that you can focus on?' 'Well I do only fans...Cam stuff. Do I have a big ass?' She stands up and juts out her ass. 'I wouldn't say it's big'' I assumed this was the right answer. 'What, you're saying it's not big? Come on I'm a white girl with a black girls ass, right?' Well' I say, I you have ass, but to me it's not a big ass. I've dated girls that have big asses.' 'But were they fat?' she asks. 'Yes they were fat.' So after we'd determined that my perception of her ass is in line with hers, we walk back to my room and she starts making another joint. I ask her if she's ever considered just settling down, stopping all the whoring, web cam stuff etc and finding a boyfriend. 'Yeah I do need a man to protect me and manage my finances.' This would have been Andrew Tate's call to launch into his sales pitch I'm sure. She starts talking about the guys she's been involved with and it turns out she's hiding at university because she got into some trouble in London with some guys who were obsessing over her. She'd let one of them fuck her twice, 'only' twice, and another time him and his buddy fucked her together - and they didn't even pay her! I remark that it might be best to move away from all that kind of stuff and lay low, perhaps change up the lifestyle to stay safe. 'But it wasn't my fault! In London people just harass you in the street for being beautiful, plus I look like I have money!' My minds goes back to the £100 Tahini she let me taste. Was that a lie? Does this chick have dollar or is she also a compulsive liar? I can't work out if she looks monied or trashy as fuck. But apparently those guys wanted to rob her. I can see she hasn't thought to take any responsibility for any negative effects of her lifestyle and sees herself as an innocent target. I start feeling like Louis Theroux, sitting there asking her questions and being all sensitive. At this point she whips her tits out again and asks me if they're saggy. I say 'they do have some sag,' but perky tits wouldn't suit you.' I didn't know what to say really. Every attempt I make at a normal conversation falls short. She ignores any attempt I make to talk about myself. She then starts showing me her cam moves. She lifts up one leg while standing and holds it to her head. 'cool, I say, anything else?' I feel bad as she looks a little worried, as if that's all she has. 'Well, there's this... She then starts awkwardly trying to do some weird hand stand thing against the wall and it's painful to watch.' Wow! I say. I sit there bored as she uses her phone. She says let's go smoke this and I tell her I'm good, I'm feeling tired. Ok, now shit gets really real. The next day I decide all I need is to meet her for a joint and I can then get into my work, so I message her 'thanks for the smoke.' She takes the bait. 'wanna smoke again?' 'Sure!' Ok I'll be down soon...' She arrives a bit later but says 'oh some guy wants to smoke with me,' then leaves straight away. Ok...I don't mind too much, as long as I'm in the queue for a joint. She takes ages though so I message her and say 'I'm going out, maybe some other time.' Sorry, she says 'I just had sex.' Woah, that's nuts. Sure she's at uni, I get it, it's normal to an extent but still. She comes to my room again and shows me a load of shroom chocolate she's just bought. 'You and me are gonna go and smoke with Tim,' she says. 'I'm not smoking with Tim, I tell her, but go do your thing.' Before she leaves I ask her if I can pinch enough weed for a bong and she refuses. 'I only have a small amount. She leaves and a minute later I get a text saying 'I'm not gonna lie there is weed missing.' I assume she means she just went to buy some and got ripped off as she said she only had a small bit, but the words 'I'm not gonna lie' worry me as they imply she's accusing me. Anyway I say 'I thought you were buying mushrooms not weed.' She leaves an angry emoji on the text. Whoa, I think. So here's how the messages carried on: As I'm texting this stuff I'm thinking 'this is not good,' she's getting triggered. I had wanted to just block her but I realised if I did she'd take it as an admission of my guilt. As you can see I refused her entry to my room. At this point I just wanted out again. I'd already looked, the weed wasn't there and I didn't want her in my room rooting around. So she phones me. I answer. 'You're refusing to let me in!' She yells. 'Carmen, please just calm down for a second!' I will not calm down! I have lost £100 worth of weed and I'm retracing my steps! What fucking angry emoji are you talking about!' She's literally screaming down the phone. 'You won't let me in!' Yeah,' I say, 'and right now the way you're behaving is making me feel validated for not doing so.' She keeps screaming so I hang up. She calls again, I decline. Fuck....my heart is racing. I feel nervous most of the time as it is and get bad anxiety regarding my physical safety, even though I've trained Juijitsu. This is my worst nightmare. She knows where I am. She's in the same building. I block her, lock my door and catch my breath. So to all you guys who chose crazy as your answer for this girl - you win. I can't believe she would behave like this, so erratic. I know what it's like when you lose weed, but to treat someone like that is awful. And why did she say she only had a small amount to me? It's all weird. I wonder if there's something else going on...my mind is racing. I decide that tomorrow I'll ask to move to a different building. Luckily I'm moving to a different city in a week or two. You guys called it, I fucked up, I didn't listen. Now I feel unsafe in my own home, again. Damn weed. You could argue I should have just let her into check, but something told me not to. It didn't feel right. I'm still doubting this decision. Also wondering if this might be karma for trying to use her but that superstitious of course

Had a meeting with Steve Couch in the Master suite He gave me lots of industry advice. Here are some of the main things he said: There are no 'jobs' in the industry. Steven Spielberg infiltrated Hollywood by catching a tour bus to some studios and then hiding. He found a guy in the 'underbelly' of the place who was a producer. Spielberg was only 18 but had movies already made to show him. The guy gave him a 3 day pass. He used the pass for 3 days to get past security but on the fourth they just let him in and he didn't bother with a pass. This was communicated to Steve in person by Spielberg and is hush hush. I was asked by Steve not to go yapping Nile Rodgers from Chic bribed an elevator boy so he could record his album, then got noticed by the sound engineer. He ways the two elements you need are skill and luck All the successful people he's met are 'thoughtful.' They have a big picture of what's going on and aren't just focused on themselves. This makes them easy to work with Be where things are happening. You need luck but you have to be where it can occur. He mentioned Soho. He did a lot of volunteering in his career. He got his first payment whilst not expecting it, for a piece of advert music. He was told by some other famous woman in her dressing room 'make sure you get paid sweetie.' He wasn't there to get paid. he was there from morning to night as he was on the jazz. Don't go in there thinking about dollar, that comes when you prove your mettle. Know where the boundary of your remit ends and someone else's begin. That way you don't rub people the wrong way by doing their work and you don't do extra. Pro-Tools has to be used, no questions. You will hanging around making coffee and then at one point they might let you touch some buttons. Nobody will throw you in to the deep end. They are smart. They will see how much you can handle Steve had a bad week where he made a lot of mistakes. He went to his boss and took responsibility for it all. He kept his job but they were about to fire him. When someone says 'I don't like it,' they just mean 'it doesn't work for this.' You have to be able to handle a dynamic where you can take feedback or rejection for something and bounce straight back. Like Nile Rodgers did. Don't date actresses, they are a lot to handle and very over the top. Nobody uses Final Cut. They also use Avid's video editing software.

I completed my masters with the help of Lucie. What a beautiful person she is. She was so patient and giving. It feels incredible to have it done. The hard part of my course is over and now it's just the fun stuff. My accommodation is secure. I will get this masters. Wow. I'd always doubted it in some way. It seemed like to much a of a prize, too much to ask, given the challenges I've had and the choices I've made, but I must be truly blessed. I feel like a guardian angel watches over me, or a loving parent, like the universe, or God. Just something guiding me. Somehow it all just works out. I have some work to do though. I have a foundation for something now, a way to build afresh, something beautiful. I have very little, but the inner wealth is overflowing. I feel a bit safer. I am happier. I can rest, a little. I was right about this course. I do truly love to make music and see it bringing a story to life. Like a language of emotion, so mysterious. My art is magic, wielding the forces of nature to inspire, to create order from chaos. The day, when I came home from American Express and said 'no, not me, not this lifetime.' I am a free man. Here is a man who will shape his own destiny, created his own independence day. So now it begins. I am Kate Winslet arriving art her dream home in The Holiday, walking into that exciting new world full of possibilities. She is overcome by it, it brings her to life, the beauty, the freshness. And she's allowed to feel that way. This is a dream home. It is something sublime, not superficial. It is the product of love. The main areas I have to now focus on, are: Clothes, a little big shabby, but it won't take long to find something fetching. I know they'll be something. I'm going to dress so smart. I'm going to feel like a success. It might not last, they say you always want more. I'm ready for that. I'm going to be around people like Professor Baysted and Susan Legg. Beautiful, inspiring people. My people. The lucky ones, who made it through ok. Avoided childhood trauma. Has loving parents. A good home. Took drugs, sure, but nobodies perfect. As far as they go, I don't do too bad. I'm about 80% there. A few bad habits to iron out, but that's part of life's story. How dull it would be with nothing to strive for.

@PenguinPablo yeah man, you’re not wrong. I’m gonna avoid her at all costs. It was one of those situations you get swept along with. I've had enough time to reflect now and I've deleted my instagram account so she can't contact me. I’m overly nice too so I find it hard to set boundaries. I should have just got the weed and fled as soon as possible. It also shows the power an attractive woman can have over you. It's like your brain takes a hike.

@Buck Edwards 🤣😂 I know, right? It was the most surreal experience. As we were walking along she kept saying ‘do you like my ass?’ Man I feel sorry for her. She’s gone in the head. The saddest thing was that she couldn’t see how unhealthy it all was. Somehow she had this mentality that she was enjoying being a play thing for men. She straight away felt the need to get my validation. She’d made up some spiritual cock and bull story about deities to justify having no restraint, saying that the more restrains you have, the more attached to ego you are, you just have to flow like consciousness does and live life through the sense. It’s a nice idea at least. I just wanted to say ‘some fraudster has made you obsessed with Kali and you just need to wake the fuck up. You’re not sucking dudes off because you’re doing the work of the earth goddess, you’re just using that as a romantic notion to justify it. But what do I know? I could be wrong. God clearly likes to dress up as a Romanian sex addict with spiritual pretensions. Can’t argue with that. I feel slightly on edge now. She lives in my building. I won’t have seen the last of her I’m sure

@Butters haha that’s nice to hear. Makes me happy someone read it. I’ve added some more if you’re interested as she phoned me again! this shit never happens to me! Not like that any way. It was bonkers.

I am so blessed to have this insatiable drive for success and personal growth. I could have easily given up by now, but I've persevered, day in, day out, always learning, always evolving. I must be truly favoured. How lucky I am, to even have this opportunity. Just to think, soon I'll have an MA. Master...of....the Arts. The word Master will be in my title. All for you Bruce Leeroy. I've been guided from such a young age. I trust. I have faith. No matter what happens, this is the path I should be on. Such willpower. Such force. Let it be known, whoever may read this. I did it. I am a success. Alex Lambden came into this world and said 'I will aim for the stars.' He dared to dream, he sacrificed, he said 'I will not settle for second best. He even risked his life for it, to say, this is not enough, I am not enough. I can be more, I can be great.' Driven by love and a lust for life, to experience it all, to have it all or to have nothing,

Today the sun was shining for the first time in a while. I felt elated and emotional as I walked to the seafront listening to uplifting Synthwave. I decided to let my body rest and not take any Modafinil or LSD. I feel good. Reading about how to conduct social research is bringing me lots of joy. What an interesting subject. And I have a whole two weeks to work on this! My paper is going to be so fascinating. I have a feeling I might get a Merit. The sun glistens on the ocean, offering a promise of even greater abundance and joy. What a blessing. I feel so grateful to be here on this day, experiencing all this beauty. Thank you universe for allowing me to be here. Life is such a gift. I am filled with vitality and love. This moment is perfection. It's all I need.

Is this too much to ask? Most women seem to hate both weed and games. My fantasy is to be able to sit with them, get blazed, play some games and fool around. Anyone ever met any girls like this?

@Yimpa Oh I’ve never thought to try the BFF thing on Bumble. That’s a good idea because it takes all the pressure off and really anything good will be built from the ground up with someone you can actually be friends with. I’m really happy for you. That’s where the good ones are hanging out then. I’ll sign back up soon and have a look. Would be good for me to stop being motivated by just sex. I almost can’t divorce it from how I feel about a woman based on who she is a person. A recipe for disaster and there have been some. In terms of being sneaky, yeah you’d have to be authentically interested in just being friends. But does that mean you’d start friendships even with women you don’t find attractive at all? Surely that always comes into play? Or no?

Another element that would make all the difference for me is if she didn't have a 9-5 job and was perhaps an artist or had her own business. Then we would't have the 10pm 'sign off,' which is a complete boner killer. The sessions have to be long and continue through the night

@Thought Art yeah I probably just don't get out enough. If you meet any though send them my way

@Carl-Richard Ah so she was a semi, into games but not weed. That's like buying a current bun with no icing on top. Some of these nerdy gaming girls you see at conventions are stupidly hot. If you were a more conventional looking guy in that environment and not a skinny, awkward nerd, you might be able to shine more and get them interested, especially if you could impress her on Fortnite or something, win a match with her watching. At the moment you'd feel a hand on your groin. It would probably have to be a big gaming convention as I'd imagine that super hot girls aren't exactly the norm there, but at least they'd be interesting and really for me they wouldn't need to be massively hot, just mildly, perhaps in a quirky manner. I bet they'd be massively into films too, especially martial arts. That's another thing girls don't seem to enjoy in general. My ex used raise her eyebrows every time I put Bloodsport on. She'd just sit and wince every time someone got elbowed in the face.

@Carl-Richard Oh I hope he's ok, break ups are awful. I'd imagine that creating a stoner chick is never the same unless she really develops that true passion for it. I've had a couple of girls who'll try it to make me happy but watching them try and use a controller just makes me despair and yearn for a girl who can wield it like a pro and actually play games on hardcore difficulty. I've never seen a girl actually play a game well so that would really do it for me. I'm imagining her telling me to keep loading the bong for her so she doesn't lose momentum

@Yimpa Oh bro where did you find her? She got a sister?

@Emerald God knows why I even said that. I can't even remember writing it but I think I was trying to be humorous, although it just came off as weird reading it back. I think I was trying to allude to the stereotype of gamers not washing much. That's interesting anyway about vaginas being self cleaning though. Based on your description I was referring to the vulva more, so my use of terminology was sloppy.

@Schizophonia A vigorous health regime would need to be followed along with all the weed smoking and gaming

@Adrian colby That's bloody brilliant. Can I ask how you achieved that? Was is a specific program?

@BojackHorseman Trying to understand their genesis sounds like a worthwhile endeavour. Ultimately a therapist would be able to help, surely? Also I'm wondering what chat GPT would throw up. Let's have a look: ChatGPT "It's important to recognize that human sexuality is complex and multifaceted, and there isn't always a single, clear-cut explanation for why someone develops particular sexual preferences or kinks. While some people may be able to trace aspects of their sexuality back to specific experiences or relationships in their past, for many others, the reasons may be more elusive or multifactorial. It's also worth noting that sexual preferences and kinks can be influenced by a wide range of factors, including biology, culture, personal experiences, and individual psychology. While some individuals may find that certain experiences or relationships from their past contribute to their sexual preferences, others may not find any direct correlation. In terms of the relationship between sexual preferences and broader aspects of one's life, it's possible that there may be some connections or overlaps, but again, these relationships can be complex and highly individualized. For some people, aspects of their sexuality may play a role in shaping their identity or relationships, while for others, their sexuality may be more compartmentalized from other areas of their life. Regarding your experience of enjoying both feminine traits and femdom, it's not uncommon for individuals to have diverse or seemingly contradictory sexual interests. Human sexuality is incredibly diverse, and there's no one "right" way to experience it. Many people find that their sexual preferences evolve and change over time, and it's perfectly normal to have a range of interests and desires. If you're struggling to remember significant aspects of your childhood or parents, it may be helpful to explore this further with a therapist or counselor who can provide support and guidance. While childhood experiences can certainly influence aspects of our adult lives, it's also important to remember that our identities and experiences are constantly evolving, and it's never too late to explore and understand ourselves better"

@BojackHorseman good question, I have kinks related to buttholes and toilet stuff The interesting thing is they were with me very early on, before I had any actual experiences. I remember trying to sniff my cat's butt when I was very very young and I had a dream that Teela from he-man peed on my face. What I'm saying is, I think they've always been with me. I was born with them. I like what @Yimpasaid about being shamless. It's very hard for though as my kink is so out there. Anyway my point was that you may have been born with your kinks and there's no psychological reason as such Her lack of leg-wear was essential for manoeuvrability

I was making an image showing an orchestrator working with players and it seems that AI has no conception of people's personal boundaries although saying that, she does look uncomfortable. Maybe he thinks he has personal space 'chad' allowances. Also, look at the length of his finger. This dude has had finger extensions to give himself a competitive advantage with women

@Yimpa As the old adage goes, ask a man about something he's passionate about and he'll talk your ear off, you've found my sweet spot friend. Here then is a video I've made for you on the topic, to honour your curiosity. If you would like the short version and don't have time for such things - you can use certain VR apps as power tools to create environments for strategic thinking and conceptualising. In the video I show you Noda and Horizon Workspaces. Noda is basically mind mapping in VR and it's the 'shit.' You will be Tom Cruise in Minority Report. Watch the video though G

Someone recommended increasing my musical 'palette' as a composer. I made this to upload to my VR workroom and inspire me

@Yimpa Sick bro, I Love that! Like a meta-image that explains the concept of using images. Thanks for the effort, definitely keeping that one. Here's one inspired by 80's horror films. Best thing about these images is you can use them commercially