Wisebaxter

@Sockrattes Yeah I have to say it does feel a bit like that. Maybe the issue is related to me feeling I failed at stage Orange and trying to compensate with personal development.

Interesting. I guess my main concern is getting into the right head space to that head space can be amplified during the trip. Right now I have concerns about getting enough rest, some guilt about not working while my partner does, money worries and guilt and resentment from the past (not for anything major like abuse or anything.) I'm working on this stuff daily as I want the trip to be more about having insights regarding non-duality and the nature of reality, not about me dealing with my inner demons or anything, although I'm prepared for that and will welcome and feel grateful for any insights in that area too. I think it would be prudent to spend time each day doing visualisations for what I want during the trip. Did any heavy personal shit come up for you first time?

Yeah I guess contemplation is a great way of bridging the head with the heart. Whenever I do it I fall into the habit of just intellectualising about whatever I'm contemplating but I'm getting the knack of how it should be done now, using the senses etc. Yeah perhaps I will start up a journal on here. Have you used this technique then, of journalling leading up to a trip? Works well huh?

That's a really good idea, thanks. I think it will help me to focus my intention and help me get more out of it. I was going to write a trip report afterwards but hadn't thought of journalling beforehand. I love contemplation but have hardly done any. I keep meaning to every day but for some reason the reading draws me in more. I think maybe I'm just very cerebral and I'm not used to engaging with direct experience as much. I'll work on that.

@Leo Gura Yeah I think I'm getting to that stage. I need to turn my days into a kind of meditation retreat like you suggested in one of your videos and just go balls to the wall with that instead of the 40mins a day I'm doing at present. I blame your book list haha. Too many gems on there dude I'm amassing theory and techniques like there's no tomorrow and I can just see how much they're going to benefit me in my life, but I need to pump the breaks a bit and come back into 'being' for sure. I've got some LSD coming in the post so maybe that will bring me out of my head a little bit. Very excited about it as I've never tripped before.

Yeah I feel so lost in theory most of the time. My main issue might be a lack of actually doing the practices, if I'm honest and just soaking up more theory by reading books and watching videos. If I did the practices properly, stuff like 'do-nothing' etc I might actually be able to relax. As for teaching others I think that's commendable, even if it distracts you. it's not something I do massively at this stage, but if you do then I think that's a great sign as you're obviously feeling very compassionate towards others. Spirituality without helping others is quite empty I think. Om Swami says that the more awake you become the more compassionate you'll become

@Sahil Pandit Ah I see, yeah that's a great idea. If I ever lose my juice then I'll just re-capture the feeling. Saying that, this is almost a low I'm going through as I'm worrying I can't sustain it or that I'm gonna suffer from fatigue or something. Plus my girlfriend is feeling neglected as I keep snubbing her for PD lol. When you'd rather work on an exercise to release your positive shadow than have sex then that can't be a good sign...

@Sahil Pandit Thanks man, but could you elaborate a bit on that? Do you mean the feeling of excitement? A reference for what sorry?

@Sven I'm not authority by any means as I've haven't tried either, but I've read that with DMT you get a lot more visuals and hallucinations, like you might see aliens and shit, whereas with 5-MeO you're completely lucid but you experience ego death and become God. It provides an experience of Non-duality. You'll basically get the same experience the Buddha did sitting under that Bodhi tree, so you will be aware of your surroundings and you won't see any crazy stuff but you will experience your true nature. That's why they call it the God molecule. It's much, much more powerful than DMT, the most powerful psychedelic there is. Leo also has a video on YouTube expressly about 5-MeO and an interview with Martin Ball, who claims he reached enlightenment taking it. Both worth a watch.

@Tony 845 @Jack River Yes, in the words of Mr Rupert Spira, where is the 'I' that knows the suffering? The concept of suffering is only created through identification with thoughts and feeling, themselves concepts, interpreted by the finite mind, within the illusion of time. In the Now there is only the 'self' as Jack put it, or the 'I' (I believe they're referring to the same thing.) Next time you tell yourself you're suffering, take note of what it is that's aware of your suffering and turn your attention to that, that constant thing which is always there. Watch it for long enough and you'll see that it is the 'knower' of experiences and perceptions. Just keep your attention on it and notice it's completely pure and untainted by anything. Another thing to look into with your suffering is...what are you resisting? I find that at the heart of suffering there's usually resistance to something Also, have you done any shadow work? You may have have an unhealthy ego or a shadow side that you need to integrate. Enlightenment is all well and good but as Leo is always saying it's only one side of the coin. I believe we need to work on our psychology as well as discover our true nature. The merging of the Ego with the Self will help us integrate any enlightenment experiences and could even bring them about faster. After all the ego is a part of the self in a non-dual sense. it's not something to be demonised or denied, as doing so is the surest way of creating a shadow side that will sabotage you. Lastly, psychedelics are very therapeutic apparently and can help bring what you need to work on to the surface. Have you tried them before? If not it might be worth dipping your toe in the water there, maybe not with 5-MeO straight off the bat, but something a bit milder. I've recently bought some LSD and I'm going to be tripping within the next few weeks for my first time, so I'll let you know how that goes.

@Trinity A book I'm reading on Shadow work recommends as an exercise trying to integrate all of the positive traits of every sign and acknowledge and work on all of the negative traits. This is because it's actually a great model for the entirety of the human psyche. This has sparked my interest in the signs.

@Tony 845 Apparently Martin Ball became enlightened taking 5-MeO, look him up on YouTube, he has some videos. Maybe you could even email him and ask him how many others he knows of. My thinking is though, why not take some? What have you got to lose? Oh yeah your entire identity...but that's what you want right? I'm gonna take some once I've worked my way up to it with other psychedelics, on the advice of the experts.

I could never settle into stage Orange as I was too much of a goddam hippy rebel and kept smoking too much weed and not giving a shit about conforming or listening to authority. So I kept getting sacked from jobs all the time or just quitting. I've always disliked Orange as my family are Orange and they're a bunch of shallow ass-clowns. I feel like I'm balls-deep in Yellow with my tip in Turquoise at the moment as I'm reading lots, seeing the bigger picture, unravelling my ego, meditating every day and spending all my time self-actualising. However my finances just aren't there. I claim benefits and live with my girlfriend, who works while I do the house work haha. I can still afford to eat, I have a gym membership and not working does give me plenty of time to self-actualize and work on my life purpose (music production) but the spectre of Orange still haunts me. Do I really need to dive into that shit and learn how to make some money? My music isn't making me money yet as I'm not advanced enough at it. As for Green, I did do a care job for a couple of years and looked after mentally ill people and I've always cared about others, but my social skills suck ass. I have no friends, no social life and so my ability to feel love for others and experience an emotional range through having deep relationships just isn't there. I feel happy where I am and making great progress with meditation and not giving a shit about success or having lots of money (although I'm not completely detached from that need yet) so do I really need to go and do orange? Like, don my suit and go and work in an office with a bunch of apes? Maybe it would be good for me as I could nail some green too whilst I'm there (be an agony aunt for the apes) and also afford some nootropics and psychedelics. Taking psychedelics could help me shed any remaining fixations I have with money and help be figure out what's going wrong with my social skills... What are your thoughts?

@zambize Hey man, yeah I've checked out Leo's videos on psychedelics, they're great aren't they. I'm doing what he suggested and taking the time to set my intention before I trip, the questions I want answers to etc. I bought some acid today actually so I'm gonna wait for the right time and get on the case with that. How often do you use psychedelics? Have you tried 5-Meo? That sounds like the holy grail. You sound like a really cool dude. Thanks for helping @non_nothing Thanks man! Those are very encouraging words. much appreciated

@zambize Hey man, yeah I've checked out Leo's videos on psychedelics, they're great aren't they. I'm doing what he suggested and taking the time to set my intention before I trip, the questions I want answers to etc. I bought some acid today actually so I'm gonna wait for the right time and get on the case with that. How often do you use psychedelics? Have you tried 5-Meo? That sounds like the holy grail. You sound like a really cool dude. Thanks for helping

@Preetom That's super useful, thanks. Now I know I'm on the right path

Is it the kind of thing that slaps you around the face, that you really can't miss? Do fireworks shoot out of your asshole or something? I was hoping I'd seen the Ox but I'm really not sure. I mean, I can reside as awareness on command, outside of the land of dualities, and I feel like it's my true nature. I get that my self identity is a lie and that being, the 'Now' is all there is and that's what I am in essence and that it's infinite. But it feels like I 'know' it more than I've experienced it, though the knowing feels very profound and tangible. When I meditate I get a nice warm, fuzzy feeling all over my body...but what does a mystical experience feel like? Can someone describe it? Lots of gurus say that having some kind of sensual experience isn't it at all and its more like just experiencing your true nature, like quite a simple thing, so what am I looking for? I need to catch me a glimpse of that Ox's ass ASAP. Should I just do some psychedelics and be done with it? I was going to do that anyway but I kind of wanted to see that bugger first so I don't feel like I cheated straight off the bat y'know?

Ok, I've purchased 4 x LSD tabs, 120ug doses. The guy selling them says they're 98% pure or something. Can't wait. But I'll have to wait until Jan to do them though as I'll need to get paid again before I can afford to rent a hotel to use. This is the problem with not having integrated stage Orange - low cash flow. Working on that. I can do a bit more shadow work in the meantime though and read some of the psychedelic books on Leo's booklist - prepare my questions, set my intention etc. I'll be sure to post my trip report on here. Thanks for all your help guys

@VioletFlame That's really interesting, I haven't considered much how my chosen art-form could be used to increase my consciousness. I haven't delved that deep into it yet as I've been so focused on other practices but I'm looking forward to it even more now. I've had a lot of limiting beliefs about it in the past, Do I have what it takes to master it? Am I just doing it for money and accolades etc. These were real concerns I've had to address as I to an extent I was being driven only by success. I can't wait to dive into it though and just love the process and connection to the infinite creative consciousness (coming soon ) Thanks Violet, that's a really useful description. @lmfao Thanks for this bro, I'll be sure to keep it in mind as I think that looking beyond myself is definitely a huge trap, like you say. It's about the falling away of illusion right? We don't actually 'gain' anything , that's what I've heard anyway. @purerogue Congratulations man! Sounds like you're keeping a level head about it though. There are usually higher levels to attain so keep on going with what you're doing as it's obviously working. Hmm, that's really interesting. So these experience stack up on a scale and can start at just a few seconds. I have had a few moments whilst meditating where the whole world has just fallen away and all there is is being, but it didn't seem all that profound and different from my usual state. I did feel some energy moving through my body but I know these things can happen as a psychosomatic thing when you want to believe they're true. My mind was saying 'woah, this is it, here it is,' haha, so if my mind was there I'm sure it wasn't the real deal. Maybe it was just a little sniff of that Ox's sweat. @PukkaDanks Nice to know I'm not alone on this. Sounds like you've been at it for a lot longer than me though. Your mushroom experience is going to be pretty damn deep I'm sure if you've been working on yourself that much. Mystical experience or not you've done a hell of a lot of prep work. I hope you post a trip report on here as I'd love to read it

Very well said, thank you very much for pointing out the harsh nature of my language to me. Part of it is for humour and effect but there's definitely some hang ups there so you're not wrong. I had some pretty awful experiences working in offices wherein I felt really rejected and deflated but if I'm honest I had it coming and also I only suffered in my pride. I'm come along way since then and I now believe in showing love and kindness to everybody no matter what, so I don't know what happened with my post. Well, I kind of do...I guess I still have some baggage tucked away. I'm working my way up to psychedelics and plan to take some AL-LAD just after Christmas. I've been doing some shadow work to rid myself of some of these issues and if there's anything left by that time then the substance will show me what it is - I'm hoping. I am blessed like you say and moving forward I don't want to judge, ever. I'm going to go to these Orange people with my heart open and treat them as equals. Everyone can teach you something right?

@Serotoninluv Really? Wow. Well that's very helpful, I'm getting an idea of what I'm gunning for now. I was deluding myself thinking I'd had a breakthrough, but that's ok, at least now I know. I've got so much from personal development already so its exciting to think I haven't even scratched the surface

@Leo Gura I did 30 minutes of shamanic breathing and felt incredible afterwards. I don't think it was anything deep though. It felt more like I've been feeling recently from doing 40mins of meditation. I guess I'd better try it for longer. I find it quite uncomfortable though the way it makes my teeth feel while I'm doing it. It just feels unpleasant in general but I know I need to stop being a pussy and just get on with it if I want results

@Serotoninluv Yeah I did consider being out in nature, but it's cold as shit here right now lol. Freezing my arse off might be an even worse decision, unless while I'm tripping I think I've become the abominable snow man and take it in my stride I think rent a cheap motel like Leo suggested. We having something here called Travel lodge, £45 per night. I'll stock up with food in there and I'll be gravy.

@Sahil Pandit Yeah I do remember Leo saying that you can get ego backlash after a while when starting a meditation habit. You'll think you've given stuff up then wham! the cravings return. Well this time I'm ready...I know why it's happening and I won't backslide. I'm gonna see it as a good sign that I'm making progress and thank the universe for giving me this blessed sign I've come to far to screw up now.

@Leo Gura Gocha man, I'll go for some good personal growth then and prepare myself for a possible bumpy ride. I think I'll be ok as I used to smoke massive bongs and had weed induced panic attacks on numerous occasions. But I won't underestimate the power of psychedelics, that would be dumb. Good idea about the motel, I hadn't thought of that....thanks for the tips